o·ver·sight
/ˈōvərˌsīt/
noun
an unintentional failure to notice or do something.
i rolled my eyes, thinking of what could've gone right. what things i could've changed, and what words i should've said to both david and josh. but i know that the past, is the the past. and i cannot change anything.
i laid in bed, watching my ceiling fan spin in circles as the air flowed in and out of me. too many thoughts spiraled throughout my brain from previous hours and it only made everything worse as i was reminded of david's body so very close to mine. it was so goddamned lethal, but i craved it more. the way he spoke, his confidence that overtook his facial expression, and the way he held me, was everything i needed. but i knew that i couldn't overcome myself into falling back into his spell, because i knew that if i did, my vulnerability would showcase it's all insecurities.
my thoughts were interrupted as my phone buzzed against my nightstand, lighting up my darkened room. i sighed dramatically as i turned to my side, not at all feeling the courage to view any sort of notification. but as i pick up the phone in my shaking hands, my heart only pounds throughout my chest as the tension grows thicker than a blade when i see 6 missed calls and 1 voicemail all from david. i swipe to the right with anticipation to open the voicemail. it takes me a second, i sit there in my sheets biting my nails as i analyze davids contact name. the room suddenly becomes warmer and i begin to stress more, wishing i didn't press play to hear the voicemail.
"hey liza, this is david. i uh, just wanted to make sure you made it home safe, and that you're doing alright. i also wanted to apologize deeply for tonight, josh is truly the king of douchebag. like by know, he deserves a crown to be awarded with. um, i'm also sorry for not doing anything. i just feel bad, and i'm sorry. so uh, yeah, i miss you a lot, liza. it's kinda crazy, but insanity isn't fatal, right? anyways, i hope you have a nice night, bye."
words were silenced within me as i stared blankly at the picture on the wall above my dresser. i was once again, losing my mind. my hands dropped my phone somewhere on my sheets as i got up, turned my light on, and paced back and forth. everything was a blur, even my vision. all of it.
i couldn't take his apology, but i knew it was what i desired to hear. not the apology, but his voice itself, was what i needed. i would've taken anything i possibly could've just to hear his voice, and i got that. and now i regret that i did.
quickly i grabbed both my keys and purse from my kitchen table and headed off to the city as i drove off. my destination was unknown for a couple of seconds. streetlights glared my review mirror, beaming off onto my face and back. my fragile hands grasp the steering wheel as i pull into some gas station, watching carefully as i park the car, and just stay there. i roll down the window and immediately my senses come alive as i intake the oxygen the midnight air provides me with. the cool breeze flows through the strands of my hair as i lean my head back on the headrest, my hands touch the steering wheel again and i grasp it harder, feeling my throat burn as i quickly shut my eyes. i listen to the sounds of tires trailing its way down the streets of new york, the honking of raged taxi drivers, and the steps of newly visitors.
this, brought peace within me. i would come here, in this same gas station when i was with david, when i was hurt over whatever it was that he did to me, and i would just sit, and listen. and i would watch as others walked, wondering why they carried that bag over their shoulder like they do, why they walk the way they do, why they smile the way they do. and i wondered what their life was like, then, and now. people came and went, but i wondered why they came if they were just going to end up leaving?
"boo!" a deep voice shouts from the outside of my car. i jump out of my seat, screaming with fear as i hold my chest in my hands. he begins to laugh, watching me sit there fearfully annoyed.
"really, josh?" i question, feeling annoyed as he disturbed my state of peace. he holds his stomach as his laugh grows much louder, watching as the vein on the side of his neck enlarge. i look at him with such discomfort that anyone would've thought he was some poison i took. which, to my displeasure, he was.
"y-you should've s-saw your face," he mumbles, out of breath. i roll my eyes.
"yeah, ok. whatever." i sigh, looking away from him as his laugh dies down.
"so," he starts. "what brings you here tonight?" he smiles, watching me as he leans his arms against the open window.
"fate." i state, as if it wasn't obvious enough.
"poetic, i see." he declares. "no, but really. why are you here."
"you act as if you own this place." i lean my head back on the headrest and close my eyes, trying to envision him walk away, and slowly disappear.
"you act as if you don't want me here." i laugh, knowing he's spot on.
"because i don't." i spit at him, opening my eyes, just to see his expression. he rolls his eyes and scoffs.
"whatever, you'll come crawling back, koshy." i laugh again, wishing he was already gone.
"you wish. anyways, i'll see ya' later at the alley tonight, waiting for my client to call me back. he really was a naughty one last night, i just couldn't resist." i wink at him, as i begin to drive away, but signaling me to stop as i shut my window and buckle my seat belt. i roll my eyes and roll my window back down again, waiting for him to speak.
"what do you want?" i spit at him, wanting to be left alone.
"i need a ride." i laugh in disbelief.
"and here you said i was going to crawl back, yeah ok." he sighs.
"elizabeth, c'mon. i don't have a ride, all of my friends left me after they went to go get more drinks at the liquor store. plus, i've been drinking." i roll my eyes.
"how do i know you're not just screwing with me?"
"because i never have," he declares with such confidence, i swear i can see him as a king buffing his chest out and straightening out his golden crown of cockiness.
"you stand corrected." he rolls his eyes.
"yeah, ok. whatever. just please drop me off at my place. i really need a ride." i sigh, and think for a moment, before unlocking the doors and allowing him to come inside.
"ok, fine. whatever. but you owe me." i state. he smiles and quickly proceeds his way to the passenger seat. he then buckles himself in and i pull out from the gas station, sighing deeply as he turns the radio on.
"did i say you could listen to music?" he looks at me and smirks.
"ok, mom." i roll my eyes, and turn the music off.
"hey, that was a good song!" i shrug.
"so." i sigh and then i wonder, where the hell am i going?
"ok, but like where do you live?" he shrugs.
"just go to your place, the boys are at my house tonight and i don't want to be there." i nod, continuing to head down the street i was strolling through. after some time and crazy amount of traffic, even at midnight. i pull into my driveway and lock the doors. josh follows me as i enter my home, looking at the aesthetic i bring.
"nice place, koshy." i smile, placing my keys and purse on the kitchen table.
"thanks, i just remodeled everything." he nods, and grazes his hands above my countertops.
"it's nice," i nod and look around. viewing what he views. he looks back at me, and just stands there. watching. i quickly turn back his way and blush, seeing as he was smiling.
"what?" i whisper.
"nothing," he shakes his head, multiple times. as if he was trying to vanish anything at this moment.
"ok, um." i start. "you can sleep in my guest bedroom, i have extra blankets if you want to use them if you get too cold." he nods and rubs the back of his neck, watching the ground below.
"ok," he mumbles. i guide him up the stairs and down the hallway next to my bedroom, which showcases the guest room. i open the door and await for him to walk inside. he looks at me and then at the room, viewing everything he can.
"you have a great taste in home decor." he smiles.
"well, i wouldn't be the one to toot my horn but—" he giggles and i giggle along. he sits on the bed and i sit beside him, listening to the silence that grows between him and i.
"hey, um." he starts, and rubs his neck again. "i'm sorry, for what i said. and for how i acted. it was foolish of me." i shrug.
"it's whatever, i was just hurt mostly by uh, david." he looks at me questionably.
"how so?" i shrug.
"it just hurts knowing that the one you love doesn't care." i state blankly.
"i know that he was a dick to you, a total dick. he told me one night i think after one of your guys' anniversary that he had been beating you for a while, and he just cried. he felt so bad over hurting you and he saw you hurt, and it killed him knowing he was the one who was supposed to protect you but he just continued to hurt you. he didn't give a shit but he did. he still does. he's living in hell because you left, his girlfriend doesn't care, let alone loves him. they're just together because it would make him seem like an idiot cheating on his girlfriend and losing both of them. but just know that i'm always here for you." i nod.
"thank you," he smiles and gives me a hug.
"anytime," he mumbles into my hair, holding me for a little longer. eventually we both pull away and him and i stare at each other. he travels his eyes from my left eye to my right, trying to watch both at the same time. he leans a little bit closer and then stares at my lips, and back to my eyes. he stops right before our lips touch, and pauses for a moment. i roll my eyes and close the gap between him and i, feeling his lips clasp onto mine. it starts off slow, and passionate, and gentle. but he deepens the kiss as he grabs the side of my neck and places his hand on my lower back, pulling me to straddle his waist. he then licks my lips with his tongue, asking for entrance and i don't deny. my fingertips curl in his soft hair of velvet, as his travel up my shirt. i back up a little bit and allow him to take my shirt off, watching as he stares at my body, making me feel insecure.
"beautiful," he mumbles. i blush and lean in, taking his shirt off before i decide to take control and push his back against the bed. his firm hands travel down from the strands of hair that lazily rests on my head, to my lower back. he flips us over and hovers over me, before taking his pants off, then mine, leaving us both in our undergarments.
"this probably isn't a good idea," i mumble against his lips.
"probably is an indefinite answer, elizabeth." he looks at me and smiles.
mere seconds later, i only imagined it was david. my fingertips circled around his abs, feelings each muscle as he flexed multiple times. tears were silenced as he continued more than once. please, let this be over, i thought. but oh let me tell you, it just barely started.
everything, just barely started.
a/n: ok hi, hello. i never do an author's note, however, i felt it was only appropriate to do so. i deserve you guys an explanation as to why the flipping heck i've been m.i.a for like 4 months, maybe? anyways, long story short: i've had an insane amount of writers block and i didn't find the motivation to perform any type of creativity and showcase it. i deeply apologize for not explaining it any time sooner, and i hope you guys understand. and also thank you guys so much for the wonderful amount of love and support i've had within this story, you guys are so wonderful it purely melts my heart. anyways, like i said, i'm so sorry for not sharing why i've been gone and i'm also sorry for this crappy chapter, i feel like within the ending i should've taken the time to explain a little slower than just go straight to making out. and another thing i'd like to address is i got one comment, i believe that said something along the lines of, "is this even a diza book anymore?" and to answer that question: yes, it is. i know it doesn't seem like it but i swear, it is. i just have to take some time going in depth and not having every chapter like "one month later: this happened, and it sucked." i want to take the time and explain why each thing happened like it did, and i want you guys to feel like you're there, too. and that you can imagine each and everything. but believe me, it is a diza story. just please be patient. you guys will understand eventually ;) anyways, i'm sorry i took so long to explain, but you guys deserved it. i hope you guys have a wonderful day.
much love, amiee irene.