Excruciatingly Correct Behavi...

By clarady

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Don't be forward when interested
Stay properly attired at all times
Always cover your mouth when you yawn
Still wagging tongues with impeachable decorum
To avoid scandal, have a chaperone at all times
"Please" and "Thank you"
Kneel before the king
Never show your emotions
Elocution is necessary -- especially in a crowd
Better to be a mystery than an open book
One simply cannot discourse without an introduction
Heathen-like, wild behavior is improper
Duelist's challenges are acts of honor
White lies are still deceit
Lorgnettes are for use at a opera only
Be sure to always step around puddles
Make sure the safety is on until it isn't
"And so he said unto the world"
No utensil should ever be heaped with food
Florid speech a politician does make
Shady corners promote bad behavior
One does not wear white tie to a brunch
Interruptions bring shame to all
Much can be said with no words
Miss Mary, never Mrs.
For a basic rib knit one, purl one
The thrill is in the chase
One hand should always cover the lid of a teapot
Never give money to panhandlers
Choosers aren't beggars
Money is never up for discussion -- it's strictly personal
Obey the law -- proven or not
Be polite to locals
Bloomers are hung on a line in the shade
The silent treatment indicates social downfall
Cakes are always handed to the eldest lady first
Smile in all wedding photos
A home is never empty
Never say "Goodbye", only "'Til next time"
You should never call after nine in the evening
Mercy is the sign of a great man

Never speak in an inappropriate tone

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By clarady

Like most word processing programs, Wattpad has the delightful ability to let the writer change the character of their words via HTML alternations.

That's fancy talk for you can bold shit.

Or, rather, shit.

That being said folks, don't go crazy and do something like this (and yes, I have seen this happen):

OMG DID YOU SEE WHAT THAT BITCH WAS WEARING?!!?! WHAT A HO.

Thank you for reminding us just how juvenile you are.

The only people who go that crazy with the text alternations are prepubescent idiots (ah, the memories of that ancient age) or cats. Mainly because both of those attack keyboards with surprising ferocity. 

At least, that's what I hear is true about cats. My dog sort of just stares at me; he don't need no man/keyboard/thing. That didn't work. *Sigh*

Anyway, writers shouldn't use cheap tricks to make their writing "better" and altering the text is a big cheap trick. There are, however, times when you should alter your text.

CAPITALS: When you don't have access to bold (really) or if it's a company title or something that is supposed to be in capitals and only in capitals. Like APPLE if Apple didn't want to be all "we're cooler than the Man, or at least we think we are. Artists unite, dude.". That means that it's inappropriate to have a character/narrator yell in capitals. DON'T DO IT! See how annoying it is? It's just jarring to the eye. *Shudder* I want to read your text, not feel violated by it.

Bold: When something needs to be emphasized that cannot be done in text. That means that if it's already emphasized in some way, leave it the hell alone. For instance, scene where someone yells, "Dad!" is redundant. The exclamation is a bold sign. You should never bold anything that is already highlighted by an exclamation point, unless it's a factorial because that stuff is awesome. You can bold something if it's part of a sign or if it's something really important. But it has to be used sparingly -- bold text is a bit of drug. If you use too much you're left dizzy, your eyes jump all over the place, and you become addicted. It's better to take a tiny hit only once in a while so you feel its full effects (Wow. I sound like a druggie). Can also be used to refer to texts when italics are unavailable.

Italics: When you are citing stuff, telling a character's thought, or when referencing certain works. Italics are a bit less powerful than bolding so it's alright to use them more often. That's why you should use them when referring to words from a different language in text (unless you're lazy like me and just let it slide. M'en fiche). Thing is that if you highlight every word that the person emphasizes it looks like hymn song lyrics. Ever seen the lyrics for the Psalms? It's like "Something something something, something something else. Ref." (The italicized bits are meant to show the singer where to emphasize the text, by the way.) You don't want your story to look like that. 

Combination of two or more of the above: Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. I'm scowling at you preteens.

Bottom line, you can alter text. Just take it easy. We're not all hardcore text-altering druggies like you (Ooo. Like magic mushrooms only for text... So magic underlinerooms? No, that doesn't work either. Dang it! I'm so not on form today).

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