Richie; hey the 90s called. they said they wanted the cure for cancer. i said we didn't have it... they were pretty devastated
Bill; uh... okay?
Stan; and how is this relevant
Bev; hey mom
Richie; ugh for the last time
Bev; please just be my mom at least
Richie; NO.
Bill; what are you doing?
Richie; more like who am i doing
Stan; omg did it happen
Richie; no well sorta but ultimately no.
Bev; did what happen?
Richie; oh ya know, me fucking stans dad
Stan; WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD
Bill; bahaha
Bev; i ship it
Richie; i thought u shipped me and eds
Bev; but u said its never gonna happen
Richie; well people say things they dont mean
Bev; well u meant it
Bill; omg do u like eddie
Richie; whahahahahat!?
Stan; can i tell now?
Richie; fine
Stan; RICHIE LOVES EDDIE
Richie; ha what
Bev; i knew u would
Richie; ok and?
Bev; im gonna tell him
Richie; he already knows
Stan; what?
Richie; he figured it out
Bill; what did he say?
Richie; he said it was really sweet that i like him
Bev; well go make out already
Richie; thats not how it works.
Stan; yeah. ur not making out with bill are ya?
Bill; i wouldn't mind
Bev; really? right in front of my salad
Richie; ok imma go now
-Richie to Eddie-
Richie; hey eds
Eddie; hi richard
Richie; i have something to say
Richie; i dont know, I've never told anyone this before
Eddie; u can tell me, its fine
Richie; its just... my dick... its the perfect size
Eddie; uhh?
Richie; gosh eds do u not stan josh ovalle?
Eddie; who?
Richie; omg this relationship is over
Eddie; what relationship
Richie; hahaha the one that hasn't started yet, eds.
Richie; but u already ruined it. im sorry we could never date
Eddie; what the fuck?
Richie; its ok to let out the pain eds. ill always be here for you.
Eddie; richie, we need to talk about ur little crush thing.
Richie; hahaha what crush?
Eddie; rich.
Richie; look ill get over ya, eds. its not like ur perfect in every way with ur little inhaler and fanny pack that isnt in style anymore.
Eddie; i just think it wouldnt work... you know?
Richie; yeah. totally. i get it.
Eddie; richie?
Richie; yes edward?
Eddie; im sorry. can we still be friends?
Richie; sure edward.
Richie stared at his phone in disbelief. Had he really just made a fool out of himself in front of Eddie?
trashmouthtozier
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trashmouthtozier: i know i am not enough for you, i would have tried to be though.
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a/n this bitch angsty... yeet.