Taemin's P.O.V
"Well, I guess it's better to tell someone," Naeun-ah admitted after thinking about it for a bit.
"When I went out on the hallway I heard Yina-ya and Jaemin-ah argue over the girl Jaemin-ah likes. And Yina-ya said she's at the party and has a boyfriend. So it's either me Maeri-shi."
"I think it's you," I immediately said without a thought.
"Yes, I...what?"
"I think you're the girl Jaemin-shi likes."
"How can you be so sure?"
I took a deep breath.
"Because we're always looking at the same person," I kneaded my hands and sighed, "because I'm not the only one who loves you, because I hope you won't look at him, because his smile when you look at him reminds me of myself."
"But we're really just friends, oppa!"
"Maybe that's what you think but not necessarily what he he thinks!"
"I think I know my friends better than you do," Naeun-ah huffed.
"I- I know you do. Just...please believe me on this one."
"Oppa, I believe you but I'm just shocked. I need to think about this. And talk to Jaemin-ah."
"Please don't!"
"Why not?"
"Let me talk to him first," I asked of her.
"What?"
"Please, Naeun-ah. I'll only be honest with him. I promise."
"Fine," she nodded. "But do it as soon as possible."
.
.
.
[Lee Taemin: Jaemin-shi, I would like to talk to you in private. But it's quite urgent. Do you have time today before 2 pm?]
"So what's this message about?" Park Jaemin asked me as soon as I sat down in front of him in the university's cafeteria.
I sat down calmly and decided not to get irritated by his direct speech.
"I'm sorry for asking you to come out here this early but I want to talk to you about something. Unfortunately I'm flying to Japan this afternoon and I don't want to postpone it any longer."
"Alright, I got it," he said impatiently. "Just tell me what you want to talk about it."
"Actually it's not something I want to talk about. It's something I want to say to you," I said and kneaded my fingers. Stupid habits.
"Then what do you want to say? I'm sorry to be so rude but I still have classes, Taemin-shi."
I thought about it one more time but Naeun-ah told me to be honest and I had already made up my mind after all.
I looked up at him and stopped kneading my hands.
"Stay away from Naeun-ah!" I had planned to say it calmly but that came out kind of desperate. At least I didn't shout.
I covered my face with my hands to cover my embarrassment up.
"That's not how I wanted to to say it...but that's what I wanted to say," I concluded and he only nodded.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he denied the obvious.
"I'm being honest here! I could be nice as well and I know everyone deserves to be loved and if any of my friends liked a girl who was taken I would definitely encourage them to at least confess. But if any of them laid their eyes on Naeun-ah I would tell them what I just told you. I think everyone deserves a chance. But I simply don't want to give you any chance. You can think of that as selfish because it is but I won't give her up. Not even the possibility of giving her up."
I finished my long speech. Satisfyingly I had managed to bring all that out slowly and calmly. I looked at him directly in the eyes and waited for an answer.
This was only a short chapter. It's half of what I normally write. I actually didn't feel like writing but I'm trying to distract and busy myself as much as possible. I guess you all know why if you just consider the fact that I'm a Shawol (of course I am, why else would I write a fan-fiction about Taemin).
Anyway, I'll publish whatever comes to mind. The story... will probably never reach December 2017 because I don't want to write about that time even if I change what happened here.
I won't discontinue the story since I hate it when authors do that (that's so weird, calling myself an author, I mean) so we'll see where it goes.
And I'm sorry. Right now, I'll either not write at all or publish a lot regularly. Who knows. Right now, I spend the whole day listening to Jonghyun's songs and re-watching old Shinee shows. We'll see what takes over my mind.
Sorry for the long author's note. I usually don't write such because they're not interesting to read anyway.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. I try to avoid those thoughts as well but my room is full of Shinee posters just like my phone and my social media and my mind just goes where it wants. You're right, we have to start strong and I will - just give me three more days, then I will (hopefully) stop being said and weak.
Sorry that I brought up an unpleasant topic.
If you need help or just someone to talk to, feel free to message me. We all need help or time sometimes. I'll always answer (: