I layed on my bed staring at the wall. Riley laid beside me playing with the hair on the back of my head.
Oliver sat on his bed with standing beside him Courtney.
"I don't understand," I heard him say to her. "She hurt other people as revenge for another person's crime."
"Not a person," Courtney replied. "A group of them...Toby's friends...They saw her as an object...so she did the same to others."
"If you're against it so much...why try to hurt me?"
"I didn't know the effect of the drug when I gave it to you. From what I was told the red pill was for me and the yellow for the other person. I knew they had different effects but I was told that taking yellow pill more than once makes you less likely to pass out... Tina was supposed to be the one to sleep with you that night. But she thought you looked weird and I was desperate. You were too tall for her and she begged me to take you. I didn't know that is wasn't consensual back then. It was an obvious mistake.... But today...I knew Flynn has never taken the pill before. And so did Tina. Today was the only day I decided to join her and I regret even the thought that I was about to. I didn't care about Flynn. I saw him as an object too...until he started crying."
Riley kissed my shoulder.
I flinched.
"I'm sorry," her breath hit my neck and I cringed. I didn't want her near me. Anyone. Even though I hadn't been raped, I was violated and my mind was still trying to make sense of it. I was still trying to tell myself that I was saved in time.
I shut my eyes and forced myself to try to sleep.
Riley touched my hip and I quickly layed on my back.
"I don't...I don't want you-"
"I'm sorry," she frowned. "I wouldn't touch you again."
"No. I want to lay here alone. I just...I don't want to be touched."
I felt not only Riley's eyes on me but Oliver's and Courtney's.
I slowly sat up. "Can everyone leave? Please?"
"Sure," Riley stood up.
Courtney followed.
They both left the room, but Oliver sat on his bed. He stared at me.
I glared at him then I slammed my head on my pillow.
"You're blaming me," he said softly. "Aren't you?"
"I'm blaming myself for going along with it."
"You didn't get hurt and we got all of the evidence we needed-"
I quickly turned back to him. "She put her hands on me, Oliver." Tears filled my eyes. "She-she touched me and I couldn't do anything about it. Riley had to zip my pants up because they were almost past my knees. And I felt guilty," I wept," because I put myself in that situation. I knew what was going to happen to me and I went-"
"Wait," he furrowed his brows. "You said she touched you. I didn't know...I thought we caught her in time-"
"She didn't..she didn't touch me that way. But she took my clothes off. But that doesn't matter because there's no evidence because my shirt with the camera was on the floor."
"We still have to go to the authorities-"
"They wouldn't care. I did a drug on purpose, recorded a person without permission and stumbled my way into her room knowing her intention was to assault me. And I let her, because I was too high to care."
He sat silent because he knew that I was right. I let this happen.
I turn back around and began to weep into my pillow. "I was okay with myself. I loved myself. I hadn't been depressed in so long... I was so happy. And then I did this-"
"You didn't do this. She didn't have to go through with it. She could've stopped herself-"
"But she didn't. And I was hoping she wouldn't because I wanted footage to show the police. Footage that we now know barely recorded a thing. Just the audio."
"We have enough on audio-"
"I'm out. I'm sorry." I stood up and grabbed my towel then I walked out of the room.