I was shocked.
Scared.
And upset.
"How are you in here? It's only family," I whispered. He started walking closer and I saw the red in his eyes.
The dried tear streaks.
The redness on his face from crying.
The tears in his eyes.
"He's your cousin. We'll leave you two alone," father had said and Samandriel followed him out after giving Dean a hug.
"Why are you here?" I asked him. He walked over to me and sat down in the chair close to my bed, scooting it closer before just staring at me.
"Castiel," his voice was broken. He looked broken. He reached for my hand and grabbed it. I didn't close my hand though. He seemed to notice because his eyes filled with more tears.
"Dean," I whispered.
"I-I-" he broke. He started crying. My heart clenched at the sight of him losing everything. Breaking down. He looked back up at me. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said those thing. I didn't mean to make you do this. I'm so sorry, Castiel. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry," his voice cracked.
I didn't know what to do.
I just stared at his shaking form as he whimpered he was sorry for everything.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I felt really weak, but I used all of my strength to hold his hand back. He looked up at me, tears falling rapidly.
"It's okay," I whispered. He let out a broke sob as he smiled.
"Thank you," he cried. "I really want to kiss you but," he was starting to calm down.
"Yeah," I chuckled.
He wiped his face with his free hand. We were just smiling at each other when father walked back in with Samandriel.
"Dean, your father wants you," father said. He had a look on his face as Dean stood up.
Was I in trouble?
"Bye, Cas. I'll be outside," he kissed my forehead, lingering a little bit before walking out.
Samandriel and father stayed this time though.
"Castiel, your wings are black, correct?" Samandriel asked me as he gave me something else to ease the pain.
"How did you know that? How do you know about that?" I asked confused.
"I have wings myself and I saw your back when we were changing you," he explained. "But you have lost a lot of blood due to your little outburst and that will cause your wings to come in a bit more painfully than it should," he said to me. My eyes went wide.
"Why?" I asked looking at father.
"I'm not sure exactly but I'm just warning you," he said. I nodded.
"So, when they feel like the time is right with Dean, it will hurt a little," father said.
"Okay, father," I told him looking at my arms. "I'm sorry," I mumbled quietly.
"It's okay, Castiel. What did Dean say in order to get you to do this?" He asked sitting down where Dean was.
"He," I took a deep breath as I replayed the fight in my head. "He asked why he was even with me," I said finally.
Father was silent as anger flashed across his face.
"I'm going to have a talk with that boy," he stated, standing.
"No, father, please," I stopped him.
"Castiel," he started but I cut him off.
"No, please don't. I know he's sorry. When you and Samandriel left us in here alone, I saw him a way I never wanted to and that was broken. He started crying really hard, father. It killed me to see him that way. I never want to see him like that again. Ever," I told him truthfully. Samandriel was smiling as I finished.
Father sighed. "You really do like him, don't you?" He asked with a small smile. I couldn't help but smile.
"No," I said.
"What?" Father was confused. I could only smile as the three little words flowed from my mouth.
"I love him."
A week later.
"Castiel, do you need anything else?" Father asked me before we left. He was sending me to a therapist. Which I have no problem with because maybe it'll actually help.
I had gotten home yesterday and I have already told Lucifer what happened. When he wrote back, he said he wanted to go see me but he couldn't and that he was going to talk to Dean whether I like it or not. He's trying so hard to make up for Gabriel being dead.
"No, father, I don't think so," I said grabbing my phone off my lap and holding it tightly in my hands.
"Okay, let's go then," he smiled and grabbed my leg for a second before starting to drive.
The ride was silent and kind of tense for some reason. He hasn't said a word about what I said about Dean the day I told him I loved Dean.
"Father?" I started.
"Hmm?" He hummed.
"Uh, do you think I'm going to get my wings?" I asked him only to see what he'll say.
"What do you mean?" He glanced over at me for a split second before looking back at the road.
"Like, do you think I'll succeed? Or do you think I'll end up like Gabby and have my task fail?" I asked, voice hitching on Gabriel's name. I was still tore up about his death but I'm okay. I'll be okay.
"In my honest opinion, I believe you will succeed. I know you love Dean and it really does seem like he loves you but after that stunt he pulled, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't," he said as we pulled into a parking lot.
"You know he didn't mean to, right? He was under a lot of stress and I had told him I was done with cutting," I defended. I didn't like when people said bad things about Dean. Granted, I know where they're coming from after what had happened, but it was all his fault.
"Okay, Castiel. We'll talk about this later. C'mon," he said getting out of the car. I got out as well and followed him into the building as I felt my phone vibrate in my hands.
It was from Dean.
Where are you?
Therapy.
Why? Everyone is acting weird without you here. They have since the day It got out that you were in the hospital.
Father and I both think it'll help me. That's weird. But I have to go okay? I'll talk to you later. Bye.
Alright, babe. See ya.
I pocketed my phone as I waited for my name to be called.
It felt like hour before it was actually called and I followed the lady into her office.
"Hello, Castiel. I'm Ellen and this is my daughter, Jo. She's going to be here a few times because she's helping out, is that okay?" She asked motioning to a very pretty young girl that had to be a year younger than I was.
"That's fine. Hello, Jo," I smiled and greeted.
"Hello," she smiled back.
"Alright. So, Castiel, how have you been?" She asked me.
"I've been doing a lot better. I got out of the hospital yesterday so that's good. It's so cramped in there," I said trying to be as open as I could be before I closed up completely.
"You were in the hospital?" Jo asked me curiously.
"Yeah. I had a breakdown about a week ago and I tried to kill myself," I admitted. Her eyes went wide.
"Why?" She asked. I felt myself starting to close up.
"I uh," I started. "I have a um," I couldn't get it out. I felt nervous. Scared.
"You don't have to explain, Castiel," Ellen said politely. I only nodded. "Why don't you tell us about your family?" She said as a starter.
"Well, I have a father. No mother. But he's amazing. I have two older brothers, well. Had. I only have one now. I call him Luci. He's over in war right now. I had another one named Gabriel. I called him Gabby. They were both drafted and then a few weeks ago, Luci came home and said that Gabby was dead. That was where I was on edge. One little nudge and I'd go overboard because they've both saved my life," I said. There was a smile on my face and a sad one on theirs.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Jo said patting my back.
"It's okay. My boy-" I cut myself off. "My best friend has been helping me through it. He's amazing," I said with a smile.
Ellen was about to say something when the timer went off.
"Well, that's all we have for today. Thank you for coming in today, Castiel. On Friday we'll talk about you, okay?" She said as we all three stood up.
"Okay. Thank you," I said as I walked back to father.
"How'd it go?" He asked as we walked out.
"Okay. I was open and then Jo asked me why I was in the hospital and I closed up though," I explained.
"It's alright, Castiel. You'll open it with time," he smiled and I nodded in agreement.
The way home was silent and I had gotten a text from Dean saying there was a new girl.
What's her name?
I'm not sure. Sammy hasn't found out yet. She has red hair and she's short.
Hmm. Where did she come from? It kind of sounds familiar.
When I read the next message, I whimpered.
"What is it?" Father asked concerned.
"T-there's a new student," my voice was wavering.
"Who?" He asked. It took a deep breath as I felt myself start shaking.
"A-Anna."