I must have passed out from the blood loss because I wake up in Guises chambers, stiff and sore. The lights blind my vision for a few minutes as I open my eyes and hear feet scurrying across and out the room. I hear the door close behind whomever it is as the light slowly clears from my eyes and I can see again. The light I soon realise is the sun just rising which means I must have been unconscious for the whole night and unaware of everything. Elie's brother. What happened to him? Did Arthur throw him in the cells? Did he prepare to execute him? He wouldn't, would he?
I sit up fast and fight to stand up as nausea and pain overtake me. I don't get far. A hand pushes my uninjured shoulder down and another supports my back as I am laid back down on the cot. I look up and my eyes meet those familiar brown ones. Elie's mum. She removes both her hands and holds my right hand in her palms. They are warm, inviting and motherly. A mother's touch that I have for so long never felt. It leaves a pang for a mother I will never have. She smiles down at me and says, "You can call me Agatha. My youngest Augustus didn't know what he was doing. He didn't mean to harm you or anyone. He was clouded with grief, we both were. Please accept my sincerest apologies."
"You are not the one who should be apologizing." I say through my teeth as I grind them together to stop myself from yelping out in pain.
She smiles sadly and picks up a small vile filled with a purple and blue liquid. She looks at it with an emotion I don't recognize and says, "I made this when my Eliot first went missing. I vowed that I would feed this to whomever is to blame for his disappearance. It would give them a slow agonizing death"- Fear washes over me as she stops for a second and then continues,-"and I thought at the time that it is what they deserve but I was wrong."
"What are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is that I have realized we all make mistakes and sometimes there are things that we have no control over. I've forgiven you. Augustus has forgiven you in his own way. And now you have to forgive yourself."
I believe her. I see forgiveness in her eyes as I have seen it before and it leaves me with a warm, good feeling. It makes me smile. She reaches over to the table nearest to me and picks up a small vile of clear almost translucent liquid. She uncaps it and holds it to my lips as she says, "No poison. Just a remedy for your pain." I trust her and drink the cold liquid. She stands, gives me another small smile and leaves. It's only after she gone to I realize what was in her eyes the whole time, grief.
The door opens again and I sit up slightly to see who it is. The movement causes what I think is the liquid I swallowed move from my stomach and throughout me. It is cold, close to freezing but soon the pain in my shoulder lessens and disappears. My vision goes fuzzy and then it clears. The first thing I see is Gwaine who must be the one that walked through the door. He looks relieved as he walks closer to me and stands beside the cot. I try to push myself up again but it proves to be too difficult and I almost fall back down. Gwaine's arms support my back as he helps me sit up and not fall over.
"You need to rest." Gwaine says. "You lost a lot of blood. Guise says that you are to stay in bed for three to five days so that you can heal."
I know he speaks the truth so I with some of his help walk to my own room and sit on my own bed. The time I get here I am breathing heavily. It takes a lot of my strength to get here, I really do need to rest but that is difficult and unappealing. I'm not sure why but ever since I got here it takes everything for me to fall asleep and most nights I don't. I would lay awake and watch as night turned into day. Eventually when I could no longer go without sleep I would drift into a slumber but it wouldn't last long and I would awake only an hour later, sometimes three if I am lucky. Whether it's the dreams or something else causing it, I don't know. Rest and sleep is something that I very much doubt I will be able to obtain.
"Do you need anything?" Gwaine asks me.
"No, I shall be alright." I answer.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. It is a flesh wound. It isn't that bad."
"Well I'm glad. We don't need any more dead knights around here." He tries to joke with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"I wasn't as close to death as you seem to think." I say.
He looks at me and I see something in those eyes that I don't really understand.
"Not even an inch and it would have hit your heart. You were close to death. Very close..." He trails off as he looks down.
I've never been in this type of situation before and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I reach out my hand to touch his face but pull back, then I try to touch his shoulder in a reassuring manner but that doesn't seem right either so instead I do what Elie's mum did and I think it works. Instead of two I reach out with only my left hand and squeeze his right hand in what I hope to be reassuring. He looks up quickly and our eyes meet. He leans in slightly but stops and pulls back like he changes his mind about something.
"Get some rest so that you can start to train Gareth again. With more practice maybe he can finally beat the Princess." He says as he gets up and walks to the door.
He gives me one last small smile before he closes the door and leaves.
....
I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. Just as I had predicted, I can't sleep and the more tired I get, the farther away sleep seems. The last time I slept was two nights ago for an hour and a half and it was wonderful. Now I long for any amount of time I can get but I get none and only stare up at the ceiling. The day goes by, then the night and finally it is morning again. I sleep for... I don't know how long but it feels like barely an hour and in that time I guess a servant came in to change the chamber pot. I guess I did sleep when I passed out from my wound and I am not as tired as I could be so that is something.
Knock
Knock
Knock
The noise startles me slightly but it is not unwelcome and I am grateful. I don't like staying in one small spot alone for a long time, it gives me a bad feeling and this one time when I was small I got quite scare. A fourth knock startles me out of the memories I am getting lost in and brings me back to reality.
"Enter." I say just loud enough to whomever it is can hear me.
The door opens slowly and Augustus walks in cautiously. Guilt is in his eyes as he shuts the door and stands by it nervously. I sit up slowly, grunting in pain slightly as I lean up against the wall for support. He starts to take a small step towards me but seems to change his mind and takes one back instead. His eyes scan every inch of my room but he doesn't look at me and soon the minutes start to tick by until finally I decide to say something.
"You tried to kill the King." I say.
His eyes move to me and I see a flash of anger. I regret the words I chose to start this conversation with and decide to say something else but he beats me to it.
"I thought he killed my brother." He says with sadness and guilt. "I didn't mean- I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."
"I'm not the one you should be saying sorry to. I was only doing what I swore to do and that is to protect this land, its people and their rulers. I will die protecting them, this land and their people if I must. So you should go apologize to King Arthur, his wife the Queen, the people and this land because you almost destroyed it and them."
He looks guiltier if that is even possible and I feel slightly bad. 'I have realized we all make mistakes and sometimes there are things that we have no control over.' Her words go through my head and they are so very true. Augustus made a mistake and there are things that we have no control over but there are things that we do have control over.
"You made a mistake and if you want forgiveness then you have to go and get it no matter how hard. I did what I had to do to get it and I don't blame you. If you want forgiveness for your mistakes you have to get it from the ones you have." I explain.
He looks up at me and nods his head. He's about to leave but I stop him by asking, "Do you mind if I call you August?"
....
Not long after August left a maid comes in and changes my bandages. She empties my chamber pot as well and then is gone. Not five minutes pass before another shows up at my door whom turns out to be Merlin. He smiles sheepishly at me and says, "I brought you a pain remedy."
I smile slightly and say, "I am glad. It's been starting to hurt again."
He nods his head and pulls out an identical vile to the one Elie's mum gave me before. He hands it to me, I swallow the contents and soon I feel the relief. Merlin still stands in front of me and it starts to get a little... Awkward. He looks as though he wants to say something else but it looks as though it's stuck on his tongue as he shifts from one foot to the other.
"Is there something else?" I ask.
"Yeah." He says. "I was wondering... You saved Arthur's life. Why?"
"I swore to protect him, the Queen, Camelot and its people."
"So would you die for him?"
"Of course." I answer more and more confused by his questions. "Wouldn't you?"
"Yes I would." He says quickly.
"Why are you asking me all these questions?"
"No reason." He pauses, looks away and says, "Thank you, for saving Arthur's life."
"...Alright." I say still slightly confused.
He turns to leave but stops, turns back around so he's facing me and asks, "I was always curious about you and Mordred. How did you meet?"
"Well... I remember it pretty clearly. I was outside watering the garden at the cottage where I spent many years at when this young boy ran into me. We fell over. I saw he was slightly injured and I helped him up. I took him back to the cottage and Al said he could stay. So he was trained. I helped him and we became as close as any sister and brother. Mordred's kind and caring. He is trying to do better, always. He's good. He is all I have left Merlin. He's my family."
Merlin nods his head in a sort of understanding and we fall into silence.
....
On the third day of being stuck in my room I am ready to leave and I just want to run. I want to practice and train Gareth. My shoulder is barley a dull ache and walking around is easier. I do have to sit down every couple of hours but other than that I can do the exercises I can in the small space of my room and it takes up a lot of the time. It distracts me from the fact that I am in such an enclosed space for so long, but I know that tomorrow I will be outside and less trapped.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Asks an angry voice that I know so well. He opens and shuts the door. He walks in and I get up from doing push-ups. I face Mordred and I see the anger and questions on his face. "Why didn't you tell me when you figured it out that those people are Elie's family?"
I look into his blue eyes and I know I have to tell him the truth. I could never really lie to him.
"You were only there for a couple of years and then you left." I start. "And I understood that but when you were there you were never really close with Elie and Alex. I just- I thought- I wasn't- I wasn't even going to..."
"What? What weren't you going to do?"
"I wasn't even going to say anything to them."
I look down, ashamed I realise. How could I have almost not said anything? If August didn't almost try to kill Arthur then would I have even said anything? What kind of person am I?
"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I should have told you."
"Yeah, you should have but I forgive you." He says.
I look up and narrow my eyes at him surprised. He usually hangs onto things for a long while, why was now any different?
"Just like that you're going to forgive me?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure? If I remember correctly, I accidently hit you a little too hard and you stayed mad at me for nearly a whole month." I say.
"Yes. I'm sure." He responds with a look I know all too well.
"What did you do?"
"Nothing."
"Mordred." I say sternly.
"I may have accidentally told August, Agatha and the whole court the story about the frog, the cat and the tree." He says rather quickly.
"Mordred."
He looks at me and very quickly runs out of my room. I should stay and rest one last night but...
"Mordred!" I yell in anger as I run out of my room and chase after him. "We said we wouldn't speak of it again! You promised! When I'm done with you I'm going to..."
....
The next day I find out that August apologized to not just Arthur but the whole court and was granted forgiveness. They sign the peace treaty that very day and the next we all have to say our goodbyes. Elie's mum tells me that if I ever need anything, anything at all I just have to ask, and August tells me to take care. August and his mum promise to send letters, me and Mordred promise the same. We won't lose touch. We wave one last goodbye and then they are gone.
The rest of the day I practice and train with Gareth. I'm not up to my full strength but I will be soon and things will hopefully go back to normal. After we are done the sun is setting and when we get back to the castle it is already gone. I am tried and exhausted. All I want to do is sleep but I know that I most likely will get none and then things will truly be back to how they were.
I walk over to my bed after changing and pull the blanket back. I am about to lay down but stop.
"Well since I got the bed last night it's only fair that you get it this night." Says Alex.
I nod my head and we switch. She lays on my makeshift bed on the floor and I on her wooden framed bed. I don't know how long I lay there unable to fall asleep but it seems like forever. I am so tired, I just want to sleep but I can't. I wonder if Alex is sleeping. I turn over away from the wall and look over onto the floor. Through the dark I can make out her silhouette but can't tell if she's sleeping.
"Can't sleep either?" Her voice startles me.
"No." I answer.
"Let's switch back then."
"Alright."
Silently I get out of her bed and she out of mine. We switch and soon I'm comfortably laying on my bed on the floor. Almost instantly I feel the familiar tug of sleep pulling me into unconsciousness.
"Night." I hear Alex say as I drift into sleep.
Sleep overtakes me as I mumble into the familiar fabric, "Goodnight."
I pull all my blankets and pillows off of my bed and place them on my floor. I make a small makeshift bed up against the far wall, close to my bed and lay down. Just like before I feel the familiar tug of sleep pulling me into unconsciousness.
This is my new home and these people that I am surrounded by are my new family. But nothing, nothing will ever be the same again. I lean over the bedding and blow out the small candle I placed beside me. Instantly darkness surrounds me yet again but this time it is only me. Only me and my start to self-forgiveness.
"Goodnight."
END OF PART THREE.