"Your usual?" Matt asked as I walked into the grill, getting ready to pour me a shot of vodka.
"Yep," I said, sitting opposite him at the bar. "You're not gonna try and force me to turn my humanity on, are you?"
He laughed. "At work, I'm just a bartender. What you do on your own time isn't my business."
"Good," I said, downing the shot. "Because I need to talk to 'just a bartender'."
"What's up?" he asked.
I frowned. "Do you think that some vampires just... aren't cut out for the no-humanity lifestyle?"
He cleaned a glass as he thought. "If you guys are anything like humans... everyone is different. Some people can go on for years alone, pushing everyone away. Others need that human contact."
"I was fine," I said. "Then that bitch got in my head and now I can't work out whether I have any humanity or not. Which is weird because I dealt with Katherine back in 1864, I got over... everything. It's like turning my humanity off meant that my brain had room to remind me of all the pain in my subconscious."
"Well I'm not a psychologist, but it kind of makes sense," Matt explained. "When you had your humanity, you pushed down certain memories because you didn't want to feel them, you didn't want to be hurt by them. But when your humanity's off, you don't care about anything, so you don't force those thoughts away."
I smiled at him. "You know, you're wasting your time as a bartender."
"Not for long," he said, mirroring my smile. "We're all going to college as soon as we graduate. Me, Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler and Elena."
Hearing her name gave me an instant headache. Whether I had my humanity or not, I knew that Elena should always have been off limits.
"Hey, Mr. Saltzman," Matt said to someone standing behind me.
"Hey Matt," Alaric said, sitting beside me. "And Serena," he greeted me. "The one causing all the trouble."
"Are you joining me for a drink Ric?" I asked, raising my glass.
He hesitated. "Just one, I have papers to grade."
"Then you shouldn't be in a bar," I said.
He gave a dry laugh. "Good point."
Matt poured him some bourbon.
"So, are you back for good?" he asked me.
"No," I said. I had wanted to leave as soon as I killed/turned Elena. In fact, I didn't know why I was still there. "Have you heard from anyone lately? You know, Stefan... Damon... Elena?"
He downed his drink as Matt poured me another. "Nope," he said. "Why? What happened?"
"No reason, nothing," I said. "Anyway, I should get going..." I had to leave before they found out what I did.
"Finish your drink first," Matt prompted.
"Right, of course," I said. Serena Salvatore was never the girl to not finish a drink. I downed the vodka, and immediately my throat burned. I gasped and coughed, trying to get rid of the awful feeling. Vervain.
"What-" I gasped as I felt something hit me in the back. Before I could react, everything went dark.
...
Pain.
All I could feel was pain. My wrists and ankles were burning, I felt like my skin was on fire. I gingerly opened my eyes, finding myself in a dark room. Ropes were tied around my wrists and ankles, tying me to a chair. Each time I moved they burned me. The hiss of my raw flesh hurt my ears.
"Vervain ropes?!" I called to no one in particular. "Dick move!"
The door opened and Damon and Stefan entered, Klaus following behind them.
"You know what was a dick move?!" Damon asked me angrily. "Turning Elena!" He punched me in the face, sending my head ricocheting back. I felt blood in my mouth.
"So you found out?" I asked, spitting blood.
Damon stabbed me in the leg with a stake, causing me to cry out in pain.
"That's enough," Klaus said.
"No it's not," Damon said, turning to me. "Do you have any idea what she's going through?!"
"Actually yeah, I do. You did the same thing to me, remember?" I smirked.
He pulled the stake out of my leg roughly, waiting for it to start to heal before he pushed it back in again. The pain was unbearable.
"Why do you care so much?" I asked, breathing heavily. "You do realize she's Stefan's girlfriend, not yours?"
"Is that why you did it?" Stefan asked, speaking up for the first time. "To hurt me?"
"I wanted you to leave me alone," I told him. "I'm not turning my humanity on, and I'm not coming back here."
"Are you that far gone?" Stefan asked, kneeling so that he was at my eye level.
"Yeah," I said. "For the first time in my life, I was doing what a vampire should do. I was happy."
"Serena, I know you think you were happier. But I know what it's like to live with no humanity. That wasn't happiness, it was nothingness. And I get it, ignoring your feelings is easier than dealing with them."
"You have no idea how it felt," I told him. "I had nothing. You betrayed me."
"I know I did," he said. "And I will never be able to get across how sorry I am, I'll never be able to make it up to you. But I can't even begin to try if you don't care."
"I say we kill her," Damon cut in, still angry. "She killed Elena, fair is fair."
He took a step towards me, another stake in his hand. But before he could reach me, Klaus stepped in front of him.
"Put it down mate," he said.
"Make me," Damon said menacingly, squaring up to Klaus.
Stefan stood between them, pushing them apart. "This isn't helping," he said, before facing Damon. "You're not gonna kill our sister."
"Am I the only one who actually cares about Elena?!" Damon hissed. "You know, the girl who's just had her entire life snatched away from her!"
"And you think Serena hasn't?" Klaus asked. "Unless finding out that a demon has control of her life just isn't a big deal to you?"
Stefan froze, before turning back to me.
"The demon. That's the reason you won't turn it back on, isn't it?" he asked. "You're worried about being controlled."
"You said it yourself," I said dryly. "It's an impossible life."
"But you're not alone," he said. "You have us."
"I don't need you," I spat, but even I knew that my resolve was wavering.
"Turn it back on," he said softly. "Let us help you."
The softness in his eyes threw me. I'd just turned his girlfriend into a vampire, I'd just destroyed her life. How could he still look at me like that? How could he still love me?
I looked at Klaus and Damon, and even though Damon was angry at me, I saw the same thing. They loved me.
"I can't," I whispered. "I can't be controlled."
"You need to come to terms with it," he said. "Yes, this thing exists. But you can't ignore it. Confront it, let it in. Then you'll be able to let it go."
I sighed and bit my lip, trying to keep the tears in. My humanity was back, and it was almost impossible to push it away.
"This isn't working," Damon said abruptly. "Plan B."
"Bad idea," Klaus said under his breath.
He opened the door, pulling someone into the room. I blinked away the tears and felt a part of my hard exterior come back. I was angry.
"Serena."
"Steve."
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Thanks so much for reading!
Should they have brought Steve back?
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