a/n; currently making editorial changes lol
06/22/21
tw: homophobic slurs, mention of self harm
**
Spotify on. Warm water working.
Benjamin steps in the shower, smiling as a soft RnB playlist plays from his phone.
After his shower, he steps out, grabbing boxers. He sits in front of his vanity, deciding to do a light makeup look for school.
After he was done, he grabs his light wash skinny jeans, throwing on a fluffy pink hoodie. He grabs his shoes, before walking downstairs.
"Hey, Benny!" Benjamin's mother Olivia calls out.
Benjamin offers a small smile. "Hi, mom."
"Your septum. It's crooked".
He fixes it before smiling, again. "What's for breakfast. I'm starving!"
"Cereal".
Ben frowns, reaching towards the top shelf, "Mom, you know I only stand four feet tall, help me." He exclaims sarcastically.
"Oh, whatever! Move out the way." Olivia smiles and grabs the cereal box out of the cabinet.
Benjamin goes to sit down, grabbing his phone to text his friends. His friend group consisted of, Kiara, Jackson, Caleb, Zoē.
"So Babe, your dad is coming to visit".
Benjamin's smile drops and he shakes his head. "Oh god no. Why?"
Olivia shrugs as she pours Benjamin some cereal. She sets the bowl in front of him. "He just feels bad, honey".
"I'd rather like, lose a fake nail while making Mac and cheese, please don't make me".
Olivia shakes her head. "We're having dinner, tonight".
Benjamin groans, shoving cereal into his mouth.
**
"Shorty!"
Ben rolls his eyes as he wasn't even the shortest one in the group. "Hey. Do you like my hoodie?"
Kiara smiles and nods her head. "Oo. Yes, super cute. What about mine?"
Caleb speaks up and shakes his head. "Eh. Couldn't be better."
Benjamin smiles a little before twiddling with his thumbs, looking up at his friends. "I have bad news."
Kiara frowns and looks around at her friends before back to Benjamin. "What?"
"My dad is back in town. I have to see him tonight."
Zoē widens her eyes. "Ew!"
Benjamin blushes and nods his head. "I know. Should I take my nail polish off? Or not wear makeup?"
Kiara shakes her head. "Hell no. Be yourself. Don't let your guard down around him, Benny."
Benjamin looks up as the bell for first period rang. He nods and smiles. "See you guys at lunch."
Kiara nods, "Bye," she waves, walking away. Benny grabs his bag by the straps, walking to his first hour.
**
"Little miss queer is sitting over there". Ben hears two football players whispering.
He rolls his eyes, playing with his earring. "Hey! Queer!" The guys whisper yells.
"Benjamin!"
Ben rolls his eyes, turning around. "Can you please stop calling my name. I don't need your asses distracting me from actually getting an education".
The boys snicker, Ben turned around. He continues to write in his notebook. The football players constantly picked on him to a point where Benjamin wasn't even affected anymore.
~
"You could do it, Ben!"
"What?" Ben perks up, looking away from his salad at Zoē.
Zoē furrows her brows. "My makeup for prom, you're going, right?"
"Probably not. J-just no..." Benjamin blushes.
"Come on. You love showing off".
"I'll do your makeup Zo, but I'm not going to prom. Just, not there yet, in confidence."
Zoē nods, feeling a little annoyed. Benjamin looks away and continued to eat his lunch, zoning out of the conversation taking place.
**
"Get off of me. Please." Benjamin brings his arms up in self-defense.
"Please. Y'all hear that. He's a Lil pussy."
The football player, formally known as Katen pushing Ben into the lockers, hitting his shoulder. Benjamin groans in pain.
"Who wants a turn?"
One guy chuckles, walking over to hit Benjamin in the face. Another guy kicks Ben's leg, causing him to fall.
One of the taller guys taps Katen on the shoulder. He glances down the hallway. "Shit. Teacher."
The guys all laugh while jogging away in hopes of not getting caught. Benjamin brings his knees to his face, starting to cry. "Mr. Evans?"
Benjamin looks up, wiping his tears.
The teacher frowns at him and offers a hand. "Hey. Are you alright?"
Benjamin just smiles and shakes his head. He uses one of his hands to push himself off the ground. "Y-Yea. I'm fine..."
The teacher nods. "Are you sure?"
Benjamin nods his head, grabbing his bag off the floor. "Mhm. Sorry...sorry I have to go...Gonna be late."
**
At home, while Benjamin's dad was in his way, he was taking off his nail polish, removing his makeup, and changing his clothes.
He puts on a large sweater (as a protective layer), followed by some sweats. He puts on fuzzy socks and then walks downstairs.
Olivia looks at Benjamin, her eyebrows furrowed. "Should I be worried? Where's all the pink and glitter?"
Benjamin shrugs. "Doesn't matter...when's dad coming?"
"He's on his way, honey? What's wrong?"
"I just don't wanna have to eat dinner and hear dads bullshit the whole time."
"I'm sorry, honey. He's just trying to be better..that's it though?"
"Yea. That's it."
**
Damien, Benjamin's father wipes his mouth with a napkin before speaking. "So...Son. I see you stopped the whole makeup thing?"
Benjamin looks up from his plate, scratching the back of his neck. "Uh I-I guess."
Damien nods. "You're still gay, though?"
Benjamin rolls his eyes and sits back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Dad. I don't pick and choose my sexuality".
"So you're still into girly things?"
"Yea. A little bit I guess".
"Interesting. Why?"
"It's just who I am, okay?"
"Okay. I'll guess I'll....try and find a way to accept you."
**
Benjamin puts some bubbles in the water, watching his tub fill up. He undressed before slipping in. He brings his knees to his chest, tearing falling.
no, you're two weeks clean.
who cares. you're a cutter
don't listen to him, you're two weeks clean.
Benny sighs, before actually bathing himself.
He jumps when his mom knocks on the bathroom door. "Hey, Ben! Your dad and I made brownies..want one?"
"Sure! I'll be down in a sec!"
He gets out, throwing on his pajamas. He fixes his hair before grabbing his phone and walking downstairs.
He smiles at the brownies and ice cream sat on the tabletop. He walks over, sitting on a barstool.
Olivia smiles at him. "So. Your dad and I were thinking...how would you be if we got back together?"
"Wh-what...what do you mean?"
"We wanna elope. Get back together."
"What? No...no. I can-I can't do that." Benjamin shakes his head.
Ms.Evans sighs, shaking her head. "Benny."
Benjamin shakes his head again and stands up from the table. "N-no. I...I need to get ready for bed..."
Benjamin hurried to his bedroom, shutting the door behind himself. He takes in a deep breath before getting into his bed.
**