Over the course of the next week I became determined to at least catch a glimpse of Anxiety. I spent all of Monday trying to get into Anxiety's room. I stood in my room and sank down, putting every ounce of focus into getting to his corner of Thomas's mind. I felt the world swoop, a feeling we get when we travel in the mind. I cracked open my eyes only to be staring at my wall. I growled in frustration. This was the twenty-third time I had tried and I was getting nowhere. But nevertheless I continued to try, time and time again.
Tuesday came, and I was exhausted from trying to get to Anxiety's room. Instead I tried to summon him, alas, my attempts were futile. Wednesday, I was out of ideas so I went to Patton and Logan, hoping they would be able to provide some. I went to the common room first, but when I popped up I only saw Thomas. He was slouching on the sofa, staring at the TV. But when I went to see what he was watching, I discovered that the TV was off. I waved a hand in front of Thomas's face. He snapped out of is trance and looked at me. His eyes clouded with confusion before recognition dawned and he recognized me.
"Oh, hey Roman," he sighed in discontent.
"Hello, Thomas. You seem troubled, can I be of any help?" I asked in the most regal voice I could muster.
"No, I'm, uh, I'm fine," he muttered. He checked the time on his phone, and let out another sigh. "I gotta go to work. Bye Roman," he told me. He grabbed his bag and keys and left. I sat there confused.
He has to go to... work? Perplexed, I went to Logan's room, hoping he could answer my questions. I popped up, ever surprised at the simplicity of his room. The walls were painted a navy blue, a dark brown hardwood floor covered by a simple white carpet. In one corner was his bed, which was flawlessly made. In another was his desk. Made of the same wood as the floor, every pen and paper upon it was arranged in a perfect setup. Logan came out of the bathroom and jumped a little at my presence. I gave him a little wave.
"Roman, do you require assistance?" He asked, ever professional in his demeanor.
"No, I was just confused. Thomas said he was going to work?"
"Ah, yes. As he has been unable to record videos, I suggested that Thomas get a job so as not to fall too low financially," Logan informed me.
"Why would he fall low financially-- oh," I paused as realization dawned. Thomas wasn't making any money because he wasn't making videos, because I wasn't giving him ideas! I held my head in my hands, unable to meet Logan's eyes as the guilt and shame that had been building up for weeks came pouring out. As I cried in Logan's room, Logan looked around, for once not knowing what to do. He quickly summoned Patton who immediately encased me in a hug. "It-it's all my fault! Everything," I whispered. Patton took me to my room and tucked me in.
"Go to sleep Roman," he cooed. "You'll feel better when you wake up." Patton turned off the lights and left. I tossed and turned in my bed, my nose stuffy from the crying. I must have fallen asleep at one point because when I opened my eyes, early morning light was streaming in through the windows. I stared at the ceiling and tried to rack my brain for ideas for Thomas's video.
Challenge video? No, too cliche. Sanders Sides? No, Thomas posted one last week. My brain internally warred, shutting down every idea I had. I heard my phone ding, and I immediately scrambled to get it, praying it was Anxiety. My face fell when I saw it was only Thomas letting me know that he had gone to work.
I spent the rest of the day aimlessly drifting around the house. Got breakfast, then watched a Disney movie. Ate lunch, sat in my room and listened to Hamilton, but too weak to actually sing. Just as the first act (twenty-three songs) finished, I was suddenly struck with a wave of energy. A wide smile spread across my face and I immediately sprung into action. I brushed my hair and changed into my suit. The silk fabric felt amazing after so long! I didn't know what had come over me, but I was loving it! This was it. I was getting Anxiety back. I sank down with a wide smile, more determined than ever to see him.