Excruciatingly Correct Behavi...

By clarady

54.4K 6.2K 2K

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Don't be forward when interested
Stay properly attired at all times
Always cover your mouth when you yawn
Still wagging tongues with impeachable decorum
To avoid scandal, have a chaperone at all times
"Please" and "Thank you"
Kneel before the king
Never show your emotions
Elocution is necessary -- especially in a crowd
Better to be a mystery than an open book
One simply cannot discourse without an introduction
Heathen-like, wild behavior is improper
Duelist's challenges are acts of honor
Lorgnettes are for use at a opera only
Be sure to always step around puddles
Never speak in an inappropriate tone
Make sure the safety is on until it isn't
"And so he said unto the world"
No utensil should ever be heaped with food
Florid speech a politician does make
Shady corners promote bad behavior
One does not wear white tie to a brunch
Interruptions bring shame to all
Much can be said with no words
Miss Mary, never Mrs.
For a basic rib knit one, purl one
The thrill is in the chase
One hand should always cover the lid of a teapot
Never give money to panhandlers
Choosers aren't beggars
Money is never up for discussion -- it's strictly personal
Obey the law -- proven or not
Be polite to locals
Bloomers are hung on a line in the shade
The silent treatment indicates social downfall
Cakes are always handed to the eldest lady first
Smile in all wedding photos
A home is never empty
Never say "Goodbye", only "'Til next time"
You should never call after nine in the evening
Mercy is the sign of a great man

White lies are still deceit

1.4K 160 38
By clarady

 Proceed with caution.

There is a rating system on Wattpad for a reason, folks.

I can't even tell you how often I opened a "G" book only to be greeted by blood, guts, torture, sex, and abuse.

Heck, I even read a book that was rated "G" and after a chapter described someone yanking someone's guts out and dragging the unfortunate man on his rather gruesome leash, the author wrote "Oh, sorry guys! I just realized that this should be rated PG" or words to that effect. Sorry unnamed author, but that's definitely "R".

So I'm going to break this down for you all. And you folks better damn well follow it.

G = Stuff that a five year old could read. Literally, think movie wise. "G" movies are made for everyone. There are no swears, no details about death or sex -- it's one big happy fairy tale (normally). They can still have action and adventure but any uncomfortable subjects are simply not broached. Think Disney happiness.

PG = This would be G stuff with some mild swearing or details. For instance, "shit" and maybe a bit of blood. Nothing that would give a kid nightmares (and that includes gnawing zombies unless they are described as gnawing zombies -- note the lack of detail).

PG-13 = Rejoice! Swearing is allowed (though serious swears like "fuck", "bitch", and "your mother like is a carnival ride -- everyone's been on her" should be used sparingly)! Sex can also be mentioned (note mentioned. We still don't want details here) as can some blood imagery. Still nothing really disturbing. That means nothing like cannibalism, torture, rape, pedophilia, and other disturbing matter unless they are mentioned obliquely (no details).

R = Now, this is where all hell can break loose. Go ahead, describe how someone sawed viciously through a neck, popped vertebrae, or whatever other murder method you've been dreaming up. Go ahead, get into all the details of rape, pedophilia, incest, BDSM, or whatever other sick fantasy you've got floating around. Oh, and feel free to cuss like a sailor while you're at it. This is the only rating (and I mean only one) where disturbing matter should be present.

Got that? Okay, now it's imperative that you do not cheat.

As in "Hey look, there's only one chapter of my book where someone gets raped -- the rest is absolutely kosher. Not even a "shit" in sight. That means it's "G", right?"

Wrong.

A book's rating is determined like a movie's rating. You take the worst to figure out what rating it falls under. And I know it's tempting to rate a book with pretty much no violence beyond that evident within one scene to attract readers but it is simply unfair to the readers. Heck, one of my stories is rated "R" because I'm well aware that though the rest of the story is very, very tame, I get into some  disturbing descriptions of murder (and just to remind the reader, I stuck a whole bunch of warnings before the gory scene and in the title).

But, honestly, I'd rather be warned that there's some dark shit in that book than being told that it's not there. There are children on this website people! Would you, as a seven to ten year old, want to read a story you thought sounded cool then stumble upon something so scarring as abuse, pedophilia, or mutilation? 

I would not.

I would also encourage readers who notice that the rating is incorrect on a story to report the story or ask the author to change the rating. It's simply not fair to all the poor kids on this website who are looking for a read.

On a funny note, this chapter was automatically rated "R" by Wattpad. I wish I was joking.

Thank you to the lovely Wattpad admin Justine for fixing the rating! :) Or at least processing the story so that the rating can be fixed...

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