Noelle loved being home. Paris had everything she ever wanted in a city. In particular, she loved the smell of the freshly baked bread and pastries of the neighborhood bakery, the adjacent cafe's roasted coffee and the ability to walk to the local market for a couple bags of groceries and fresh flowers. It was New York, but with more savoir faire.
It was Saturday and Bradley would be calling her in the late afternoon with her upcoming schedule. For now, Noelle wasn't going to think about the tour or work, she just wanted to savor being home.
Arriving back from the market, she put her groceries away, made a pot of her favorite chai tea pouring in a bit of soy milk and a quick squeeze of honey, slipped into some cozy loungewear and fluffy socks and sorted through her mail.
Planning an afternoon of lounging, she was anxious to catch up on her catalogs and magazines that arrived while she was gone. She could tell by the thickness of the last magazine in the pile it was the latest issue of Rolling Stone her favorite.
"Oooh my..." Noelle thought, looking at Prince on the cover. Every time she saw a picture of Prince, it brought her back to 1984 when she met her equivalent of the Sex in the City girls, saw Purple Rain and went to that unforgettable front row Prince concert where she witnessed BFF Marissa remove her pannies in public and shoot them at her man.
Grabbing her phone, she group texted Marissa, Polly and Shelby. "Did everyone get their latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine?" She lovingly stared at the beautiful man in the white shirt with red polka dots with hands touching the highest point of his cheekbones and cufflinks readily apparent.
Almost immediately, her phone fired up.
Polly replied sassily, "Where you been girl? This has been out for weeks?"
"She's been busy being our shiki miki famous author Polly. Girl did you just get back? When can I see you? I want to fix you up with a new doctor at the hospital." Marissa busted on Polly, and me slightly, concerning my whereabouts.
Shelby texted, "Welcome home sis. I wish we could have met up in New York. My job is killing me...just like those Payless shoes I wore when I worked there. LOL"
Resting back into the chaise of the sofa, Noelle covered herself with the chenille throw and paged through the magazine to scope out the eye candy.
"Sweet lord...no matter his age, he is always divine." Noelle said aloud while sipping her tea which thawed the chill from her grocery excursion and fed her soul along with the vision splayed across the pages in the magazine.
Jarring her from a daze, her cell rang and it was Marissa.
Noelle answered sarcastically, "Apparently I'm a code blue? I see you're trying to fix me up again."
"I'm gonna find Mr. Right for you...or at least Mr. Right Now. I read that advanced copy of your book cover to cover, have you calculated the last time you got laid? Girl there was a time when that call button to your apartment was buzzing daily. Now...any man that was lucky enough to get in between those legs of yours would have to clear the cobwebs and hear a creeeeak upon spreading those thighs."
"Now I know you ain't speaking that way in front of my godchild or nieces or nephews. Do you even know how many children you have now since you and Donovan can't keep your hands to yourselves?"
A belly laugh rolled in from the end of the line and Noelle was so glad to hear Marissa's laugh...she, along with Chantal her LMFT practice partner were her family in Paris.
"Have you talked to Chantal since I've been gone?"
"Changing the subject I see."
"Marissa I cannot think of dating until I'm finished with this book tour. I'm never home. Hell I'm barely getting my hair cut and colored this week before I'm gonna be gone again."
"Maybe you should throw in a bikini wax as well." Marissa laughed heartily. "You never know...you might meet someone interesting out on your tour. Maybe just a good lay. I've read the book reviews, both men and women alike love the book."
Sighing heavily, "Do we have anything else to talk about hun? How are the kids and Donovan?"
"What about that handsome agent of yours? Radly Bradley? He seems really nice...good job, easy on the eyes...looks like he's got a nice giftwrapped package in those pants."
"Marissa! Get a hold of yourself or you're gonna need to hump Donovan the minute we get off this phone. You two cannot afford any more kids."
Noelle did her best to deflect Marissa's comments, but she was relentless.
"You are gorgeous Noelle. Bradley is handsome, are you turning a blind eye to what is being served up right in front of you? Plus he takes such good care of you on your travels."
"For gods sake Marissa that's his job."
"Ooooh wait child...has he already been servicing you out on the road?"
"Lord Marissa you talk like I'm a table that needs bussed or my oil needs changed."
"Maybe not but your chassis needs lubed. But seriously Noelle, have you two hooked up already frolicking around on your tour? If not, it might be a good way to WD40 those sugar walls."
"Really Marissa...really? Look I'm gonna go."
Noelle was starting to feel bad about herself and that took a lot. Not that Noelle was conceited. No. In fact, she was just so thoughtful of others and confident in her abilities. Truth be told, with the holidays coming up...it made her miss him.
Marissa took a more serious tone. She sensed that her comments may have gone too far, which she sometimes had a tendency to do, but she also wanted the very best for Noelle. She was the sister she never had.
"You do know I'm right because all you got is 'really' for me. You know I'm right love. I may tease you to death but I just want to see you happy and with someone you enjoy, happy and screaming your lungs out hanging from the rafters because of earth shattering orgasms and some babies Noelle."
Marissa heard a sniff on the end of the line and her tone became even more loving.
"We just need to smother those thoughts you have about Jack. We need to extinguish that torch you're carrying for him with a brand new flame...your 4EVER remember? I'm gonna come over."
"Don't...just dont. I'm just tired and worn out from traveling. I need to be alone and relax. I don't want to talk about anything ok?"
Marissa wanted to make Noelle laugh. "Are you sure?"
"I am. If I was up to socializing I would tell you."
"Ok please just know I'm here alright? You know I mean no harm. I love you Noelle."
"I love you to."
"Well I love you so much I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do because I know I upset you."
"You didn't honest."
"I'm gonna lend you my man."
"What? Oh honey I'm not into freaky stuff like that...Donovan is your husband..."
Marissa was howling, "Oh no honey not Donovan I mean Prince baby. You just feel free to you know...take care of your business with that Rolling Stone magazine."
"Oh my god you are..."
Noelle's other line beeped in and it couldn't have happened at a better time. Pulling her phone back to view the caller i.d., it was Bradley.
"Marissa...I need to call you back. Bradley is calling with my upcoming touring schedule. Love you girl. Bye."
"Hi Brad. Tell me you have good news for me."
"Hey! So I have some good news and some bad news which would you like first?"
"Gimmie the good news."
"I swung exactly what you wanted. Your tour starts on the 15th."
"What's the bad news?"
"Well...I'm sorry to say we'll be in London for Christmas and then Rome over New Year's. I couldn't swing a break over the holiday and they have you booked at three stores, one them the day after Christmas right away in the morning so I'm not even certain you'll be able to fly back to Paris for just Christmas day."
"It's ok Brad, I know you did your best."
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An end finally came to the long day of busy paperwork. Prince walked to the front of Paisley and looked out the door to see how much snow was still coming down and the answer was -- a lot.
"So much for getting out and mailing this check to Anna."
He opened the front door and stepped out into it, "Brrrrrrbbbbrrrr," to immediately step back inside and lock the door.
After warming up some vegetarian chili, he did his best to concentrate on finding something to watch on television but nothing was catching his eye, partially because he was thinking too much about Noelle's book.
He could see why it was already a bestseller. It was thought provoking, funny and, even though he wasn't reading it in order, made you realize that everyone goes through a lot trying to find their love.
But...he was done with that and merely needed some inspiration to get back in the game with his music.
Since he was finished looking for 'his one,' he can understand the value she provided. For him, he just read for the entertainment value and nothing more.
Cleaning his dishes, he double checked the front lock and gate and headed up to his bedroom to prepare for bed. It was only 8 p.m., but he was going to read...one of his Egypt books. That's what he kept telling himself at least.
Noelle's book was still on his nightstand where he had left it earlier and he was determined to have some self control. Yep he was going to read The Rise and Fall of Ancient Egypt.
Paging through to chapter one his eyes read a few lines and then popped up to see Noelle's book in his view. Popping his reading glasses on his tired eyes he muttered, "There that's better."
After completing the first page he started reading the second while slowly pushing the book toward the edge of the bed until it fell to the floor. Holding his head in his hands he was struggling with feelings he did not want to have, a desire to learn about a beautiful, younger woman. Slowly lifting his eyes to finally rest upon Noelle's book.
"Why you so hesitant to read her book P?" He said on a whisper. "It's just a book, nothing more."
Taking the book into his hands, he picked up where he previously left off knowing he still wasn't reading it in order.
"While love has been a revolving door for me, my girlfriends and I could always find solace in the arms of our Prince who helped us to embrace ever romance ever sold to us and brave every breakdown of our hearts."
Prince smiled at Noelle's use of two of his songs in that sentence, flattered and humbled at the influence he had on her life that buoyed her spirits during times of happiness and strife. Laying on his side, resting on his elbow, he continued to read.
"To truly understand love, we need to take a moment to examine the different types of love.
According to Psychology Today, there are seven different types of love.
"Oh seven, well I already like this." Prince mumbled to himself laying back to get more comfortable.
1. Eros
Eros is sexual or passionate love, and is the type most akin to our modern construct of romantic love.
2. Philia
The hallmark of philia, or friendship, is shared goodwill. Friendships founded on goodness are associated not only with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability, and trust.
3. Storge
Storge ('store-gae'), or familial love, is a kind of philia pertaining to the love between parents and their children.
4. Agape
Agape is universal love, such as the love for strangers, nature, or God. Also called charity by Christian thinkers, agape can be said to encompass the modern concept of altruism, defined as unselfish concern for the welfare of others.
5. Ludus
Ludus is playful or uncommitted love. It can involve activities such as teasing and dancing, or more overt flirting, seducing, and conjugating. The focus is on fun, and sometimes also on conquest, with no strings attached. Ludus relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated but, for all that, can be very long-lasting.
6. Pragma
Pragma is a kind of practical love founded on reason or duty and one's longer-term interests. Sexual attraction takes a back seat in favour of personal qualities and compatibilities, shared goals, and making it work. In the days of arranged marriages, pragma must have been very common.
7. Philautia
Philautia is self-love, which can be healthy or unhealthy. Unhealthy self-love is akin to hubris. Hubris means an inflated sense of one's status, abilities, or accomplishments, especially when accompanied by haughtiness or arrogance. As it disregards truth, hubris promotes injustice, conflict, and enmity.
What I think most of us desire is a healthy mix of Eros and Philia. These loves when developed in a healthy construct thrive and tend to be long lasting.
At least that's what I want...to be passionately in love with my very best friend, so I'm looking for a mix of Eros and Philia in my search for my 4EVER."
"Me too." Prince said quietly while brushing his index finger across his bottom lip.
Fanning the book, he moved on to a chapter called, The Jonathon Years. Prince sat up cross-legged and began to read.
The Jonathon Years
"While finishing up my master's at NYU, Polly agreed to attend a spring lecture series with me on the grieving process. I needed it as part of research for my thesis and Polly had just lost her mother to cancer the previous year. It was going to help the both of us.
The guest speaker was Johnathon Katts an extremely respected PhD in clinical psychology. For his accomplishments, he was considered quite young which of course I found appealing because I wanted to fast track my academia so that I could start practicing. Considering my aggressiveness, he was a bit of a role model for me.
Admittedly, my attention could wander easily, and so much to Polly's disappointment, I needed to sit in the front so I wouldnt be distracted.
Once we sat down, I busied myself looking at the handouts and taking some notes.
Polly whispered in my ear, "He's really handsome."
"Uh huh." I replied while continuing to scan over at his notes.
"He's looking at your legs Noelle."
Glancing up slightly, I received a shy smile from him as his eyes immediately refocused on setting up his laptop.
I thought Polly was nuts because he never looked at me the entire lecture so her deduction that he was interested in me, had to be wrong.
After the lecture there were appetizers and a cash bar in the social hall of the library.
Polly and I decided to hang for a bit as it was always positively looked upon by professors if you showed face at these affairs. Additionally, I was graduating in December, so I was networking with as many professionals as possible to secure a position for my clinical hours while studying for my boards.
"Will you hold my glass of wine? I need to run to the bathroom." Polly whispered in my ear.
"Sure."
I stood there for a bit hoping one of my professors would be freed up to chat, but everyone was busy in conversation so I wandered to the window to view the beautiful flowers that were starting to bloom in the below garden.
"Most students avoid sitting in the front for my lectures, I was happy to have someone a little less scholarly looking as my friendly face in the crowd." Professor Katts said in a low tone as he leaned up against the window sill across from me.
I have no idea where the self assured woman went, I was absolutely tongue tied. His hazel eyes were the color of milk chocolate edged in green and he had the thickest lashes I've ever seen on a man...something I obviously didn't notice even sitting in the first row of the lecture.
Looking to see where Polly was, I noticed she was speaking to one of the guidance counselors that happened to stop by the reception.
"Thank you. I typically need sit in the front, I get easily distracted."
He chuckled a bit, "I can see that."
My face grew warm as I tried to hide my embarassment by shifting my weight on my feet, but I could tell he knew I was uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry I just wondered where my friend was, I moved from where we were previously standing. I'm Noelle by the way. Noelle Dubois."
Extending my hand, he took it and shook it firmly but gently. "Nice to meet you. Please call me Jonathon.
By now, Polly was free and fast approaching. Polly introduced herself to Professor Katt's and then said, "I'll meet you at home. I need to stop by guidance as Ms. Clark can see me right now. It was nice meeting you Professor Katts, you gave I great lecture that I think will help me out a lot."
I couldn't be upset with Polly. She had been trying to set up an appointment with Ms. Clark for weeks.
Thankfully I thought of the perfect escape. "I'm sure there are many that would like to speak with the guest speaker, please don't let me keep you from mingling with the others."
His head scanned the room that was slowly dwindling in numbers and with a boyish grin. "I don't see anyone standing in line to chat with me, but I was hoping you would."
That's how Jonathon and I met.
Much to Marissa's disappointment, we dated almost three and a half months before we were intimate. It was very important for me to get to know someone prior to making that step.
You can imagine what my girls were saying when they knew I was still holding out on this perfect man, but I was green and not willing to hand over my gift to just anyone. Jonathon didn't seem to mind, but things were getting more and more difficult to avoid as our goodbyes got steamier.
One night Jonathon and I were tired from our work week and New York was experiencing one of its famous heatwaves. Instead of cooking, which would heat up his apartment, we decided to walk down to the corner bistro and pick up some take out.
Arriving back at his apartment, the door no more shut and his hands rested on my waist from behind. "Noelle..." He said in a low voice by my ear.
I froze and my inexperience shined.
My lips were slightly parted as he turned me to face him and slowly edge me to the wall behind him.
Slipping my navy, spaghetti strap sundress off my shoulders made things almost too easy, but he had waited patiently for me to be ready. I wasn't wearing a bra or panties, I was 24 years young and also trying to beat the heat.
Gently taking my wrists, he pinned them above my head and locked them in his one hand while is lips tenderly pecked.
"You are mine," he evoked in a breath as his free hand roamed down my belly and onto the small patch of well landscaped hair."
Prince swallowed hard and he was visibly shaken. Her description was so intimate and he found himself not wanting to read further as he felt like he was intruding, yet he couldn't bring himself to stop.
He ran his fingers through his hair while rocking back and forth taking each of her words as if they were more than close friends.
"My chest was heaving, mind in a thick fog and my core anxiously awaited Jonathon's touch. Easing further between my thighs the tip of his finger slowly entered me as my eyes edged shut.
I'm undone, delirious.
"Make me yours." I whispered.
He needed no further invitation. Jonathon was everywhere, but the only place I longed for him to be was tucked away deep inside me."
Prince couldn't read anymore. He couldn't read about the French beauty making love for the first time. It was too much for him, too intimate. He flipped pages until he came to the point in the story to read of their demise. That was not uncomfortable for him.
"Three years later, I was offered a great opportunity to buy into a clinical practice in Paris. Jonathon always knew that I loved Paris and wanted to move there eventually. He said he was on board to moving as well because he could teach at ant university.
Our plan is that I would go first and when he finished the semester that December, he would join me.
Several days before my move, I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to pick him up from work. We planned on going out for a big celebratory dinner so I was in a new tight black sweaterdress and stilleto suede boots. I felt hot, like a rocker girl that night and I was so excited for Jonathon to see me.
He was taking forever, so I decided to park and stop by his office to see what was keeping him. Often times students can stop by outside of office hours and detain him.
Approaching the psychology offices, the department secretary did a double take when she saw me. I assumed it was my dress and boots.
"Noelle...it's so good to see you. I bet you're excited to leave for Paris. She started following me down the hall but then her phone rang leaving me to finish walking down the narrow, long hallway of offices.
Jonathan's door was closed, so I tapped quietly, welcomed immediately with the sound of scuffling on the other side of the door.
"Come in." He said flatly.
Opening the door, he was sitting at his desk.
His face seemed ambivalent to see me, not happy or displeased. His eyes scanned over my frame and I could tell he liked what he saw...it felt good to have him look at me that way.
Like a shiver though, it hit me and I could hardly bring myself to say it, "You're never moving to Paris are you?"
He stood up and met me at a set of bookcases by the door.
"I want the best for you Noelle. This is a wonderful opportunity for you and I didn't want you to pass it up to stay here with me."
It was like there was no air in the room.
"When were you going to tell me, at dinner?"
He leaned in and kissed my forehead. Placing my hands on his chest, I had to prevent him from coming any closer. My hands served as the wall I needed between us. I felt like I didn't know the person in front of me; he was distant and cold.
I spent three years with this man, I thought we would get married, maybe kids. He was never sure he wanted them. How did I almost compromise myself with children? I want babies."
Without a second thought, Prince said, "I do too."
"Quickly I snapped myself out of my trance and left making my way to the department's exit. I heard Jonathon's door shut, he wasn't even coming after me.
Now I was mad. Turning my heels around they clicked and clacked on the terrazzo flooring as I headed back to his office.
Opening his office door without a knock, there he was...
...kissing his teaching assistant."
Prince gasped and closed his eyes for a moment reeling at how Noelle must have felt...how he too had done that to too many women to count.
He was older now, wiser and in the midst of Noelle's story he felt her innocence taken and grieved along with her.
"Three years of my life was a lie.
The Lie
You said you wanted the best for me, I was clinging to that lie.
Saying goodbye wasn't bad, it was the flashbacks that followed that were unkind.
Here you were going through the motions always holding back.
While I was looking for an eventual happiness that was never on our track.
Feeling like a piece of myself was bought...and then sold.
Can't convince you to love me the way God foretold.
Then there's the maddening sting of it all...there was nothing lovely about being yours, when you were never mine to hold."
Hopping out of bed, Prince felt her melancholy in that moment as he grasped his guitar. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he plucked and strummed at the strings and repetitively reread The Lie.
There was something about her...no it's the writing that moved him. It was as if she was his mentor, him her protege.
Hope you guys are sleeping well. I thought I'd surprise you 👀 with a morning update. 💜
Have a great Tuesday! 💜
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