I hated life.
I HATED IT.
If I could get one wish right now I would wish to be back at my old place with all my friends and never come here. I wanted to make this ALL go away. My job at the diner, my new friends here, how I had liked Ethan, fallen in love with him, the pain I felt now whenever anything reminded me of him.
I wanted it all to go away and never look back.
And that was hard. So BLOODY hard. I just couldn't get the image of 'him' off my mind, everything I did, everywhere I went, it reminded me of him and there was nothing I could do about it.
"Theia?" Someone said my name and my head snapped up. It was Aidan.
"Are you okay?" He asked me sliding in the booth beside me.
"Yeah." I said and tried to smile. Without suceeding much.
"No, you're not. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me.
Did I ?
Hell, no.
"Nah, it's nothing Aidan, don't worry. I'm just a little gloomy." I said but he just shook his head.
"Ok well, since you are 'so gloomy' why don't we just sit and celebrate it and drink ourselves to oblivion." He said trying to cheer me up.
Well, as if it was that easy. But then a bottle of vodka always help and if I would be too drunk then I wouldn't be able to think of anything. So what if I would have a killer headache in the morning? Who cares, I would just have to take it.
Anything would be better than thinking of Ethan and then calling myself a fool right now.
"Why not." I said and then we moved to the bar.
A good thing of working in a pub was that we could gulp down as many shot's as we could and we wouldn't be charged.
I was two shots down and still couldn't get him out of my mind, I remembered the way he had smiled at me, kissed me, touched me, looked deep in my eyes and a smile would cross my face and then suddenly I would remember him with Melissa and remorse replaced my smile.
"What would you have?" Aidan asked me.
"Vodka, on the rocks." I replied, he gave me a little smile and then poured me a shot.
It didn't take me much time to pur it down my throat and then I asked for another one .. and another one .. and another one.
I was on a roll
"I think you should stop now." Aidan said, but hell the booze was getting to me, I was going numb and unable to think about ANYTHING and that's what I wanted.
So to hell with what Aidan was saying.
Even if it was for my betterment.
"No, I can handle it." I said and my voice was slurred. But I was NOT going to stop, the drink was acting like my solace and I just wanted to drown in it.
Literally.
"Theia please you will be dead drunk." He was pleading now.
"Aidan just let me be, okay. I'll be fine. I just .. need this, okay." I said and Aidan gave me an odd look and then he nodded curtly.
"It's on you now Theia, it's my shift now and I won't be able to look after you." He said and I nodded.
Hell, I didn't want anyone to look after me.
I was still drinking my way through time and it was three hours after I had started.
But even though at first all feeling had been gone now I was still back on track.
I was remembering all my good times with Ethan.
I still remembered the way Ethan would smile at me and said 'You leave me breathless.' The way he had looked me right in the eye when I had fallen on him and said 'whoa'. The way he had send me flying on his motorcycle. His lop-sided smile when he had fastened the anklet on my ankle. My chocolate birthday cake. His hands tickling me. Him looking at me through his window. The way he had laughed when he had seen the 'No stalker's allowed' sign on my window. Our little message chats. The way we had shared our ice-creams. His teaching me to waltz.
And it had all been for nothing.
NOTHING.
I slammed the shot glass on the counter as tears came to my eyes.
It was all a sham.
He didn't mean anything and here I was still crying over him when he might be rolling in the hay with Melissa.
God, I wanted to kill her. I wish she could come under a bus, or get a heart-attck or better still if we could get a round of blow's I would gladly beat her to death.
Even if it meant rotting in jail.
"Sam, one more." I called but he just shook his head at me.
"Nope, sorry T, but Aidan has said no more for you and if you ask me you have had all the liquor you need." He said.
Damn Aidan.
"Sam, just one more and then I'm gone." I said.
"How?" He demanded.
"On my scooty, of course." I said.
Duh.
"Right, with the amount of drink you have gulped if you so much as go near a vehicle the police will have you for the rest of your life. Search for a ride, baby." He said.
And suddenly it hit me. He was right, I wouldn't be able to drive.
"Shit." I muttered and Sam gave me a pitiful smile.
Damn, Damn, Damn.
I was thinking what I was going to do when I saw .. HIM.
ETHAN!
Oh my God. My heart went crazy on the sight of him, it had been three weeks since I last saw him and hell, he was still the same. Just a bit rugged but the same.
But I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him, my whole point of being here was to be AWAY from him.
Suddenly I just wanted to be home. I made my way to Aidan ignoring Ethan as much as I could.
"Aidan, can you please take me home?" I asked him and saw him shake his head.
"I'm sorry Theia, but I have a night shift today that's why I was stopping you from drinking so much." He said and he seemed apologetic, too.
"Hell." I said and started making my way to the door.
"Wait. How will you go?" He called.
"I'll walk." I shouted back and then hurried my steps.
"Theia? THEIA, STOP." I heard Ethan shout and I ran the last few metres that seperated me with the exit.
And then I was lost in the crowd.
I sighed with relief.
I was pitifully drunk.
So drunk that I couldn't even make out where I was going. The streets were closing in on me. I grabbed the beside wall for support, trying to make my vision reasonable. But it was ignoring me and showing me three of everything. I made my way towards the road totally ready to hitchike when a head captured my wrist and whirled me around.
A scream made it's way to my throat but I was pushed against the wall and a hand clamped on my mouth, stopping my scream.
"What the hell were you thinking? Walking in this condition?" Ethan demanded and my scream died down.
Oh God, he was so near, I smelled his aftershave and almost swooned.
Damn was my word of the day.
I tried to speak but Ethan wouldn't remove his hand.
"I really ought to hit some sense in you." He growled.
Oh so he was angry with me, huh.
Well I was angry, too.
I bit on his hand, taking him unawares.
"Jeeesus." Ethan howled and snatched his hand away.
"Don't ever touch me again." I snapped at him and tried to get away.
"Oh, you didn't give me that impression three weeks back." He snarled and my blood boiled.
He was SO dead.
"Well, I had a fleeting moment of madness." I retorted and his eyes narrowed.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded.
"What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you?" I questioned back, I was seething and I was out of my element.
And that was good, because I was SO going to shut him up, today.
"There is nothing wrong with me, everything is wrong with you though, I don't know what came over you but all of a sudden you are so bloody cold again. Missing my calls, never responding to my messages. I guess you did have a fleeting moment of madness." He snarled and for the first time in my life, I growled.
"Oh yeah? And you don't know why I was ignoring you?" I asked sweetly.
"No, but what I do know is that it is going to be dumb, like the last time." He snapped at me.
"Dumb huh? No Ethan, it's not dumb. I came back to you that day and I saw Melissa with you. In your arms. Half-naked. That is why I was ignoring you, because you were so bloody bored with me that you couldn't wait to get back to you floopsy."
"WHAT? Are you crazy? Why would you think that?" He sounded incredulous.
So he wanted to act all innocent on me, huh?
"What was I supposed to think Ethan? One minute you are all angry with me and the next you are kissing me and then we end up in bed and then when I go you don't call me, you didn't even message me." I snapped.
"And what was I supposed to think? You were with me all the way and then when the next day you get up, you're all scared and shy and throwing wrong sigbals all around the place. I thought you regretted us making love, I have gone insane these last few weeks, thinking what I did wrong this time, why were you so cold to me again." He snarled and I backed away.
Oh my God, this was getting me no where.
"I live with my parent's, Ethan .." I started, but he cut in.
"So do I." He said.
"That's different. Your's were not at home, mine were and I didn't get home that night. I was sleeping at your place and then my friend is calling me shouting at me, telling me that my dad was flipping out and then you get up and you were naked and I had to come up with a story to calm them down, that is why I went, it had nothing to do with anything else and this time it was me who made the first move and when I did it shocked me to my core." My head was going to explode. I saw the fire in his eyes dim and his expression changed. Hurt replaced his anger.
"You looked so scared, Theia. I really thought you regretted it." He said slowly.
"I didn't. I came back to you but I saw you with Melissa." I accused and Ethan smiled.
He smiled!
"There is nothing going on between us. She came to me because she wanted an escort to her friends party .." He started to explain.
"But she was half-naked and she was in your arms, so correct me if I'm wrong but I'm absolutely not going to believe you if you say she landed there from the sky." I all but shrieked at him.
"No she was wearing a dress and we hugged thats when you barged in."
"Is that the best you can come up with?" I demanded.
Ethan was breaking my heart.
"You don't believe me." He didn't ask but stated.
"No." I said and then pushed him away from me.
"Theia, there is nothing going on between us, what you saw was just a hug, she is my friend, she has the right." He caught hold of my wrist.
"You hurt me, Ethan. You really did." I said slowly and that's when my resolve broke, a tear rolled down my eye.
"So this is it?" He demanded.
This is it.
There was no point in listening to his lies.
"What about us?" He asked me quitely. I wrenched my wrist from his hand and gazed in his eyes, memorizing every feature of his face.
"There is no us, Ethan." I said and this time the tears came free but I couldn't take anymore.
I started running.
Running away from the one person I loved the most.
From Ethan.