Our lips touched and suddenly I had forgotten about the hell I had just lived through. It felt like the world stopped spinning, like time was standing still, just for the two of us. I swear at that moment I could fly.
He slowly pulled his lips away and rested his forehead on mine.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered as he gently kissed me again.
No earthly words can explain how my soul felt. His warm embrace quieted any fear I once had. I.....I felt....complete.
The fire began to slowly die and the cave grew darker.
"I'm going to go get some more wood. I'll be right back, ok?" Taehyung said to me as he walked towards the entrance.
I nodded in response.
I walked around the space in which he had been calling home for so long, taking it all in. As I passed the pile of blankets he used as a bed I saw a small fabric doll with red string hair, wearing a pink flower dress with a little blue apron. I bent over and picked it up and slowly looked it over.
"What are you doing?" He said in his deep voice.
"What is this?" I said with a smile on my face while turning around to look at him.
"Oh. Um. That was.."
"Lilly's, wasn't it?" I cut him off.
"Yeah." He replied shyly.
"I had one just like it when I was a little girl. My parents didn't have much when I was growing up, so one year for Christmas my mom made a doll, just for me, with the random scraps she had around the house. I cherished that doll. I took her everywhere." I remembered fondly.
"I'm sorry, Tae, for what happened to Lilly." I said to him.
I could see the pain on his face.
"Yeah. Me too."
We sat in silence for a while. I could tell he was thinking about her. He still yearned for her, but he had me in front of him. I didn't know what I was to him, but I knew that Lilly wasn't all he thought of anymore. He saved me, protected me and called me his. Somewhere on this road he found a new direction. Maybe it would only last for a little while, but for right now I had everything I didn't even know I needed. But In that moment I realized someone else didn't have everything......
"I need to go see Jin. Eric....he called him. I, I just don't want him to worry anymore." I said to Taehyung.
He seemed taken back by my statement.
"Why would you need to do that?" He asked defensively.
"Tae, he's a good man and he doesn't deserve to wonder what happened to me. He's in pain. You of all people should understand that."
"So you're saying he loves you?"
Loves me..... I was taken back by his words, but I could feel my face turning red.
"I don't know how he feels anymore. But regardless, I need to see him."
"Ok, I understand." He replied, still unhappy with my request.
"I'll be back. I promise."
"Ember!" He called out to me as I was walking away.
"Yes?"
"Just..... Be careful." Tae said.
"I will."
~~~~~
As I walked up the steps to Jin's house I felt the nerves forming inside of my stomach. The last time I had seen him he had broken my heart. I know I had hurt him and he didn't understand why I couldn't tell him things, but now I had wanted nothing more than to heal his pain.
I reached my arm up and knocked on his door.
A minute passed but no one answered.
I knocked again.
I finally heard footsteps coming from behind the door, and in an instant he appeared in front of me.
Suddenly his arms were wrapped around me, holding onto me so tightly that I struggled to breathe.
"Ember! You're ok! You're here!"
I couldn't find the words I wanted to say, so I just looked at him and smiled a weak smile.
Tears began to roll down his face.
"I thought I had lost you." He said as his grip on me grew tighter than I knew it could.
"No. You could never lose me. Even if I died, I'd come back as a ghost and haunt you." I teased.
He laughed that special laugh of his and wiped his tears.
"Ember, I missed you." He said gazing into my eyes.
"I missed you, too." I replied shyly.
"What....what happened?" He asked.
The events of the last few days poured into my mind like a faucet that wouldn't shut off. The pain, agony and despair that had filled my soul. How Taehyung saved me and brought me peace again. But I knew if I told him those things, he would have been better off if I had just died. I cared deeply about Jin and I didn't want to ruin his happiness, at least, not yet.
"I just need some time. I....I'm not ready to talk about it yet."
"But you're ok, right?" He asked concerned.
"Yeah, I'm ok." I said as I smiled at him.
~~~~~
The seconds turned into minutes, and the minutes turned into hours as we sat on Jin's couch and talked. He had a way about him that just captivated me. He was my best friend and I cherished every moment with him. I had truly missed him.
"You must be hungry." I heard him say. "Let me cook something for you."
"I actually could use something to eat."
"Perfect! Nothing makes me happier than being able to feed people with something I made from my own hands. Well, aside from you." He smiled.
My cheeks instantly turned a shade of red that had grown to be normal around Jin, and butterflies flew into my stomach.
We moved into the kitchen and he began to work his magic. I know something as simple as cooking shouldn't take a person back, but as I watched how carefully he was preparing things for me, every move with intention, I couldn't help but feel cared for.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.
"Yeah, do you want to get out a cutting board and start to chop up some of those vegetables?"
"Uh, yeah. Sure!" I said hesitantly.
I'm not sure why I offered to help, I've never been much of a cook and I have even been known to burn my ramen a time or two.
"Like this?" I said as I looked back at him.
Heavy laughter filled the room.
"What? Why are you laughing?"
I couldn't help but to start laughing myself. His laugh was contagious and full of happiness.
"Oh no, Ember, you're a mess." He said after wiping the tears of laughter.
"Like this."
I felt him come up from behind me, and put his right hand on my hand that was holding the knife, while the other was felt on my waist and I could feel my heart beating faster.
His gentle touch slowly guided my hand.
"There." He whispered with a smile on his face.
His body still lingered against mine.
My heart started beating even faster as he placed his lips against my neck, giving me a gentle kiss. His breath sent chills down my spine making me feel like I could lose control over my own body.
I turned around and looked at him, his dark brown eyes staring into mine. His body still against mine.
"Ember, I love you." He said to me with a seriousness I hadn't seen before.
"I love you too." I heard myself say.
And with that he grabbed my face and pulled it to his. I couldn't think. His touch silenced my mind.
The passion was so thick you could have cut it with the knife he had shown me how to use. I had lost all control, and before I knew it, our unclothed bodies were laying in his bed.
~~~~~
I laid there in his arms and I felt a smile curl up on my face as he placed his arm around me.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you too." I said with a smile as I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes grew heavy and I watched his handsome face peacefully fall into slumber.
There was no denying how I felt about him. I hadn't lied when I told him I loved him. He was the type of guy every girl only dreams about. He was perfect. But.....there was something that kept me from giving every part of me to him. Someone else. How could I have done this to him? To Taehyung?
I was again at war with myself. My mind wanted one thing, but my heart said another. How can one person be so tormented by something that makes another so full of joy?
This kind of behavior wasn't like me. I had always been level headed. I was known as the girl who knew exactly what she wanted, and worked hard to get it. What was it about these men that changed that? Who had I become?
I knew I had to make up my mind. Did I want the man in my arms, or the man in my heart? I didn't want to lose either of them, but I knew in the end, I'd have to.
I looked over at Jin sleeping and a tear rolled down my cheek.
"Oh Ember, what have you done to yourself."
END OF CHAPTER 18
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