As I currently type it is 7:03 AM, I am writing this to you as I prepare to get on a bus and go to school. Feel lucky you're a larger priority than school because right now, school's sadly a large priority. Only three more months and then um freedom my dudes.
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The beach wasn't always something I enjoyed going to ever since I got here, and I've went maybe only once. Everyone's so busy, they never have any time to plan a day off and go to the beach or just goof off without having a camera in their hand and recording every second of every day.
Ever since I got home, which was literally a month ago, everyone seems to be filming more and making themselves more occupied. I'm guessing they made some dumb New Years resolution pact to be more active on social media than they already are. They love what they do, and we all know that. But isn't there a time when you just need to take a break, chill out, and just goof off?
'The Vlog Squad" as they're apparently called now clearly haven't heard of this until I gathered everyone up(yes, I actually did speak to David on the phone for about forty five seconds before hanging up on him) and told them that they need to chill out and have a day to themselves.
They all argued at me when I said that, but I argued back and said that YouTube will be here when they come back. It's not going anywhere.
"We're going to the fucking beach today, you dickheads, and give me your cameras and phones. You guys are holding onto them as if they're your fucking offspring," I mumbled the last part and went around with a bag, collecting everyone's access to social media. A couple gave it up without a problem, but then there was David, his arms crossed over his chest with a petty look on his face.
"You're not getting my camera, today's Wednesday. I post today," he snipped at me, causing me to roll my eyes.
"I don't give a fuck if you post today, but I do however care about your fucking mental health," I snipped back. I let go and looked around the room, who honestly looked like they wanted to throw me off of a cliff for taking their technology. "I care about all of you. Even you." I pointed towards David and rubbed my temple.
"If you really cared you would-," I help up a finger in his direction without glancing at him. I don't want to hear him start an argument right now.
"Shut up, because you honestly sound like a twelve year old preteen complaining about his grounding, and I don't want to argue with your ass right now when I try every fucking thing in my power to not set off your fragile ego into thinking you need to start a god damn argument with me."
Everyone fell silent, and I could feel David gaze at the side of my head as I stared at the floor. Everyone at this point knew what happened on his birthday, but they didn't pressure me to tell what I was hiding, unlike David. They respected my privacy and they knew I would tell them when I was ready.
Honestly, I don't know if I would ever be ready to tell them.
Memories began floating through my head, from way back. Back when it was easier, happier. I shut my eyes to keep the tears at bay. I was probably being an overreacting crybaby but honestly...yeah that's probably it. I can't really think of any other way to put it.
"Okay...you win, Rowan. Here...I'm sorry," he mumbled as he grabbed my arm and held it out, slipping his camera in my hand, and putting his own phone in the bag at my feet. I looked over at him and sighed through my nose. I gave him a quiet "yeah" before discarding his camera in the bag of the copious amounts of gadgets.
After I checked everyone to make sure they weren't hiding anything, I took the bag to a random closet, trying to be quiet so they wouldn't figure out where I was hiding their things. I picked up a couple boxes, sitting the bag in a corner of the closet and pushing those boxes in front of it. I quietly shut the door and made my way to the living room again, with a gentle smile on my face.
"Alright then, let's get going," I said and walked towards the door. We all swarmed into our separate vehicles, carrying bags full of sunscreen and towels and such. I ran to the passenger side of Gabbie's car, sticking my tongue out in Liza's direction as she preceded to hit me in the back of the head.
"Freaking butthole," Liza mumbled to herself as I laughed. "Taking my phone and now taking shotgun? When does it end, Rowan?"
"It ends when you stop whining like a baby, now lets go to the beach. Humanity day," I cheered as we began driving towards the beach.
——
I cringed as I felt a giant heap of sand crash onto my body. I struggled to sit up, blocking my sin from my eyes as I looked up to see the eyes of Jason and David, laughing at my reaction. I rolled my eyes, slowly getting up from the towel and walking towards one of the outdoor showers towards the outskirts of the beach.
"Fucking childish motherfuckers," I mumbled to myself as I turned it on, beginning to clean the sand particles from my body. I could have wiped it off, but so much would have still been left behind, as if that wasn't the most aggravating thing in the world.
I mean, at least David isn't being a total asswipe, I guess. Maybe this is a sign we're going to be alright. I mean, yeah he's still trying to pick a fight after every other comments make and yes, he still bugs me about what I'm hiding from him and not respecting my privacy. However, he's not being a douche, all time anyway.
I don't know, after what happened I don't think we can ever go back to how we used to be.
I closed my eyes, leaning against the wooden post of the shower and let the water run down my stomach, not realizing I wasn't in the privacy of my own bathroom. I reminisced on some of my life choices, like why did I decide to take a thousand mile bus ride from my hometown to L.A. on the basis of someone I didn't know? Why did I have to run into these fucking idiots and let them take me in? Why did I have to catch feelings for one of the most ignorant narcissists on the Internet?
Why did I have to get drunk, on his birthday, and fuck everything up?
I snapped out of my thoughts when someone cleared their throat and I opened my eyes. I looked above me to see a man, towering over my as ocean water dripped from the bangs from his hair. He seemed fairly angry with me for taking up a shower spot that I no longer had use for.
I looked down at my fingers, seeing them begin to look shriveled from being under the water for so long. I looked back up at the man and laughed nervously.
"Sorry sir," I mumbled to myself with a Amy smile as I power walked away from the outdoor shower area.
I didn't feel like going back to everyone right away, so I walked towards an outdoor bar that looked like they wouldn't card, taking a seat in front of the counter. I half-assed ordered some fruity drink and slipped the bartender some bills from my soggy wallet from the back of my shorts. Thank god the inside of the wallet didn't get wet, otherwise I would have been fucked.
"You know, you don't look 21," the bartender eyed me with a joking smile. I laughed a little and shrugged in response. "You look like you need it though, so I'll let it slide."
"I actually need more like ten of these but thanks for the thought," I replied as he slid the drunk towards me. I played with my straw for a second before pulling it to my lips, taking a sip from it and cringing at the taste of alcohol in my throat.
I really shouldn't be drinking, not after what happened.
"It's been that bad huh," the bartender asked as he leaned over the table. He actually looked interested in what I had to say, causing me to cock my eyebrow upward.
"You really wanna know?"
"Well I have nothing else better to do, business has been slow," he shrugged as he laid his cheek against his fist. "What's on your mind?"
"To be honest with you, I don't know. I don't know what's going on, I don't know how to feel about if, I just don't...know. And it sucks, because I always know and I'm always in control, sort of anyways," I trailed off from my point as I tapped my fingers against the wooden counter. "There's this guy, he's such an asshole over one, stupid choice that I regret making and...he won't let it go, but he is at the same time. I don't know....he's still such an-."
"Asshole," I looked up, surprised how this wasn't coming from the bartender. I turned around, my face flushing when I saw it was David. His arms were crossed over his chest as both of his eyebrows were raised. I didn't say anything as he took the seat next to me. "Don't drink too many of those, because we all know what happens when you get smashed."
I rolled my eyes as he brought up that night again. The bartender was off helping another customer, so I couldn't exactly go to him for help.
"Could you just stop?"
"It was just a joke, chill. I'm not trying to start an argument."
"Wow really? That's a fucking surprise coming from you," I mumbled before taking another sip. He sighed hard from beside me, and I could see him from the corner of my eye. He ran a hand through his hair before slowly closing his eyes.
"I'm tired of fighting with you, Rowan. Why can't...we go back to how we were," he asked quietly, slowly scooting closer to my seat. I didn't look at him, but I did scoot my chair farther away from his.
"You won't let us, and after that night...it's not like we could David. All we do is fight over everything and you're the one always picking fights with me. You won't let it go. Everyone else has, so why can't you?"
He didn't answer, instead he changed the subject.
"I know I've fucked up, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I've never stopped caring about you, and I don't think I could ever stop," he put his hand on top of mine, causing me to get anxious. I bounced my knee and began tapping the fingers on my other hand rapidly.
"Well David-," I started, quickly pulling my hand away from his. I finished my drink before slowly getting up from my seat. "-you're going to have to stop shoving your head so far up your ass and get over yourself before I can ever believe that sentence that just came out of your mouth." I slammed a couple dollars for a tip of the counter before taking off towards the group. I collapsed on the towel next to Gabbie, pulling my knees close to me as I felt my heart pounding against my chest. It sounded like it was about to completely burst from inside of my body as I tried to control my breathing.
Gabby stared at me, mortified. She laid her hand down on my knee as I stared ahead towards the water. I watched the sun begin to sink behind the waves of the water, creating a beautiful display of dark red, orange, and purple in the sky. It made me feel calm as my anxiety began to settle down inside of my mind.
"Rowan, are you okay," Gabbie whispered to me, shaking my knee a little. I shook my head and pushed her hand away from my knee.
"I'll tell you when we get home," I mumbled back, not taking my eyes off of the sky.
So much for a humanity day.
2119 Words
Yeah, so you know how I said I was writing this on Wednesday at 7:31 AM....well now it's Saturday at 9:25 PM because I'm a procrastinating idiot.
Oh my god I have so much homework to get done by Monday...oh my god...
Anyways, I know how I said I was going to update more, and I'm really trying to but, this school year has been the most tiring, mentally draining year I've ever experienced and I've never been so happy that this school year is ending.