So, I'm not sure if I really need to put a trigger warning here, but it's better safe than sorry. I talk about my personal life, and depression in this A/N, so if you think you might somehow be triggered by that, stop reading now. I don't talk about suicide or self-harming though.
Hey Guys, it's me. Sorry, this is not a chapter, but the next one should be up in about a week or so. Don't think I've forgotten about you!
The reason I am writing this is to tell you why the chapter is taking so long, and just to... inform you i guess.
Okay, first of all, I know there is a lot of drama going on in certain parts of the fandom right now, and I'm not trying to add on to that, or one-up anyone. I'm not looking for pity or anything, I just want to explain some things.
So anyway, I was recently diagnosed with sever depression. I've suspected that I might have it for a while now, but now it's official and everything. I started thinking I might have depression at the beginning of the summer, but I just thought it was temporary or something, and It wasn't really that bad, so I didn't think anything of it. And then, maybe a month ago, it started spiraling and getting worse.
I'm not going to go into a deep explanation of what it's like, because as I said, I don't want to start drama or get pity or anything, but one thing that happens in depression is lack of energy. It's not just feeling tired, it's not having the energy to do the simplest of tasks, or take care of your basic needs (Showering, brushing your hair, eating at all, etc.).
The loss of energy wasn't really a problem until recently. Before, I was just a little tired, but now... It's just spiraling. I've missed, what, four days of school because I refused to get out of bed?
Anyway, the loss of energy also effects my writing. I'll write maybe a few sentences before completely running out of all motivation or energy. Plus, I'm always so fatigued. I have insomnia, and I know I'm not eating right, skipping most meals. I'm working on that, but That's one reason that I'm taking forever.
Another reason is that I just don't care anymore. Yes, I am aware that is cliche, but it's true. I was always the girl in school who cared about her grades and worked hard in class to get A's, and now I'm not doing homework and racking up the missing assignments, because I just don't care about anything anymore. And yes, I do care sometimes about writing, and I do work hard because I know you guys enjoy it, but I feel like my condition is getting worse, and I find it harder and harder to do anything.
The final reason is that I have trouble concentrating on anything. I've always been a daydreamer, but now I can barely go five minutes without spacing out. That's effecting almost everything in my life. I space out in class and miss the lesson, I space out when my friends are talking and they think I don't care about them, and I space out while writing. I'll be in the middle of writing anything, and I'll space out, thinking about what I want to write so much that I forget to actually write. Stuff like that.
So, that's pretty much it for this A/N, and I'm sorry it got so full of angst. Just so you know, I am getting the help I need. My first therapy starts later today, so hopefully that will help. Also: I'm not suicidal. Don't worry, I'm not going to try and take my life in the future unless things get worse.
A final reminder that I'm not posting this to get pity, or to add on to any drama that might be happening here, I just want to let you know what is happening that may affect my writing. Please don't think I'm only doing this to make myself look helpless and pitiful or anything.
That's pretty much it, and like I said, the next chapter should be up in about a week. I'll see you then! Bye!