⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️ there will be heavy topics discussed in this chapter.Once again, this fanfiction is about depression and suicide-if any of these topics trigger you, I SUGGEST YOU TO STOP READING, PLEASE.
It looked like Jungkook was...crying.
No. Jungkook couldn't be crying. It's one thing if I cry in front of Jungkook...but Jungkook used be my tormentor. Someone who used to hold so much power over me is now in a completely defenseless position.
And he's my friend again...I couldn't bear to watch my friend be in agony either. My soul would suffer if I saw that.
But what if he didn't even want me to be in the presence of his pain? Should I go back to the bedroom and pretend I didn't see him? No, that would be too selfish.
I'm just about to tap Jungkook's shoulder when he whips his head around.
"Y/n, what are you doing here?" He asked. But he didn't sound angry. He just sounded...drained. Empty. Like he was at his breaking point.
It was bizarre to see my ex-enemy in a deteriorated state. Especially since I've always viewed him as this emotionless, cold guy. But here, he looked so broken. His bloodshot eyes matched his bright red cheeks. His bottom lip was quivering. Jungkook resembled a tortured kid. Which he was.
He turned away after noticing I was observing my face. "Sorry, it's just some allergies...nothing to worry about. My eyes always tear up from that."
No, he's lying. As a professional crier, I can detect when someone is suffering. And Jungkook most definitely was.
Jungkook wiped his face with his hands. He sniffles.
"I also watched a stupid kdrama...you saw Scarlet Heart, right? Sadder than the titanic." He wipes his face more with his sleeve.
"Don't worry, I'm happy." His voice shakes while saying so and he gives me a thumbs up.
I place my hand on his shoulder.
"Jungkook, I thought we'd start being honest with each other."
"But what if I don't want to be honest? What if it's better to mask your identity with lies?" He wept.
I gesture to his deteriorated state. "Clearly it's not better."
He shakes his head. "It's really not..." Then, he sobs into his hands.
I grab tissues from the dining room table and hand it to him. "Have you been doing this every night? You keep saying that you watch TV...have you been crying instead?"
Jungkook nods. "Yeah...I've been bawling like a baby, lately. It's embarrassing to admit..I've never cried in front of someone for years..." he cleans his wet face with the tissues.
"It's okay to cry in front of someone..." I sit down beside him on the couch.
"It's not...it makes you really weak. I bet you think I look pathetic right now," he whimpers.
"No." I shake my head. "Sure you're vulnerable, but you also look human. To be honest...I've never felt closer to you."
Jungkook looks at me in disbelief. "Really?"
"Yeah, who could imagine that the great Jeon Jungkook, could cry. I thought it was physically impossible."
Jungkook cackles. "Oh, I'm not that great.."
"No, for real. I had a conspiracy theory that you were a robot because no human being could be that perfect. I tried to convince my friends that you were a project from the government to create the most flawless, unemotional being."
"Unemotional?" Jungkook asked.
"Yeah, I thought only an unemotional being could pretend our friendship was nothing and become my enemy."
I cover my mouth right after, realizing I shouldn't have said that. But it was too late. The damage was done.
"Our friendship did mean something to me. Y/n.." Jungkook quietly whispers.
I snicker. "Well it felt like it didn't...I worshipped you as a kid and then suddenly you stopped talking to me. You didn't even give me a second glance, until I became a victim of your occasional pranks."
Jungkook remains quiet.
"And you know what the worst part was? I actually looked forward to those pranks. I looked forward to you humiliating me, destroying my reputation. Because then I finally caught your attention."
A single tear fell on my cheek. Oh gosh, now I'm also crying.
Jungkook doesn't say a word and I continue.
"You know why? Because my ex-friend finally noticed me again. I was finally worthy of my hero's attention. And I should have asked why you started those pranks in the first place...but was I even important enough to receive an answer? Would you laugh if I asked?"
Jungkook interrupts me. "Y/n, I wouldn't have laughed."
"Well I didn't have the courage to ask. I couldn't because what if you told me I meant nothing to you? So I immaturely pranked you in retaliation. But this whole time, I was praying you would man up and apologize. But I was just a hopeless fool," I told him.
Jungkook begins bawling again, his eyes completely dripped in tears. He covers his face with one of his hands, in shame.
I made the situation much worse. But I was too angry to care.
"I was so jealous of Yoongi, Hoseok and Jin. You openly hung out with them but you hated me, probably because you were too embarrassed," I inferred.
Jungkook mutters. "I never was embarrassed to be around you-"
"Did you know that everytime you stayed after school, I would too? I would walk around the playground, hoping you'd notice me. Hoping you'd hang out with me and we could be friends again. But you never did. That was really all a waste of time of my childhood-"
"I did notice you. I was avoiding you on purpose..." Jungkook whispers.
"Why? What did I ever deserve for you to destroy our friendship? Was I too mean? Was I not worthy? Was I too ugly?" I demanded to know.
"You were anything but ugly...I avoided you because you were too beautiful," Jungkook whispers.
I rolled my eyes. "That makes zero sense. If I were as beautiful as you said, you'd want to be around me-"
Jungkook grabs my arm. "Listen to me. You were too beautiful for me to even deserve you. And the day I stopped talking to you was the same day my mom died. And your kindness...it reminded me too much of her."
"Y-your mom died? The day you stopped talking to me?" I was shocked.
"Yes, and today's the anniversary of her death." He revealed.
I didn't know until now that Jungkook's mom died...I remember her picking Jungkook from school in her cute mini van. I remember going to birthday parties and saw her chatting alongside the other parents. She wasn't a huge part of my past, but I admired her grace and beauty. And she was gone?
"Oh my...I'm so sorry Jungkook. I know that's not enough to say. But that's just terrible." I tried to sympathize.
Jungkook snorts. "Don't worry. A lot of people didn't even say anything. I found out at 4 AM, when I woke up from a nightmare."
"I went to my mother's room..and she wasn't there. And then I entered the kitchen and overheard some of the staff talking about her death. I called my dad and he didn't even pick up. But I still attended school anyways, because I knew that's what she would have wanted."
I clearly recall the day that Jungkook stopped talking to me. Now that I think about it, I wasn't the only one he shut out. Even though he was specifically cold to me, he shut out everyone.
"A few weeks later, Dad comes home. I ask him 'What happened to Mom?' And first thing he told me was 'Bitch finally left the planet, but this castle is finally a men's residence!' I asked 'So is Mom really dead?' He pinched my cheeks and said, 'It was her choice. But these struggles make you stronger. You're finally a man now.'"
It was her choice...which means Jungkook's mother took her life by suicide.
And his father told him in the most painful way possible.
"J-Jungkook....your dad had no right. That's too cruel." I shake my head, in disbelief.
Jungkook laughed while crying, the tears collectively pouring down his face. "He didn't think so. He believed I was becoming strong. And after everything he told me, I resented my mother for leaving me. And then I began resenting you."
"Why me?"
"Because you're everything I ever wanted to be."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: In no way shape or form, am I claiming Jungkook's parents are actually like this. I don't know anything about his personal life but I bet his parents are AWESOME. How else could they have raised such an incredible son? This is all FICTION, for entertainment purposes. If I triggered you in any shape or form, I apologize. But the tags of this fic were clear-it's about depression and suicide. If you can't handle this, go to a therapist instead of using wattpad. Xoxo