"Hey baby!" My mom grabbed me in a tight hug, rocking me from side to side. "I missed you so much."
"Uh, h-hey," I muttered, still in shock that she was standing in front of me. I hadn't seen her since Christmas and that was six months ago. She told us she'd found a new place two hours from here and that she was going to start over, clean slate. Maybe she was just visiting.
She leaned back and grabbed my face. "Look at you, you've gotten even more beautiful and taller."
And you got even more pale and older, I wanted to say but I bit my tongue.
"Carla," Jordan's low baritone vibrated against my back. His hands were on my shoulders and he pressed me against his chest, away from the cold or away from our mother who he refused to call mom.
"Jordan," she smiled. "Still looking handsome as usual, how have you been - "
"What are you doing here?" he interrupted. That was kinda rude but it wasn't like I expected any different from him. He never really forgave her for ditching us.
"Mom?" another voice called.
Her sunken eyes focused on someone behind us and her smile grew wider. "Noah! My baby boy!"
"Hey." He merely half-smiled, too kind not to return her smile.
"It's freezing outside," she shivered, looking at us expectantly.
"Uh, come in," I offered when no one else did. I felt Jordan stiffen behind me and wondered if I made a mistake by inviting her in.
"Mhmm, it smells delicious in here, what are you guys cooking?" she asked, carelessly throwing her purse and coat on the couch.
"Pasta," Jordan answered, clearly not excited about her presence.
"Did you cook this?" she asked me with a smile, "You were always such a great little cook, you got that from me. I used to make the best dishes, even the neighbors would knock on the door asking for a taste."
"You never picked up a pan in your life, Carla," Jordan commented, busting her bubble.
Her smile was now forced but she refused to falter.
I decided to cut the tension. "Actually, I didn't cook this time, Jordan did. I did make some waffles this morning, there's some leftovers if you want. I'll heat it up for you."
"You're such a sweet girl, Jade," she praised as she patted my cheek.
She took a seat at the kitchen table. "Noah, baby, come sit here next to me. Let me have a closer look at you."
Noah's eyes flickered to Jordan. I saw our oldest brother nod faintly and Noah took the seat next to her. She smiled again - it seemed like that was all she ever did since she got back. She ran a hand through his hair in a way that only mothers do.
"You're getting more handsome every day," she pinched his cheek, causing him to blush. "You and Jade look exactly like your father. Blonde, green eyes - it's what made me fall in love with him."
"How was he like?" I asked. He suddenly left when I was merely six years old so I didn't remember much about him.
"Oh, he was good looking and always smelled like leather and mint. We met at a bar, he bought me a drink and then next thing you know we fell in love."
"Then why aren't you still together?" I wanted to know. "Where is he? I would really like to see him again."
"Sweetheart," Jordan sighed from where he was leaning against the counter. "We've talked about this before."
Yeah, we did talk about it before. Jordan told me that I was better off not knowing the man for some reason he refused to tell. But I didn't think it was his call to make. This was my father we were talking about not his.
"I don't know where he is right now," mom said. "I do know he had to leave because he had some important stuff to do."
"Tristan told us he had another family," Noah suddenly said.
She nervously stroked her bleached hair. "That's not entirely true."
"Then what is the truth?" he pushed.
"Noah, buddy can you come with me for a second?" Jordan didn't wait for an answer and slung an arm around his shoulder, leading him to the back porch all the while murmuring something to him I couldn't understand.
"Here you go." I set the waffles in front of her and she thanked me. She was reaching for the cutlery when I noticed the scars on her wrist. "What happened?" I asked.
She pulled her sleeves down and took a bite from the waffle. "Mhmm, this is really good."
I sat down at the table and lifted my feet on the edge of my chair, wrapping my arms around my knees. I started scratching at a scrape wound on my leg from last week when I fell skateboarding down the street. I sneaked a peek at my mom through my long eyelashes and watched as she devoured the waffles as if she hadn't eaten for months.
She looked skinny, too skinny. Her face had more wrinkles than last time and she looked ill. She had put heavy make up around her eyes and bright red lipstick that always left a stain on my cheek. I could smell nicotine on her, cheap perfume and beer. Her hair was dyed blonde but it wasn't nicely done because I could still see the grey hairs sticking out. She wasn't that old - I knew she was very young when she had Jordan, sixteen he had told me. That meant she was only forty six years old but she looked more like she was sixty six. What happened to her?
The front door suddenly opened and Tristan walked in, Ashton trailing in behind him. Tristan was in the middle of laughing about something until he noticed our mother. His laughter died down and Ashton peeked around him to see what put a downer on his mood. His blue eyes widened for a second in surprise before a dark look washed over his face.
"The fuck is she doing here?"
Tristan put a hand on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear before he walked over to us. "Hello, mother." His tone was dry and devoid of any emotion, which was very unusual for Tristan.
"Hey, sweetie," she smiled at him.
Tristan then walked over to me and shot me a real, genuine smile. He bend over and kissed the top of my head, mumbling against my hair, "Hey, princess." He straightened his back and looked around. "Where's everyone?"
As if on cue, Jordan and Noah walked back into the kitchen. They greeted each other and I marveled at the different secret looks they passed around. I swear a whole wordless conversation took place and I couldn't even catch a single message.
Ashton roughly opened the fridge, grabbed a coke and suddenly disappeared upstairs. I startled when I heard his bedroom door slam hard.
Noah bit the inside of his cheek. "I'm gonna go check on him."
I watched as he disappeared too and sighed.
Awkward.
Tristan cleared his throat from where he was leaning against the fridge. "So, Mom - to what do we owe the honour of your presence?"
Sarcastic much?
She swallowed down another bite and flicked her thin hair over her frail shoulder. "Just checking up on my kids, that a crime now?"
Tristan shook his head with a forced smile. "No. Not at all."
Jordan scratched the side of his head. "What do you want, Carla?" he sounded tired. "Is it money? I'll give you some if that's what you want but you can't st-"
"I need a place to stay," she cut him off.
"You can't stay," he finished his sentence.
She dropped her fork on the plate making it cling loudly. "And why not Jordan Anthony Moore?"
Ooh, the mom-voice.
Jordan cocked his eyebrows, clearly unimpressed. "It's Jordan Alexander Moore."
Ouch.
"And I don't think I need to explain myself to you once again. Because every time you stay, you always end up screwing things up - and instead of cleaning up your mess, you run away."
She held his icy stare which I thought she deserved a medal for, not everyone can meet Jordan's eyes like she did. She picked up her fork again and continued eating like everything was just okay. "I wanna start over again," she said calmly. "I'm not asking you to give me a chance, I'm just asking for you to help me."
"How long do you need a place to stay?" Tristan suddenly asked, ignoring the daggers Jordan was shooting at him for even considering her request.
"Not long, just a few days until I find something to rent. I've got money so I don't need yours," her eyes momentarily snapped to Jordan, directing the last part specifically to him.
Tristan crossed his arms over his chest, making him look bulkier than he already was. He was staring off at a stain on the floor, thinking deeply. "Okay," he eventually said, "Just a few days. I know someone who owns some apartments in town, I'm sure he can offer you a nice deal."
"You're gonna have to find a job if you're planning on staying for a while," Jordan reminded her.
"I'll find one, don't worry about it." She sounded so confident, I almost willed myself to believe her. Almost. She ate the last bit of her waffle and looked up at me with an exciting smile. "In the meantime, wanna be roomies again?"
"Oh, I - uhm," I looked at my brothers for help. It wasn't like I didn't want her to sleep in my room, it's just that last time she did, I ended up having the most traumatic night of my life.
"Absolutely not," Jordan cut in.
"You can sleep on the couch," Tristan offered.
Mom rolled her eyes. "I made a mistake once and you think I'll make it twice?"
"You brought a man into her room in the middle of the night, Carla!" Jordan reminded her.
"I was drunk!" she defended herself, her calm façade slowly slipping away.
"And naked," Tristan added, "and so was he. And you were going at it like bunnies."
She dismissed him with the wave of her hand. "It was dark, it's not like she saw anything," she turned to me, her lips stretched into a smile again, "Right, honey?"
I hugged my knees closer to my chest. "Uhm, I guess?" I didn't see all of it but I saw enough to make me have nightmares for weeks.
"Yeah, you're not going anywhere near her room, or ours for that matter," Jordan warned her. "Just stay downstairs, on the couch."
"Fine," she snapped. She was digging in her pocket and took out a box of cigarettes. "Can I borrow a lighter?"
Jordan sighed heavily. "No smoking in the house."
"What do you mean no smoking in the house? You both smoke all the time!"
"Yeah, but not in the house," Tristan repeated slowly as if talking to a child, "And especially not around the kids. Go outside."
"Alright, alright." She got up to her feet, went to the stove and lifted up the pan of the sauce so she could light up her cigarette, and then went outside.
As the door closed, a sudden silence washed over the house.
Tristan unfolded his arms and let out a long sigh. "The calm before the storm."
FADED
I knocked on the boys' room before I entered, leaning against the doorframe. "Dinner's ready."
Noah was on his laptop, doing god knows what. Ashton was in bed typing away on his phone.
"I'm not really hungry," Noah said which was very unusual, Noah could always eat at any time of the day.
"I'm not sitting at the same table as her." Ashton answered. His phone dinged with an incoming text and he sighed. "Seriously, what do people do with all the extra time they save by typing 'K' instead of 'OK'?" he mumbled to no one in particular.
"Come on guys, don't let her presence affect you like this. I'm not thrilled having her here either but she won't stay for long. Tristan said he'd help her find a place and she promised to look for a job. So she'll be out of our hair in no time."
Ashton scoffed. "Penny was right, Jade, you are naïve. How many times did she promise the same thing? How many times did she say now was gonna be the last time. There's never a last time, JJ, only next times. In a couple of weeks she'll hurt us again and leave. And then next time, she'll do the same. And then she'll do it again and again and again and - "
"Alright, I get it!" I angrily tucked some hair behind my ears. "What do you want us to do, make her leave?"
"Yes," Ashton said like it was that obvious.
"We can't just kick her out, Ash. She's still our mother," Noah mumbled quietly from behind his screen.
Ashton laughed. "You call that skank a mother? Puh-lease. She'd trade us for coke if she could. Wait till you get older Jade, she'll realize that she could use you too and next thing you know she'll pimp you out for her next fix."
Noah threw a random book at his face. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't say stuff like that to her."
I paled. "She'd actually do that?"
"Yes."
Noah threw another book at Ashton and then faced me. "No, Jade, of course she won't. Don't believe anything he says, he's just being a jerk cause he needs to project his mommy issues on someone."
Ashton chuckled. "Sure, Noah. Whatever makes you sleep at night."
I let out a long breath. "Are you guys coming down or not? Please don't leave me alone with her."
"Alright," Noah sighed. He closed his laptop and marched over to me. "But I'm doing this for you, not for her."
I smiled lightly. "Thanks." Noah left his room and I walked over to Ashton. "Ash, please. You don't even have to talk to her, you don't even have to look at her. Just come down and have dinner with us. You can tell me how your first day went at work, and how much you want to strangle Tristan."
Ashton closed his phone and ran both his hands down his face. His blue eyes locked with mine. "You don't get it do you? Playing pretend won't change a thing, Jade."
"I don't want things to change, Ash. Maybe I want her to change but not us." I grabbed his hand and tried to pull him off his bed. "Now get your ass out of bed and let's eat."
He pushed himself up and slung an arm around my neck. He lightly bumped his head against mine and whispered, "Don't say ass." Next thing I know I feel a pinch on my arm.
"Ow!"
He let me go and chuckled.
Oh well, at least I got him where I wanted. Taking a little pain to the arm was the price I was willing to pay.
FADED
"So how's your new boyfriend Rob?" Tristan asked through a mouthful of pasta. I think I just lost my appetite.
"Roy, his name was Roy," Mom corrected him. "And we're not together anymore."
"Did he find another toy to play with," Ashton mumbled under his breath.
"No, he died. Overdose."
I stopped mid-chew and looked at her. For someone who claimed he was her new love, she didn't really look heartbroken at all. The way she said it so casually, it almost sounded like he just had a little cold.
"Okayyy, wrong question." Tristan downed his glass of water.
"Is that why you came back?" I asked.
"I came back because I couldn't stand living in that house without him but I also came back to see you guys again. I really missed you so much." She reached over to grab Noah's hand who was closest to her but he swiftly slid his hand out of reach. I could see the disappointment in her eyes but like always, she quickly pulled up her mask again and smiled. "How are things at school, Jade?"
I put my fork down and nodded. "It's okay. I'm getting straight A's most of the time. Noah's helping me out a lot, he's like the genius of the house."
Noah looked up at me from under his bangs and smiled.
"That's nice to hear," she sounded actually proud. "What about you Noah, a nice looking fella like you must be attracting some female attention. You got any girlfriends yet?"
He kept his gaze on his plate and nodded. "Some. Nothing too serious."
"What about you Jade?"
Her question startled me. "I - I'm only twelve."
"So? You're never too young to experiment a little."
All my brothers looked at her like she'd grown another head.
"Experiment?" Ashton laughed. "Did you just tell your own daughter who's twelve years old to experiment with other boys?" He looked at our brothers and laughed again, "Is she fucking mental?"
"Ashton." Jordan cleared his throat, making him shut up. "I'm sure that's what you did when you were that age, Carla, but I don't want her to end up like you."
She huffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I don't want her pregnant at fourteen."
"I was sixteen!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, but you had your first abortion when you were fourteen," he pointed out.
I looked at my mother. "You had an abortion? I didn't know that."
She turned her head to me. "Did you start your period yet?"
"W-what?" I sputtered. What kinda question was that?
"Did you or did you not? It's nothing to be embarrassed about, baby, you can tell me-"
"Jesus Christ, mom," Tristan threw his napkin on the table, "You can't just ask her that - "
"She's my damn daughter, I have every right to ask her." She looked at me again. "Well?"
"No," I squeaked. I could feel the heat burn my cheeks and ears as I slowly slid down my chair, wishing the floor could swallow me down.
She turned to my brothers. "See, she hasn't started her period yet which means she can't get pregnant. So you don't have anything to worry about."
Ashton pointed a finger at her as he looked at us. "This woman belongs in the looney bin."
I felt a hand on mine and looked at my mother's brown eyes. "Have you bought a training bra yet?"
"Mom!" Tristan growled.
I turned to Jordan and whispered, "Can I go to my room please?"
FADED
I was buried under my covers when I felt the bed dip. Someone sat beside me, a hand rubbing up and down my back.
"I'm really sorry about that," Jordan said. "You okay?"
"No," my voice was muffled under the sheets. "Why is she so, so - so ugh!"
Jordan chuckled, his voice deep. "Don't let her get to you like that, sweetheart. She thinks she's doing the right thing - "
"Bu she's not!" I exclaimed, still buried under my covers. My hair was sticking to my face and I was kinda desperate for fresh air. "We should teach her stuff about how to be a mother. I think I saw a book about it in the library."
"I doubt a book would change anything." He tugged the covers away from me and his lips twitched in a smile as he stroked my curls out of my face. "C'mon, Tristan's leaving. He's waiting to collect a hug from you."
"I don't wanna go downstairs, she's just gonna embarrass me again."
"No she won't, I won't let her. Also you haven't finished your plate yet." Jordan grabbed me and lifted me out of the bed while I just let myself hang. Jordan was a strong boy he could carry my weight. "Let's go, Jade."
"I don't wanna," I whined. I was aware I was acting like a toddler but hey, I really didn't wanna. "Carry me."
Jordan's arm circled around my waist, lifting me up like a ragdoll.
"Hey, not like that!"
"You should've been more specific then," he said as he went down the stairs, making sure he bounced me with every step. I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose.
Jordan threw me on the couch and I landed on top of Noah. He was eating cheese puffs and some of it ended up on me. He looked at me and picked some out of my hair before popping it in his mouth. I pulled a face.
"You're so disgusting."
I looked around and noticed that my mother was missing.
"She's in the kitchen, doing the dishes," Noah suddenly said, as if reading my mind.
"Mom's doing the dishes? You're sure that's her and not some random woman?"
Noah licked the cheese crumbs from his orange fingers as he flipped through the channels. "Nope, it's her alright."
"She does know we have a dishwasher right?"
Noah smiled goofily at the television screen.
"Can I have some?" I asked as I reached for the Cheetos when a hand suddenly grabbed my wrist. I looked up and met my oldest brother's eyes.
"No snack for you until you finished your pasta."
I groaned but let him pull me towards the kitchen where my plate was still untouched. I dropped myself on the chair and started eating, grateful that Jordan had heated it up. I watched my mother as she rinsed the dishes while humming a song. Her attire was so tight and revealing, I thought I was going to lose my appetite again.
She turned around and smiled at me. "Oh, Jade I'm sorry if I - "
"Carla, I said no talking to her," Jordan cut her off.
"I was just gonna apologize, jeez."
He stared her down warningly. "No talking."
She rolled her eyes and started drying the cooking pan. I noticed her looking at me from time to time and I knew she wanted to say something, but every time she'd open her mouth, her gaze would flicker to Jordan and she'd clamp her lips shut.
I was grateful she didn't ask me anymore questions to mortify me. She wasn't doing it on purpose and I forced myself to forgive her. She didn't know any better, maybe if we were a normal family and we had a healthy mother and daughter relationship, those questions would've been acceptable. So maybe it wasn't all her fault, she was just trying to be a good mother.
"Do you still have an eating disorder?"
I take it back. And I take my forgiveness back too.
"Jesus," Jordan muttered through clenched teeth as he rubbed a hand over his forehead. "What the hell are you smoking or do you really have a short term memory? I said no talking to her," he repeated firmly.
"I'm just concerned about her." She walked over to me and ran a hand down my cheek. Her hand was still kinda wet from doing the dishes.
"She doesn't have an eating disorder," Jordan said as he took my empty plate and glass, putting them in the sink.
"I don't have an eating disorder," I repeated, wanting her to know I was telling the truth. "I'm just not hungry a lot I guess."
"If you say so."
She finally dropped her hand from my face and I reached up to wipe away the moist.
Tristan suddenly walked in, putting on his jacket. "Hey, I'm off. I'll pick up Ashton tomorrow morning, make sure he's up and ready," he told Jordan.
"You're still with that girlfriend of yours, Penny?" Mom questioned.
"Uh sort of."
She raised a badly plucked eyebrow. "Sort of?"
"Yeah, Penny and I have an on-again, off-again relationship," he smirked. "Or whatever you wanna call it."
Mom sighed. "Oh, so you're that kinda couple, huh? Son, you need to learn how to keep a woman."
"No offense, mother, but I'm not taking dating advice from you," he said as he took my hand, taking me to the other room.
"What's up?"
He looked behind me as if checking something before grabbing some money out of his pocket and putting it in my hand. "I heard you and Lauren were going to the mall tomorrow. Why don't you get yourself something nice, huh. I think you deserved it, especially after tonight."
"But Jordan already gave me money."
"I know, it's just a little extra. You don't have to spend it now. Do whatever you want with it, it's yours."
I looked down at the money in my hand and frowned. "Why are you being so secretive about it?"
"I didn't wanna give it to you in front of her."
I met his eyes back again and said, "But she said she didn't need any money. It's not like she's gonna steal it."
He smiled softly. "You trust too much, babe."
"And that's a bad thing?"
He dropped a hand behind my neck and pulled me closer. "No, but some people abuse that kinda trust you have in them. And that's a bad thing." He kissed my forehead. "Just hide the money, I'm not saying she's gonna take it, but I wouldn't taunt her either."
"Okay." I looked down at the money and stuffed it in my pocket.
He smiled at me. "C'mere." He hugged me tightly, lifting me off the ground. "I'll see you soon, alright? Call me if there's anything." He kissed me hard on the cheek and put me back down.
"Bye," I smiled as I watched him go to the front door. "Tell Penny I said hi."
He turned around one last time and winked. "I will, baby girl. Love you!"
"Love you too!"
"Hey, what about me?" Noah yelled from the living room.
Tristan chuckled. "Love you too, baby boy."
"I'm not a baby!"
I rolled my eyes. Brothers.
A/N: thank you for the positive response! Don't forget to vote or comment! Stay tuned for more :)