BEAM
I must be a fool.
How soon can I escape reality? How fast can I forget this stupidity?
What was I even thinking? And Forth? Good choice for a one-night stand, but poor preference for a one-time fuck. And why is that so? He's a friend. That means our paths will have to cross again, and how am I supposed to face him now?
Dim-witted Beam.
Clearly, alcohol prohibits the brain from being lucid while it intensifies whatever emotions you bury deep inside you. I have been around a lot of ladies lately, and all I did was sleep around. These are not just the average type of girls. I've been with really hot ones that no guy can let pass without turning their heads. I know what sex feels like. I am aware how satisfying it should be.
I just have one question right now?
Why did it feel so damn better when I did it with Forth?
Without a doubt, I've lost my mind.
It felt different. A lot different.
His warm breath that reeked of alcohol. Those eyes that pierced through mine. His gentle touch that quickly turned rough. And his soft lips that traced their way to every single shred of my sanity.
I must be insane to be even thinking about it again and again.
It started as a joke. A dare. My head was almost exploding with all kinds of random thoughts about Kit and how I thought I was really attracted to him until I started questioning myself why I wasn't satisfied with the hook-up I just had with a girl.
Everything was fuzzy except for the presence of the engineering moon beside me. He got my back. I had too much to drink even before he arrived, so when he did, all he could do was stay beside me and take care of drunk me. My words incoherent, I may have said the same thing over and over again. About Kit.
"Do you think I like him?" I asked Forth.
"Like who?"
"Ai'Kit. Do you think I like Kit?"
"Probably." he replied.
"Forth, you can take your friend to my room upstairs." I think I heard Lam said.
I didn't know how drunk I looked that time that his friend got to the point where he had to offer his room for me to sleep in. Am I being too much of a trouble now? I guess so when I felt that half of my entire weight has already been shifted to Forth's lap and shoulder, even my head is hovering closely to his lower body.
I must be completely drunk.
Forth got up slowly while pulling my arm and eventually positioning it around his shoulder to make sure I didn't fall. We took the stairs to his friend's room, and the only thing in my mind was for him to not leave me alone.
I didn't know what his presence had caused me, but I felt secure while he was holding me.
He tucked me in, and when I felt that he was planning to go back to his friends, I didn't know what I was thinking, but I just pulled his arm so hard that he couldn't let go.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I'm going back downstairs to drink."
"Stay with me."
He thought for a second before agreeing to stick around.
He sat on the bed leaning on the headboard next to me thinking maybe of leaving when I fall asleep, but I'm not letting his arm go. He asked for me to loosen up and gave his word that he would stay beside me, but something in my head wasn't satisfied enough with him just being next to me.
I remain lying on the bed but still won't let go of his arm until he felt that maybe my grip is only getting tighter and tighter.
"I'm not going anywhere, so let go of my hand." he calmly said.
"You're leaving me. I knew it." I whined as I pulled him closer. He tried to take his arm away from me, and I have no plans of letting him go, so instead, we played a game of tugging.
I keep holding on to his arm as tight as I can, and the more he resists, the closer our bodies get up to the point where he is almost on top of me, and I could feel his weight on mine. Our faces too close that there's very little room left to breathe leaving the other taking in some of the other's breath.
A moment of blabbing that only revolved around my feelings towards Kit and how I didn't find it satisfying having had sex with a lady that had everybody in his faculty drooling.
Until I totally lost it and uttered two words that would completely change how my world spins.
"Do me."
Two words that shocked him which he also took seriously after an exchange of forceful inducing and rejecting, back and forth, over and over.
I wonder if he is just trying to be nice controlling himself so hard, or he just really doesn't want to do it with me.
Is it that bad?
In an atmosphere like this: dark room with faint light coming from the porch which has cast shadows on our intertwined bodies and is the only thing aiding our sight of each other. His body almost completely on top of mine. What else is still hindering him from doing as I say?
What's stopping him?
"Beam... I think..." he hesitates.
"Hurry!" I gasp.
I know. Logic.
Trembling as he may seem and having such great self-control, I have to be the one to initiate it just so he can realize soon that it's fine with me because, as I keep telling him, I can do it with anyone since I have no one in my heart.
With that in mind, I slightly lifted my head just enough for my lips to reach his, and from then on, there's no other way but to let our instincts drive us. The light touch of our lips might have ignited something inside him that he started kissing me back but the trepidation, this time I know it, has been replaced by desire.
The kiss got deeper and deeper while his body became more and more comfortable being on top of mine. I must say, I am enjoying the heftiness taking over me. His hands have a mind of their own they started exploring my body's curves and edges.
Where did all his fears go?
How far am I willing to indulge myself? Is there a brake pedal I could step on?
I guess not because I am starting to feel his tongue enter my mouth, and why do I feel as if he wanted to swallow me whole?
Alcohol and desire.
I let my tongue play with his because why not? A light moan escaped his mouth when I clutched his back so hard I can imagine leaving traces of my fingernails on his skin. Whatever Forth is doing is making me do all of this.
Mouths still playful, his arms which were propped up against the sheets moved quickly to lift my upper body and help me get rid of my shirt which flung somewhere inside the room. Quickly after I lay on my back again, he undid his own top and went back to devouring my lips only to leave them hanging as he found another way to bring shivers to my entire being.
His lips slowly moved from the corner of my mouth down to my neck. His warm breath and saliva only made me hold on tighter to his nape. He kept moving downwards with his mouth almost tasting the entirety of my chest until it finally found one of my nipples most likely protruding from the sensation his mouth and hands are giving me.
He didn't hesitate to suck it while one of his hands slowly slid its way to my hips.
Moaning sounds occupy the room, but there's no rushing. Forth is taking his time. He must've known that he has taken charge since all I could do was gasp for air and bury my fingers deep all over him.
His mouth alternately played with both my nipples kissing, sucking them hard that got both my hands grasping his hair that I didn't even care if I was hurting him. All I know is that tonight, everything seems to be a thousand times better than all the times I've hooked up with anyone else.
His mouth continued on its own path from my chest down to my navel, and he let his lips play there for a little while leaving traces of his warm spittle on my stomach when all I could do was to utter,
"Forth...."
"Hmmm..." he replied creating a tiny gap between his mouth and my skin that didn't last that long.
The whole time, my eyes were closed, but for a moment I managed to muster all my guts to take a glimpse of Forth, and that was when I saw his lips and teeth play with my jeans button. He must've felt that I was watching him, so he took the chance and waited for nothing to kneel on the bed only to unzip my jeans as if in a hurry.
He kept pulling them down to my toes and didn't waste any second to reach this time for my boxer shorts which were the only thing hindering his view of my manhood which by the way has been throbbing with eagerness since I don't even remember when.
The idea of myself being completely naked in front of him has made me feel a little embarrassed I'd be forever thankful to the darkness of this room concealing how red as a beet my face is.
However, Forth being Forth, as gentle as he is, didn't let me stay that way for a long time.
After seconds of feasting his eyes on my nudity, he went back to hovering on top of me with his mouth moving closer and closer to my groin giving me hints of what he's about to do next. He teased for while giving me soft kisses around my navel while his hands are busy taking off his own trousers and his sexy pair of boxers.
No matter how dark it was, the view of Forth appearing to be so hungry and craving for me will never leave my mind. How come we have reached this point?
Earlier, we were just two guys drinking and enjoying our friends' company talking about nonsense. A couple of months ago, we were just acquaintances with each other that the closest physical contact we ever had was just a mere high-five.
What's going to happen after tonight doesn't matter at the moment because right now the only thing I want is for him to own me.
Thank goodness again for the lack of light in this room that Forth didn't notice how my eyes were checking out his package. Since I've been longing for him to invade my most private, why don't I see for myself if I could handle it?
I swallowed really hard wishing I didn't take a look. Will I be able to take it?
I must admit I am a little apprehensive and afraid of how this would work. I am aware of the possibly great pain that I am submitting myself to, but at this point, there's no turning back, there's no saying no.
All these things running in my head are just my way to distract myself of too much pleasure that my body and soul are going through right now. I look at Forth and he seems very eager to satisfy me tonight.
From soft kisses, he took a glance of me before clutching my shaft to let his mouth play with its tip. His lips feel so soft and warm against my skin. He started with light kisses until he sucked it all in moving up and down from a mere calculated motion going faster as if being chased. He felt how I arched my back that he used his left hand to reach for my hips gently caressing me while his mouth is still busy.
This feeling that Forth is giving me, how come it feels so different from when somebody else was doing it to me? How can he be so skilled at this? Clearly, this isn't his first time.
"Forth... easy..." is all I could say.
I don't want this feeling to end just yet, but those words from me only agitated him that he even moved faster and faster I can feel his teeth and tongue on my length. The insides of his mouth felt like an entirely different world to me.
I lost control of everything, and I can't even begin to describe how I am feeling, but all of a sudden, the pleasure stopped. He stopped and grabbed me by the hips, lifted and turned me over and started kissing me on the back while straddling me.
It helped to relax me a bit as I bury my face on the cushion while I keep tugging on the wrinkled sheets. His lips keep moving downwards leaving every inch of my body with goose bumps as his hands continue to discover every part of my body.
For a moment, I felt his entire weight above me making both our bodies parallel with each other but definitely no gaps in between, and surprised as I was, I focused only on the words that came out of his mouth,
"Beam..."
"... Yes?"
"Do you trust me?"
".... I trust you."
Those last three words I uttered was the only thing he was waiting for before he quickly lifted his body away from mine. He knelt and I felt his hand sliding slowly from my nape to my buttocks gently parting them as though making way for the entrance.
This is the moment I feel excited and afraid of. No matter what, I'll just let it happen tonight. At this very moment. My eyes kept shut, and I feel tension in my jaw, for I am aware of what's going to happen next.
"I trust you, too..." he whispered.
One swift move.
"Shit! It hurts!...." I blurted out.
It really did hurt. The pain was beyond my expectation, and I didn't know how to handle it. I could only grit my teeth and groan as he stopped for a moment then moved slowly and gently still trying to be considerate of how hurt I can be. I kept my eyes closed as I tried to ignore the pain because the seductive moans coming from Forth's mouth can only make me feel aroused again.
His movements started to get certain and forceful with rhythm that goes along with mine.
I didn't realize my body has acclimated to the pain that I began moving with him. Little by little, the pain has been overtaken by a certain kind of pleasure that I've never ever felt before.
This must be it.
Along with our movements came moans and deep breaths filling the air. For a moment, he grabbed me by the neck to reach for my lips and kissed them so hard I can imagine how sore it will be the morning after. I felt his right hand reach for my tool and started giving it the exact same pleasure that he's getting.
His right hand moving faster only made me lose all control until I uttered his name before coming. Fluid spattered all over the sheets as he kept moving his hand up and down my cock until he was certain that I finished with extreme delight.
I was still catching my breath with my elbows supporting my upper body against his continuous thrusting when I felt his movement gaining speed and his grip on my hips tightening.
I tried moving along with him as I still gasp for breath until I felt him make one deep and final shove before my name escaped his mouth. His fingers buried deep against my skin as he curled up on top of me while trying to resume regular breathing. Both our bodies fell freely on the bed with mine still beneath his.
We remained in that position for as long as we could with Forth still giving me baby kisses on the nape and shoulders. My eyes stayed shut for I could only savor this moment. I felt even happier when he hugged me tight.
We were both satisfied and exhausted.
So much so that we fell asleep in I don't remember what position anymore. Before I completely dozed off, I reminded myself of all the possibilities that this blissful moment could bring into our lives, Forth's and mine. Good and bad.
We were friends.
We still are.
Maybe we should just forget about it, and move on with our lives.
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stoked_souL says: I don't know how I got through writing this entire chapter. forgive me for the lapses. my imagination is lame.
no questions, just throw in your comments, suggestions and violent reactions. I appreciate them.
thanks for dropping by. ❤
this goes out to none other than my sisters TheQueenMotherHateu, yaoi_mazter and dannyca1008. long live the Katoeys' Club. 💞