WHAT IS STRONGER
THAN THE HUMAN HEART
WHICH SHATTERS OVER AND OVER
AND STILL LIVES
"You do have to admit, Puddlemere United totally kicked the Ballycastle Bats' ass," a small smirk teased James' lips, who looked deeply concentrated on his vanilla ice cream much to Alexis' amuse.
"Yeah, after that nasty bit of cheating!" She retaliated with a frown, taking a bite of her chocolate flavoured one, courtesy of the house elves who welcomed them at the kitchens that Wednesday night.
"Quidditch is a rough game! Let it go, Riddle!"
"Okay," she took a spoonful of her dessert and smirked devilishly up at him, "I will if you tell me why you were jealous of Remus."
He scoffed. "I wasn't jealous of Remus," he said, but his eyes had a hint of panic and a crimson color was beginning to make its way up his cheeks.
"Oh, really? Then why did you ignore the both of us the entire morning?" She tilted her head, feigning curiosity, well aware of the answer. She was still amused about how defensive James had gotten when he found her sleeping in Remus' arms at the common room after their little heart to heart.
"I wasn't ignor---Okay, maybe I was." He looked down in a frail attempt to conceal his heated cheeks. "But I wasn't jealous! Just a tad bit annoyed."
She rolled her eyes at his confession, "We feel asleep."
"Hugging?"
"Do you smell that?" She leaned over, fanning her hand near her face as if trying to smell a particular aroma. "Ah, jealousy."
James cackled, amused by her shenanigans. He stared at her for a couple of seconds in an act that was completely involuntary, licking his lips as they curved into a thin smile. "You have chocolate right... there," he used his thumb to wipe the corner of her mouth, holding his breath the entire time. Alexis couldn't help but to stare at him, enjoying his close proximity. Even for someone who was usually indifferent about looks, she had to admit the boy was quite the view. "You're staring."
She giggled, leaning back in her seat. "I can't help it!"
"Do I have something in my face as well?" He used his sleeve to wipe his mouth.
"No. You have hazel eyes."
"I guess?" A shy smile appeared on his lips as he, once again, was rendered a blushing mess by her words.
She smirked, "they're the cutest I've ever seen."
"Is there a relevant point to this?" His gaze shifted everywhere but on her as he struggled to maintain his composure.
"Just that they're super cute."
"Stop it."
"Are you blushing?"
"Shut up."
"Anyway," she giggled, opting to finally put him out of his misery, "did you see Josh Davis at the dueling club last week? I swear I hadn't seen him there before."
James' eyes widened slightly, remembering Remus' words regarding the boy and his sentiments towards Alexis. "That insufferable Ravenclaw, you mean?"
A crease appeared between her eyebrows, "I thought he was rather nice, actually."
"A nice twat."
"No, just a nice lad. He was really good at---," James' lips muffled the words that never got to leave Alexis' mouth, figuring a kiss would be the only way to leave Josh Davies out of the conversation. "Wow, it's so easy to make you jealous."
He groaned but was unable to hide the amused look in his face. "I am not jealous, woman."
"Good, because Remus is actually an amazing cuddler. Really cozy and comfy," she continued teasing him as she stood up to leave.
"Ok, you're pushing it now." He rolled his eyes, walking after her.
"Did you see Malfoy today? Guy's not quite my type, but his hair looked radiant!"
A sour expression crossed his face. "That was low."
"How about Snape -- "
"GOODBYE!"
Things had seemingly gone back to normal but Alexis had a nagging sensation that warned her she was experiencing the calm before the storm. So far, she'd only seen the drizzle. Although James had been loving and supportive she found the real comfort with Remus, who gave her knowing looks every time their eyes met. It was reassuring for her to know that someone had met her demons and was opting to stay.
The murders had continued, with many Hogwarts students unfortunately falling victims to such events. Many of them had to leave the castle after a loved one was killed or left in critical condition after defying the Dark Lord or not being pure enough in his eyes. Many people were still skeptical about Alexis and her relation to the culprit of this bloodshed, but their opinions never went past mumbles or inner monologues because by now they knew that the Marauders weren't so kind to those who spoke ill of her.
That Thursday evening Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters claimed another four lives who hit close to the castle, the Macdonald family. As the head of Gryffindor House, Professor McGonagall was responsible for delivering such tragic news much to her dismay. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time the Heads Of Houses had to approach students telling them to head to Dumbledore's office where they would receive the dreadful news, so when Minerva approached Mary and instructed her to do just that, advising Marlene McKinnon to accompany her friend, everyone held their breath, already well aware of what had happened. The Great Hall remained silent even after the shaking girls who followed the elder witch were out of view.
Alexis, who had been hauled by her friends to sit at the Gryffindor table, sunk lower into her seat, already feeling the glares and accusing gazes some people were sending her way. One of them belonged to none other than Lily Evans, and if looks could kill, Lily would've singlehandedly buried Alexis ten feet under.
Marlene returned a couple of minutes later and sat back down with all colour drained from her features. "They did it," she whispered horrified, "they killed her parents, her brother Thomas, and her grandmother."
The Hall was once again immersed in a deafening silence, and the only thing Alexis could hear was Lily's ragged breathing. "That's it!" The redhead stood up abruptly, startling everyone as she stomped her way towards Alexis, who didn't bother turning to look at her. "Look at that!" She slammed the newest Prophet edition next to her plate. "Look at your brother!"
"I've seen this already," she whispered, calmly dismissing the situation and pushing the newspaper aside. The last thing Alexis wanted was to make a scene with the entire Great Hall as spectators.
"Well, look again!" Lily was utterly enraged as she pushed the newspaper back to Alexis' line of view, her face turning a deep and unflattering red colour. "How can you just sit here and act like it's all good when your brother is out there murdering family after family!"
"What do you expect me to do, Evans?" Alexis muttered through gritted teeth, menacingly getting to her feet and staring Lily down.
"Anything would be better than what you're doing now, which is nothing!" Her words were whispers that trembled with anger.
"I do apologize for not being able to stop an entire army by myself," she tauntingly took a step forward, "silly me."
"You know what I think, Riddle?" She stepped forward as well, "I think you're just as evil as him. Just as deranged. You haven't moved a single finger to try to stop him, you're running around pretending nothing's happening because you support him. And it's not only me who think so, everyone does."
A humourless chuckle escaped Alexis' lips, who was beginning to have trouble maintaining her composure. "You're gonna stop talking now if you know what's good for you, Evans."
"Or else? You're gonna send your brother after me? After my family?" Lily spat defiantly, but Alexis could see the panic in her eyes, bright and clear. "I haven't seen you shed a single tear. Do you even feel bad for the victims?"
"Shut up," the Slytherin barked.
"You don't, because you're just as heartless as he is. You're just as heartless as Voldemort." That hit a nerve.
If there's one thing that kept Alexis up at night was knowing that Tom and her were indeed very similar, both victims of the same circumstances, both a side of the same coin. It was a grand fear of hers that her condition would lead her to take the same path he took, and that somewhere inside her there was a monster waiting to come out. Her vision got blurry with the welled up tears. She didn't move nor bothered with responding, she only took a deep breath, held her head high, and walked out of there as fast as she could.
The Great Hall felt torn and tense as everyone seemed to have conflicting opinions on the matter. James felt absolutely dreadful. He knew he should've intervened but just like everyone else he'd been rendered speechless. Both girls had shocked the entire school but in the five years he had known and closely followed Lily Evans, he had never seen her get so worked up. It was clear the hard times were taking a toll on everyone, and now it was his turn to face reality as he ran out of the Great Hall after Alexis Riddle.
"This is it. This is where the plot thickens." She laughed humorlessly, feeling James' presence behind her.
James shifted uncomfortably, still standing at the Astronomy Tower's entrance. "I have a feeling I'm not going to like this."
"I have a feeling you're right," she whispered with a pained expression. The moment she had been dreading and hoping to avoid was here now and there was no way around it. It was time to find out if James Potter was willing to love someone who couldn't love him back.
"What is it?" He sat next to her but kept a reasonable distance, his instincts telling him to approach the situation cautiously.
Opening up about her unfortunate past was hard, but doing it twice in a week was draining yet she did it nonetheless, she told James all about her mother and their ancestry. Those were the easy things to get out of the way, but when it came to Tom Riddle Sr. things tended to become more complicated. Her heart was pounding, and even though she tried to convince herself it was because of her hatred for her father, she knew it was because of the sheer fear of losing James.
"Merope fell in love. And without her father and brother around, her only problem was that---that he didn't love her back. So Merope, she---she used a love potion."
James frowned. "She kidnapped him?"
"No---well, technically yes. But that's not the point," she uttered with desperation in her voice, "the thing is... Tom and I were conceived under the influence of a love potion." Although it was a matter she'd had to live with for her entire life, she'd never felt worse about making such confession. However, James was unaware of the importance that love potion had on their lives.
"That's... interesting?"
"James, do you not know what happens to people like us?" She asked slowly, groaning exasperated when he shook his head no. This discussion was not getting any easier for her. "We can't love, James! We can not feel love!" She exclaimed a little too loudly, the first tear escaping her eye as the truth made its bitter way out her lips.
"What do you mean you can't love? How can someone not love?" He was panicking, she could hear it in his voice. This time James Potter had been really taken off guard, and it wasn't because of a rather cruel decline of his affection like he was used to with Lily. This time it was different, this time felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him.
"It's complex, but we can't---we can't feel love. We can't feel many positive emotions." She could feel her heart shattering at the sight of his pained and dejected expression. A few tears ran down her cheeks freely as he threw his head back, an expression of pure anguish contorting his face.
"So you can't love me?" He whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. "All of this was for nothing?"
"James---listen---I---I can't." Her voice broke with an upcoming sob. "But please understand that I do feel something for you."
"Something." He muttered bitterly, a lone tear escaping his eye.
"Yes, something I've never felt before. It's all new to me but---but I can feel it." Her ragged breathing made it all sound like a blabbering mess she couldn't control.
"So that's what I was? A guinea pig for you to experiment on?" His eyes were bloodshot and now he was unable to stop the tears from falling.
"Of course not!" She tried to reach for his hand but he pulled away. "I want you."
"You want me?"
"You're going to leave, aren't you?" Alexis felt humiliated to say the least. Utterly dejected and with her self esteem below ground level, she couldn't help but to let her cynicism show with a humourless chuckle. "You think I'm too much work. I've got too much baggage, don't I?"
James couldn't even look at her, his emotions boiling intensely inside of him. Heartbroken? Angry? Disappointed? He felt everything at once and it was too much. Even if the most sensible side of him told him to stay and talk things through because he knew that Alexis was a lovely girl who did not deserve the life she'd been given, his hard head and blinding pride told him to leave without looking back. And that's exactly what he did.