Warning: Contains self harm and/or thoughts of suicide.
A/N: Okay so technically this line sums up how Luke is feeling throughout this chapter, enjoy~
*Somebody speak to me
Cause I'm feeling like hell
Need you to answer me
I'm overwhelmed*
{Nightingale - Demi Lovato}
~Luke's POV~
So um today's Wednesday... It's been 3 days since Calum told Ashton and I about his little crush on Michael and we have a plan. But one problem,
Michael hasn't been at school for the past 2 days and...
Ashton's not at lunch.
I'm sure Michael's okay and I'll check on him later but right now I'm worried about my boyfriend. I mean, it's only been 45 minutes since I've last seen him and that was 5th period. I searched the whole lunch area and I still don't see him. I start to freak out a bit because I know he isn't at home he lives with me for gosh sakes.
I frantically pace around the yard before bumping into someone.
"Ow." We both say simultaneously.
"Oh excuse me, I'm sorry." I apologize seeing it's a young girl in front of me.
"Oh hi Luke, sorry about that." She says nonchalantly.
"Um, how do you know my name?" I ask raising an eyebrow. That's really creepy.
"That's for me to know and you to find out." She smirked. "So whatcha looking for?" She leaned against the wall.
Okay who is this chick?
"Sorry to interrupt your question and all but uh, who are you?"
"I'm Skylar, Skylar Pierce. I have a feeling we'll be... Good friends in the future." She winked.
I just met this girl and I already hate her... Oops.
"Okayyy... Yeah I'm looking for someone." I look over her shoulder ignoring her.
"Who? I know everyone in this school." She simply stated.
"Ashton... Irwin?" I say hesitantly.
"Oh pft? That freak. Pretty sure he's in the bathroom." She rolls her eyes.
Oh hell no, bitch.
"Excuse you that's my b- my friend you're talking about here so if you would kindly get out of the way..."
"Awh too bad. I thought you were fun to play with Luke? Guess not. What happened to you, you're so... Goody goody." She looked at me with disgust pushing me against the nearest wall.
"I'm just gonna go..." I point in a different direction but she traps me in the corner.
"Come on. Have some fun." She put her hand on my chest. Ew, no. Don't touch me I'm gay.
"I'm taken. Sorry Skylar." I roll my eyes and try to walk away.
"That doesn't matter?" She said like it was obvious. Wow, what a slut. I'd hate to be her boyfriend.
"Just please leave me alone. I'm trying to get to Ashton." I roll my eyes at her. She's really starting to piss me off now.
"It's not like Ashton's important, is he?" She scoffed.
"He is, now leave me alone ya little slut." I pushed her. Yes, I pushed a girl calm the fuck down.
"Wow, my boyfriends gonna be pissed once he finds out what you said." She grinned evilly.
"I don't care about your fucking boyfriend. I actually feel sorry for him because he has to put up with you. Now bye." I walk towards the bathroom leaving her in the hall.
Can't believe that bitch. She thinks she can get me oh yeah well next time she touches me I'll get Calum and Michael in on this.
"Damn it." I said to myself. Her boyfriend might be Harry... Whatever, I'll deal with that later. Right now I have to see...
"ASHTON! Oh my god what the fuck happened?!" I rushed to his side seeing his nose bleeding.
"I'm fine Luke, kinda. It just hurts a little, I mean a lot." He whimpered as he touched his nose. "I think it's broken..."
"Awh Ashy baby. Do you want me to take you to the nurses office." I rub his back as he hugs me hesitantly. What's up with him? Eh, he might be a little shocked still.
"No... I don't really." He shook his head.
"Ashton. You might have a serious injury there." I pointed to his nose.
"Luke. No." He said sternly and I'm taken back a bit.
"Hey what's wrong?" I ask him trying to hug him again but he pulls away slightly.
"Nothing. Just leave me alone for now, please." He snaps and I step back a bit.
"Take all the time you need to calm down. I understand. I'll be waiting for you. See you later?" I backed away to the door looking down.
"Sure." He rolled his eyes and continued to check his nose.
What happened to him? He was fine earlier. What did I do? Did he see me and Skylar? I'm worried now. Ashton doesn't get mad easily. You have to really piss him off. Like break his drums. *cough, cough* Calum *cough*
I walk away with my hands in my pocket. I don't want to push Ashton or anything. He'll tell me when he wants to and if he doesn't I'll ask later. Seeing Calum ahead of me, I jog over to him.
"Hey Calum do you-"
"Don't even talk to me." He shot me a disgusted look and walked right past me.
What the actual fuck?
What did I do to him?
Great, now I have absolutely no friends. At all. What did I do? This makes no sense, I haven't even talked to anyone besides Calum and Ashton.
I suddenly feel like everybody's watching me. I walk over to a table and sit down by myself. I can almost feel their stares burning into the back of my head. My hands are in my lap and my head is down. This is starting to feel a lot like middle school again. And I've always hated my middle school years. Those were the worst. That's when everything started. If you know what I mean?
Lunch ends and I really don't bother paying attention the rest of the day because I'm too confused to even function. I hate the fact of Ashton being mad at me. Especially because I don't know what I did and I feel lions that mad him even more mad that I didn't know what I did. Though that's the thing, I don't know what I did.
It's finally last period and I don't even try to be honest. My head is on the desk and I'm not even paying attention. Calum and Ashton are both in that class with me and haven't spoken to me once...
"Hemmings! Head up, now. No time for sleep." Mr. Tate snapped at me.
"S-Sorry sir." I rub my eyes and squint at the board to see what we're learning today.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Ashton staring at me. But unlike Calum, he didn't have a look of hatred in his eyes. He looked like he was sorry for me but as soon as I looked back at him his face went cold and blank. We made eye contact quickly but he soon looked down and didn't show emotion at all.
I just want to know what I did wrong.
The bell rings and I run out of class into the bathroom. I mess up my hair and run my fingers through it. I lean on the sink looking in the mirror and that's when I cracked. I started crying silently to myself while locking the stall door. Sliding against the wall I was starting to wish I had my blade. But no, I can't give in. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. Though I crave that feeling of metal sliding across my wrist as it bleeds.
I wipe my eyes and stand up. I can do this, I'm fine. I can't be such a wimp all the time. I'll just confront him. But it doesn't seem all that easy, I know Ashton's attitude. Walking into the already empty hall I look around to see if Calum or Ashton's here. I turn the corner and raise and eyebrow at who I see coming towards me.
"Hey Mi-"
"Who do you think you are?!" He pushed my chest and I stumbled back. OKAY WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY MAD AT ME.
"What are you talking about?! Michael calm down I'm having a shitty day and I don't need you to be mad at me too." I yell back at him.
"Sucks but I finally find someone I can deal with and you call her a slut? What the fuck Luke!" He screamed in my face.
"I don't even know who your girlfriend is!" I say but then stop and see who's standing behind him.
"Yes you did Luke, don't deny it!" Skylar faked cried, obviously.
"See what you did, ya bastard." Michael spit at me and hugger her.
"Oh come on?! You're really gonna believe her bullshit? I met her today and she was already trying to get some of this!" I pointed to myself.
"Luke, don't flatter yourself. She would never do that. If anything you probably forced yourself onto her." He gave me a disgusting look. Why is everyone doing that today.
"Michael. Are you stupid? Or are you fucking stupid?! I'm taken. Well at least I think... And hope." I feel tears prick in my eyes. I can't stand fights. I can't stand them.
"W-What do you mean?"
"Ashton and I... He's not talking to me and neither is Calum and I don't need you to be fucking pissed at me, okay!" I wipe a tear from my cheek and clench my fists.
"Luke... I'm sorry. I didn't know any of that happened. And I'm happy for you and Ashton by the way." He looked down.
"Uh, thanks but-"
"Don't give into him easily Mikey. He tried to rape me. He's a disgusting faggot! Please get away from him." Skylar begged him.
At first his eyes were soft trying to process what she said but as soon as he realized what she said he punched me. He actually punched me. After everything that's ever happened between us, he had never ever hurt me. But he hurt me... Cuz of a girl.
"I'm sorry Luke, today's not your day. Don't you dare fucking touch her or I'll have to do something about you." He shook his head at me.
"So you let her call me a faggot and accuse me of something that isn't true?" I say, pain in my voice.
"Why would she lie to me?" He asked dumbly.
"Mhm... I don't know. Maybe because sHE HATES ME?!" I yell at him. He's so fucking stupid I swear to god.
"Forget you Luke. You're an ass." He threw my backpack that was on the floor at my face. And of course... My textbook hit the corner of my eye. Lovely isn't it.
"Me, an ass? Oh, look who's talking idiot! And you never answered my first question." I cross my arms.
"Oh what? Why'd I let her call you a faggot? Maybe cuz you are one." He said before walking off, his voice full of hatred.
I stood there for a minute or so in the empty hall letting it all sink in. My boyfriend is ignoring me. My best friend seems like he hates me. And my other best friend thinks I'm a faggot.
I walked home not bothering to listen to music. Text anyone. Or even acknowledge the cross walk signal. I'll admit I almost got hit by a car, but I don't care. I want to die right now. And all I'm think about right now is getting home and finding my only best friend that will always be there for me. My blade.
Walking inside my house it's completely quiet. Nobody's home and it's just my luck. I walk to the bathroom, slide down the wall and look up at the ceiling before pressing the blade to my skin. I can't feel the blood running down my arm. Do I care? No. Right now I can forget all of my troubles and everything seems okay for once. School is hell enough and with all that happened today just sent me over the edge. I cut at least 12 times before making a 13th mark and putting everything away. Every single cut I was thinking about Ashton. I told him I wouldn't do it if he didn't. And I broke that promise. I wonder if he broke his?
I should just die. Heck, hell seems better than living up here. I've considered it, suicide. I want to. There are so many different ways to. A rope, a gun, a bridge, some pills, bleeding to death, and many more. A rope seems nice but too painful. A gun is great. Kills you instantly. A bridge you can jump and hopefully never wake up. You can bleed to death by cutting too much or hitting a vein. But the best way, are pills. Take enough and boom, you're dead. You just faint right then and there. No mess. But in that moment everything slows down. You realize that you're gonna die. You're gonna be that kid who killed themselves. You'll scream for help but no one can hear you because you're slipping away too fast. Then the next thing you know everything turns black as soon as you realize you don't want to die. And that's the only thing stopping me at this point. I know that if I try and succeed, I'll regret it. I'm meant to be on this planet and do something and I just have to keep that in mind if I want to stay alive.
~~~~~
Okay... Well. That was deep and emotional. I'll leave you with that(;
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~Sydney x