A/n: Heya! Right quick before you dig into this juicy new chapter, couple of warnings about the content of it. This is the demon "showdown" chapter, so to speak. There are mentions of injuries, talk of death, it's generally pretty grim and angsty. Just please be careful about making sure you don't consume this content if you think it'll be detrimental to your health!!
*Dan's POV*
Driving home that night felt a little bit like an ending. It wasn't really, not in the sense that things had reached a conclusion, but there was a significant feeling of leaving something behind and moving on to something new. For better or for worse, we were ditching the days of living in fear. There was a chance this meant we'd soon be living fearless, but then there was also the nagging possibility that the fear would prevail over the living bit. There was no way to tell if we'd survive this next chapter.
Phil was quiet next to me, staring out of the window wordlessly. More than once I found myself squeezing his hand in my grasp, just to watch closely for a reaction. It was near impossible to tell that he was actually present in his own body when he was spaced out like that. Not that I could blame him, I felt a bit far away from myself as well in that moment.
There were four people in the car and yet the loneliness still crept back into me. It didn't feel like I was surrounded by people, not now that I knew what that actually felt like. It was more than a physical presence of a body next to yours, it was a shift in atmosphere from something cold to something much warmer. It was laughter, the feeling of being understood, it was happy. This was none of those things. This just felt cold. Freezing.
No one made eye contact. Not in the mirrors and certainly not directly.
The seriousness of the situation hung heavily over our heads, making it impossible to talk or think about anything else. It was so clear that all of our minds were in the same place, but no one made any move to try and discuss it aloud. It was just as well anyway, I wasn't sure if I could. It would have been hard enough to discuss with my own personal involvement, but with Phil next to me, hanging on to every word... the thought of expressing even the smallest shred of emotion aloud didn't feel fair.
I had to be strong for Phil right now, no matter how terribly the anxiety was gnawing away at my core.
Even our apartment building felt ominous as Pj pulled up in front of it. I stepped out of the car and immediately moved to meet Phil on the other side of the vehicle, wrapping an arm around his middle and biting my tongue to keep from saying anything. He sighed softly, turning to curl into my side.
Vaguely, I was aware of the chatter a few feet away from us, even heard something that could have been my name muttered once or twice. I ignored it all, counting on the others to handle whatever had to be handled on their own. I had a place to be right now, a role to play in this process, and it was making myself as available as possible to Phil.
Walking into the place I'd called home for well over a year now felt strange. It was the same as always at surface value, from the dumb minimalist furniture right down to Phil's added decorations in every corner of the apartment. It'd been my safespace for so many years, but now it felt more like a battlefield. None of us were going to be walking out of here the same.
Cat greeted us by the door, looking chipper and eager to see we had company again. She caught onto the atmosphere quickly enough though, our eyes locking for a brief second before she was fading quietly back into the shadows of the room to listen.
Pj was talking fast, running everyone through the motions of what was about to go down. Chris was plastered close to his side, face barren and emotionless compared to his usual self. Troye and Tyler looked about the same, though there was a spark of confidence there that just wasn't present in Chris. I supposed that maybe that came with experiencing this once before and seeing just how bad the bad ending could truly be.
I tried to listen to the explanation, I truly did. My mind kept drifting though, thoughts of every scenario that could play out plaguing my mind. The more I considered every ending the more difficult it became to breathe around the lump in my throat. What were the odds that all of us would come out of this okay? Was it even possible at this point?
I wasn't even fully aware of it happening, but Phil must have noticed the moment my grip went from secure to strangling. Without a word of apology to any of the other people in the room, Phil turned and dragged me out of the room. I stumbled along with him, heading into his bedroom and securely shutting the door behind us.
He sat on the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands. I leaned back against the door, studying his crumpled frame and battling the urge to try and cheer him up. How naive was that, to think that anything I could do at this point might make this easier to stomach?
"I don't know what to say." I said after a long pause, sweeping my gaze across the room. I could barely remember what the room had looked like before Phil had come along, with his obnoxiously colorful belongings and cheesy decorations on every surface. I couldn't remember what life had been like without him.
"I don't know what I want to hear." Phil answered simply, making no move to lift his head.
I nodded to myself, processing the words in my own time. I caught myself stepping closer to him, an almost instinctual pull at this point. I came to a stop in front of him, wordlessly acknowledging it with a hum when his hands settled on my hips. I placed my hands in his hair, raking my fingers through it absentmindedly. "It's not fair."
"It's not." I agreed, biting my lip. He shifted, burying his face into my stomach, exhaling heavily enough that I felt the warmth of it through my sweater. I paused, my hands frozen in his hair, listening to the painful sound of him sniffling into the fabric.
I ignored the sting burning its way through my sinuses, willing myself not to start crying as well. I gently pushed him back, climbing onto the bed behind him. He coughed, sitting up straighter as I draped myself over his back. My legs splayed on either side of his hips and forehead resting between his shoulder blades, I wrapped my arms around his stomach in a loose hug. "No matter what happens tonight, I'm going to be right there beside you."
"Dan." He breathed, voice cracking on the single syllable. We lapsed into silence again after that, the only sound in the room his heavy breathing and occasional whimper. I winced every time I felt his shoulders shake beneath me with another sob. He didn't even have to say anything, I could feel his pain as if it were an extension of my own.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. Everything had been coming at us so fast for so long that suddenly every second felt like an hour. Time stretched on, rolling by agonizingly slow. It should have been a good thing, more moments to spend with Phil before the inevitable, but they weren't really ours to have. That damned demon had ruined them, taken them from us and turned it into something terrible and evil like everything else it touched. Every single second felt like a taunt, waved in front of our faces as a reminder that it could be our last.
Eventually, we were interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. I lifted my head, resting my chin on Phil's shoulder as the door slid open a crack. Chris peered in, his lips set in a tight line.
"We're ready out here when you are." He informed us, not a trace of emotion present in his voice. On one hand, maybe that could be viewed as a good thing, surely if he had no hope going into what we were about to do he'd be in hysterics. I'd known him for a while though, and I'd known myself for even longer, I could spot a terrible coping mechanism a mile away.
I nodded back at him, watching as he disappeared behind the door as it closed. I exhaled shakily, clinging tighter to Phil and trying to figure out if he was still crying or not. The room sounded eerily quiet, so I figured he probably wasn't.
I squeezed my own eyes shut, hands trembling around the fistfuls of his shirt I'd grabbed onto.
"You're not gonna be alone, not even for a second. You hear me? I'll be holding your hand and I'll fight for you until I don't have anything left to fight with. I'll do everything I can to protect you."
"I love you." Phil whispered breathlessly, like he'd been trying to hold it back and simply couldn't anymore.
"Stop it." I pleaded, feeling the first telltale droplet of water in the corner of my own eye.
"No, you stop it." Phil snapped, turning around in my hold to face me. My jaw hung agape, uneven little breaths tumbling past my lips as I studied his red eyes, the streaks of barely-dried tears covering his cheeks. Where his eyes had been emotionless and hollow before, now the blues of them seemed to be a sea of different emotions.
His gaze skittered across my face before meeting mine, steely and determined. It chipped away quickly the longer we started into each other's eyes though, shifting into something sentimental and fond. He took a deep breath, turning around fully to settle in my lap. "If this is really it, I'm not saying it's going to be, but if it is... this is what I want to remember most. You're the love of my life."
I blinked rapidly, trying not to break down when I'd held strong for so long. I lifted my hands, cupping his face between them.
"You gave my life meaning with your love." I told him, stroking my thumb over his cheekbone even as it shuddered with the concentrated fear coursing through my veins. "I love you more than anything."
I'm not sure what it was exactly that prompted me to word it that way. He didn't seem to dwell on it, only nodded in acknowledgement like I was reminding him of something he already knew by heart. He fell forward, hiding his face in the curve of my neck. I stared ahead dismally, lifting a hand to pat his back each time it trembled.
It wasn't an exaggeration. I really did love him more than anything, unhealthy as it was. Putting it into perspective though, that didn't seem like such a bad thing when before he'd come along there had been an absence of love in my life completely. Back then... I didn't love anything, not the people in my life and surely not myself. He'd been the one to teach me what it meant, selflessly and tirelessly putting himself out on a limb for me no matter how many times I pushed him down.
I could honestly say now that I loved myself, that I loved the people in my life, that I knew what love actually was. All because of him. So really, at least for now until I learned to balance the sudden overabundance of emotion, it made sense that out of all the things that meant something to me... he would mean the most.
I had to force myself to lean away from him, mumbling a pathetic reminder about how everyone was waiting on us right now. He was a good sport about it though, simply nodding and going along with my bumbling overwhelmed self. I led the both of us to the lounge, where Pj and Chris had set up some sort of ritual on the floor.
Pj looked up as we entered, something that could have been mistaken as a small bone in his hand. He waved at us, bone in hand, and I nearly tripped over my own feet. As it was, I still rushed to sit down on the floor near the ritualistic pile of trash, pulling Phil down with me by my grip on his hand.
"Are we good?" Pj asked, looking between us curiously. I glared back at him, silent. He nodded to himself, turning back to the weathered book on the table. "Okay, stupid question."
The room was unsettlingly quiet, save for Pj's occasional hum or haw of thought. I leaned into Phil's side, fingers threaded between his and clamped on in a death grip. Troye and Tyler were in a similar position, settled furthest away from Pj and watching on with wide, wary eyes. Chris was settled mostly alone, sitting on the floor near where Pj was working, the cat settled on his lap and Cat herself leaning against the wall behind him.
Chris caught my wandering gaze, quirking an eyebrow. There was a question there, but I wasn't sure how to answer it. He didn't seem to need an answer. He simply smiled, mouthing two simple words at me.
"Have hope."
It seemed simple at face value, but truthfully I'd never found anything harder to hold onto than the slippery concept of hope. I'd given up hope so many times before, so early on in life, but this time I was digging my nails in and latching on with all that I had. I couldn't afford to give up this time.
Pj gave us all a warning before he started, a quick little jittery statement letting us know what was about to happen. There was a pile of stuff in a bowl on the table and an unlit match in Pj's hand, so it was clear to me that this was a pretty standard type of demonic ritual type bullshit. Burn some cursed objects after reading a passage from a strange book, totally normal. Sure, why not?
Pj started to read with a confidence that only wavered once or twice as he came across a difficult to pronounce word in another language. All things considered, he was doing pretty good. At least, he sounded like he was doing pretty good, it was impossible to tell when I didn't recognize the language or know what he was meant to be saying.
The only problem I was having with it was the very tangible amount of nothingness that was happening in the room. It didn't seem right. An all-powerful supernatural being is about to be banished back down to hell and it didn't even try to show up to the party? That didn't seem like a very demonic thing to do, surely it cared that it wasn't going to get its way.
Was it possible that this ritual was a bust? That it wouldn't affect the demon one way or the other? Were we wasting the little bit of time we had left?
As Pj continued to read, I grew antsy. My eyes skittered around the room, trying and failing to notice anything out of place. I realized that I was probably just psyching myself out, that the others would pick up on my uneasy state and it'd start to get to them too, but I couldn't help it. This demon had been messing with our heads for so long, I couldn't stand to be left sitting in the dark.
Eventually, Cat noticed my shifting around and walked over to settle next to me. She didn't say a word, only reached over and place her hand just on top of where mine and Phil's were connected. I blinked slowly, trying to calm myself down. It might have been easier if I could actually feel her touch trying to ground me, but this would have to do. It'd always helped before, when it was just the two of us, and she was all I had to rely on.
"It's here, I can feel it." Phil blurted suddenly, snatching his hand away from my grip and curling in on himself. I blinked, turning to wrap my arms around his shaking shoulders.
"It's okay, I'm right here."
Pj hesitated, before nervously continuing to read.
"It's mad, Dan, you guys have to stop." Phil whispered with increasing urgency, like he was afraid of who might overhear the panic in his voice. He had started to gently rock back and forth, head whipping from one direction to the other as he desperately scanned the room. "Guys!"
"Shh, we have to do this or it'll never leave." I said, pulling him into my chest and taking deep breaths even as he pleaded with me to listen. I turned to Pj, blinking up at him over Phil's head. "How much more is left?"
"We're about halfway done." Chris explained quickly, from where he'd come to hover protectively close to Pj during the reading. He looked up at me, gesturing to the contents of the table. "After he finishes the reading we have to burn these ritual items and mix Phil's blood with the ashes."
"Excuse me?" I blurted, wondering if maybe I should have listened closer while they were trying to explain the process. Tyler and Troye looked equally as unsettled though, so it was possible this was just something that'd gone without mentioning.
"It doesn't have to be a lot, just a drop of blood and a single ash would do." Chris explained, turning to Pj and clapping a hand on his arm in encouragement. Pj continued to shakily read his way through, clearly rushing himself now.
I looked back down at Phil, noticing that Cat had settled on the other side of him now and had been whispering comforting things while I was distracted. I cast her a quick thankful smile and leaned down to press my forehead against his, breathing slow and steady in an effort to calm his sporadic panting.
"You can do it, just hold out a little longer." I said, noticing the faraway look in his eyes. I waited for any sign that he was hallucinating again, but he didn't seem to be out of his mind, just lost in thought. I swallowed and pressed my lips to his, unsure how else to distract him from what was surely going on inside his head. "Don't listen to whatever it's telling you."
"Something's wrong." Chris blurted suddenly, taking a stumbling step backward.
"What?" Phil croaked, looking around timidly. "How do you know?"
"I can't really explain it, it's just a feeling." Chris explained, pacing back and forth across the room. The words were tumbling past Pj's lips quick and sloppy now, but hopefully they were getting the job done because he didn't seem to care if it meant comforting Chris sooner. "It's a feeling I had that night w-with the fire and-"
"Chris, breathe." Troye spoke up, thankfully the only other level-headed person in the room. He gestured vaguely toward me. "Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. If Dan can't sense it, there's no reason you would be able to."
"No, he just doesn't know what to look for, it's-" Chris paused, clearly frustrated that his fear was getting in the way of voicing his thoughts. "It's trying to get in my head, guys. It's picking away at the layers of my subconscious trying to find a weak spot just like the other one did, it's going to control me and force me to do awful things like hurt people or light fires or-"
"Read faster!" I shouted at Pj, my patience crumbling away to memories of the night the demon had taken control over Phil. I could distinctly remember the absence of humanity in his eyes, the way he'd hit me without a shred of hesitation. And now, knowing that the demon had forced Chris to set fire to his own house, that they were capable of such terrible things... I couldn't afford to let another second go to waste.
Pj seemed to share much the same sentiment, eyes wide and worried as they flickered between the text on the page and his stressed out boyfriend. His hands slammed down a long moment later, immediately moving to Chris and pulling him close. Chris heaved a relieved sigh, crumpling into him.
"It's gone." Chris announced suddenly, lifting his head to look around the rest of the group. Tyler began to nervously cackle, bringing his feet up onto the chair underneath him as if to protect himself from wandering floor demons.
"Where?"
"How am I supposed to know where!?" Chris shouted back at him, looking defensive. Pj gingerly shifted away from him, struggling to find the match he'd discarded earlier in his panic. He found it quickly and tossed it into the pile on the table, watching as the flames slowly flickered higher.
"I thought you had a sixth sense for speaking demon or something!" Tyler responded in a shrill voice, shoving his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. I ignored them, looking back down to where Phil was cradled close against my chest. For how worried he'd been moments before, now he'd gone rather quiet.
I smiled down at the top of his head, pushing his hair back.
"Phil?" I asked, noticing the tightly pinched line of his brows. I rubbed my thumb across the stress lines, trying to smooth them out and prompt him to open his eyes. He didn't budge though, hands trembling against my chest. I frowned. "Is something wrong? Is it trying to get to you now?"
"Nice try, Dan." The laughter bubbled up from Phil's throat sounding disjointed and unfamiliar, a lilt to the words that was unlike any I'd ever heard in his voice. His eyes fluttered open now, darkness flashing through his irises. No one else seemed to have notice yet, but I didn't dare to move a muscle, resisting the urge to shove him away entirely and run.
The demon lifted Phil's hand, running it across my cheek with an unsettling smile. "I told you you'd be too late."
The same hand that'd just been stroking my face was suddenly wrapped around my neck, crushing down on my windpipe. I gasped, choking pathetically as Phil's empty eyes bore down into mine in indifference.
"Dan!" Chris shouted, noticing the struggle and rushing across the room toward us. He made it all of a few steps before being suddenly flung backward, the demon turning to glare at him. My vision was starting to go hazy, the color bleeding out of the display as my head turned fuzzy with lack of oxygen.
Then Phil's hand was suddenly gone and I collapsed onto the floor, gasping dryly as I tried and failed to catch my breath again. I was blinking away tears, my entire body shivering in fear and relief at being able to breathe again. By the time I could force myself back into action, it was only to sit up and look around at the disaster of the room.
All of my friends were scattered across the floor, looking to be in various states of harm. I cried harder as the demon zeroed in on the last person standing, cowering over a trembling Chris who seemed to be nursing an injured arm.
"No!" I screamed, a brief thought rushing to the forefront of my mind that I couldn't possibly know if the others were just unconscious or dead. It was terrifying, my heart lurched up into my throat and I fought the urge to gag with everything I had. "No, no, no."
Chris turned, eyes widening as they locked with mine. I cried pitifully, sifting through the mess of the crumpled coffee table in an effort to find the ashes from the fire. Surely there had to be some, even if it hadn't burnt that long yet.
A scream had my attention darting back to Chris in an instant, watching on helplessly as the demon landed a heavy hit to his jaw. He did his best to block it, but the effort was in vain. He stumbled backward and tripped over the leg of the chair, landing hard on his ass.
The demon, Phil, turned to me again then. It stepped over the rubble of my living room, leaning down to eye level with me, and simply stared. I sat frozen in fear, eyes wide and bottom lip trembling. I was a hair's width from starting to beg, plead for my life and Phil's both, when a hand wrapped around my throat again. This time it didn't stop constricting until the world blanked out around me and I fell unconscious.
It was impossible to tell how long I'd been out for when I came to again, though I could only assume it hadn't been too long considering the ache I still felt around my neck and the haziness still messing with my head. Cat was kneeling next to me, repeatedly pleading with me to wake up.
"Dan, get up!" She shouted again, sounding choked up. "Come on, you don't have any time to waste! I think he was headed to the roof!"
"Cat." I breathed, hand flying out to support myself on the couch. I slowly stumbled onto my feet, feeling unsteady like a newborn fawn as I looked around the room. The others were all still present, a couple of them even starting to stir themselves. They didn't look in any shape to be running after a demon though.
I blinked, scrubbing my hands across my face. "I'm going after him, try and wake the others fully."
"Okay." Cat answered, though she looked pained to be giving me her blessing. I rushed toward the door, only pausing to grab a bottle of holy water that someone must have left for emergency situations like this one. I turned back to Cat, biting my lip. Words were escaping me, so I settled for giving her a farewell nod. I couldn't help but be unfairly aware of the fact this might be my last chance to see her. Not many people faced off against a demon and lived to tell the tale, or so I'd gathered.
So I ran, relying on Cat's information alone as I crashed up the stairs and toward the roof entrance. He had to be there. I wasn't sure what I'd do if he just wasn't. The door wasn't only unlocked, it was also blasted open and swinging in the wind. Surely that had to mean this was the right way, but was there time left?
Stepping out onto the roof of our building after midnight in the month of January without a coat on felt a lot like being shoved into a freezer. My teeth immediately began to chatter, my eyes watering as I squinted through the snow that was falling down. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust, but eventually they locked on to a shadow near the edge of the building.
Time seemed to slow down in that moment. The distance seemed impossible when he was already on the edge, body teetering back and forth haphazardly in the wind. One particularly strong gust and he would fall forward, gone from my life together. I had an entire building to cross, damn it, how was I meant to get to him in time?
The odds flashed behind my eyes. The future I'd never thought I wanted but suddenly needed more than anything hanging in the balance. The possibility of being alone again so loud it rang in my ears, pulsed in my veins, made my feet move faster than I'd ever known them capable of. The ache of missing Phil was a tangible thing, I'd learnt that the day he moved out of our apartment and I had no desire to revisit the lesson now, permanently. I wouldn't survive it. I wouldn't want to.
Somehow, I managed to get there in time, my hair falling in my eyes and sparkling with flakes of snowy white. I unscrewed the bottle in my hands hurriedly, trembling as I thrust it forward. Everything felt sharp and in focus, every second worth a lifetime as I embraced the adrenaline coursing through me.
"No!" I screamed, dumping the contents of the bottle down the back of Phil's shirt.
The instant the demon left his body was recognizable by the way his shoulders slumped, entire body crumpling forward so quickly I barely had time to throw my arms around him. I just managed to, pulling him back from the edge with the weight of my entire body, the both of us collapsing onto the snowy surface of the roof.
I rolled us over immediately, leaving Phil with his back pressed to the concrete underneath me, sheltered from the wind and the cold by my own body. I lifted myself up on shaky arms, staring worriedly down at him as his eyes slowly blinked open. I sobbed, uncaring that the tears were falling directly onto his confused face. "Oh my god. Phil."
There was a cut on his cheek, either from the struggle our friends had put up or the rough treatment the demon had given him on the trip up here. I frowned, hating to see him hurt, hating it even more as I thought about what the demon would do to him if given the chance.
"Wh-" He started to say, clearly disoriented. I simply shook my head though, knowing without taking the time to look that he would answer his own question. Chris was right about one thing, it was definitely a feeling when a demon was trying to pick away at you and wear you down. I could sense its presence now, looming over our shivering forms.
Phil must have seen it too, his eyes widening as he stared over my shoulder. I cried weakly, having known better than to believe the holy water would have much of a lasting effect when it was this powerful. I pressed myself closer to him, flattening my body over his protectively.
"It's okay, Phil, I'm right here." I reassured him, not wanting him to cry. As soon as I got the words out, a heavy weight flew into my side. The air was knocked from my lungs, my body rolling half off of Phil's with the force of the kick. I gasped, eyes widening and hands frantically scrambling as I realized my leg was hanging over the edge of the building.
I got back on top of Phil, with the knowledge that the demon could have prevented it from happening taunting me. It was enjoying this, in some sick way, watching out our last moments together and toying us along.
It wasn't fair. The universe was punishing Phil for burning too bright, for lighting up the world more than any normal person could. He'd drawn this thing to him like a moth to a flame and now it was going to wisp away his light just like that. Why did the best people have to suffer the most?
He deserved to live a long life, to grow old next to someone he loved, someone he could adopt shelter dogs with, someone who would help him teach his children to love just as big and boldly as he had his entire life. He deserved to be happy.
And for the first time in my entire life, I honestly felt that I deserved the same.
I pressed my lips to his, uncaring that they were trembling from the cold and the fear mixed together. I whimpered into his mouth, the sting in my ribcage a constant shooting pain. I grit my teeth, pressing a hand over his heart, knowing it was useless to waste time trying to support myself against another kick like that one. This was more important now.
I looked at him, my heart feeling heavy with a flurry of emotions so mismatched I couldn't even begin to pick them apart. It didn't matter anyway, it all added up looping back to the same thing it always did these days.
I smiled at him, my heart breaking for a future we'd never get to have. "I love you so much."
"Dan." Phil managed weakly, eyes flickering to over my shoulder again. His hand fumbled through the snow until it found mine, giving it a quick squeeze. His eyes were pleading, a desperation bleeding into his features, but directed toward me and not the demon. "Run."
"I'm not leaving you." I insisted, turning to look up at the shadow looming over us. It was a swirling spiral of black, a black so black I had to strain my eyes to make sense of it. I swallowed down the anxiety swelling in my throat, setting my expression into something confident. "I'm not leaving him."
"Dan, please." Phil begged, hands clutching my shirt and weakly trying to push me away. I shook my head, smiling sympathetically down on at him.
"I'm sorry." It had to end this way. Surely he didn't believe that there was a place left for me in a world that wouldn't have him in it, he had to have known that if it came down to it, if it was really a matter of life or death... I'd choose him every time.
A battle cry blasts through the air then, growing louder as the person no doubt barrels closer. I lift my head, vaguely catching a glimpse of Tyler barreling toward the demon in a football run. Terribly, the first thought to cross my mind is that he shouldn't have come. I didn't want anyone else to have to die here, I didn't want anyone else to lose someone they loved for this.
Tyler was fast, but not supernaturally so. As he moved to tackle the demon looming over us, the demon simply shifted its corporeal state and appeared near our heads instead. Tyler fell onto our bodies with an off, gasping and panting at the impact. I looked toward him with wide eyes, uncertain how to tell him quick enough that it was too late, that he needed to leave now and leave fast.
Our eyes locked and his glinted behind his glasses, something familiarly reassuring there.
And then he was shifting, in the same moment that the demon moved to strike again, and pressing a handful of crisp grey ashes into Phil's cheek where the cut was.
The impact was instant, a shrill screech sounding so loud that it made my head spin as the demon wailed. It stumbled backward, collapsing on the rooftop as if being sucked downward, claws raking into the concrete viciously as it attempted to escape the pull. The shadow convulsed, tremors wracking the shifting frame like a glitch in reality. It sunk deeper and deeper still, until all that was left to be sucked down into the void was a single clawed hand.
Soon, that was gone too.
It happened so quickly, my overwhelmed mind barely comprehended it until it was over. Until it was really over. The demon was gone and left in its place was nothing but a charred black spot in the snow, like someone had lit a fire and left it to burn out right there.
At first there was only shocked disbelief, my eyes glued to the spot like a demon might come crawling back out of the works at any second. I could hardly breathe, terrified to do anything in the fear that it might shatter the moment. It seems so fragile, like anything could take it back in those first thirty seconds after it's happened.
Then there was relief.
Relief so staggering and overwhelming that I couldn't stop myself from rolling off of Phil into the snow and shouting with glee. It was nonsensical, just shouts of pure joyous noises, a victory cheer up into the starry sky above. Phil laid next to me unmoving for a few seconds, clearly still in shock himself, but eventually he started to giggle right along with my hysterical self.
The moment I heard his voice, my mind snapped back in an instant. I rolled onto my side to face him, my heart thudding insistently against the inside of my chest. I reached out and grabbed the collar of his shirt, yanking him closer to me and further from the edge. I brought our lips together urgently, kissing him breathless as I let every emotion I'd been trying to keep under control bleed over into one. I was so relieved, nothing else mattered in that moment. We were safe. Phil was okay, we were both gonna be okay. We were gonna get a chance at our future. At happy.
We only broke the kiss long enough to roll again, and then again after the next kiss, steadily getting further away from the edge but never once looking away from each other to acknowledge as much. I couldn't even think a thought that wasn't Phil. I never wanted to look away from his face again. I could never take another moment for granted.
"God, I was so scared."
"Me too." Phil said hurriedly, pressing our lips together again and sobbing in relief into the kiss. "I was so scared you were gonna sacrifice your whole life for me."
"Of course I was going to! You are my whole life!" I argued, but he shut me up quickly with another kiss just as clumsy and adrenaline-fueled as the last. And I let him, because I was a weak, weak man, and hell if I'd ever miss out on the opportunity to express my love to the man that meant the world to me again.
"I can't believe it's over."
"Me either." I laughed shakily, reaching up to cup his face between my hands and pull him down again, uncertain when he'd ended up being the one on top. I pulled back, blinking back tears as I studied his beautiful face, marred by ashes and the cut but still the only thing I ever wanted to lay eyes on again. "I don't even know what we're supposed to do now that we don't have to be terrified all the time."
"Everything." Phil responded without missing a beat, placing messy kisses all over my tear-streaked face. I squealed, trying in vain to shove him away, only to end up pulling him closer still.
"Everything?" I quirked an eyebrow and he huffed, pressing a kiss directly to the tip of my nose.
"I'm going to take you out on so many dates." He whispered, pulling back so his lips were just an inch away from my own. I sighed contently, reveling in the feeling of his breath against my lips, the knowledge that he was still here. That he was here to stay. "I wanna go see the entire world with you."
"Okay." I agreed dazedly, staring up at him in awe. I felt like I was on top of the world, like nothing could ever hurt me again now.
"I want the entire world to see you, to know that I lucked out enough to snag the most beautiful boyfriend on the planet." Phil continued eagerly, like he couldn't bear to hold the words in now that they were finally flowing freely. I nodded desperately, tears building in my eyes again the more I thought about just how badly I wanted that. I wanted it so much it hurt.
Belatedly, my senses came back to me enough to realize that Tyler was still on the rooftop somewhere with us. I sat up slightly, pushing Phil off of my body to sit up and look around. It only took a second for my gaze to land on Tyler, lying unconscious in the snow a few feet away. I furrowed my brows worriedly, getting to my feet with intentions of going to check on him.
A shadow lying not far from where he was caught my eye then, my heartbeat spiking.
The thing about being on top of the world... is that there's nowhere else to go but down after that. It's a rollercoaster ride type of deal, logically what goes up must always come down. I knew that, I didn't expect the pure unadulterated happiness to last forever, but damn it if I didn't hope for more than a minute or two to bask in it.
I paused, suddenly abruptly aware of the cold around us and the way it was nipping at every inch of my exposed skin. I stumbled forward, vaguely registering other people running out onto the rooftop, yelling my name in concern. I brushed it off, too focused on what was lying just a few steps away from me. Who.
I kneeled next to the trembling form, the pieces clicking together one by one. I shook my head, trying and failing to cling to the only thing keeping me stable: disbelief.
"Cat." I whispered, voice cracking. I was blinking back rapidly falling tears now, taking in the obvious state of my friend. Her very existence seemed to be flickering, her body growing weaker and weaker, more transparent by the second. I whimpered, clasping a hand over my mouth. "No."
"Hey." Cat greeted, smiling tiredly up at me. She lifted a shaky hand, settling it on the ground where mine was, her fingers slipping effortlessly through mine. "You look like shit, buddy."
"Tell me you didn't." I demanded, sniffling petulantly as I stared down my nose at her. I was reverting backward in that moment, to the snot-nosed brat I'd been the day she first came into my life. I didn't know how else to process what was happening right in front of me. The hurt of it, raw and more real than anything.
Recognition flickered in her eyes, like she could see right through my act. It didn't make sense why I'd think for even a second that she wouldn't be able to, she'd been with me for so many years now she'd practically seen me build those walls around my heart. I blinked rapidly, beginning to shiver as fat, ugly tears rolled down my cheeks.
For a brief moment, a struggle played out across her tired face, like she was tempted to do just what I'd asked of her and lie. Because it would be a lie, I knew that just as well as she did, we were both very aware of what it was exactly that she'd just done. I just didn't want to be. I wanted more than anything for her to lie to me and for me to be able to believe it.
"I had to." She said instead, carefully drawing the words out like she wasn't sure how I'd take to them. I shook my head the second she started to speak, the movement growing clumsy and urgent. I could almost feel the tears flying off in either direction as I shook my head back and forth.
"No, you didn't." I insisted, even though I knew she was right. Of course she was right, she never would have done this if it wasn't absolutely necessary. We both knew that.
"Dan, it's o-"
"Don't you dare say this is okay." I bit out, curling my hand into a fist, hers still placed through it. I looked up at her, studying the curve of her face. It hadn't changed at all since we'd met, nothing about her had really, at least not physically. The same face of a young woman, early twenties, stolen from life too soon for a reason no one would ever really know. The same haircut, the same stupid set of pajamas, the same pair of worn-out running shoes, the same smile, the same sad eyes, the same-the same person that'd saved me from myself.
Phil had done so much for me, he'd changed my very view on the world, but I never would have made it to the day I met him without Cat. Cat who stood by me even as I constantly took her for granted and brushed her off, insisting vehemently that I didn't care about her whatsoever. Cat who sat up with me when I couldn't sleep as a teenager all alone in the world, Cat who stayed by my side even when my own parents seemed to distance themselves further and further from my life, Cat who understood me better than I understood myself.
I pushed her away so many times because I didn't know how to ask her to stay. I'd never learned. No one ever stayed long enough to teach me what it meant.
I turned away from her, hiding my face in one hand while my other one pounded angrily against the ground. I ignored the sting of my knuckles against concrete, my skin surely cracking. "We would have found another way!"
"Dan, please don't cry." Cat pleaded with me, sounding weaker with every single syllable. It was like the end of a song fading out, her entire being shifting further from me and closer to whatever was next for her. I had no idea where ghosts went after they moved on. After they died. "Everyone's okay, Dan, no one's gonna die. This is the happy ending."
She didn't even sound scared. She wasn't even lying. I'd known her long enough to know when she was lying, when she was desperately covering up her own emotions to accommodate for my often sporadic ones. This wasn't one of those instances. She genuinely and truly believed that this was the best outcome, that her sacrificing herself was somehow okay, that it didn't matter.
"What about you?!" I insisted, sneering angrily down at her. It crumpled away pretty quickly though, the moment I realized there wasn't a trace of a challenge present in her features. She had no intentions of fighting me on this, she knew where she stood. It was like the days when we'd first met, when I'd told her time and time again how much I hated her and didn't want her around, only for her to brush it off just as quickly and smile back at me. She smiled at me no matter what I did because she saw right through it.
She'd always known me better than I knew myself. I was just a hurt little boy underneath all those defensive layers and she'd challenged every one of them to try and comfort me. Even when I didn't deserve comforting.
"I'm already dead, Dan." She reminded me, light and airy, like this didn't bother her in the slightest. And not for the first time in my life, I cursed myself for ever getting attached to a ghost. How else was this going to end? It's not like I was going to die someday and immediately come back as a ghost to spend out my days with my best friend. She was always one step ahead of me, on another plane.
"You're just as human as the rest of us!" I yelled, unsure who I was trying to convince. She laughed quietly, forlornly smiling up at me.
"I just possessed someone, humans don't do that." She admitted quietly, eyes slowly slipping shut. She looked peaceful at least, like she was slowly slipping out of consciousness into a deep slumber. I wasn't sure if she'd ever slept as a ghost, probably not, she must have been really tired by now.
I'd known it the moment I saw her lying there next to Tyler. He didn't pull himself out of unconsciousness on his own miraculously before any of the others did. He didn't just know exactly what to do and where to find us. It wasn't Tyler at all, it was the only person left standing that could do what had to be done, no matter how great the cost was to do it.
Cat had given up the one thing she'd spent her entire afterlife chasing after. The reason she'd stayed by me all these years was to preserve her humanity and here she was throwing it away at the first chance she got, all to protect mine. She was stupid as the day I'd met her, selfless and cheerful and... kind. The kind of kind that made your chest swell with hope for tomorrow, the kind of kind that restored your faith in a world that had never been anything but unfair.
I laid down in the snow next to her, lying on my side to stare at her fading form. I reached out, giving a frustrated noise when my arm lapsed through her stomach rather than fitting snugly around her like I'd wanted it to. I'd known her for years and we'd never hugged. We'd never get to hug.
"You can't leave me, you promised me that you never would." I reminded her childishly, thinking back to the day she'd sworn to always stay by my side. At the time, it'd seemed like such a curse, but now I could see it for what it really was. She'd been nothing but a blessing since the moment she came into my life, whether I chose to acknowledge it or not. "You still have so much longer to bother me."
"You don't need me anymore, Dan." Cat sighed fondly, not sounding even the slightest bit exasperated with me.
"Yes I do!" I argued, tears brimming in my eyes again. I thought back to the days before she'd come along, when my existence had been narrowed down to sitting alone in my bed, feeling sorry for myself and the life I'd been given. I didn't want to go back to that. "You can't leave me alone again."
And Cat, despite the exhaustion clearly eating away at her, the way her entire being seemed to be collapsing in on itself... propped herself up to stare sternly down at me. Even in the face of death she was still lecturing me, trying to teach me things I was too stubborn to learn.
"Look around, Dan, tell me how alone you are." Cat ordered, her eyes leaving mine to stare knowingly over my shoulder. I didn't want to listen to her. I didn't want to take my eyes off of her for even a second in fear that she'd disappear before I could look back. It didn't look like she was gonna let it go though, and I knew better by now than to deny Cat what she wanted.
I huffed, reluctantly sitting up and turning to look behind myself. I looked to Troye settled near the door, chatting quietly with Tyler whose head was resting in his lap. I turned to Chris and Pj then, holding each other close and looking on at the exchange I was having with understanding. Inevitably, my gaze shifted back to Phil.
He wasn't settled all that far away, really only a few feet. He was still sitting in the snow, no doubt freezing his ass off, but he didn't look bothered. He didn't look to be worried about anything except for me, concern and understanding and love painted so heavily across his face it gave me butterflies just to look at. He cared about me so much.
"You've come such a long way since we met, I'm so proud of you." Cat mumbled. I turned back to her quickly, noticing that her voice sounded considerably weaker just since the last time she'd spoken. "I'm sorry I can't stick around to bask in the glory of the ultimate "I told you so", but you have to understand why. I can't lose myself, I can't become one of those things. I can already feel myself changing, forgetting the few things left that make me human."
"Cat, don't make me choose." I pleaded with her. There was a chance that she might be able to come back to herself, that maybe she wouldn't turn into a demon if we caught it fast enough. There had to be some sort of reversal, some way to bring her back. Pj would find it, I trusted him. I knew that if I had to choose, I would take the risk.
Cat didn't seem to hear me. Instead she closed her eyes again, reaching her hand out to me. She left it hanging awkwardly in the air and I cursed, wrapping my hands around where it was and wishing with all I had that she could feel it. How else was she supposed to know I was right here with her when her eyes were closed like that?
"When you found me, I had no idea why I was stuck here as a ghost, I couldn't think of a single thing I had left to do. You gave me a purpose, it was to look after you. Not to praise myself too much, but I think I've done a pretty okay job at it. I've done everything I could and now you have someone else to do the job, someone who can give you so much more than I ever could." Cat explained, growing winded as she spoke though she'd never had any need to breathe before. "I'm ready, Dan."
"I'm not."
"You are, you just don't realize it yet." Cat argued, in that same know-it-all voice that'd have me wanting to hit her at any other point in time. Now it just made me miss her, made me long to hear it again and again, to spend a lifetime being reminded of how much smarter she was. "I love you."
"I love you too." I whimpered. I choked back another sob, my voice going embarrassingly squeaky as I forced myself to continue. She needed to hear this, if nothing else I needed her to know this. "I always have, you know?"
"Of course I do." She scoffed, opening her eyes just to smirk up at me. She started shaking her head fondly, albeit in a much slower drag than she normally would. "Your sorry ass fell for me the moment we met. I was the big sister you never had."
"Please don't go." I croaked, though I could already see her slipping away. She was fading to transparent right in front of me, but this time I knew she wouldn't come back from it and it was heartbreaking to watch her go.
"Phil gave meaning to your life." I could just barely hear her now, but I recognized the quote. I hadn't even realized that she'd been there earlier, that she'd heard what we were saying to each other in what we truly believed might have been our last moments. She seemed happy though, truly and brilliantly happy, like that was the best thing she'd ever heard.
She grinned weakly up at me, eyes fluttering shut one last time. "You were my life, the only one I remember anyway. As long as you're okay, as long as you're happy... then I'll live on."
"No." I flung myself forward as she faded away, my body collapsing over where hers was as if I could keep her there by hanging on. I couldn't even touch her. I sat back up, looking around desperately as I noticed I could only see a faint glimmer where she'd been seconds before. My eyes widened, panic coursing through me. "No! Stop it!"
My hands flew through the snow, throwing it away from the spot like she'd simply sunk down into it and I could unbury her somehow. My movements grew clumsy and uncalculated, causing more harm to my hands than doing anything else. I wasn't even aware of how hard I was crying until one second I could see and the next the world was a blur of bleak colors. I blinked rapidly, a sob causing my shoulders to shake.
I felt it when a hand settled on my back, soft and hesitant.
"Dan." Phil said gently, rubbing his hand over me in a slow soothing movement. I shook my head rapidly, pulling away from him to go back to looking through the snow. I glanced all around, like she would appear any second to let me know it was all just a dumb prank. I wouldn't put it past her. God, I'd be so mad at her, but it would fade away quickly to relief because... because she's my best friend. I'd give anything to have her back.
"Cat." I blubbered uselessly, trying to lift myself onto my feet. I struggled the first time and slipped in the snow, but the next time I used Phil's shoulder to support myself. He stood with my, hand sliding down my back.
"We should go inside." He suggested, going ignored as I clasped my hands around my mouth and took to yelling her name. When nothing answered me back but an echo, I took to looking up at the stars and yelling. If hell was real, then maybe heaven was too. Maybe if I begged just hard enough, they'd send her back down.
I stumbled away from Phil, standing on my own as I shouted up at the sky.
"Bring her back!" I demanded, hands curled into fists at my sides. "Bring her back right now! You've made a mistake, it's not her time yet!"
"Dan." Phil repeated, this time somehow even softer, filled with sympathy. I didn't want sympathy though, I wanted encouragement. I wanted someone to stand with me and tell me it wasn't over yet, that there was still a chance. We didn't give up on Phil, why should we give up on her? If there was even a shred of likelihood, I was gonna cling to it and I was gonna make it a reality, just like how we'd beaten the odds with the demon.
I lifted my hands to yell again, but someone caught my wrist. I blinked, looking to where Chris's hand was wound tightly around my arm, his nails digging into my skin. I opened my mouth to argue, but slowly closed it again when our eyes met. His were shining with unshed tears, a familiarity visible within them that told me he'd stood in the exact same spot I was standing now.
He managed a weak smile, dropping my wrist and instead pulling me into a hug. He laughed quietly, burying his face into my shoulder.
"She's gone, Dan." He whispered, patting me on the back. It was uncertain whether he was comforting me or himself, but I relaxed into the embrace all the same. "You can't bring her back no matter how hard you try."
"It's not fair."
"I know." Chris responded, a pained noise halfway between a laugh and a sob escaping his throat. "God, I know."
He hugged me closer still, like he was trying to keep himself from falling apart by using me as a bandage. It was completely irrational, and yet, I understood. I understood so well I found myself gathering him close and breaking down into the collar of his shirt.
--
The next hour was a blur. I spent the majority of it settled on the couch while the others buzzed around me, helping to clean up the living room. Occasionally, someone would address me. Once or twice I even managed to get a one word answer out. Simple things, a yes or a no. They caught on fairly quickly and started asking questions that were easier, things that could be answered with a yes or a no.
"Are you okay?"
"No."
"Are you feeling any better now?"
"No."
"Do you want us to give you some space?"
"Yes."
They were as gentle as they could be about it, but that wasn't enough. The first chance I got, I found myself slipping away into my room. I settled in the middle of the floor, amidst a pile of dirty laundry and rubbish. I grabbed my laptop, hoping for a hollow distraction, even just for a minute. It didn't last quite that long.
The first page I went to was the blog. The one I'd made for Cat that we'd hardly ever posted on. That was my fault, I'd always made excuses about how busy I was, reasons to avoid it. Now I wished more than anything that there was something more than a handful of posts to remember her by. I didn't want to forget her. It was a terrifying thought, even more-so when I thought back to her life. Her real life, before ever becoming a ghost. Our entire town had moved on eventually. How many people remembered her as a real living person?
How quickly had the world moved on from the loss? A loss the people close to her would never fully heal from.
I pulled my laptop closer and googled her full name. Catherine Valdes. I read through the articles, limited as they were, even though I could recite most of them off by heart. I'd known her parent's names for a long time now, though I'd never met them. I should have. I should have offered to take her to see them, as awkward as that trip would have been.
There were so many things we should have done while we had the time. I just never imagined we'd run out of time. I thought she'd be here forever. I was counting on it. There were still so many things I had left to say to her, things I hadn't learned how to express yet.
I brought my knees up to my chest, trying to mirror the feeling of a body hugged against mine. I buried my face into my knees and stifled a quiet sob, not wanting any of the others to come check on me just yet. I just needed a little bit longer on my own. More time to process.
--
The sun was rising when I finally heard a knock at the door. I'd been spaced out for a while, staring blankly toward the curtains where light was steadily starting to filter through. I blinked heavily a few times, wetting my eyes that'd gone suspiciously dry. Come to think of it, I hadn't heard any noises on the other side of the door for a long while.
"You need anything? Maybe a tea?" Phil called softly, clearly trying his best to sound upbeat. I didn't respond, only curled tighter in on myself and put all of my effort into not breaking into tears again. A quiet sigh, and then the sound of the door creaking slowly open. I stiffened, wondering if he'd comment on my obvious state.
I listened to the pad of footsteps across the flooring, noting how he came to a stop just behind me. He didn't touch me. I winced, recalling earlier when Troye had attempted to hug me and I'd lashed out at him. It seemed like a far off memory already, but in reality it was just a few short hours ago.
Phil probably thought I was opposed to touch all together right now, but really I just hadn't wanted Troye to see. What was going on inside my head right now... it wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to share.
I listened to Phil's weight shifting on the floorboards, catching a whiff of coffee in the air. "Dan, please. Everyone's worried about you, you need to talk to me."
"Can't." I managed after a long pause, well past long enough that he should have given up and left by then. He didn't leave though, he'd simply stayed standing there, silent and attune to my reactions the entire time. Even when he wasn't saying a word, wasn't even touching me, I could sense how much he cared and how worried he was for me.
After hearing me speak, he seemed at least a little bit relieved. He settled on the floor next to me, leaving a good gap between us. He brought his mug to his lips and took a long sip. I risked a glance up at his face, noting the contemplative expression there.
"Not now or not ever?"
"Don't know." I answered honestly. He nodded.
"Does me being here help or make it worse?" He asked then, not pressing me for an explanation whatsoever. I don't know why I ever thought he would. He always knew exactly what to do, exactly what I needed from him.
"Helps." I decided aloud, sounding more confident about this than anything else I'd said in the last little while. He perked up slightly at that, turning to me with a smile. I hesitantly looked back at him, studying the tired circles beneath his eyes, the stress visible in his gaze. Yet he wasn't spiteful toward me for worrying him further, he only seemed relieved to be with me and to have me talking again.
"I'll be right back, okay?" He told me, placing his half-empty mug of coffee into my hands as if to give me a token to uphold the promise. I nodded resolutely, staring down into the liquid and watching as it sloshed with the constant shaking of my hands.
He came back eventually, grabbing the mug from me and replacing it with a fresh tea. I stared at it for a long moment, before reluctantly forcing a gulp down.
Phil settled behind me this time, legs encasing my sides and chest pressed to my back. I leaned back against him, staring down at the early morning light flickering across my floor. His chin settled on my shoulder, lips pressing a chaste kiss to my jaw. "I love you. You're gonna get through this. Take all the time you need."
A/n: Hey everyone! I know you all probably hate me right now and that's fair, lmao. I have gotten emotional writing all kinds of scenes, but this is the first thing I've ever written that I actually cried while making. I HOPE the emotions actually came through in the text. This is one of the very first scenes/plot points I had planned out when I first came up with the idea for Misfit. I was feeling a lot of pressure to make sure it lived up to expectations and I conveyed everything I wanted to.
I really, really hope no one is too upset about Cat. I did promise no major character death, but where she was already dead I'm not sure how the logistics work. Moving on and going into the light is a good thing for her, it's kinda what you want for a ghost character, it's not a death so much as a chance to start over. She was a big part of Dan's life, but I tried to detail how he was slowly drifting from her and she was kinda getting left in the dust while he finally started to LIVE his life. And she realized this and wasn't sad about it, but rather happy because it was all she'd ever wanted for him. It was her time and she was at peace with that. I HOPE all of you are too!! I promise she's happy in whatever afterlife afterghost scenario you wanna envision her in.
Wow, it feels weird to be posting this. It felt weird to write it and look at the notes I'd made in 2015, this was one of the few chapters I hadn't changed anything about. Ahhh, I'll stop rambling, pls come visit me on my social medias if you want to ramble at me and let me ramble back some more.