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|🌀|CHAPTER:58|🌀|
"What?"
"Carter and I broke up, it's over between us," hearing her, this weird feeling started to generate inside my heart, making it difficult for me to keep control of my emotions.
I didn't know if I should smile, cry or laugh at the situation.
"Oh..." I drawled, a wide smile crawling up my lips. "I mean oh no, how?" Just as realization hit me, I questioned.
"Sophia, all of a sudden he came up to me and apologized. He told me he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. And that I didn't deserve someone who couldn't love me. I feel like crying, Sophie. Why do people always do that to me?
He admitted that he only used me to make his ex jealous. Now that his work is done, he comes up to me and apologizes? And leaves me just like that? I thought we could be forever, I thought that he liked me for who I am.
That girl, whoever that girl is, I feel like she's the most luckiest girl around. If I had a boyfriend this sincere, I would've never dumped him in the first place. And then after dumping him the bitch has the audacity to date another man in front of Carter."
Tears welled up in my eyes, as I laughed at myself and how things had turned up. I was the one struggling. I was the one destroying my life with my own hands. Yet, I was labeled as the 'bitch'. I could no more hear Amber so I cut the phone willingly and threw it on my bed, my body crashing on the ground.
"Wow, God! Fucking awesome planning! I bet you're enjoying my misery, aren't you? You're loving how I'm struggling. Why don't you help me? Why don't you do something? Are all of the problems of this world only for me? If this is how you planned my life, I don't need this life! Take this life away from me! I don't want it! Please, please reward me with death, please!"
My head fell over the bed in exhaustion as tears pooled my bedsheets. I sat there, lifeless, emotionless and totally numb.
A hand massaging my head caught my attention. I stared up, my face a picture of the pain I was going through. Mom sat there, on the bed, her lips quivering as she shook her head at me, letting me know that I shouldn't cry. She wiped off the tears from my face and hugged me close to her.
A series of sobs left my mouth. "Mom why-"
"Shhh, you've to be strong."
"M-mom I thought I- that I could handle this- huh- but I really c-ca-can't. I can't- I can't b-be strong," I hugged her even tighter shaking my head. "I- feel like-like I'm com-completely broken, like my soul-my soul has shattered into-b-" I stopped, unable to keep a track of the sobs escaping my lips.
"I know my daughter is strong. You're a diamond, my darling. No one can break you. All these people are doing, is making you stronger. They're refining you more."
"This p-pain in my heart, it's- I- I can't bear it Mom."
"It'll get better, it'll get better," she kissed the top of my head gently.
"Maybe not today,
or tomorrow,
or even in a year,
but eventually,
things will turn up,
you will get better and
be able to look back
and say with relief:
'I made it.' "
That statement brought back some memories from my childhood.
I was walking around the house, alone. It was Christmas and nobody was with me except for some guards outside the house. Rebecca had gone to meet her family and I had to find something to cure my boredom.
It was always fun for me to checkout my parents' belongings. I always found joy in going into their room and staring at Mom's perfumes, makeup and jewelry. Taking all of my Dad's shoes out and putting them back, every time with a different sequence was what interested me. I used to set aside all the darks and all the lights of his suits. I used to stare at the colourful ties that belonged to my Dad.
Just when I was surfing through the drawers, I came across a little frame.
'Maybe not today,
or tomorrow,
or even in a year,
but eventually,
things will turn up,
you will get better
and be able to look back
and say with relief:
'I made it'.'
My hands traced the frame, my mind completely agreeing with the words written on the frame. Those words brought a feeling of comfort and contentment. Those words brought my heart to peace. Those words eliminated all pessimistic thoughts from my mind. Those words removed the loneliness I felt earlier.
I wanted to take that frame with me, but I was afraid Mom and Dad would punish me for that so I let it stay there. In the drawer.
"It's from that frame. . .," realization dawned upon me as I recognized why those words felt so familiar.
"Yeah, from that frame. My Mom gave that frame to me as a gift on my fifteenth birthday," a little smile curved up her lips as she narrated.
"Grandmama gifted it to you?"
Mom nodded, "it helped me a lot in life. And I'm sure it will help you too." She continued, "just don't show the world that you're hurting. Show them how strong you are and no matter how they treat you, you'll fight back, you'll struggle and reach out for what you want, for what you deserve. Be how you always are, like all of the shit has no affect on you. And shine, shine bright, like the diamond you are."
And shine bright, like the diamond you are.
But even for shining, you need a source of light reflecting on to you, don't you?
* * * * *
"Oh, look who decided to show up! I thought you were dead! Such a shame you're still roaming around, contaminating the world with the filth that radiates off your sinful body!" I stopped in my track, my feet rejecting to move towards the fridge from where I wanted my water.
"Victoria, stop this, I've no time for this shit of yours. You have no idea what's going in the company!" The voice who replied made my suspicions true. It was Richard.
Silence followed. "I wish your pathetic business ends and turns to ashes! That's what you deserve, you fucking prick! I wish you end, you life-ruiner!"
"Shut the fuck up! What has gotten into you, Victoria?" He barked back at Mom, making me flinch at the intensity of his roar.
"I won't shut up! Do whatever you can! I will fight you! You won't free me? I'll have law on my side! I want divorce, without any further delay!" Mom's shout echoed around the room. I wanted to go see what was actually going on but I was afraid to do so.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?! It's our daughter's wedding in what? Two days. And look at you! Go to your room and do not disturb me. I already have a lot on my mind. I have no time for your shit!"
"You asshole, I want divorce, now! You talk about daughter? What daughter? Is it the same daughter you didn't remember the name of? Are-" a slap was what silenced Mom. A gasp left my mouth. Not feeling scared to face Richard anymore, I ran to the living room, searching for Mom. I realized, she had already ran off to her room.
A wicked smile formed on Richard's face as he looked at me. "How are you?"
"Very well Dad," I smiled back. "However, the only person not well, is you," I continued, pursing my lips together. It was clear that he had drunk a lot. The reek could be smelled even at the far distance I was standing from him.
If he could slap Mom, he wouldn't hesitate one bit in slapping me. But I was not scared, I was ready to face whatever he would put forward for me. "Next time, before slapping my mother, think of the consequences. It doesn't matter if you don't consider me your daughter, I still am your blood and can be as much of a pain as you are!"
Wow. I feel like clapping for myself. I left him speechless. Wow.
Without hearing a reply from him, I climbed up the stairs and knocked on my parent's bedroom door, softly. "Mom, are you in-"
"I need some time alone," she didn't let me finish.
"But Mom, you-," I tried to argue but it didn't work, when she let out a, "please, Sophia."
With that I left for my room. I had decided to be strong, but it didn't help my lack of appetite or sleep. In fact it decreased them even more.
Balcony being my favourite place, always got a chance of holding me with it the whole night. That night was no different than any other one. It was dark, and lonely. My habit of staying outside until the sun showed had become quite frequent.
A presence in the garden caught my eye. Confused, I tried to make out who was the figure sitting at the bench. It didn't take me long to realize it was no one else but Richard.
I remained standing there, staring at his back, thinking of why he does what he does. Wondering, what is his gain in hurting people who love him. Not knowing what took over me, I made my way downstairs.
I walked all the way to that bench, Richard was sitting on. I needed my answers. He might've sensed someone walking towards him and snapped his head in my direction.
It was then that I noticed a cigarette in his hands. "Why are you here? I didn't hit your mother again," he grumbled under his breath. But it was loud enough for me to understand it.
I stayed silent, walked straight to the bench and sat right beside him. The smell of the cigarette he was smoking irritated me and urged me to return to my room. But the urge of getting my answers was more powerful.
"Why are you doing all of it?"
"All of what?"
"Hurting everyone that loves you, why?" My voice sounded pleading and not demanding as I wished for it to sound.
He scoffed, "the only person that loved me died twenty years ago."
I didn't expect this answer from him.
"Mom loved you."
"If she loved me, she would've understood me, given me some time to figure myself out," he answered, putting the cigarette back into his mouth.
"She still loves you, Richard. You just pushed her away. How do you expect a wife to behave when she gets to know her husband is cheating on her since years? You think she would be understanding? You think she would be willing to give her husband time to figure himself out?
Her husband shouldn't have cheated in the first place if he cared for her. And for two years? He must've been really heartless. The wife is bound to demand divorce. Nobody can live with a guy like her husband." I finished, clapping for myself inside my head.
Richard stared at me with wide eyes. Was it just me or did he really got speechless the second time in a day when talking to me?
"Stop blaming others for where you are now. It is because of only one person, and that is you, yourself. Why are you even here? Why aren't you with your other wife or girlfriend whatever she is? If I were you, I'd at least be faithful to one of them," suggesting this, I prepared myself for his yelling.
But when he laughed, it surprised everything inside me. "I was so disgusting, even she left me. She isn't with me anymore, you hear that?! She left me alone! Even though I loved her and gave her everything, it wasn't enough for her! She fucking left me!" He shouted, bitterly staring at me with eyes full of anger.
"Yet you don't understand how it is like to have no one love you. Yet you don't get it that how broken you are when you can't be with people you love, Richard. And I don't think a man like you will ever understand that."
He hissed, "I didn't love her. I don't love anyone."
"I wanted an answer to why you do what you do. And after talking to you I now understand. It's because you don't have a heart at all." With that I stood up from the bench and started to walk back.
"I'm not heartless. I'm just smarter than you. My happiness does not depend on anyone else. You should learn to do that too. I'm making you learn, you're on your way. You might hate me for-"
"Hate is an understatement."
"Learning to live without people you love isn't a choice. It's a necessity. And no matter what you want, what you do, what you think, I'll make sure you get married to Lucas in two days. You've to learn," he finished, having that cigarette placed in his mouth again.
"You're crazy, you're insane," I shook my head with tears burning my eyes. "I hate you much already. Don't say things to make me hate you even more. . . ."
"I'm not just insane or crazy. I'm a psychopath," he chuckled humourlessly. "And I will do whatever I want. The company is crumpling already. It's good I fixed your marriage with Lucas. That'll stable our position again," he gave me a fake smile.
"I'll pray to God, no girl in this world ever gets a Dad like you," I spat. "I hope my marriage brings development to your collapsing business, Dad. Me sacrificing my love should at least be of some use, now shouldn't it?" My voice cracked at the end of the question. Richard stayed silent, refusing to look at me.
"I also hope you find someone like you, heartless. Because Mom doesn't deserve you. Neither do you deserve her. I hope you find real happiness, because what you have right now is depression. So I hope you get real happiness. Oh and thank you for the answers," I forced a smile and moved into the house.
I stayed in my bed, hoping to fall asleep before I completely fell apart.
I woke up the next morning with a knock on my door. Standing up, I unlocked my door to find Rebecca standing there, a strange look plastered on her face. Like she was about to drop a bomb on me.
"Good morning, Sophie," she said, making her way inside my room. That was when I noticed her hands carrying a huge plastic bag along.
I had understood what it was but I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't bring my mind to wrap around the fact that only thirty-eight hours were left before my world completely crashed.
"What's that Rebecca?"
"This? This is. . . . Uh. . . your. . . . um. . . wedding dress," she revealed, her voice filled with uneasiness.
"And?"
"It arrived from your designer this morning. And. . . you kind of need to try it on once. . ." She trailed off, displaying the dress. I gulped as I stared at the long, white gown, my throat going dry.
"Oh. . ."
She took the dress out of the plastic bag as she handed it over to me. My heart didn't feel any of the emotions. It was as if, the heart had become accustomed to the pain. The pain was still there, but it didn't effect me.
Just as the dress landed in my hands, I felt myself going towards the washroom. Completely feelingless, I wore the dress and stepped out of the washroom. Rebecca stood there, her eyes watching my movements carefully.
She slowly walked over to me, her steps short and careful. She touched my cheek gently, as if I was a little thing that needed careful handling, as if she was afraid I'll break down.
"Are you okay?" Her voice was softer than her touch.
I tried to force a smile but I failed. "I'm g-good."
Rebecca cradled into a bone crashing hug, sobbing into my shoulder. "I love you Sophie. God loves you. We all love you, you know that right? You'll find happiness, just be strong, okay?"
"Okay, Rebecca."
"Everything happens for a reason, there might be a good reason for what's happening right now," she pulled back wiping her tears. I was surprised at how my eyes remained dry. I guess my tear glands were tired and needed some rest.
"Rebecca, don't worry. I'm strong. And if you're screams I might try suicide again, I won't." I walked back to the washroom, willing to change.
I had no desire to look at how it suited me. I had no desire to even look at it for a second.
When I stepped out of the washroom, my eyes caught my Mom sitting on the edge of the bed, her head buried in her hands. As soon as she registered the fact that I had come out of the washroom she snapped her head up in my direction. I didn't miss the pools her eyes were at that moment. Her lip quivered, while she shook her head at me, looking extremely disappointed in herself.
Like she had failed in something. I knew what that something was. Her tears didn't stay at bay for long, rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I- I tried, Sophie. . . I tried to- to-"
A sad smile made it's way up my lips.
I can not, Lucas can not, Carter can not, even Mom can not, no matter how much we try, we can not stop this marriage. Because it's what God wants. It's what that's written in my fate. It's unchangeable. And sadly, but helplessly, I have accepted this fate of mine.
"It's okay, Mom. It's totally fine, don't stress yourself out. What's written on the stone is written on it. No one but God can change it. Specially not someone as heartless and sinful as Richard," I walk closer to her and wipe her tears.
Her eyes held the most guilty look I had ever seen in any of the eyes in my entire life. She squeezed my hand, comforting me as she sighed, pulling herself together.
"I'm ready for whatever life has to offer me. I'm ready to face all of the obstacles of life until my death arrives."
* * * * *
Hi lovely readers!
This is going to be edited, a lot....
DONT FIRGET TO VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE!
Sorry for extremely late update.... I was kind really really really busy. Only I know how much.
Anyways. . .
Any guesses as to what will happen next?
Do you think God really has some great plan for Sophia or is Lucas the only guy in her fate?
Tell me some hot news:
( because I didn't get time to surf internet the whole week).
Who's watching riverdale with me?
Question time
How many chapters do you think are left?
A) 12-15
B)2-3
C)4-6
Have a good weekend. I'll pray you don't get much homework. 😂
Love,
Kittykat! ❤️ ❤️ 😘 😘