Song: This Strange Effect - The Shacks
Standing outside the unfamiliar class, a smile inevitably forms on my lips when I hear The Lumineer's Ho Hey blasting in the room and a beautiful voice singing along.
"I belong with you, you belong with me and my sweet heart..." I love this song!
I step into the room and look around. There's a somewhat messy desk at the back and counters lining two parallel sides of the classroom. Desks in rows are filling the centre of the room.
Ms Clarke must have noticed my presence because she stops singing and the music gets quieter. I turn around to face the wall with the door and see a small desk with a laptop and a white board on the wall.
"Hello." She greets me, walking towards me from the small desk. I feel myself frozen in place. I must be more nervous than I thought I was. I look at her. Her smile, her curly hair, the tattoos that cover her arms. I was right, she does have tattoos. Only when she is standing right in front of me do I notice my staring.
"Hi uh" I have trouble forming words as she smiles at me. "I'm Xena Ingram. I'm gonna be in your seventh period class for the rest of the year." I notice my hand is shaking when I give her the little slip of paper that Mrs Caldwell gave me. I watch in admiration as she quickly reads the note.
"Well Xena, it's nice to meet you." She holds out her hand for me to shake and I do so. When my hand touches her, it makes my stomach warm, like a cookie fresh out of the oven. It feels like home. Confused by what I'm feeling, I quickly take my hand away from hers. "Did you have Mr Stevenson?" She asks me, her smile never leaving her beautiful face... What?
"Uh, yeah." I still struggle to speak confidently which seems to amuse Ms Clarke.
"Cool. He and I pretty much do the same stuff. I just teach a little differently." She directs me to sit down in one of the desks and I do so a bit hesitantly. "I'm sure you'll be fine in here." She sits on top of the desk in front of me and looks relaxed. I try to do the same.
"What do you mean by different?" I gain the courage to ask her. If I'm sitting I'll probably be here for a while. I actually don't want to leave. I could go to creative writing but something in me makes me want to stay with Ms Clarke.
"I just call things by different names. Some of my math techniques are different too but you can use whatever way works best for you. Are you good at chemistry?" She makes steady eye contact with me which makes me uneasy. How can she be so confident?
"Yeah. I'm actually really good. I was kinda like a TA for Mr Stevenson cause I was so good." I explain, feeling a bit more comfortable. I still don't understand what it is about Ms Clarke that makes me feel so nervous. A good kind of nervous. She seems taken aback by my response which makes me smile.
"Awesome. Maybe you can help me too." Her smile causes me to grin as well. What is happening?
"Of course! I'm always happy to help." I say without thinking. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much but I can't seem to stop. The way Ms Clarke's pale greens eyes watch me makes me happy, like I would do anything for her to look my direction.
"So Xena Ingram," the way she says my name with intrigue makes me feel confident. "What do you do for fun?" She asks, trying to get to know me I guess. It makes me feel that good nervousness again. I bite my lip, thinking.
"Well Ms Clarke," I return her name with the same tone she said mine with. It makes her laugh a bit. God, her laugh! I would give anything to hear it again. "I play ukulele and..." my voice trails off while I search for other things about myself. When I'm about to say something else, I look back up into Ms Clarke's eyes to see her excited expression. It amuses me that she has the same looks on her face I would expect a kid in a candy store to have.
"I play ukulele too! Do you sing?" She seems happy to know that we have something in common. It makes me happy too. I nod. "Me too!" She says with that beautiful smile of hers. Oh god what am I doing?
"You have an amazing voice." I blurt out without giving myself time to think about what I'm saying. "And a good taste in music too." I remember the song that was playing when I walked in here. I look back up at Ms Clarke and notice her slightly embarrassed smile. Aw, it's kinda cute!
Okay what is going on?
"Thank you Miss Ingram." Hearing her say my name sends butterflies wild in my stomach. I look away from her, trying to understand my feelings.
"Hey would you mind if I came here to get caught up this week? I don't have a class during this period and obviously you don't either." What the hell did I just say? Ms Clarke's eyes flicker but her smile remains.
"Sure. Sounds good. Bring you ukulele too and we can jam." Her language is so youthful. It makes me wonder how old she is.
"Hey how old are you Ms Clarke?" I don't know where I gained this confidence from but I like it. I'm not acting like a nervous idiot anymore. She doesn't seem fazed by my question which is odd. It's almost like she wanted me to ask it.
"I'm 25." She chuckles as my eyes widen. No way, she looks way younger. She's eight years older than me. It's so weird because it feels like she's my age. She acts like she's still a teenager.
"Cool." I don't know how to respond. The nervous feeling has returned. What is going on with me? Why do I feel this way around her? I've never felt this before. This giddy, can't-stop-smiling feeling. Not even with my past boyfriends...
The bell ringing pulls me from my thoughts. Ms Clarke stands and so do I. I grab my bag and put it on my shoulder. I smile at her and she walks with me to the door to her classroom.
"See you in chemistry." She waves goodbye as I walk down the hallway. I have to really focus on not smiling so I bite my lip instead.
—
"Hey Xena, Avalon." Ms Clarke greets us as we walk into chemistry together. I smile at Avalon.
Turns out she has this class too so now we have two classes together. Thank god! I don't think I'd be able to survive without a friend in here. I sit down in a desk in front of Avalon and ask Ms Clarke to make sure it isn't already claimed by another student. She nods, allowing me to sit here. Avalon taps on my back with her pencil to get me to notice someone walking in. It's a boy, of course. What else could I expect of Avalon.
"Look how cute!" She squeals behind me. I watch him sit down in a desk kinda far away from us.
"Uh huh." Bored, I look over to see what Ms Clarke is doing. She's organising a few papers at one of the side counters. I look over her body, admiring it. She has wonderful curves, especially her hips. They're desirable.
"Xena look at him!" She pushes my shoulder which I flinch at because of my deep thought. "He's so perfect." I hear a cartoon swoon in my head when she says this. This is gonna be a long class...
The bell rings and allows Ms Clarke to start teaching. I watch her stand confidently in front of the class and greet us. She has a lovely smile. Her voice places me in deep thought for a moment, watching her lips move gracefully as she speaks. The way her hands gesture when she's talking. Her handwriting on the whiteboard. Everything about her is mesmerising.
"Look, look, look." Avalon kicks my desk and points to something the guy is doing. He's shooting paper balls into the bin. Missing every single one, I can see his growing frustration. Avalon laughs at his failure which makes me laugh too. Maybe this class won't be so bad after all...
*******
"What's up lovely?" Ms Clarke greets me casually when I walk into her class during third period. She called me lovely! I feel a tingly feeling in my stomach hearing her call me that. I've always been obsessed with pet names: Honey, Beautiful, Babe. You name it, I love it.
"Hey Ms Clarke." I place my bag down on the floor and boost myself up onto one of the counters to sit. She welcomes herself to sit next to me which makes me happy. I can almost feel her body heat and it invades my thoughts. I want to be closer to her. Why?
"How's my class treating you?" She asks, genuinely curious. I smile. It feels like she actually cares. I can tell we're gonna be friends like I was with Mr Stevenson.
"It's good. I'm glad Avalon is in it." I stifle a laugh while thinking about her obsession with the boys in class. "She's a little distracting though." I tell her jokingly. She nods in agreement, going along with it. I can tell she's about to say something but her phone interrupts her. She hops off the counter and runs to her bag at the big desk in the back. I watch her movements, especially watching her ass. It looks good in those jeans... what is going on??
"Beth! You still down for the party on Thursday?" I hear a loud, excited voice transmit through the phone. I stifle a laugh as Ms Clarke's cheeks turn red and her smile turns into an embarrassed grin. Watching her react makes it even funnier to me.
"Yeah. I'm with a student right now, I'll call you later Sophia." She looks at me with a mortified look but it soon switches to amusement. She laughs at herself as she places her phone back into the bag. She walks back over to me and just stands in front of me.
"Beth, huh? Is that your name?" I ask her teasingly. She looks down and then back up at me through her eyelashes. As her arms cross, I notice her tattoos again and instinctively bite my lip. She looks amused by that so I stop and look back at her.
"It's a nickname." She explains. Her face gets mysteriously playful and I give her a questioning look. "I bet you can't guess my full name." I arch one of my eyebrows in response, liking the challenge. "I'll give you... three guesses." I place my thumb on my lip, a habit of mine when I think. I look at my lap and then up at her through my eyelashes. She's got that confident look she always has which intimidates me.
"Bethany." If her nickname is Beth then I'm guessing her name has "beth" in it somewhere. Bethany was the first thing that came to mind.
"Nope." She grins teasingly, winning. It only makes me think harder. I bite my lower lip gently, thinking of other names that contain beth.
"Annabeth?" My tone is more questioning, showing my thinning confidence. She tries to hide an amused smile, showing me that I got it incorrect again. I sigh and take my time on the next name, my final guess. "What do I get if I guess your name?" I ask genuinely but the way it comes out almost sounds seductive. Ms Clarke... Beth smirks at me while thinking. Her mischievous smirk makes me look down, unable to look into her eyes without feeling the desire to be in her arms.
"Good question..." She begins before hopping back up on the counter next to me. My eyes follow her. "You get to know my name." I roll my eyes at her snarky response.
"Oh come on Beth." I emphasise her name and lean closer to her in order to put pressure on her. Her confidence never wavers though.
"That's it, when we're alone, I'll let you call me by my first name." She suggests to me with a victorious grin. When we're alone my mind repeats. I never realised that we are alone when we hang out. I look around the classroom and notice the empty desks. It makes me wonder what could happen in here that no one else would know about. I look at Beth, thinking about everything that could go on in here.
"Elizabeth." I say my final answer confidently. Her eyes flicker and I notice her smile fade for a second. I won! "Elizabeth!" I repeat, feeling powerful. She drags one of her hands down her face and I smile at that.
"I can't believe you actually guessed it." She looks at me through her eyelashes and I feel the good nervous feeling again. "Okay I'll let you call me Elizabeth but you can't call me Beth. Only my family calls me that." I nod in understanding, nothing can take away this victorious feeling I have. I feel like I'm on top of the world!
"Okay Elizabeth." I smirk and scoot closer to her without thinking. This seems to make her confidence fade as she looks at me. Her eyes watch mine and I return the steady gaze.
Being with her just feels right. I don't know how to explain it. I've never felt so at home. Not with my past boyfriends, not with any boys for that matter. Am I attracted to Elizabeth? That can't be. She's a teacher! But other than that, she's a she!
Elizabeth looks over my face and I notice her eyes on my lips. I lick them, feeling confused about what's going to happen. Before I can process anything, I feel her hand gently cup my jaw and bring my face closer to hers. I can feel her breath on my face and it immediately makes me feel powerless. It's an amazing feeling though. I look into her eyes, giving her permission.
Just as my eyes flutter closed and I prepare to meet Elizabeth's lips with my own, the bell rings. It pulls us both back into reality and I pull away from her as her hand drops to her own lap. She looks over the classroom in an oh shit sort of gaze. I place my fingers on my lips, noticing how amazing that felt. We didn't even kiss but feeling her breath so close to me and her soft hand on my skin made me feel on top of the world and vulnerable at the same time. How is that possible?
I jump off the counter which pulls Elizabeth's attention back to me. I smile at her while picking up my bag.
"See yah Elizabeth." I smirk while saying her name, loving how it feels to have that privilege. She forces a smile in order to be nice but I can tell she feels awkward. I place my hand on her knee, probably not helping. I'm trying to be comforting. "It's okay. I won't tell a soul." I tell her truthfully. Everyone in this school is so conservative. There's no way anyone would be accepting of me kissing a girl, let alone a teacher. I'd be burned at the stake. I can't tell anyone, not even Avalon and Kali.
"Bye Xena." Is her only response. She doesn't acknowledge the second part of what I said so I just decide to go to fourth period. Some students enter the classroom and take their seats. I smile at Elizabeth one more time before leaving the room. This time she actually smiles back with a real one.
I look at the ground while trying to hide a stupid smile. The same smile Avalon has when looking at Connor. I finally understand what it feels like to have a crush... but on a girl?