Dare to believe,
the whispers in your ears,
that you might be special,
that you might be meaningful,
that one day
you might change the world.
It's us you see,
the ones who listen ,
that will change everything.
"Expelliarmus!"
James' voice rang in Alexis' ears and even though she couldn't quite register what was happening she knew James had come to her rescue just in time. James and Peter towered over Catherine, barely able to contain their rage as they held the girl back, trying to stop her from injuring Alexis any further. Sirius kneeled next to the Slytherin, checking for any serious injuries and helping her come back to her senses, whispering reassuring words that were nothing but a ring in her ears.
Watching the scene unfold on the sideline was Remus, his pale skin and horrified expression giving the impression the boy had been petrified as he sat frozen in place. It was only after Catherine stormed off that he finally regained his composure and ran after her, unsure of what to expect. The poor boy could feel his heart pounding as he followed her inside the castle, taking long strides on his way.
"Catherine! Catherine!" He yelled before finally getting a hold of her arm and forcibly pulling her inside an empty classroom. "What the hell!" He mentally cursed himself, understanding the last thing she needed after finding out her family had been murdered was for him to be so harsh on her, but she had just attempted murder and it was needless to say his rationality had been thrown out the window. "What on earth do you think you're doing?!"
"What does it look like, Remus?!" Catherine's beautiful features had been distorted to the point where the girl looked almost maniacal. And the outside surely mirrored the madness within as the girl seemed to have completely lost her mind. "Don't you understand? They're dead! They're all dead! And it's because of her! She's what we need, Remus," she harshly placed her hands on the sides of his face, forcing him to look into her bloodshot eyes. "It's the only way we can defeat Voldemort. We have to kill her! He'll be weak then! He'll be unstab--"
Remus pushed her back with more force than he had intended to, but made no attempt to apologize as his face contorted with disgust at her words. "Are you even listening to yourself?!" He could feel his face growing hotter as the rest of his body began to tremble with nerves and fear. "She's our friend!"
"A sacrifice I'm willing to make." Catherine muttered darkly as her eyes welled up again. "He needs to know what it feels like. He needs to experience this--this heartbreak, this pain. I want him to pay for what he's done. I want him to suffer. To hurt like I'm hurting." Tears cascaded down her eyes as reality began to settle in, reminding her of the awful events that led her to have such an unstable mentality.
"Babe, babe, babe," Remus whispered soothingly as he gently placed his hands on her cheeks. He brought his lips to her forehead as her body began to tremble with silent sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry you have to go through this. But I can't let you hurt her." He raised her head so they could see eye to eye, although hers were completely clouded by tears. "He doesn't have a heart, Catherine," he whispered softly. "If anything happened to Alexis he'd mourn for about two days and then he'd wreck havoc. He'd lose the last bit of sanity he has left. Anger, pain, sadness--it only fuels him. Only makes him stronger. He doesn't know pain like we do."
Catherine stepped out of his grasp, shaking her head as tears continued to fall. "And what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to find closure? Am I supposed to just move on with my life after my entire family has been murdered?" She used her sleeves to wipe her eyes as she continued to speak with a broken voice. "No. She's not my friend. Her brother murdered my family. You can't expect me to continue speaking to her as if nothing happened. As if her blood didn't murder mine." Her expression quickly turned from mental to a defeated one. "So what's it gonna be, Remus?" She looked him in the eye, her sudden calmness unnerving him. "Me or her?"
Those three words were the last thing he expected to hear. He swallowed hard, and even though it was hard, he immediately knew where his loyalties lay. He followed Dumbledore and his wisdom, followed his friends, followed the belief that someday the Wizarding world would be a better place. And he was sure Alexis would help them achieve that. "Her."
≣
Not a second went by where Alexis didn't feel like crying. She wanted to wrap her arms around herself, curl into a ball and cry until there were no tears left. Until guilt stopped climbing up her throat, making her want to puke her guts out. Tears, vomit, sweat, blood--she wanted to let it all out hoping, praying, that her demons would leave with it. Being on James' arms did absolutely nothing to soothe her. She loved the boy dearly, she really did, but there was only so much a person could do. His loving hands couldn't pick up the pieces of her soul, which kept shattering over and over, day in and day out. Hazel eyes don't scare demons away, facing them did. Sometimes you need to be completely surrounded by darkness to begin frantically looking for light. And that's what she was going to do. She wasn't going to settle for the little ray of sunshine she was getting, instead she was going to slam every door and every window open. She was going to actively fight back.
She slipped out of James' grasp as the boy continued snoring softly, enjoying a peaceful slumber just like Peter and Sirius did, unaware that two of the people they loved and cared for the most were coming undone. Alexis tried her best to not wake any of the boys as she made her way out their dorm and into the common room, where a lone figure sat in front of the fireplace. Her heart broke all over again when she heard Remus sniff, watching how he used his sleeve to wipe his eyes, still unaware of her presence. She covered her mouth to stifle a sob but he heard the restrained sound in the otherwise completely silent room,
Remus smiled through the tears as he motioned for her to sit next to him which she wasted no time doing. She curled into a ball next to him as they both embraced each other tightly. Remus ran his hands through her hair comfortingly while she gripped tightly on to his shirt, the sounds of her sobs getting muffled by his chest.
"I'm so tired, Lex." Remus cried, his voice higher than usual as he tried to restrain the lump in his throat. "I'm just so tired of everything. Why is it always me? Why do I always have to have the worst of luck? Why did Catherine have to go mental on me? Why did Fenrir have to bite me? Why couldn't he just kill me instead of making me live this--this poor excuse of a life." He stopped briefly to try to catch his breath. "I hate this. I hate having to transform every month. I hate having to be constantly reminded of the curse I have to live with. I hate that they robbed me of my childhood. That I'm never going to be a normal teenage boy that only ever worries about Quidditch and getting laid. I hate it, I hate this."
Alexis squeezed him tighter, feeling how the boy retrieved his arms from around her to cover his face. She made him lower his hands, nodding as tears ran rapidly down her face, trying to show him how much she understood. She swallowed hard before trying to speak up, her breathing constantly quivering. "It's so fucked up. Why did we ever do to deserve this? I can't go one week, one goddamn week without some bullshit happening. I always have to take responsibility for the fucked up things Tom does, always making me feel like it's my fault. I just want to live my life without worrying about who my brother is going to murder next."
Remus wrapped his arms around her once again. "Today was just a bad day. We just need to get through this."
"She was my friend." Alexis whispered with a broken voice. "And she was my girlfriend," Remus whispered back, "but war, it--it takes a toll on people."
They fell into a comfortable silence as they both slowly regained their composure. "Remus," she whispered, receiving a hum from the boy. "I couldn't have asked for a better best friend. You have the kindest soul. Please don't hate yourself. Lycanthropy and all, I couldn't go a day without you."
He chuckled softly. "Then don't be too harsh on yourself either, love. You are a good person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He kissed her forehead before looking down at her. "And I would a hundred percent go mad without you, psychopath brother and all."
≣
"Come on, Moony! Don't be such a twat!" Sirius gave a bark-like laugh as he shoved Remus aside, making him bump into a giggling James. "Boys, stop it," scolded Remus, unable to hide his amused grin. The boys continued joking around until they unfortunately ran into a very stern looking Catherine when they rounded the corner. The boys' glances shifted towards Remus, who tried his absolute best to keep a stoic expression.
"Donovan told me what you did after Potions. Poor Greg had to go back to his dorm to change and was late for McGonagall's class. Now, as a prefect, I'm sure you know it is my duty to punish this behaviors--" the boys all looked at her with puzzled expressions, "--so I'm taking fifty points from Gryffindor."
A wave of complaints hit the girl as the boys, Remus very much included, loudly protested. "Have you gone mad?!" Sirius exclaimed outraged.
"No, I'm simply doing my job." Her gaze landed on Remus, and even though her expression showed distaste they all managed to see the hurt that flickered through her eyes. "Because I see that some of you don't take your roles as prefect seriously." She began to walk past them but stopped next to Remus. "Don't worry, Lupin. I won't hold your negligence against you. After all, I know it's gonna be your time of the month soon."
James and Sirius audibly gasped, the latter even reached for his wand before Remus stopped him and ushered them away. "Let's just go. Someone has to be the bigger person here." He shot Catherine a nasty glare before turning away with the boys following closely behind.
≣
"A bitch. A complete and utter bitch." Ivy complained as she took a seat in the Gryffindor table. "She's going through a hard time," whispered Alexis, earning herself a scoff from Sirius. "She's gone mental!"
The boys began to discuss their little run-in with Catherine but Alexis' attention was focused on the girl sitting across from her. Ivy had absentmindedly reached for a note inside her bag but once she read its content she subtly tried to hide it from their view, her hands shaking slightly as she laughed uneasily at something Sirius had said.
No one else seemed to pay Ivy's odd behavior much mind, but Alexis' paranoia was getting the best of her and would not allow her to go on with her day without finding out what made Ivy so uneasy. So by the time they had to return to their classes and Ivy went her separate way she notified the boys of her plan as they walked towards their shared class.
"It could've been anything, really," Sirius shrugged, not nearly as concerned as she was. "Well, I guess we're gonna figure it out. And you lot," she linked her arms around James' and Sirius', "are going to help me."
≣
"You're lucky I love you." James sighed as he watched the rest of the Marauders make their way towards Ivy in the middle of the very crowded corridor. Alexis gave him a deep, quick kiss before turning his face back to Ivy and the boys. James had a smirk on his lips now as he reached for his wand and pointed it at the girl's bag, making it levitate towards them. "Unbelievable. So ungentlemanly." He whispered as Alexis began to rummage through Ivy's belongings. "Is that even a word? Ah, here it is!" She held up the note triumphantly before frowning. "Wait, this only says meet me in Forbidden Forest at 9 p.m. This can't be it, the other note was much longer."
Sirius' voice echoed in the distance. "Thank Merlin there's not trolls in this dungeons!"
"That's my cue." James took the bag from Alexis grasp and levitated it back to Ivy.
"You know what that mean," Alexis said assertively, turning to face a very confused James. "We're going to the forbidden forest tonight." James threw his head back, throwing a child-like tantrum, making Alexis smirk amused. "What? You had other plans?"
"Yes, actually. I've got an idea of something else you and I could be doing tonight at 9 p.m." He whispered seductively before biting his lip and pulling her closer. "Well, too bad." She stepped out of his grasp, her cheeks flushed now. "Because the only thing I'll be doing tonight is follow Ivy."
"Listen, we can make an agreement. We follow Ivy and once we make sure she's safe we have some fun out by the woods ourselves. We can do it against a tree. Don't tell me you've never wante--Lex! Come back!"
A/N: my baby Remus deserves better :(
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