Hello! It's me. I would have had this or earlier but I'm still going through a lot of stuff and I just haven't been up to writing but I have now.
I think after this chapter, it will mostly be happy scenes between Wren and Dylan just an FYI. But I felt they needed on more confrontation about whatever went on.
So happy reading
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I felt kind of weird after my pseudo bonding moment with Jet. It was weird to see him so vulnerable while at the same time questioning his sexuality.
Jet and I had talked a couple of days ago, I just couldn't stop feeling like I should have said more to Jet. God knows I needed someone around to help me figure out everything I was feeling. Erin was really great to me and she was very accepting. But it's very different being able to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Someone who went through what you did.
I knew I needed to talk to Jet again. But I also needed to read the letter that I had found waiting for me when school had let out.
Dear Down and Out,
Before I tell you more about myself, I think I should address how much my heart goes out to you. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that. I know that if CC knew that those things would have made you feel that way then she probably wouldn't have did them.
I don't think anyone has a complete disregard for someone else's feelings like that.
I glad that you seem to at least be finding happiness with someone regardless if this CC seems to be quite the fuck up. But like I said before I really don't understand why someone would pass up someone like you. You're funny, kind, and clearly really passionate. And clearly worth it.
Maybe you should try talking to her before being so rash. Everyone has their reason for everything. From what I know you haven't talked to her about it. Or maybe you should just tell her how you feel. I don't want to be cliché but talking is key to solving a lot of things. You know communication is key and all that. If you think she is special should you really let her go? Though I do know that you feel like you are being pushed aside. What if she does have feelings for you too? Then that would be amazing right?
Did you say yes to that girl? If she asked you out I mean.
About me now I guess. It's like when you have to fill in those stupid things that say describe yourself and you go completely blank. Maybe I should talk about my problems I guess.
I like someone too just like you. I'm plagued with pining for someone just like you as well. Things are better than they were before between me and the girl. At first, it was like she and I were revolving in two different orbits and now we are in the same one. I don't even know if that makes sense. I'm really not good at these things.
I don't even know if like is the right word. Sometimes it feels like I'm far too gone for it to be just like. I'm scared that it's so much more than that.
I'm sorry I just don't really know how much I can talk about this since I don't really know how I feel, to be honest. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in the middle of a storm that never stops.
See I told you I'm not good at this. I'm not good at communicating at all really.
Anyways, Until Next Time,
Terrible at Talking
I don't know why but it was comforting to know that I wasn't the only on having relationship problems but it was also nice knowing that maybe I could help this person out with whatever probably they were having. Even if I couldn't fix my own.
With a small smile, I pushed my car door open to finally go into the house. I had been so deep into my thoughts that when I pulled up to the house, I didn't even notice that there was tow truck with my mom's car still hooked up to it. Then there was another car, a pickup truck, that I knew I recognized but I couldn't quite put my finger on it at that moment. Especially since my mind was really elsewhere.
When I got inside the house, I could hear the sounds of my mom's laughter coming from the kitchen. Immediately, walked toward the sound, feeling like there was something different about the way that she was laughing. I soon found out why.
I walked in on a scene that I really wasn't expecting.
My mom and Waylen had the backs to me, but I knew Waylen's shaggy hair anywhere. My mother was still laughing like she had just heard the funniest thing in the world. Her head was thrown back and she had the brightest smile on her face. I hadn't seen her smile like the way that she was now in such a long time.
Waylen was laughing as well, the deep timbre of his laugh was filling the kitchen. My mom's hand was on his arm as they laughed at whatever. I sure whatever it was, it probably wasn't even that funny.
I was a little weirded out about what I was seeing in front of me. Okay, I was more than a little weirded out.
"Mom?" I said finally speaking up. I felt a bad for interrupting this, I guess, moment, that they were having here. It sure did look like a moment, from the way that my mom was touching Waylen.
"Wren!" My mother said stepping hastily back from Waylen with a high pitched voice. Oh yeah, I knew I had interrupted something. I was really experienced at the point with years of pining under my belt and I knew when someone had heart eyes for someone else and my mother had differently been looking at him with heart eyes.
I stepped into the kitchen further with an awkward smile, trying to make it seem like I didn't know what had been going on. Waylen had a small sheepish smile on his face, as he stood up from his chair. I could now see that there were two coffee mugs on the counter, empty now. They must have been here for a while.
"What's going on guys? I didn't know you did anything but work Waylen."
"Come on kiddo, I know I'm your boss but it's not like you plug me up to my charger and lock up the bowling alley." He came over and gave me a one arm side hug. Waylen smelled like old spice and shaving cream. It made a pain appear in my chest for a moment. It reminded me a lot of my dad. Not only that but he was in my house flirting with my mom. It was a little bittersweet.
It seemed like I was coming how to the two happy parents that I didn't have. I was always a trooper about not having my father in my life like a father should be but sometimes it stung. Especially now.
I look at Waylen out of the corner of my catching a glimpse of his face as he stared at my mom. He looked really happy too. My mom and Waylen have met a couple of time briefly but they have never really gotten a moment to sit down and really talk with each other. Maybe after whatever happened today, it seems like they may have clicked. I could feel the remnants of hope forming in my chest at the prospect.
Most children hated when their parent's started dating, but to put it lightly, my father was a piece of shit and my mother really deserved some sort of happiness in her life. I know my mother loved my brothers and me but we couldn't give her the kind of love that she deserved. I knew what it was like to crave having someone to care for you with affection and love.
"So what happened?" The two of them broke eye contact.
"Oh right. Well, my car battery died while I was picking up the boys. I didn't have anyone I could call," My mother gestured to Waylen with a light blush on her cheeks, " I had the boys with me so I called Waylen."
"I even got a new battery to install for you guys," Waylen said clearly proud of himself, as he smiled at my mother. I didn't want to mention that we could have just went to a mechanic just as easy but he clearly wanted to fix it up himself.
And speak of the devil or devils rather, the boys came running into the kitchen. Joel was running from Alec, as Alec screamed at the top of his lungs. Something about him wanting to play with the red car and not the green. There were tears streaming down his face as he ran after Joel.
I quickly dipped down, grabbing Alec mid-run, pick him up and sitting him on the island. "Hey hey, what's going on?" I used my hands to wipe his cheeks of all stray tears.
Alec gasped for breathes through his tears before he spoke, " Joel.. Joel... took the red car. I wanted it first!" he said with a wail.
Joel stuck his tongue out from his hiding spot being my mother legs. She smoothed some of his unruly dark hair from his face with a concerned look. Waylen looked at her with a soft look that I had never seen him make before.
"I don't have to! I'm the oldest so that means I get to pick first!" Joel shouted but he shrunk back when I gave him a glare for adding fuel to the fire.
My mother bent down to Joel's level, pushing his hair back again gently. " Joel, it doesn't matter if you are older than your brother. You have to share. Sharing means that both of you can play with the car and be happy." Joel looked mildly irritated which made me break into a smile with amusement. It always made me laugh to see a seven-year-old with so much attitude.
"Joel." My mother prodded, caressing his face softly with her thumb. I always loved when she used to do that to me when I was upset.
Joel stuck out the car that he was holding in Alec's direction, who was leaning on my chest with light sniffles. I could see Alec giving Joel a slight smile as he reached out to take the car. He looked at it like it was the last piece of food on earth. I will never understand kids.
I could see the relief wash over my mom's face, that another argument had been solved without more screaming and crying. But even still she held her nose in slight frustration and weariness. I realized that my mother was probably having a rough day with the car breaking down and the boys well were being the boys.
I felt my usual pang of guilt. " Hey mom, maybe I'll take the boys out to the park today. You know while you and Waylen work on the car."
My mom looked a little surprised which only made me feel worse. I knew that I was slackening on my sisterly duties but I never realized that my mother had picked up on my moodiness. Well, I'm not surprised since I was never really trying to hide it.
"That would be great." She came over to me arms outstretched. My mother then wrapped me and Alec in a tight hug.
"Really, it's no big deal. " I put Alec down on the floor then I nudged him toward Joel. "Go get your shoes guys and jackets so we can get out of here."
Alec and Joel whooped loudly excitedly, clearly happy that we would be going out for a change like we used to. I didn't really think it was a bad change of pace either. As I looked at Waylen and my mother making not so subtly eyeing each other I realized that I didn't want to be around to witness the romance that was taking place in my kitchen. So I made a good decision.
I left the kitchen quickly feeling awkward, going up the stairs to grab a jacket and a pair of shoes. When I came back down the stairs the boys were at the door waiting for me. Alec had a small pile of cars in his hand.
"You are definitely not taking those with us. " He automatically started pouting and started to open his mouth to speak. "Now if you lose them then what?"
Alec, of course, didn't have an answer but instead ran into the leaving room putting his precious cars in the toy chest.
"Mom, we're leaving!" I raised my voice, letting it echo through the house so that she can hear me. Of course, she did because mothers hear everything regardless.
"Love you guys!" She responds. My siblings and I respond with the same and then we leave.
The walk over to the park was less than eventful, it was mostly just me trying to keep the boys from running off and keep them holding on to my hands. But their excitement was making that a little difficult.
Finally, we arrived at the park and I could barely contain the boys. But still, I wasn't letting go of their hands. Of course, they started to struggle against me to no avail but I wasn't ready to let them go until I found out who exactly the figure was that sitting on the swings.
I had an idea of who it was.
As we got closer I could see Dylan sat swinging slowly with her head bowed, staring down at something I couldn't see from where we were. It looked slightly like a picture but I wasn't really sure.
"Dill!!" Joel shouted rather loudly causing both me and Dylan to flinched, startled at the sound. Dylan hastily shoves whatever she was looking at deep in the pocket her sweatpants, before giving the biggest smile I have seen on her face in a long time.
Joel ran the short distance with Alec not far behind him, plowing straight into Dylan. Dylan managed to keep her footing as both of the boys collided into her. She kneeled down taking the boys into her arms and gave them a strong hug. They hugged her back just as tight.
The scene was insanely sweet and from the look on their faces, the boys and Dylan clearly missed each other quite a lot.
Dylan pulled back from the hug, running her hands over their faces and hair, as the boys grinned widely at them. "I missed you guys," Dylan said with an unmistakably watery laugh. From the way her eyes shone, it seemed she was keeping tears at bay.
I was a little shocked to see such emotion on her face. Within that time that Dylan had pulled herself away from me she must have really missed the boys quite a lot. I don't blame her since she always seemed to have a strong bond with them.
I couldn't help but think that if Dylan had missed them this much then why would she put all of us, including herself, through the space she inflicted on us. I knew that my questions would only be answered if I talked to her about it directly and she stopped avoiding but I didn't know if I was strong enough for that discussion.
My biggest fear will always be that Dylan knew I liked her more than a friend and instead of continuing our friendship she decided to end things all together. I don't know if I could take that kind of rejection if that was the case.
I couldn't help but smile as Joel and Alec talked a mile a minute while Dylan nodded with fake enthusiasm but I knew she didn't care whatever they were talking about but rather that they were just here.
Dylan caught my smile, standing up from where she was kneeling in front of the boys. My breath caught in my chest as she gave me a sunny dimpled smile that exuded so much happiness, that I could feel it just radiating from her. I was nice to see her so happy.
"Hey, Wren." I started to stare a little because she looked so great even though she was wearing such laid-back clothing. She wore a light blue form-fitting shirt, that had the very well known Superman symbol on it. Or should I say Supergirl, since Dylan always insisted that it was for the female heroine. But who could really tell the difference since they both had same House of El coat of arms (I always thought it was an "S" for super but whatever).
Dylan insisted regardless.
Dylan was wearing her glasses today which she hated wearing and opted usually for contacts but I guess today was a laid back day for her. She also wore grey sweats and her favorite Doc Martens. She wore them so much that the toe of the boots was so heavily scuffed. The leather was peeling off and the spots weren't even the same color anymore as the rest of the boot.
I had gotten them for her with my very first paycheck from the bowling alley.
Dylan never knew how much I loved that she wore them.
I realized I hadn't responded and instead I was just staring. " Uh hey back," I said awkwardly and in that moment I just wanted to die. She started laughing of course because I was so hopeless.
Joel and Alec suddenly got really uninterested with Dylan because as soon as I responded they decided that having a conversation wasn't for them as they dashed away to the playground.
"What are you guys doing here?" She took off the glasses that she was wearing and started to clean them with her shirt. I just about short-circuited as I could see her toned stomach from where I was standing as her shirt rose up.
Jesus, I am such a mess.
"I uh..." I started, forcing myself to look away from Dylan and looking toward the boys. " My mom's car broke down. The boys were being a hand full as usual."
" Right. As usual. " Dylan finally stopped sinfully cleaning her glasses, returning them to her face. "How is your wrist?"
I nearly forgot that I was still wearing it, to be honest. "It's better actually. It only hurts now when there is too much pressure on it. I think it should be good enough to take off soon."
"Oh good. I was worried about it admittedly. "
" Well, you should be, since it was your fault," I said with a small laugh.
"Hey, if you were paying attention you wouldn't have fallen!"
I pointed at her in defense. "It's not my fault you scared the shit out of me! Standing there like a creep."
Dylan turned serious then. "Why were your trying to ride again?"
While she was serious I turned shy, feeling weird about the question. "I don't know," I say trying to gather my words, swallowing a lump in my throat. "We were supposed to do it together. It was the only tie that I had left of you." I realized that what I was saying seemed more romantic then I wanted to let on. "Of our friendship I mean. I wanted to hold on to that."
"Really?" I don't know why she sounded so surprised. I suddenly got the need to hug her then as she looked at the ground not meeting my eye. I don't know why she would doubt that I even didn't want to keep her around.
"Of course. I wasn't ready to let you go." I'm still not but she doesn't need to know that. I don't understand why she was acting as if the separation wasn't her choice. What happened between us was on her. "If you hadn't noticed you're kinda important to me."
She pulls her eyes up from the ground and stares at me with an intensity that I wasn't really used to. Something stirred in her brown eyes, something I didn't understand. "You're important to me too."
Her words jarred me for a moment. My heart thudded in my chest like the traitor that it was. But at the same time, my heart was filled with slight anger. "If I was important to you, then you wouldn't have left me." I tried not to sound too hurt but I knew my voice gave away how I felt.
Dylan's eyebrows crinkled together conveying her pain. She stepped forward reaching out to place a hand on my arm. I almost stepped back, away from her but for some reason, I didn't. The warmth of her hand bleeds through the jacket and onto my skin. I tried not to think about it too much. "Wren, it's really not like that." Her brown eyes looked into mine as she tried to convey how she felt without words. I didn't know what she was trying to tell me.
"Then what's it like? I'm not understanding."
She looked really frustrated but also a little sad, pursing her lips together before she spoke as if trying to stop herself from saying what she really wanted to. "I promise, I will tell you. I just can't right now. I just can't. "
I don't know what possessed me but I placed my hand on hers, gripping it as it was the thing tethering me to the earth. "I'm sorry. I know you said that before so I shouldn't be pushing. It's just hard feeling like I matter to you and then for a whole year, probably more, I didn't."
"No, Wren you always mattered and you always will. " I don't know how maybe it was from the serenity in her voice or her eyes but I knew she was telling the truth.
"Always and forever?"
"Always and forever.