I stopped Jai, my heart thumping against my chest as the words I wanted to say got lodged in my throat.
Do I really want to do this?
The thought of willingly doing something so intimate frightened me and so I slowly loosened my grip on his arm.
"Never mind, it's nothing."
I could feel Jai's sharp gaze on me.
"No, it's something. Tell me," he said, his voice suddenly hoarse.
There was a voice in my mind that was telling me that he knew what I was going to say, and a big part of me wanted to do it with him.
Just say it, for goodness sake!
Gulping, I looked away.
"I, uh, think I'm...ready."
I watched as Jai's feet slowly came closer. My face was lifted up and I was soon staring into his electric amber eyes.
"Mind saying that again?"
"I—I said I'm ready," I stammered.
Jai stared at me intently, his eyes searching my eyes before going over my features.
"You're ready? To—"
"Yes," I cut in, not wanting him to say the actual word due to embarrassment.
How am I going to do this if I don't even want to hear the word?!
There was silence.
I slowly looked up and saw Jai's stern face still intact.
"Are you sure?" he repeated. "I mean, I'd be more than happy to do this because I've been waiting for so long but...I want to make sure you want to do this."
I nodded, a little shy. "I'm sure, but, if it's too soon because of everything that's happened, then we do–"
"No."
He leaned down slowly, his face merely inches from mine, a small smirk on his face. I bit my lip and watched as his smile slipped and his gaze darkened, fastening on my lips before they shot back up to my eyes.
"I've been waiting for this for a long fucking time."
I practically trembled both in fear and in anticipation at what was to come but Jai seemed to be unfazed. His grin was lazy and complacent now that he looked at me, quite seductively.
As he closed the distance and placed his lips on mine, I practically trembled as I closed my eyes and returned the kiss.
This time it was slow and gentle, teasing and caressing and so I allowed myself to enjoy it, taking pleasure in the way he kissed me—as if he was drawing something out of me.
I had never been kissed before by anyone but this was the best I had ever felt in a long time.
Everything became fuzzy, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, both in excitement and fear as he squeezed my hip with his left hand.
Then both his hands slowly left to explore further and I let them wander freely over my body.
As I was too caught up the pure bliss and euphoria of being kissed, I didn't realise I was being driven to a corner until my back hit a wall.
His knee settled in-between my legs, trapping me before pushing his rock-solid body firmly against me.
I let out a meek squeak into his mouth and I could feel him smirk against my lips as he pulled away, allowing me to catch my breath.
With my breathing heavy, I raised my eyes to his only to see him staring at me intensely. There was no time for me to be self conscious as he bent his head and peppered tiny kisses across my face.
"Jai, is—is this really okay?" I whispered breathlessly.
"It's more than okay," he said, his voice husky with passion as his kisses slowly traced down my neck and to my collarbone.
Every kiss from his soft lips left a hot trail of awakened desire behind.
"Such soft skin," he murmured softly against my skin, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.
My mind went hazy with all the kisses and I felt my knees buckle. I would have fallen if it wasn't for his tight grip on my waist.
He reached down and hooked his arm behind my knees, the other on my back. He then proceeded to lift me up in his arms, my head resting against his chest.
I was too embarrassed to look him in the eyes but still reached up to wrap my arms around his neck, holding on tightly.
He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, different to the frenzied, deep one he placed on my lips just a minute ago as he began walking up the stairs in a steady manner.
When we reached our room, he swiftly kicked the door open and shut it with the back of his foot.
What followed afterwards was indescribable. It was an euphoric moment in time that bound our bodies and souls together.
It was the moment in our lives where we truly became one.
***
When the daze of what had happened left, I covered my face, groaning in embarrassment. I heard an amused, whole-hearted laugh from beside me.
"Hey, don't hide from me," he whispered, his voice low but teasing. "You do realise I expect more of this now, right?"
"W-What?" I spluttered, my face heating up. "No way!"
The warmth of his body engulfed me as he pulled me to him by the hips, his taut upper body tightly pressed against my bare back.
He nibbled on the flesh of my earlobe and let his lips trail down my exposed skin. He chuckled lowly in my ear when I shuddered, causing goosebumps to rise on the surface of my skin.
Just before he could do anything else, in a panic I grabbed the sheets to cover me and ran into the bathroom.
It was then I was able to let out a deep sigh.
Looking into the mirror, a woman with a huge smile and a face that was glowing with happiness stared back. I blinked twice to make sure that it was me being reflected from the mirror.
Throughout the whole day, I couldn't help the smile on my face. Though, I also couldn't help but avoid Jai and his piercing amber eyes.
It would take me back to what we had done and heat would rise up within me.
The embarrassment of the situation kept replaying in my mind. I bit my lip and shook my head to stop thinking about it.
This is natural. Stop freaking out.
Convincing myself in that way didn't really help. It only seemed to worsen the embarrassment I was feeling.
Just when I was about to turn to get some garam masala for the dish I was cooking, large, strong arms wrapped around my waist, stopping me.
I froze in Jai's grip.
He brought his lips down to my ear and my heart began to pound incessantly as if it was caged and was crying for it to be let out.
"You're avoiding me now, huh?"
I shook my head, stiffly.
"No, not at all."
His deep chuckle reverberated from his chest, to my back and I shuddered, slightly.
Jai's breath fanned my ear as he leaned down.
"Liar," he whispered lowly in a breath of desire.
"I'm not lying," I said, my voice high-pitched and frantic. "Jai, p-please move! I need to finish cooking dinner for tonight."
He ignored my words as his grip on me only tightened.
"As much as I love your food...it can wait."
"Wait?" I repeated, slightly nervous at what he was alluding.
"You know for what. Don't act so innocent now." He turned me around and leaned in, kissing my nose. "I know you're not as innocent as you let on." He grinned, eyes gleaming as he seemingly enjoyed the flustered look on my face. "Last night was a perfect example of that."
I could feel the heat in my cheeks rise and I looked away to avoid his gaze.
"Shut up," I mumbled, uneasy.
Without saying anything, he turned our bodies to the side a little and reached out, turning the knob of the gas stove off.
He put the lid on top of the big pot that I was using and gently squeezed my hips, a smirk adorning his face.
"Shall we go up, now?" His eyes twinkled mischievously. Without waiting for a response, Jai placed an arm around my back and bent down slightly.
"Wait, what are you—ack!"
I yelped as he hoisted me up as if I weighed nothing, the other arm around the bend in my knees.
I stared at him as if he had grown two heads but said nothing. Instead, I tried to relax and nestled into his chest, wrapping my arms gently around his neck as he walked up the stairs and to our room.
Though I was scared—yet again, I knew that Jai would be more than gentle with me.
He looked down at me, his lust filled eyes replaced with something more soft and loving.
Jai bent down to place a soft kiss on my lips, warmth suddenly consuming me. When he pulled away, my eyes freely roamed his face, drinking in every trace and outline of it and I smiled, softly.
To know that I was going to be in the arms of Jai, was a reminder that I didn't need to be scared.
He would be there for me, always.