( CHAPTER SIXTEEN: TO BE HEARD )
ENDLESS NIGHTS THAT WENT into her research in the hopes to help someone that had always been there for her had started to fade away when she had watched Remus stand up from his appointed seat in front of her and accompany Professor McGonagall into the hallway. Candles that she had lit for her own benefit failed to stay alight when she had watched the tension that still laid thick between Mia and James after deciding to stay outside. Despite his persistency with wanting to speak with her, she had given no excuse to utter a syllable or two towards the boy that was supposed to be her closest friend - despite their troubled pasts.
Mariella had kept to herself as she usually did, sitting on the bench that had still remained dry despite the wet debris falling onto her with no will to avoid her. At the sound of the weather, students flooded back into their dorm rooms to entertain themselves all while she sat outside, embracing the cold and rain that she had said to never bother her at any time. Dripping down her face and to her neck, she remains still and waits before her mind runs back and forth between conscience and subconscious, delivering her the messages that she had to reflect on before returning to her dorm in silence.
His voice still echoes and lingers in her mind when she wants to concentrate, regardless of whether it was to discuss something that held no connection between the intimacy that was between them. But this time it was important. It was important that she was to listen to when he had told her that "James' father had passed in an attack at the Ministry" which as the boy had said was odd considering that the man had never recalled wanting to visit the Ministry in the near future at all. And it was sad to bear mention to this because the boy wouldn't be able to question his father about the ordeal as he had passed so suddenly.
"He's handling it well, to be frankly honest." Sirius tells her as he fetches his run-down pack of cigarettes and rubs the edge of the material to find the lighter. Mariella doesn't flinch nevertheless that she had mentioned her dislike towards nicotine. "I've known James long enough to know that he was extremely close with his father. I think even Miaomoryi would know this seeing as I've seen her at his house on countless occasions. It's odd seeing him smile or joke around even if the news about his father has been put all over the media. But it still worries me." Sincerity hung onto his words so dearly, that she could almost feel the strong, heartfelt emotions that he has for James and his well-being. And she was prone to becoming monotone all in order to suppress the emotions that you want to let out to satisfy yourself. If she had learned something from all those nights that she had to listen to her parents fight and argue for her cause, it was that it wasn't healthy to hold the pain in. Even if it's the easiest option.
The golden glaze that hovers over the tip of the cigarette burns with life and lets out its first puff of grey smoke, something that somehow always confused her. Why something so small and intricate could be so deadly and dangerously intoxicating. How it could be so mesmerising to watch them dissolve into the dense atmosphere from heights that no one could see her from. But it had seemed that her withering stance had been held for longer than she had intended. Because the moment that his eyes —— full of loss, grief and other looming thoughts that were indescribable for her tongue to form the words it could —— she had immediately turned away, casting her glance to something that she tried to deceive herself with the belief that it happened to be more interesting than the prickling sensation that arose from her stomach and overtook her throat. And somehow, he had managed to sense that denial from the way that her fingers curled and tightened on her robes.
"I understand what James is going through ... in a way," she tells him. His frown deepens but she scoffs as a response. It was worrying. "But I promise you that it isn't the reason why I am the way I am. I just believe that there are many different experiences that, as different as they may be and how contrasting they are from one another, I can understand what he's going through. But I don't want it to be the reason why it suddenly makes it okay for me to speak with him. And maybe it's because of the way that my parents seem to treat me in comparison to James' that it pains him more than me. Because I understand what it's like to put up a face front to impress everyone around you and let it crumble before you when you reach your bed because all you want to do is curl up and cry. But I promise you that it isn't the reason why I am the way I am. Because there are many things that may cause you to question why I am the way I am but this is supposed to be about James. Not me."
But he isn't stupid. As much as he acts like it, he isn't stupid. She thought to herself. He would figure out sooner of later. And he would hate her even more for the amount of time that she hid it from him.
Despite his mind forcing him not to, it had become unhealthy for him not to speak to her. It didn't feel right to sit and watch as she sat there, forcing herself to hold in the tears that she had saved for only her to see. It didn't seem fair to see in pain when she would make it her priority to sit beside him after his transformations would tire him out. The warm sense of pleasure and positivity was still there regardless of the façade she would put on, but it was becoming more difficult to hold up on her own when she would have friends that were there for her when she was there for them. And it seemed as if she had finally gained what she wanted. To be left alone like she had been for the past three months. But it didn't feel right.
He had seen her a few minutes after dawn, stood outside the door with her hair still in tangles from the night before and a mahogany gown only just reaching her knees. She had stood there so raw and empty and he felt silly for looking at her with nothing to say, even if he had wanted to tell her everything. How his head ached to apologise or how his arms only wanted to embrace her when she did at the times he felt so raw and empty. But it was undecisive whether or not she wished for the same. So when the words had left her lips and tears once again ran down her cheeks for what had seemed to be the fifth time since her parent's death, he did embrace her willingly, careful not to wake his other friends that had unknowingly watched the pair from the corners of their eyes and managed a somewhat distinct smile that made them happy.
The day when Slytherin was supposed to be playing Gryffindor had come quicker than anticipated and despite the cheers and yells corresponding to each team, there didn't seem to be any excitement towards the game as a whole. James, despite being questioned by Lily on whether he wanted to continue to play or not, had still argued with her when replying with the most transparent sentence that Mariella had ever heard after entering the Gryffindor changing rooms with the most hidden piece of clothing that showed her support towards the team. As much as she had wanted her house to prevail in the game, she had only begun to realise just how unorganised the team was and their leader and had decided against the idea of cheering for them when her friends needed the win.
From another corner of the room, she caught a glimpse of Miaomoryi, pushing aside the hairs on either side of her face to brush them behind her ears as she tried to fasten the laces on her shoes. She seemed abnormally quiet which had caused her to walk towards her friend, only for Remus to come towards her with what seemed to be the least amount of tension that she had seen in a long time. Even to find her smile at the remark he had fired back at her didn't come naturally to her sullen eyes.
Regardless of this, she still found an interest of remaining in the circle of warmth and kindness that she knew she couldn't admittedly speak so openly about in the Slytherin quarters because it was foreign to them. They didn't believe in the idea of serving the smallest act of kindness just for the sake of pride and fear that their parents had instilled into them at such a young and fragile age. She remembers clearly what she went through at that age. And the marks on her forearm and shoulders were enough to tell the tale of how she gained her practiced and perfected skill that was called Legilimency and the uses that it brought to create a defensive act of manipulation and twisted pain.
When all had been sorted out and Lily had pushed Miaomoryi, Marlene and James out of the door to be welcomed by the uproar from their house, Mariella had found it fit for her to return to the seat that Melanie had decided to sit in after having to listen and comply to her pleads of why they were to sit in those specific seats. She was sure that a few students from her house had cast her an odd glance but she was also sure that the majority of who had given her that glance mostly spoke about her like she was a topic of entertainment and conversation that was necessary to be discussed.
Roman had also joined —— which was odd to see when all she could see the girl doing was having her nose stuck in the pages of a book that she had wanted to read for the sake of it. Surprisingly enough, she wasn't as academic as most seem to see her as, which she found rather pathetic due to their opinions being based on her hobby rather than her characteristics and traits that somehow Melanie has finally managed to break down after being stuck on the outside of the wall that she had built around herself.
She was dressed in nude coloured sweater that begun from her neck and finished just below the waistband of her jeans that also happened to compliment her top with the rather hidden tone of black. To show some sort of support towards the game, a large hat that was around three times her head size was fitted on the tip of her head, whilst Melanie wore three stripes of the well known colours that Gryffindor was so known to owning. Unlike the other two, she didn't seem to hold any ounce of colour on her face, which was ironic considering that she seemed to be the only coloured person in that school who was known by the vast majority. The pair had realised this when she came to sit down in silence, giving the pair a fleeting glance and then finally deciding to speak to them after her curiosity got to the best of her.
She thought that the words "And I thought you only supported Slytherin through and through" were too fixed and straight to the point but since they were the only ones on her mind at the moment, she had went with it, believing that she was known for having sentences that were too straight forward and abrupt. Even Melanie's questionable expression was enough to stir questions.
Then finally, "Because Melanie told me that we were to sit in the Gryffindor stands. And because of the prejudice between the two houses, I thought that blending in would be a good idea. Wearing these brightly coloured props and prominent face paints are sure to make us feel more Gryffindor-like are they not?" And Roman impersonated the animal that best resprested the said house as best as she could, even though the action seemed so bland and nonchalant that it brought a smile to both Melanie and Mariella.
"I guess," Mariella says in turn, but changes her glance to when the game begun just as a jet of icy air was blown into her exposed face. She had never truly enjoyed the sport as much as everyone else did, but it was entertaining to watch as people got their bets proven incorrectly and their hopes up too soon. It even helped her to understand the game more as she listened to Sirius continuously shout through the microphone about fouls that were not really fouls and curse when McGonagall tried to tell him to stop.
One thing that she was sure of was that Mia had been in her element in those few moments of the game and was proven to be quite talented when it came to steering clear of bludgers and other players that tried to get into her way. To no surprise, James was keeping up his position as a Chaser and continued to get a hold of the Quaffle and throw it to another one of his players that happened to be free from the opposing team.
"—— AND GRYFFINDOR SCORES! TEN POINTS TO NONE!" Came the voice of Sirius Black who could be heard murmuring something about the Slytherin team, only for him to be cut off by the scolding being handed to him by Minerva. It was the perfect moment to casually roll her eyes at the boy's antics if she had not just heard Mary's shouts against the crowd, calling for Lily Evans.
It was worrying to say the least when she had only just realised the importance of the ginger's presence when in class. Her intelligence as well as her light hearted humour was enough to put anyone in a good mood —— even someone as pessimistic and mood dampening as herself. According to Mary, she had not seen her for the past few hours after stating that she was to head to the bathrooms to use the toilets. It had sparked fear in her eyes considering the events that had happened in the past and the risks she would be if she were to take into account that she, just like Miaomoryi, was a muggle born. An impure being. A mudblood, as her parents would call them to her dismay.
It had seemed that Mariella's disappearance had sparked interest in the eyes of Melanie, sadly. But the game had occupied her more, and she was tempted more by the screams and shouts that the crowd brought when Slytherin had scored again. And maybe the fact that she enjoyed being with Roman. Maybe.
The eerie sensation that she had felt whilst walking through the empty corridors of the school was increasingly daunting the more that she allowed her mind to focus on the doubts that heavily weighed her down. It had concocted the worst of the consequences and possibilities of what could have occurred whilst Mary, a petite brunette who had tried to bring out the positive aspects of the situation. Her words seemed to have hit the outer shell of her brain rather than enter, which wad frustrating at first, but she had the right to worry.
The task that her parents had asked her to do had yet to be fulfilled and she feared that Melanie may have had something to do with it. She could only think of all the different ways that Bellatrix would thrive from torturing Lily all for the sake of where she grew up and how she attained magic abilities. Her mother had even feared the woman and all the ways in which she had been trained to get what she wanted from the way that her eyes fixated on her target, diminshing, demoralizing and bringing out the dominance that she had managed to drill into their heads. It was daunting to even think about it, regardless of being one of the unlucky people to be in her victims' place.
"She could have gone up to her dorm room to get something," Mary suggested, her voice merged into the many others that swarmed her mind. Despite this, her lips had moved and she took it as a sign to listen to her ideas even if she wasn't able to focus on it. "She mentioned to me that she was getting cold before the game started. I mean, James did offer her one of the hoodies that he happened to have with him ... But she never wore it."
Typical Lily.
Another turn of the corridor allowed them to witness another blood-curdling shriek that was obviously emitted from the Gryffindor house as their team scored another point. She had no doubt that Sirius would be commenting on that and find some way to throw another shameless insult at the Slytherin team, just for the sake of providing humour to the situation. If only she was aware of the way his eyes would brighten at the sight of her smile, just moments away from letting out a laugh that echoed in his mind. But who would he be if he told her that. She would more than likely laugh.
"No doubt that Sirius is probably finding another way to insult the Slytherin team," she finally mutters, trying to hide the amusement that grasped her words. Unfortunately, it had been too late for her to take the statement back because Mary was smiling. It was genuine. Just as the one that Lily wore when questioning her on the pedestal that the pair stood in terms of relationships.
"More than likely," she responds. "He can never shut up." Then it was silent, before Mariella started picking up her pace. The voices around her echoed into meaninglessness silence and she soon found herself breaking into a small jog and then into a full sprint. Wind lashing at her exposed skin and taunting screams pushing fear into her already corrupted mind. It only took her a minute to segregate the voices into what she could now recognise as Lily's another girl, of whom was weeping silently, muttering under her breath in the attempts of winning her plea.
She promised she wouldn't.
And in that sudden moment, the words slipped her tongue without much effort and the high shrill that was Lily's voice pulled her to halt, her hands pushing at each side to prevent her from possibly succumbing to mere voices in her head. But the pain felt too realistic. The blood that seeped her nose had now formed a puddle in her clothes, salty tears that streamed down her features like the fountains she had always enjoyed staring into and finally the darkness that erupted out of nothing when she fell to the ground after inhaling sharply.
authors note:
At this point, I just want to finish this book and move onto the sequel.