᠆᠆᠆᠆ ❛ MAYBE I wish to remain lost. Puzzled to the point where I'm running through the frayed forest floor with no hopes of getting out. I wish to be encased in my own thoughts and drown, only listening to the slowing pace of my heart and the vein...
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( SUNDAY 31ST AUGUST 1975 )
"They say that grief can be coped in many different ways depending on the circumstance. Some prefer to write it out on paper and burn it as a way to relieve the stress, other rent out their frustration through exercise or comfort eating. From the number of funerals I have attended, I can certainly speak for myself that deaths affect people in ways others may not be able to understand thoroughly." Mariella awkwardly shuffles her hands upon her jeans, her fingers brushing against the cool metallic curves of her bracelet. It had been the only reminder that Charlotte would someway stay with her, despite the fact that she could no longer see her.
Albus Dumbledore pushes his glasses up his nose once more and nods. "You say that almost as if you've experienced grief like that. How do you overcome grief?"
"It's true. But I only seem to talk like that because it may seem absurd if I told people that I have never experienced grief. I have never lost important family members considering that I only see them during the holidays and my aunts and uncles are usually quite secretive when it comes to talking to me. But losing Charlotte seemed completely different," she says and bits the inside of her cheek. Her eyes flash with guilt and she continues to mess around with the charms.
"It felt like I was drowning. That in my head, I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay and that I would reach air soon enough. It was a constant war between body and mind and it just got to a point where I broke down. I couldn't take it anymore."
In a way, most of the words she spoke held some truth to them. Most of the time she would try to convince herself that her death would be like all the others she had come across during her childhood and she would be able to deal with them with ease. It would eventually get to the point where the smallest fracture of her mood would set it off and she would have the pick up the pieces to rebuild once again.
"How about we get onto something slightly less mundane. Would that be alright Miss Keres?"
"That's fine."
Dumbledore pushes his folder full of notes from the previous lesson, most of them containing words written by herself and her own frustrations. Others seemed to be a gamble of whatever that had come to mind when she thought of her week at a glance.
"I have been informed by a student or two that a fight had occurred in one of your lessons. Now I am not asking whether you had been involved in the build-up but I was told that you had used an unfamiliar incantation whilst separating the two. Is that true?"
"It's nothing too complicated. I tend to make spells in my own spare time and test them out," Mariella shrugs nonchalantly. "It's just a hobby that I enjoy making a habit out of."
"Have you ever thought of going into the field of creating magic? It seems like quite a stretch to ask from you but I have noticed that from your recent OWL scores and previous job entries, you were quite unsure of the career path you want to take."
