It's not gonna come up. It's just... not.
I push Faith's wheelchair through the hallways of the hospital on our way to the rehab centre.
She's probably not even thinking about it even for a second. Faith's not the kind of person who likes to dwell on the past all that much. She's more of a deal and move forward kinda person. There's no way that it's gonna be bothering her at all. I just have to stop thinking about it and it will be over. Except that I can't stop thinking about it. The only way I'll be able to stop thinking about it is if I ask her if she's still thinking about it, and if I do that then if she has stopped thinking about it, she'll start again, and start wondering why I'm so curious about it. And if she hasn't stopped thinking about it, she'll just start wondering why I'm so curious about her thinking about it.
That would just open up a whole can of bad that I really don't want to have to deal with. Everything's fine. The woman I love is alive and well, which is the only thing that matters. Isn't it? That is the only thing that matters... I think. Of course, not thinking about it would be a lot easier if I could stop thinking about wanting to stop thinking about it. God, what's my damage? Now suddenly I'm thinking about thinking about wanting to stop thinking about it. Could someone just go ahead and hit me over the head with a two by four right now?
Nothing happens and we keep going down the hall together.
Please?
Again nothing happens.
There's never a tragedy around when you need one.
"Hey DK?"
Looking down at my girlfriend in the wheelchair, I see her looking back up at me as best she can.
"Yeah?"
"You okay?"
She's been asking that a lot all of the sudden. It's starting to bug the crap out of me.
"Of course, I'm... I'm fine."
"Yeah? Cause you know if you wanted to talk about something, I'm here for you."
"I know. But there's nothing to talk about. Everything's fine."
"Okay..."
We turn down one of the corners and reach the front of the rehab centre.
Oh look...
"Here we are."
Two orderlies open the doors from inside to let us through.
"Hello Ms Lehane, how are you feeling today?"
"Good, actually, so good that I'm not even sure that I need therapy to get back on my feet..."
Not this again.
"Faith, come on, you were in a coma for eight weeks. You need time to recuperate."
She scoffs at the idea.
"I didn't need any therapy after my last coma. I think I'll be fine."
Why does she have to be so difficult about this?
We stop near one of the first exercise areas. I move around so I can face her.
"That's cause you had eight months to let all your injuries heal. This time it's different, you've only been out for eight of the LONGEST weeks of my life. You need time to rest and recover. Just... let them do their job, Faith?"
My girlfriend seems to look at me for a couple seconds in silence.
"All right, for you..."
That puts a smile on my face and I step forward into her, giving her a kiss. It's short and sweet. Then I step back more than a few steps to let the orderlies do their work.
"Thank you Faith."
She smiles at me happily.
"Anything for my girl..."
Our eyes stay locked while the orderlies stand to either side of Faith.
"You better believe I'm your girl."
As I'm walking backwards, my heel hits the front of a sofa set against the wall and I lose my balance for a second.
Oh, geez... gotta be careful.
I manage to get my balance back without tripping over myself and causing a scene, gently sitting down on the sofa to watch.
She's not thinking about it. She's just focused on getting better, that's all. There's nothing to worry about.
* * *
We walk into the main hall of Faith's apartment building together.
Wow, it feels like forever since I've seen this place. Almost like it's been a couple years instead of a couple weeks. For a while, I wasn't even sure I'd get to come here with Faith ever again.
Faith stops in the middle and takes a deep breath.
"Home sweet home... or whatever, right?"
Her words make me chuckle a bit.
"Yeah, it's a good thing you're a fast healer. Otherwise it might've taken a few more weeks to get through your therapy and come home. Not days."
She looks at me and smiles.
"I guess so. Come on, you wanna go up?"
Walking up to her, she puts her arm around my shoulders and I slide mine around her waist while heading to the elevator. I press the button to go up and we turn to each other while we wait. She's the first to say anything.
"I'm glad you're here babe."
"So am I. You're coming home is kind've a big deal."
The elevator dings and opens up, allowing us to step inside. Faith shrugs on the ride up, pushing the button for her floor.
"Apparently not enough to have anyone else come along though..."
When she says that, I look at her.
"Sorry, I should've thought. I just... you know you were in that coma for so long. I kinda wanted us to be all by ourselves tonight."
Both of us smile at that thought.
"Hey, I don't really have a problem with that. Just think you could've been a little nicer to your sister about not wanting her to come along is all."
Why does she care?
"Why?"
"Dunno. She just looked sorta hurt when you might as well have yelled at her to go home."
She was there, she saw what happened. Why is she bringing this up again?
"Well she kept insisting that she should come along. Even after I told her it wasn't necessary. What else was I supposed to do?"
"You could've let me say something. I didn't really get a chance to say much before you jumped all over her."
Jumped all over her?
"I didn't jump all over her. I just wanted her to go home instead of hanging around. What's wrong with that?"
She shrugs again.
"Nothing, really... I've just never seen you get so angry at your sister, at least not over something that small before."
What is she trying to say?
"What are you trying to say exactly?"
"Nothing, it was only a surprise to see. It's not really important right now."
My girlfriend steps up to me and puts her arms around my neck again.
"All that really matters right now is that I'm home."
Staring at her strangely for a minute, I finally smile as she pulls me in for a kiss. We let the kiss grow in passion while the elevator continues to go up. Eventually, it slows to a stop and we break apart at the elevator's ding. Our fingers lace together while we walk out onto Faith's floor toward her apartment.
She's right. That is all that really matters.
Faith and I walk up to her door and she gets out her keys, unlocking the door. Once we're inside, I turn and face her to see how she's feeling.
"How does it feel?"
She takes another deep, almost cleansing sounding breath, walking around the main hall and into the living room, I follow her.
"Good... great actually..."
I put myself in front of her and let my arms wrap themselves around her waist lovingly.
Good...
"I bet I can make it even better."
I look into her eyes and she immediately gets this interested look in her eyes.
"Really? And how do you plan on managing that?"
While biting my lip suggestively, I try to make myself look as innocent as possible.
"Oh, I'm sure I could think of a few ways."
The woman I love leans into me and we start to kiss passionately. She puts her arms around me and everything deepens. My hands start to move over Faith's back and I pull her as close as she can be to me, pressing our bodies up against each other. Slowly, we make our way towards the couch when Faith's hands start to tease the skin just underneath my shirt. A moan escapes my lips as I sit down on the couch, and for a moment, Faith doesn't follow me.
What?
"What's wrong?"
She stares at me for a moment and then shakes her head.
"Nothing..."
Okay...
Faith climbs onto my lap on the couch and we start to make out again. She starts to move down my body, kissing my jaw and neck with just as much passion. I can't help but arch myself into her lips in pleasure. Wrapping my arms up onto her shoulders, I have to gasp because of what she's doing.
"Faith..."
All of the sudden she stops kissing my neck and just hangs there with her lips on my skin. Eventually, she pulls away so that our eyes meet. There's a strange confusing look in them that I've never really seen before.
"What? What's wrong?"
She shakes her head again and it worries the hell out of me.
"Faith?"
"Sorry... I feel a little weird."
Kissing me is making her feel weird?
"Did I do something?"
My girlfriend looks at me like I just grew an extra head.
"What? No, no, that was... everything was fine with that."
Why doesn't she want to then?
"You don't want to? Because I thought..."
"No, it's not you DK. Trust me."
Faith starts moving her arm before she grabs it and grimaces in pain.
"I guess, I'm just not completely a hundred percent yet. It's kinda killing the mood when I don't want it to. You know?"
Oh...
"Okay, well... we don't have to if you don't want to."
She looks at me sympathetically.
"It's not that I don't want to Dawn, trust me. I just, don't know if I can without hurting myself."
I wouldn't want to hurt her. I did that enough already.
"Of course, if you want me to, I'd be more than willing to push through the pain for you."
"No, that's okay. I... I don't want you to get hurt. I just wanted your homecoming to be special. But having you be okay is special enough for me."
My slayer girlfriend smiles down at me from her position on the couch.
"You're sure?"
I do my best to smile back.
"Yeah, it's okay."
Then I sit up and put my arms around her stomach, hugging her gently at first to make sure I don't hurt her. She puts her arms around me and hugs me harder than I hug her, letting me know its okay to grip her a little tighter, so I do. We hold each other on Faith's couch.
"I love you Dawn."
God it's such a good feeling to hear that.
"I love you too Faith."
I just wish I wasn't lying to her.