My Hired Boyfriend (Completed)

Por foreverpurple1000

1.1M 40.2K 7.7K

Hazel Reed, a self proclaimed loser by choice, never thought for one second that she would ever hire a boyfri... Más

My Hired Boyfriend
Copyright
1. Evil love child of Simon Cowell and Honey Boo Boo
2. Snowball Nipples and Victorian Women
3. Unicorn Crap and Upchucking the Car
4. Medusing and Hot Tomatoes
5. Serial killers and Wet Willies
6. Lady Desires and Horny Spiders
7. Road Tip Rule #1-Don't Piss Off the Driver
8. I am Beyonce, and I can read a map
9. Drunk Ladies With Twisted Panties and Pillow Lines
10. Toilet Plungings and Promises.
11. Rainfall Releases The Crazies
12. Soap
13. Flour Power and Guilt
14. Stephen McStud Muffin
15. Crappy Crayons
16.Humpty Dumpty and Rosemary
17. Strippers and Cotton Candy
18. Buckle Me In
19. You're Going To Kill Me (full)
20. Oh look, Ellen's in the crab hole.
21. Lyre
22. Hella Scary
24. Why You No Shimmy Jimmy?
25. Hail the Queen
26.Hairless Like A Baboon's Butt
27. One Drink Too Many
28. Conviction
29. I Need You
30. Flowers and Ex Girlfriends
31. The Big Bad Wolf
32. Coda's POV teaser chapter
33. Bruised and Damaged But Alive
34. Finality
35. Again and Again
36. Frying an Egg
37. "Cordero Is Going to Make Me Lay a Golden Egg or Something"
38. Burnt Waffles
39. Crown Jewels and Splintered Doors
40. Katy Perry Fireworks and Ramen Noodles
41. Burger Kings is Magically Delicious
42.Steamy Windows (Part 1)
42. Steamy Windows (Part 2)
43. Confrontation Style
44. Stronger
45. Frozen
46. Made New
47. Promises
48. Tesore
49. Photograph (Coda's POV)
50. AUTHOR'S NOTE

23. "Why Is There Poop On Your Face?"

23.7K 872 176
Por foreverpurple1000

             Chapter 23 

           “So you’re telling me that I’ll be beautiful once I put these cucumbers on my face,” I say skeptically, flopping onto my bed.

            Addy looks up from her pristine platter of sliced cucumbers-locally grown and blessed with “super beautifying antioxidants” (or so she says).

            “Don’t doubt me,” she says, glaring at me.

            I shrug, reaching over to pluck one off the plate to eat. “It’s cucumbers dude, it’s going to take a lot more that a few pickles to make this face a sight to see.”

            “You’ll see. Patience young grasshopper,” she coos, throwing me a pointed look, her crazy hair in a tight pony ail at the top of her head.

            I exhale, flopping back onto the bed. It was no use arguing with her.

            She was convinced that this “beauty session” would work wonders but to be honest, it was probably just a load of crap.

            Fifteen minutes later, just when Addy is about to toss my body out the window from all my snide comments, Gwen walks in hearing all the commotion.

            “What is going on here? It sounds like you guys are in a death match over a boy again,” Gwen exclaims leaning against the door.

            I throw her a sheepish look, flinching when Addy slaps my hand away from grabbing another cucumber. “She’s trying to make me pretty.”

            Addy snorts. “You’re words not mine.”

            I frown, opening my mouth to argue that it was her idea but Gwen intervenes-like she’s always done- her lips puckered in amusement.

            “You’re arguing because you don’t want cucumbers on your face?” Gwen asks me, somewhat disbelieving.

            “Yeah…” I drawl. It was the most obvious thing in the world.

            “Honey, people pay for people to do this to them,” Gwen chuckles, her long wavy hair falling past her shoulders.

            I pout when Addy grins at Gwen having taken her side. “Can we just get some pickles and call this a day?”
            “Pickles are not cucumbers!” Addy exclaims.

            “Yes they are!” I argue back.

            “Well fine, they are, but they’re technically not the same-“
            “Do this to Jeremy, he likes pickles,” I say lowly, wiggling my eyebrows at Addy.

            She stops short, her face blushing a furious red as she is rendered speechless before she grabs onto a pillow, Thor-slamming it onto my face (the way she always did).

            Gwen bursts out in laughter as I flop back onto the bed, seeing stars.

            I can only make out Addy’s partial screeching-

            “I don’t like him!-“

            “He’s cute but-“

            lalalalalalalalalalala.

            I groan, covering my ears. “Just shut up and paste me with some cucumbers.”

            Addy mutters something under her breath, pinching my nose and causing me to protest in irritation before she begins to layer pickles-I mean cucumbers- on my face.

            We spend the next half hour talking with Gwen about the wedding.

            The wedding was only two weeks away and there was still a lot to do.

            By the time the timer for thirty minutes rang, I literally jumped up in bed to scrape the cucumbers off but Addy wasn’t done. No. not by a long shot.

            When she tears open the avocado enhanced face masks, that’s when I lose it.

~*~

            My face itches.

            And burns.

            I waddle over Addy who is currently sleeping on the floor with her face covered in green muck-just like me.

            She literally had to in me down and put it on my face.

            The stupid, forceful girl.

            I shuffle some things around, looking for my phone when my hand brushes over Coda’s jacket, the one I never returned.

            Slipping my hand into the pocket, I pull out the dainty necklace that I saw weeks ago, the small chain carefully spinning in the air.

            That’s right, I never gave this back to him.

            Carefully placing the necklace back into the pocket, I tuck the jacket into the corner of my bed. I will give it back to him later, after I wash off all this gunk on my face, I think to myself, slipping out the door and trailing down the halls.

            Everything was silent-nearly the entire family deciding to head down to the beach.

            Distantly, I hear the sound of the faucet shutting off as I walk around the corner, the door opening the second I round it.

            I have only a fraction of a second to stare into Coda’s bewildered eyes before I feel him grab onto my shoulders, pinning me against the wall, a dangerous look in his eyes.

            I blink.

            He blinks.

            And then he’s cussing, his palms slipping off my shoulders as he takes a step back, the dangerous look in his eyes slowly disappearing as I heave a steadying breath, rubbing my sore shoulders.

            “You scared me,” he explains, resting his palms on his knees, his eyes peering up at me with contempt. “What the hell is all that poop on your face?”

            I glare at him, grateful that for once, he wouldn’t be able to see me turn red, the green facial mask covering everything.

            “It’s a beauty mask-“

            He scoffs and I cross my arms, feeling too much embarrassment to even look him in the eye properly.

            “A beauty mask? More like a please nearly get me killed mask,” he mutters, leaning against the wall when I slip past him into the bathroom.

            The humid air hits me in a wave of steam, the windows all fogged up.

            I glance behind me to see Coda’s hair dripping onto his shirt, his eyes hard-like they always were (90%) of the time.

            “Yeah well it’s not like everyone is prepared to kill someone when they get scared,” I reply snippily.

            Coda doesn’t respond when I turn on the sink faucet, stooping low to wash my face off.

            By the time I look up, Coda hands me a towel, the pensive look still on his face as he watches me.

            “What?” I ask, irritated and slightly.

            “Nothing,” he mutters back, too quickly.

            Heaving a heavy sigh, I dry my face and turn around to lean against the counter to face him.

            “Are you feeling better?” I ask quietly, patting my neck dry with the towel. I wince slightly, my shoulders slightly aching. There was going to be a bruise.

            Coda watches me carefully, finally heaving a heavy sigh and pushing off the door frame.

            The bathroom was too small for both of us so I push myself up to sit onto the counter and Coda shuffles in.

            He takes the towel from my, carefully drying the rest of my face and neck, his fingers lingering at my shoulders.

            “I can manage,” he says quietly, his eyes lifting up to meet mine for a short second.

            I stay quiet and still, the frown on his face doing nothing to lessen how handsome he was.

            “How’s your shoulder?”

            I shrug, downplaying how much it kinda hurt.

            “I can manage,” I reply back.

            The edges of his lips curl into a half smile and I have to bite my lips to keep from smiling.

            “I think it’s our turn to cook dinner,” I say as Coda places the towel beside him, his arms on either side of my body.

            Coda laughs, the sound vibrating through the small space between us.

            “That’s going to be interesting.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, offended.

            Coda gives me an exasperated look, his lips pursed. “You and cooking? Please, you’ll burn something-or worse, put yourself on fire, trying to make toast.”

            I frown, wanting to argue that it wasn’t true but we both knew that it was.

            I was a terrible cook.

            I huff, crossing my arms and Coda smiles gently, the amusement in his eyes clear as he leans into the counter.

            “I’m not the world’s best cook but I can make spaghetti,” he tells me.

            “Wow, spaghetti, big whoop,” I say sarcastically.

            Coda scoffs, his bright eyes flickering with a challenge.

            “It’s better than not being able to toast a Poptart,” he tells me snidely.

            “Hey! You promised to never mention it!” I protest.

            Coda chuckles, placing a warm hand on my knee as he leans back.

            “Well there’s only one way to settle this argument,” he tells me, offering a hand for me to take.

            I stare pensively at him, feeling a wave of de ja vu back to the first time he held out his hand for me and I just stared at it wondering if I should poke it.

            “You’re going down,” I mutter, clasping my hand tightly into his as I pull myself off the counter.

            I was going to make the best dinner ever.

            ~*~

            “So uh, I’m just going to microwave this,” I mutter lamely, gingerly holding the glass jar of spaghetti sauce in my hands.

            “You do that,” Coda says skeptically, his back to me as he rustles through the fridge.

            Uncertain, I take one last glance at him before putting the glass jar of sauce into the microwave, shutting it and hitting five minutes.

            It begins to rotate and a feeling of satisfaction flows through me.

            Spaghetti.

            So easy.

            I slap my hands together, shimmying through the kitchen in a little victory dance.

            “See? I can do this,” I say as I wiggle past Coda, his face a cross of skeptism and hidden amusement.

            “Are you still planning to make cookies? Or is that too complex for you?” he asks me, a sly grin on his face.

            I lower my hands, placing them on my hips. “If I can make spaghetti I can make cookies,” I say, grabbing the box of flour out of his hands.

            Pouring flour into a large bowl, I spin around, looking for the eggs.

            Cookies needed eggs, right?

            Coda just watches me in amusement, handing me the cartoon of eggs and leaning back to watch me.

            How many eggs do I put?

            I shrug, it shouldn’t matter.

            I crack about half of the dozen, slamming on egg so hard onto the counter it goes shattering and oozing out a gooey mess onto my hand.

            I make a face, gagging a little before I turn around, my hand dangling in the air and dripping yoke.

            Towel. Towel. Towe-

            The second I see him, I can’t help it.

            It’s kind of not my fault because he’s was kinda asking for it by just standing there lazily, letting me do all the work.

            I smear my hand down the front of his shirt and Coda glances up sharply, his eyes piercing mine in disbelief.

            And then I step back.

            The look on his face is golden.

            Instead of yelling at me though, he smiles mischievously but I don’t get to dwell on the look because I have to start stirring the cookie mixture.

            Stirring in chocolate chips, I grab the electric mixer, fumbling with buttons to try and turn it on.

            “Hey,” I say, half turning to look at Coda when I push a button and there’s a ker-plunk noise.

            The stirrer hits the mixture hard, sending up a violent spray of flour and eggs right onto my face.

            I felt like I was battling a cruel and evil force as I forced my way through the mess drenching me to look for the off switch.

            I can hear laughter behind me as I yank the plug to the mixer.

            Immediately the flying batter stops and I freeze, egg dripping down my face and entire body.

            “Please tell me you have a towe-“  I begin to say, turning around to face Coda when I hear the crack of something on my head.

            Seconds later, the eggs slips out of the egg, dripping down my face slowly as I stand frozen in shock

.

            Did he just-

            Did he really?-

            He just slammed an egg onto my forehead.

            Looking up slowly to look at Coda, the egg on my face almost makes everything worth it because Coda is laughing hard, his face twisted into an expression other than a scowl.

            “I can’t believe you!” I hiss, slapping his chest pathetically as he continues to laugh.

            Grabbing the edge of his shirt, I use it to semi-wipe the mess on my face.

            “I can cook, you just ruin everything,” I begin to say, accusing Coda when there’s a loud sounding pop from the microwave.

            And then the microwave door is popping open, spewing red sauce all over the place, the inside of the microwave looking like a bloody scene from a horror movie.

            I scream, pressing my face against Coda’s chest as the microwaves continues to rotate even with the door open.

            The thing was possessed, spewing out tomatoes like nobodies business.

            Coda places one of his hands on my head, holding me against him as he reaches over to try and turn off the microwave.

            “Why is it still on the door open?” I wail, covered not only in eggs and flour but spaghetti sauce as well.

            Coda lets go of me, bracing himself on the counter to try and yank the plug out.

            When he finally yanks it out both of us are breathing hard, as I look around the kitchen in horror.

            “Crap,” I hiss, turning around quickly to look for a rag to clean up with but only succeeding in slipping.

            A half strangled scream leaves my lips as I throw a hand out to try and grab onto the counter but instead, I take down the box of flour.

            I hit the floor hard on my butt, the box of flour tipping and pouring steadily like a waterfall over my head.

            I sit there in disbelief, Coda just staring at me too before the flour finally runs out of the box enough to stop assaulting me.

            A laugh escapes his lips and he conceals it by coughing hard as he kneels beside me, my face scrunched up in frustration.

            I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

            Coda moves a strand of hair out of my face, a nasty blob of egg yolk the only thing that seemed to be on his body.

            He picks up the edge of his shirt to wipe the flour off of me face and I almost think he’s going to forget the challenge when he looks me into the eye and says:

            “I guess I won.”

            He can’t stop the laughter after that and before I know it, I am scoping up a heap of flour and eggs and spaghetti sauce off of the floor and tossing it at his face.

            Coda tilts his face away but the mess still hits the side of his face.

            “You little weasel,” he grunts as I kick myself away from him, trying to scramble away when he latches onto my ankles, dragging me back to him.

            I half scream half laugh as he grabs onto the bowel with the rest of the mixture from the counter, managing to pour half it onto my head before I scramble away.

            “What are you two doing?” I hear a voice says from the door.

            Jeremy stands at the doorway, his lips pursed.

            Not even giving him a response, I grab the bowel from Coda’s hands and toss the mixture onto his body.

            Jeremy stops talking, his eyes narrowed in concentration as his lips curve up into a challenging smile.

           Then all hell breaks loose.

            Within the next fifteen minutes, Addy scrambles into the kitchen dazed and in her face mask after hearing all the screaming and let’s just say this:

            We did what all of us, together, did best: We wrecked it.

            ~*~

            “So uh, pizza, huh?” my dad asks me, trying his hardest to conceal his laughter as he reaches for a slice.

            I grimace, chewing my pizza vigorously as Coda snickers beside me.

            “It was pretty hard to make,” I say, lying.

            But hey, it was a small white lie. Calling the delivery person was the hardest part.

            The house is full with laughter and life again, the conversations too loud and the laughs a little too boisterous for my liking but sitting here and eating pizza never felt so-

            It never felt so nice.

            Even though Evelyn and Ellen are secluded in the corner, their postures screaming ‘I’m too cool’ for you, I watch with a smile on my face as Uncle Bob tells Coda a story about the time I peed into the water park’s pool thinking it’d turn blue.

            I watch Coda, unable to stop smiling at how happy and carefree he looked. For once, his shoulders were relaxed, his laughter carefree.

            I don’t know for how long I stare at him, watching him before he turns slightly, catching my eye.

            He smiles genuinely at me, placing a hand on my thigh before returning his attention back to the rest of my family as they pass along pizza and stories about growing up.

~*~

            I swing myself on the swing set, my toes caressing the sand below me as I stare out into the ocean.

            The moon light reflects off of the water in a brilliant hue of crystalline white and blue and when I breathe in the smell of salty sea water, I can’t stop the smile on my face.

            In fact, I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling the entire night.

            I was extremely lucky to be sitting here right now.

            Even though we all had things we wish were different in our lives, I don’t think I’ve ever sat down and actually thought about just how lucky I was-especially now.

            I think back to Coda’s smiling face and the feel of his warm hand on my leg and all I can feel is my heart fluttering thick in my veins.

            When I hear his footsteps in the sand and his presence behind me, I don’t have to look to see who it is.

            He places his hands on the rungs of my swing, pulling me back so my back hits his chest.

            “Hey,” he says softly, releasing the swing.

            “Hi,” I respond, grinning when he pushes me forward, my swing inching higher and higher.

            “You looked like you were enjoying yourself today,”  I murmur, the feel of the wind on my bare legs nice as Coda pushes me forward.

            Coda makes a small sound of agreement and we stay silent for a long while, me just sitting there and Coda pushing me in my swing.

            I don’t know how much time passes as we just sit there enjoying each others company before Coda finally says:

            “I’ve forgotten,” he says, clearing his throat. “ What it’s like to have a family.”

            I open my eyes, Coda’s hands coming into contact with my back for a brief second before i am flying forward.

            What could I say to that?

            Here I was feeling like I was the unluckiest person on earth because there were a few bad apples in my family while Coda didn’t even have one anymore.

            The thought is enough to send a heavy lump in my throat, the feel of tears springing into my eyes.

            “M-My family loves you,” I say, reassuring him.

            He must’ve heard something in my voice because in the next moment, his hands latch onto the rungs of my swing to slow me down to stop.

            I blink rapidly, thinking back to when he told me his little brother’s name.

            “Hey,” he murmurs, his eyes narrowed in concern as he kneels in front of me. “Did I do something wrong?”

            He wipes a stray tear from my eyes and I laugh a watery laugh.

            “I’m the terrible person and you think you did something wrong?” I ask shakily.

            He tenderly tucks my damp hair behind my ear, his face eyes level with mine.

            “Why are you terrible?” he laughs, like the idea is hilarious to him.

            I stare at my lap, my hands clamped tight together. “Because I’m selfish. When I told you I couldn’t stand my family, I only partially meant it, I mean they’re still my family and all and even though Evelyn hates my guts and most of them are mean to me, they’re still my family and you- you don’t have anyone after Ridge and-“

            Coda tilts my face up, his eyes strained. “How is any of this your fault?”

            I look him in the eyes, my heart beating so fast I feel like I’m trembling.

            Because.

            Because I like you.

            Because every time I’m around you, I feel like my heart going to drop right out of my stomach.

            Sitting here on the swing, the cool ocean breeze brushing past us, uncurling the promise of the sun tomorrow, it’s easy for me to admit to myself that I did indeed like Coda Williams.

            Telling him though, was something else entirely and when I find myself parting my lips to say something, nothing comes out.

            Coda smiles to himself when he breaks the silence.

            “I’ve also forgotten what it’s like to have someone worry over me,” he chuckles, brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheekbone, his palm pressed to my cheek.

            “Who says I worry about you?” I ask, trying to calm the nerves in my voice.

            He just smiles, taking entwining me hand with his other hand. “I didn’t say you did, but I guess you really do think about me if that’s the first thing you think of.”

            I frown, muttering oh and Coda laughs quietly when he looks down at our entwined hands.

            “That’s okay,” Coda tells me, looking away, his body so close I can feel the frantic beat of his heart near my hand. “I can’t say I think about other things half as much as I think about you, so I guess we’re even.”

            I don’t care what anybody say, Evelyn can call me ‘stupid’ and ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ all she wants but she will never understand a moment like this-

            -a moment filled with the sweet feeling of not worrying about the next day or the day after that.

            She’ll never understand what it’s like to sit here under the moonlight, feeling young and infinite and like you’re half full instead of half empty, because maybe this memory will be a failed story I’ll tell my grandchildren later on about how I had fallen in love with a boy I'd hired to be my boyfriend, but right now-

            Right now,

            I feel legendary.

~*~

A/N- This is like eight pages on word so hopefully you like this chapter, i really liked it ;) 

Please don't forget to comment and vote!

p.s- my new focus is on this story and' 'The Night Vigilante', if you interested in reading an action/teen fiction/ romance with superheros from me, than check it out on my profile :) it would mean the world to me if you did :)

             

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