Hailey's POV
My stomach was absolutely churning as I held Cash's little hand walking into the airport, doing my best to keep down the bile that felt like it was rising in the back of my throat. I'd promised myself I would face the day with a positive outlook, to not let my nerves get the best of me and to get through it without completely melting down.
I checked in with the airline, got my boarding pass, and everyone walked me to the security gate where the time finally came to say goodbye. I turned to face Ryan, Kelsey, Sam, Cash and Soph as they all looked at me nervously, knowing none of us were ready for this moment. I'd stopped on the way to say goodbye to Gram, which absolutely tore my heart out, but seeing how happy she was to see me go made me feel like I had to do it for her if nothing else. I'd promised her I'd send as many pictures as I could and call her whenever possible, and she was absolutely overjoyed that I was really doing it. I'd shed a few tears when I said goodbye, but her bright smile and encouraging words had made it much easier than I thought.
"Alright, well I guess I'll go first." Ryan sighed as he pulled me into him and hugged me tightly, kissing my head as he pulled away. "You take care of yourself, bug. I love you."
"I will. I love you too." I promised, my eyes pooling with tears but I was able to keep them back.
He looked at me, shooting me a soft smile, before he took Soph from Kels and she came over to hug me.
"So proud of you, Hails." She sighed. "This is so exciting, just try to enjoy it. Okay?"
I nodded as I hugged her one more time, telling her I loved her before she pulled away and I reached down to pick up Cash. I couldn't hold back the tears as I looked at him, and his little hand reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.
"Don't be sad, Auntie. You're gonna help the animals." He said softly.
"I know, buddy. I'm just gonna miss you so much." I said, trying to keep myself together as I leaned over and kissed his head. "I love you very, very much. You know that right?"
"I know, I love you too." He said before he wrapped his little hands around my neck and I squeezed him tightly before I put him down and crouched down in front of him.
"You be good, okay? You listen to your Mom and Dad and you take care of Soph." I sniffled as I reached up and wiped my cheeks.
"I will, I promise." He said, his little voice quaking as he spoke. "I'm gonna miss you."
"Me too, buddy." I said as I hugged him one more time, taking a deep breath as I pulled away and kissed his head before I stood up and Ryan picked him up.
I turned to look at Sam, who softly pulled me over to the side and hugged me before she took my hands in hers and looked at me seriously.
"You can do this, Hails. You can tell him." She said.
I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath before I nodded.
"You're right. I can do this. I'm gonna tell him I'm in love with him. I'm gonna ask him if he's willing to wait for me to get home so we can be together. I'm gonna tell him I wanna be with him." I said, trying to sound stronger than I felt. "I'm not gonna run away."
"And then you're gonna say goodbye to him, get on that plane and go kick global warming's ass." She chuckled.
"That's not exactly how this works, but okay." I laughed before a silence settled over us.
"I love you, Hails. You're the strongest person I know, you'll be just fine."
"I love you too." I said as she hugged me one last time before I turned to look at everyone standing in front of me, trying to hold back the tears as I took in their faces for the last time.
I walked over and kissed Soph, who was sleeping soundly in Ryan's arms.
"I'll see you soon, baby girl. Don't grow too much." I said as I gently rubbed her cheek. "Auntie loves you."
I stepped back, taking one more deep breath as I reached down and picked up my back pack, slinging it over my shoulder as I prepared to leave.
"Well...I guess this is it." I sighed. "I love you all, take care of each other." I said, my voice cracking as I spoke.
"Good luck, bug." Ryan smiled.
I shot them one more smile and a small wave before I turned and entered the security area, looking back to see them all wave one more time before they turned to leave. I watched as they got smaller and smaller before they disappeared into the crowd of people, and I felt the tears start to roll down my face as I did my best to stay somewhat composed.
I took a few deep breaths and got it together, trying to regain the strength I knew I needed to face Harry, as I made my way through security and eventually got onto the plane. I put my earbuds in and turned on my ipod, hoping music could offer me the escape I needed from realizing what I was actually about to do. We were about to take off when I finally felt a sense of relief wash over me, along with a slight bit of relaxation.
I'd said goodbye to my family without completely falling apart, and the first part of my difficult day was behind me. I knew I could do this, I could tell Harry how I felt and leave on this journey with a clear head, knowing that he was hopefully waiting for me when I got back. I wanted that comfortable silence that we'd agreed upon before he left, that we had yet to actually accomplish. I wanted to leave with him knowing that I loved him, and that I'd be thinking about him and counting the days until we could be together. I wanted him to make his album knowing where we stood and that when it was all over I'd be waiting for him.
The three-hour flight seemed to take way less time than I needed it to, the minutes counting down to the moment when I had to actually face Harry and my feelings for him. I was terrified, but had a strange sense of excitement at seeing him and actually getting the words out. I was about to do something I'd never done before, and I was proud of myself that I didn't seem to be completely freaking out.
I got off the plane and made my way through customs, stepping out into the warm Californian air as I hailed a taxi and instructed the driver to take me to the restaurant Harry and I had agreed to meet at. Apparently, the owner was a friend of his and he had arranged for us to have a private meal where we wouldn't be bothered. I stared out the window as the sun hit my face, the palm trees passing me by as we drove down the crowded freeway.
I'd been to LA before a couple of times, my dad bringing Ryan and I down to go to Disneyland as kids and a couple of times as I got older with friends, but it had a completely different meaning to me now. I wondered how many times Harry had driven those streets, if they felt like home to him or how well he knew his way around, if he was even able to drive them without people following him like they did in Hawaii. We'd decided to meet at the restaurant to avoid the photographers at the airport, and I was thankful I was able to have such a peaceful arrival.
I was surprised how calm I felt, it was almost as if I could feel his presence as I looked out the window and knew he was out there in the city somewhere. I was still nervous to talk to him, but I finally reached a point where I felt like it was a good thing, like he would reciprocate my feelings and maybe things would work out for us. It felt like the beginning, a fresh start, where we were open and honest and could leave things on a positive note the way we hadn't been able to the first time.
I pulled up to the restaurant and paid the cab driver, thanking him as I got out and went inside. I'd done my best to dress nicely since I knew I was seeing Harry, but I also needed to be comfortable for the plane and my arrival in Peru that was bound to be hot. I'd worn a pair of white shorts and a nicer tank top with a pair of sandals, and left my hair down in loose waves. I never wore much make up, which worked well for me since most of it would have been destroyed from crying. I made my way to the bathroom to make sure I didn't look like a total mess before I came back out and made my way over to ask for a table.
"Can I help you?" The young girl asked with a smile as I approached her.
"Hi." I smiled. "I think I have a reservation, but I'm not sure who it's under..." I said, knowing Harry rarely used his own name and thinking he may have put it under mine.
"Hailey?" A man said from beside me and I turned to be met with a warm smile.
"Yes." I smiled as he reached out and shook my hand.
"I'm Rob. So nice to meet you, we've been waiting for you." He smiled. "Come with me."
I followed him through the dining area, which looked quite busy for that time of day, out onto a private patio at the back of the restaurant that overlooked the beach.
"This is beautiful." I smiled.
"Only the best for you, I had specific instructions." He smiled as he checked his watch. "You're a little early, but I'm sure he'll be here shortly. Can I get you anything while you wait?"
"A water would be great." I smiled.
"Great. I'll be right back with it, and I'll grab you a menu so you can take a look." He said before he disappeared back into the restaurant.
I smiled to myself as I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach, knowing I'd finally arrived and in a few short minutes I'd be staring into the green eyes of the man I loved. The sun was shining, there was an amazing view, and I couldn't think of a more perfect place to finally start things off right. I looked out at the ocean, watching the waves roll in, and for the first time in days I felt relaxed. I felt ready, excited and strong enough to do the thing that scared me the most. I was ready, and all I had to do was wait.
******
Harry's POV
"Yes, sir." I nodded. "Given that it is my first release, it is very important to me that it is honest. I want to tell my own story, things I've never had the chance to do before. I don't see how I can do that with other people trying to influence the creative process."
I sat in front of the four executives from Columbia that had flown all the way from New York to meet with me, doing my best not to watch the clock through the entire meeting or think about the fact that in a few short hours I'd be sitting next to the beach looking at the only woman I'd ever really loved. She probably hadn't even landed yet, and we'd been at this meeting for two hours while I tried to explain my vision for recording my album.
"We respect that, Harry. We do. Music is more authentic when it's honest, and we respect the importance of that. However, as your label we do have certain things that we have to oversee."
"I understand." I nodded. "I am in no way trying to remove your presence from the process. I just want to be able to express myself without feeling like I can't say what I want to."
"I think that we can all agree that you are a true artist, and we respect your creative process. I think it is fair to say that we don't have a problem sending you and the band to Jamaica to record with the producer of your choosing." The head executive, Mr. Tober, explained.
"Great. Thank you." I smiled, happy things seemed to be going my way.
"So, we've sorted out that you will begin your recording in Jamaica. Any additional songs you wish to put on your album after that will be recorded elsewhere, but your song selections for the album will need to be reviewed by the label before the list of songs that make the album is finalized."
"Fair enough." I agreed, looking over at Jeff who nodded along.
"And you will be selecting your band next week, correct?"
"That's correct. We have auditions set up for Monday, and we met with a few producers yesterday. We have a couple of ideas who we'd like to go with." Jeff explained.
"Good. We will leave you to decide your selection of producer." Mr. Tober agreed.
I couldn't believe how well the meeting was going, being that production was almost always something decided by the label. Not once while I was in One Direction did I have a say on where or when we recorded, what we recorded, or who produced the album. All of that was decided by the label, and while we had a say in which songs we liked or not, the final choice was never really up to us. I was quickly beginning to realize just how much control I had over my own music, and I was loving every minute of it.
"Great. So that's settled then." Jeff said, standing up and getting ready to shake their hands.
"It is." Mr. Tober smiled as he leaned down and pulled out a folder from his briefcase. "Now onto the marketing strategies for release."
I looked over at Jeff, who looked back at me worriedly, as neither of us were expecting to discuss marketing strategies today. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only just 11, and we were slightly ahead of schedule.
"Is something wrong?" Mr. Tober asked as Jeff sat back down.
"No, sir." Jeff said. "We were just under the impression that the marketing strategies would be discussed with the label at a later date. We only just discussed it ourselves this week."
"Well Mr. Azoff, we are very busy people and we have flown all the way from New York to get this done, so we need to get as much sorted out as we can while we're here." Another man replied, sounding annoyed.
"We understand." Jeff nodded, looking over at me as I started to get nervous.
We were ahead of schedule, and I had given myself plenty of time to get to Malibu to meet Hails, but the last thing I wanted was to leave her waiting if this meeting ran over. All I could do was hope it wouldn't take that long and I'd still be within my window to make it on time. I'd left my phone in my jacket in the other room, so I knew I wouldn't even be able to check it and see if she'd arrived yet.
"Mr. Styles does have another meeting this afternoon, so we would appreciate it if we could get this sorted out somewhat quickly." Jeff said, knowing he was walking a thin line at pushing them to hurry, but I appreciated it.
"We'll see what we can do." Mr. Tober replied, sounding irritated with both of us.
I watched the clock on the wall above his head for the next hour, seeing the window I'd given myself to make sure I made it on time disappear with every passing second. My leg was bouncing anxiously under the table as I barely listened to anything they were saying, Jeff doing his best to answer for both of us as they rambled on about something to do with Saturday Night Live.
I only had three hours with her to start with, and there was no way I would make it on time at this point, and I couldn't even call her to let her know I was running late. The idea of her sitting there waiting for me was enough to make me sprint out of the room, but I knew it would be career suicide if I walked out on them, not to mention what a slap in the face it would be to Jeff knowing how hard he'd been working to make this happen for me.
It felt like days before they finally adjourned the meeting, and I looked up to see it was 1:30 already. It would take me almost an hour to get to Malibu, and Hailey had to leave to go back to the airport by 3. I was supposed to be driving her there so we had more time together, and it looked like by the time I got there we'd have like half an hour before we had to leave.
I stood up and shook all of their hands as quickly as I could without coming off as rude, thanking them for coming before Jeff handed me his keys.
"Go." He said quickly as I snatched them out of his hand and sprinted out to his car.
I peeled out of the parking lot and down the street, desperate to get there before she had to leave, before I realized I'd left my phone behind in my jacket. I had no way of even getting a hold of her, since I wasn't about to stop to make the call and waste more time, and I was already on the highway by the time I realized. My heart was painfully thumping in my chest as I thought about how long she'd probably been sitting there, knowing she probably thinks I stood her up, and I cursed myself for not just walking out of the meeting.
"Nooo....no, no no!" I yelled, slamming my hand against the steering wheel as I hit traffic and came to almost a dead stop on the highway. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me! It's not even rush hour!"
I yelled and cursed myself as I contemplated what to do, I had no phone to even call anyone to try to let her know I was on my way, no way to get a message to her. I thought about just going to the airport and waiting for her to come back, but it would be a shit show and there was no way I'd be able to just sit and wait for her without causing a scene. Besides, it didn't look like I could go anywhere since I was surrounded by non-moving cars on the freeway. There was literally not a god damn thing I could do except pray to god these cars would start moving and I could get to the restaurant before she left.
I watched as the minutes passed, completely helpless as I slowly inched my way toward her, cursing California traffic, record executives and everything in between. This was my once chance to see her before she left, and all I could do was sit in that fucking car and watch it slip away from me. Not only that, but she was probably sitting there thinking I just didn't care enough to show up, and if I didn't make it on time she'd get on a plane and spend the next six months thinking I stood her up.
It was 3:30 before I finally got there, barely throwing the car into park and racing inside toward the patio I'd booked for us. I burst through the dining room and out the door, praying I'd be met with her blue eyes staring into mine as her long blonde hair blew in the ocean breeze, but instead all I saw was a bunch of empty tables.
"She's gone, Harry." Someone said from behind me and I turned to find Rob looking at me sympathetically. "She left about ten minutes ago, I think she waited as long as she could."
"Fuck!" I yelled, fisting my hair in my hands as I contemplated what to do next.
I couldn't let her leave without seeing her, without explaining myself, and I had to find a way to get to her.
"I need your phone." I said quickly as I held out my hand and he placed his phone into it.
I quickly dialled the only phone number I knew by heart, cursing myself for not memorizing Hailey's, and waited anxiously for her to answer. I was praying she'd pick up even though she wouldn't know the number, and my heart lurched when I heard her groggily pick up.
"Hello?" She said, obvious that she'd been sleeping.
"Gem, I need your help." I said quickly.
"Haz? It's the middle of the night, who's phone is this?"
"I don't have time to explain. I need you to text Hailey's number to this phone in the next ten seconds. Hurry, please."
"Harry, what's-"
"Just do it!" I snapped.
"Jesus, okay." I heard her shuffling around as she brought up the contact and sent the text. "Alright, I sent it, now can you please-"
"Thanks." I said before I hung up on her, staring down at the phone and waiting for the message to come in.
A few seconds later, the text came in and I quickly hit the number to call her as I headed out of the restaurant.
"I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone." I said quickly to Rob as I ran past him. "I'll make sure you get it back!"
He waved me off as I ran back out to Jeff's car, the phone still ringing in my ear as I hopped in and sped back down the highway toward the airport. If she'd only left fifteen minutes ago I could probably catch her, and I was gonna do everything I could to try. She didn't answer as I repeatedly called her, thinking that she was more likely to answer a number that she didn't know than a call from me anyway because she probably hated my guts.
After I called her for the tenth time, the phone rang and I looked down to see the familiar UK number I'd just called.
"Gem, I'm really-"
"Don't you DARE hang up on me again!" She snapped. "What the hell is going on? Why don't you have your phone, and I thought you were supposed to be having lunch with Hailey, so why do you need her number?!"
"I fucked up, Gem. I fucked up so bad." I said, my throat tightening around my words as the reality sank in of what this could all mean.
"What happened, Harry?" She asked, sounding annoyed with me and my idiocy.
"I got stuck in a meeting. I was late to lunch, and then I got stuck in traffic. I raced out so fast after the meeting was done that I forgot my phone, so I couldn't even call her until I got to the restaurant and saw she was gone. I'm trying to make it to the airport before she leaves, but I left her sitting there for three hours, Gem."
"Do you want me to call her?" She asked. "I can tell her you're on your way."
"I've been trying, she's not picking up." I said, the words catching in my throat. "I promised her I'd be there, I told her there was nothing more important than seeing her, and then I didn't show up."
"I'm sure she's upset, but if you explain she'll forgive you. Just make sure you talk to her before she leaves, keep calling." She said, sounding desperate for me to make it right.
I looked down at the clock, seeing it was 4:15 and I saw nothing but traffic ahead of me. All I could pray was that she was stuck in the same traffic, part of me hoping she might miss her flight and then feeling guilty for how selfish that was.
"You don't understand, Gem. She said she wanted to see me, that she wanted to talk. She gave me a chance, she was trying to put herself out there, and I stood her up. She's been so scared to let me in because she doesn't wanna get hurt, and the one time she tried I fucked it all up. Her wall is gonna go back up and there is no way I'll ever get through it again." I said, cursing myself and trying not to cry as I realized I may have really just fucked up the only chance she'd ever give me.
"I'll talk to her, I'll explain." She said, trying to reassure me.
"I think...I think I just lost her for good, Gem." I said, tears pooling in my eyes. "She's gonna get on that plane, and that's gonna be it for us."
"Harry, listen to me. There's still time. Get off the phone and keep calling her. Don't give up yet." She said sternly before she hung up on me and I tried calling Hailey again.
I called repeatedly with no answer, feeling everything slip away from me as I slowly got closer and closer to the airport. It was now rush hour and I was in the middle of LA traffic, knowing that even when I did get through the airport it wouldn't take long for someone to spot me and I'd have to fight my way through the paparazzi. I tried to think of a plan of attack, knowing she'd already be through security by the time I got there and I'd probably have to buy a ticket to get through. Her flight was taking off at six, and I knew she'd probably already be boarding by the time I finally got there at 5:30.
I slammed the car in park as I pulled over to the side of the main road out front of the doors, not caring that I'd probably just caused a major traffic issue, and sprinted inside. I was staring at the board, trying to find the gate for Hailey's flight as I continued to try to call her, when I heard my name followed by a bunch of flashes.
"Harry! Over here!" A man yelled as he started to shove a camera in my face, and before I knew it I was completely surrounded as I tried to figure out where I needed to go to get to Hailey.
In a matter of seconds it was complete mayhem, and I was stuck in the middle of a crowd of people, all of them shouting my name and taking my photo as I just stood there repeatedly dialing Hailey's number. I realized there was no way I'd make it to her gate, I'd have to buy a ticket and go through security which would have taken a lot longer than the 20 minutes I had for a normal person, not to mention the mob of people that was now surrounding me. All I could do was pray she'd pick up the phone before that plane took off.
"Come on, Hails. Pick up the phone. Please." I pleaded with her, completely ignoring the chaos around me as I tried to make my way back outside.
Security eventually came to escort me through, back outside to Jeff's car as I climbed in, just sitting there as the minutes ticked down to when Hailey's flight was leaving. She was right there, just sitting there on one of those planes on the tarmac, and I couldn't get there. She was so fucking close, and she was about to completely slip through my fingers. I dialed her number for the hundredth time as I looked down at the clock, slowly accepting that I'd never get the chance to explain, when I heard her pick up.
My heart clenched in my chest as the lights continued to flash around me, people surrounding Jeff's car as they took my photo and screamed my name, but all I heard was the soft sniffle on the other end of the phone followed by the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.
"Hello?" She answered, relief washing over me followed by immediate guilt as I realized she was crying.
"Hails, thank god." I sighed. "I'm-"
"It's fine, Harry. I know you're busy." She said, her voice shaking. "It's not a big deal, don't worry about it."
"Bear, I'm so sorry, I tried to-"
"We're, uh, we're about to take off so I gotta go. I'll um, I'll talk to you later." She sniffled, doing her best to sound like she wasn't crying but failing miserably. "It's fine. I'll talk to you when I get back, okay?"
"Bear, wait! I love you, Hailey. I'm so fucking sorry, please-"
"I gotta go. Bye." She said before I heard the beep letting me know she'd hung up.
I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared down at it, wondering if I'd just heard her voice for the last time.