So, where have I been? One word: internship. I’ve been absolutely swamped. This chapter is short, but I felt like I should give you guys something.
On the relationship between Harry and Rika. I see them as having a similar relationship to Padfoot and Moony. Rika is constantly annoying Harry and rambling about how cute he is, and acting like she has a huge little brother complex, whereas Harry gripes and complains, but really loves all of the attention.
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“Do you have all of your clothes?” Remus asked.
“Yes.”
“Hygiene products?”
“Yes.”
“Nutrition potions.”
“Yeeees.”
“Wand?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes Mama Moony, I have everything I could possibly need.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“You’re sure you need nothing else?” He asked, smiling.
“Moony, yes! Stop talking! Yes!”
“Well then,” he sighed, airily, “I guess you won’t want to pack this IPod I have lying around…”
I gaped at him. “I-IPod? I can have it back?!”
“I wouldn’t feel right letting you go to the Dursley’s without a little music on your side.”
I launched myself at him, causing him to release a small ‘ooph’ noise. “Thank you! Ohmygosh, I love you so much! You’re the best guardian ever!”
He rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Careful, you’ll make Pads jealous.”
“Did I hear someone call for the great and majestic Padfood?” Sirius said, walking into my room.
He held out his arms and I let go of Remus to hug him. “I’m gonna miss you, pup,” he said, ruffling my hair.
“I’ll only be gone for a month. Then you’ll have me and Harry to bother.”
Sirius grinned, eyes sparkling youthfully. “Just imagine the torment the three of us will unleash on Moony!”
Remus sighed, already looking tired. “Be on your best behavior.”
I turned giving him a strange look. “You want me to behave for the Dursleys?”
“No, I was talking to Sirius; I don’t know how I’m going to survive a month alone with him.”
Shaking my head, I grabbed a handful of floo powder. “Bye! Take care! Don’t kill one another! Love you!”
I stepped into the flames and called the name of the train station where the Dursleys were to pick me up.
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Tonks knocked cheerfully on the door to Remus’s house. The door was answered by her cousin, Sirius, who quickly beckoned her inside. “Tonks, you’re just in time to read the letters!”
“Letters?” She asked as Sirius steered her into the kitchen. Remus was seated at the table, thoroughly engrossed in a piece of parchment. On the back of his chair stood a snowy owl.
“Harry and Rika wrote to us,” Sirius explained.
Tonks nodded. “It’s been two week since she’s been with the Dullsleys, hasn’t it? How’s she holding up?”
“See for yourself,” Sirius said, handing her a letter.
Dear Moons & Pads,
Enclosed are pictures of Harry looking adorable. They were taken with a muggle camera so they don’t move, but that’s okay cause Harry (No Remus, that’s not a sentence fragment, it’s a legitimate reason). Aside from having to put on this atrocious fake accent, life’s pretty good. The Dursley’s know nothing of French, so sometimes I throw a little Spanish or whatever in there. The other night they asked me to sing a French song, so I sang them Con Te Partirò (That’s Italian, Pads. SHUT UP AND STOP LAUGHING AT MY SONG CHOICES, BECAUSE IT’S BEAUTIFUL. GO LISTEN TO IT NOW YOU UNCULTURED SWINE).
So, anyway…. Petunia keeps trying to show me off to her friends. It’s a good thing we put some glamors on me; if she hates my hair this much, I wonder what she’d do if she saw my eyes. Her friends are just as bad as she is, all gossip and blah, blah, I’m better than everyone else, blah. I usually escape to help Harry with the gardening (apparently, it’s my new hobby. Gardening, that is, not escaping. Though that would be pretty sweet. And deadly. Possibly. But I digress….).
I’ve managed to spend most of my time with Harry. The Durs. have warned me that he’s a bad kid, but it’s okay because “I like bad boys” *eyebrow wiggle* (ohmygosh, you should have seen Harry’s face when I said that at the dinner table, he was like ‘Rika, stop, you’re hurting my childlike innocence!’ and the Durs. were like ‘Whaaaaa?’ and then Vernon chocked on his soup and little bits of tomato got caught in his mustache, and Harry was like ‘oh, never mind about my innocence, this is too funny!’ and I was like ‘I know, right!’ and Dudley’s brain blew up, then Petunia fainted because the brain matter got on her dress, then Harry was like ‘SHAZAM!’ and I was like ‘KABOOM YA RAGGED BUNCH OF WEASLE LOVERS!’ then we took over the house and partied, only none of that happened except for the mustache-tomato thing, and…wait, where was I? Oh, can we have pizza when I get back, Remus? Meat pizza. Lots ‘o meat pizza.
With Love,
Rika The Spectacular
Tonks stared at the letter. She looked up at Padfoot. Then returned the gaze to the letter. “….I’ve always wondered about her…” she admitted.
“Just wait to you read Harry’s,” Remus said with a snort.
“Oh Merlin, it gets worse?” Tonks asked, taking the letter from Remus.
Pads and Moony,
Rika is bloody insane. And before you either agree with me or say I’m exaggerating, I don’t think you understand how insane she is. As in absolutely bonkers.
I woke up to her taking pictures of me in my sleep while eating tacos. At three in the morning. When I asked what she was doing, she said that she went for a late night run, found a taco truck, then got lonely so she decided to visit me, then I ‘looked really cute, like a rolly-polly-bug, so I had to take blackmail pictures, but it’s okay because I brought you back some tacos.’
Speaking of tacos, do you guys know how much she eats? She eats more than Dudley at every meal, and she keeps disappearing from the house and reappearing with more food. How much money did you give her? Because I think she might be making it with illegal magic. She has so much food that it’s scary. When my relatives asked about it, she said it was a French thing (only with a Swedish accent, I think). ‘Didn’t you know that the French eat 10 course meals? No? Well, we do.’
And when I it pointed out to her… Merlin, girls are scary when they think you’re commenting on their weight. Which I wasn’t!! And when I told her that she was looking more in shape than ever, she got depressed about looking ‘bulky!’ This was, of course, at two in the morning when she snuck into my room, eating tacos and drinking a milkshake. While doing pushups. What is wrong with her?
Then, she gets all lonely, and won’t quit hugging me! ‘But Harry, you’re my pack and pack is family and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten, so just let it go because you ain’t never had a friend like me.’ That was on her Day of Disney References. Yes, Moony, it is a proper noun. She devoted an entire day to using every sentence to reference a Disney movie.
Me: “Can you pass me the watering can?”
Rika: “Sure, since it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me.”
***
Me: “Is that ice-cream good?”
Rika: “It’s delicious. Don’t believe me, ask the dishes!”
Me: “You’re eating out of a cone…there are no dishes…”
Rika: “Let it go.”
***
Me: “Why are you running?”
Rika: “Time is racing towards us! Till the Huns arrive!”
Me: “…Could you, maybe, stop running? The neighbors are staring.”
Rika: “What can you expect from filthy little heathens.”
Me: “Rika…”
Rika: “Savages, savages, barley even human!”
It went on like that all day. All. Day. From midnight when she woke me up till midnight, when she woke me up, again. She was eating nachos that time. I haven’t gotten any rest since she came here, and don’t be surprised if next time you see me, I’ve gone completely grey, or bald from pulling my hair out (Moony, how you put up with Padfoot for so long, I’ll never know). She’s been an absolute nightmare!
It’s been the best summer since I stayed at the Burrow.
Can’t wait to see you both soon,
Harry.
Tonks put down the letter. “…Nice to see they get along so well.”
“As sibling-cousins should,” Sirius said with a nod, as Remus whacked him for ‘using that creepy phrase that I’ve told you a hundred times I hate.’ ‘But Moony, you don’t hit Rika when she says it.’ ‘That’s because she’s cuter than you.’ ‘Le gasp, are you saying I’m not cute?’ ‘Oh shut it you—‘
Tonks shook her head. With influences like the Marauders, it was no wonder the children were slightly disturbed. Oh well, it could be worse; they could be boring.
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If anyone would like to know the Disney references, feel free to ask.
Also, it is my head-cannon that Sirius makes fun of Rika for listening to ‘opera-y’ types of music so in retaliation, she calls him uncultured, or other snooty names. Please don’t take her comment as any kind of criticisms towards your personal music tastes.