El Capitulo Final 😳
It's been a few days since my last encounter with Mani and I made an executive decision to tell her how i feel. I was terrified to say the least but what's the worst that could happen, right? Even if maybe she doesn't return my feelings I could wait for her. She's worth it.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled out my phone, scrolling through the contacts until I saw an all too familiar face. She's so effortlessly beautiful.
Shaking the fluffy thoughts from my head, I clicked into the texting app and typed up my message.
Hey Mani. Can you meet me at the park? It's important.
Her response came in faster than I expected, but I was pleased.
Yeah sure. I'm close by. Give me 5?
I texted a quick "Okay" before rushing to my room to at least attempt to look nice. After All, this was probably the most important conversation we'll ever have. It could make or break us. I'm not exactly sure what making sure my ass looked good in these jeans had to do with it, but I didn't care.
After just a minute or two of primping, I was on my way.
I enjoyed the walk. It was finally sunny out and warm too. If that wasn't a sign of how well things were gonna go, I don't know what is.
I found the nearest bench then sat on it, humming softly. To my surprise, there was no anxiety about the upcoming conversation. In fact, I was excited. I wanted to change.
There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, is this really how I want to live my life? Scared and alone? Did I really want to live in fear of my own happiness?
If I were to ask myself these questions just a year ago, the answer would be a unanimous yes, but not now. I wasn't afraid anymore. Call it fate, or just dumb luck, but I found someone I truly wanted to be with. Letting her go wasn't an option.
"Lauren?" I smiled up at the beautiful girl, standing quickly to kiss her. I could feel my anxiety slowly starting to creep up but I pushed it down. I was going to make it through this.
"Hi, Mani. How are you?"
"I'm okay, you?" She sat on the bench, crossing her legs. I followed her actions, feeling weird about being the only one standing.
"Better now that I'm with you."
"Cute. So what's up? You said this was important?" She looked around the empty park, sighing softly. "It feels really good out here.."
"Yeah, I know. It's part of the reason I wanted to meet out here. Ally says sunlight is good for me." She laughed softly nodding at the statement.
"She's right. You're always cooped up in your room, I'd be surprised if you even came out for graduation."
"Of course I would. I didn't spend four years of my life here to fuck around..." silence took over fairly quickly but I didn't make a move to break it. Listening to the soft blow of the wind was calming and now I needed it. The closer I got myself to saying how I felt, the more nervous I was.
"Lauren? Are you okay?"
No, I wasn't, but she didn't need to know that. I can do this.
I slowly turned towards the beautiful girl and uttered the three words I've been dreading for the past week.
"I love you."
I watched as a look of guilt and sadness took over her once carefree features. Fuck, that can't be good.
"Normani? What's wrong?"
"Lauren, I'm sorry." She ran a hand through her straightened hair, breathing slowly. "I'm not...I don't love you." My chest constricted as I tried rebuilding the familiar walls around my heart, only now they were lying in pieces scattered around inside of me. It was no use.
"Oh...that's okay. You don't have to love me back right now. I understand if you're not there. Y-" I gulped watching her expression grow somber.
"No. You aren't understanding. I'm not going to love you. Ever. I don't have feelings for you Lauren. I'm sorry I thought-"
No. No no no. This can't be happening. This has to be some sort of sick joke. This is a joke, right?
"You're Sorry? We were- six months. It's been six entire months, Normani. You- please tell me this is just a joke. It's okay. I'll laugh. Just...please." We still had a chance. Maybe Ally put her up to this. It'd be a fucked up joke but I'd understand. I had hope.
"It's not a joke. I'm sorry Lauren I thought you knew how I felt. We were...you're a great girl but I-"
The tears I was once holding in were now streaming down my face as Every emotion I had once felt towards the girl all came to the surface.
"Normani we...I thought you were into me. The dates? The kissing? We had sex. I-I thought it meant something!"
"It did. I mean... I was having fun, Lo. I thought you were too. I didn't know you were catching feelings. I wouldn't have done any of this if I did. I swear." She stared silently but the look in her eyes was completely genuine. I was right and I should've just listened to my heart. I meant nothing. This...whatever it was, meant nothing. How could I be so blind?
"'Mani...no. Please I..why? What if...what if we just try? You don't have t-"
"I don't want to date you. I just wanted to have fun as friends. We'll both be in law school soon and they'll be no time. I was just looking for a friendship." She stared with an emotionless expression on her face then began to blink slowly. I didn't know if wanted to scream or cry.
"You call me a friend bu-"
"Because we are friends, Lo."
"Shut up! You know that we're meant to be so much more. I love you! I love you, Normani. Does that mean nothing?!"
Had I really resorted to begging? Did I really think that it would make anything better? If I have to beg, what does that say about her feelings towards me?
"I don't believe in fate, Lauren. We were good as friends. Why are you trying to complicate things?" She frowned unwrapping a piece of gum. She popped it into her mouth then offered me one.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! I don't want your gum, Normani! I didn't complicate things, you did! Why would you come onto me in the first place if you knew it would never become anything? You started all of this! I-"
"I just wanted to be your friend. Things escalated I will admit, but I didn't think you were falling for me. I thought that was just our thing you know? I was having fun." She blew a small bubble, leaning against the back of the bench. Does she really not fucking care? I'm pouring my heart out and all I've gotten are half-assed replies.
"Our "thing"?? Mani you- you knew how I felt-"
"No I didn't. Clearly neither of us knew how the other felt. I'm sorry Lauren really I am. I'm sure someday you'll make someone really happy. They'll make you happy too but...that someone isn't going to be me." She smiled sympathetically standing to rest her hand on my shoulder. "You okay?"
"Don't touch me! You- Why would you do this to me? You knew what I went through with Lucy and you constantly assured me that you would never hurt me and it was all a lie!"
I was pacing now. I couldn't seem to calm my movements or my brain. It was on overdrive. I could barely form a coherent thought.
She moved her hand away and breathed in slowly.
"Things aren't meant to last forever, Lauren. I told you that."
"I didn't ask for forever! I just wanted honesty." My voice broke as more tears cascaded down my cheeks. I swatted them away angrily; She didn't deserve them.
"My intention wasn't to hurt you, but I see that I did and I'm sorry. I was being honest. Everything I told you was-."
"Fuck you, Normani." I stopped the rapid movement of my feet, turning to storm away until a firm grip on my arm stopped me. My anger bubbled over and before I realized what I was doing, my hand was stinging and a slight red tint was forming on her cheek.
It didn't even seem to have any effect on her. She was still standing there with that stupid ass expression on her face. Uncaring.
"...I guess I deserved that. I'm sorry that you're upset. Maybe we should take a break. When this blows over, just text me. We can still be friends." I scoffed she can't be serious, right?
"I don't even think you know what a friendship is, Normani."
"But I've apologized so many-"
"I get that. Trust me, I fucking get it. But no. I mean this with every ounce of sincerity in my body, stay away from me. Don't contact me. Don't show up uninvited to my dorm. Don't even think about me. I don't want to see or hear from you ever again." I gathered up the little bit of strength I still had and slowly began walking down the pavement. Every part of me wanted to turn around and take it all back, but I knew better. I would only be hurting myself. She will never love me. She said it herself.
"I'll miss you?" The voice was faint but I still managed to hear it.
Maybe it was true, maybe not. Somewhere deep inside I knew I would miss her too, but it didn't matter. Not now.
I took a few more steps then turned around, looking into her hopeful eyes.
"Goodbye, Normani."
THE END :)