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Present
Serenes P.O.V
It's been a week since my anxiety has been a little better; in control. I have been constantly keeping myself busy with work especially in the E.R section.
When I am on breaks I go to Marla's cafe and just sit there and chit chat with her when she's not so busy but mostly I am just sitting alone enjoying my pumpkin spice latte and muffin.
I haven't talked to her much since my break down, last week. Her cafe has been very busy, young students from local college and old folks from around this small town come to this cafe often since the weather is really cold and it has been snowing like crazy.
I tried to avoid talking about my past with Marla. Which she understood very well, she was patient and always there for me.
Talking about it triggers my anxiety to a whole new level. But I can't seem to forget the memories or forget Colton. He made a deep whole in my heart which can't seem to close. Every night when I close my eyes, his face is present before my eyes. I fall asleep thinking about him, which sometimes makes me want to pull my hair out. I wake up in the morning with him on my mind.
He's constantly on my mind.
The questions like the what if's? The why's? are clouding my mind all the time.
Why wasn't I strong enough?
What if he really loved me, where would we be at right now?
Why did I let my self put through so much for him... Because of him?
Why didn't I just stop trying for him earlier?
And the dreading question; What if he finds me?
And the most important and question — that immediately places guilt in my heart but I always welcome the punishment because I feel like I deserve this — Why didn't I just listen to my father or Alex or my best friends?
I am currently in the hospital with Theo trailing after me. I rolled my eyes and turn around so fast he almost bumps into me. He comes to quick halt and grins at me.
He has a nice smile but Colton had a dimple on his left cheek when he smiled around me, which was rare.
I internally groan and shake my head. Beginning to irritate my own self.
"What do you want Theo? It better be work related or important." I said it a little too harshly. I turn back around to staple a stack of discharge papers for the patient. I threw him quick glare over my shoulder when he was still staring at me and not really opening his mouth.
The headache was responsible for my bad mood right now. And I wasn't about to listen to his bullshit. I worked straight for 11 hours, I had one more hour to go til' my shift is over so I can sleep.
"It's nothing stupid, I promise. I know your tired and all but I actually have something to show you." He quickly tells me while handing me a yellow piece of paper, he knew not to mess with me, when I was in a bad mood.
"Volunteering for the charity event for orphans," I read the title out loud, "so where is the sign up form?"
"It's attached to the yellow paper. So are you volunteering again for this year?" Theo asks, handing me a pen to sign my name and fill out the small form attach to the flyer.
"Of course, the more the people the better it is." I quickly sign my name and fill out the information. I handed the papers back to Theo.
"I'll drop them off at the social services organization, who are going to hold the event for the kids." I thanked him and he was off his schedule on his merry way to his cozy home.
Every year this town holds a charity event for the orphans and the poor, so the wealthy people from the well known towns come over to donate. Even the very well known business men are sent invitation cards to help us donate.
Since Ashland is small and isn't in the prestige status — it doesn't have much to offer to hold a big event, so the people in this town volunteer to work as servers, waiters, event planners, and chefs, and other work for free.
Last year was my first time volunteering as an event planner but this year I went for the waiter or any position they had to offer me. The only thing they spend money on is alcoholic and regular beverages, the invitation cards, and tables and chairs.
The food came from local resteraunts who cooked it themselves. They don't really have much decoration other than somewhat fancy table and chair covers, flowers, balloons, and candles.
People in Ashland are so humble and giving, money didn't matter to them all they cared about was helping one another. It was amazing and hard not to join their festivities or events. It was so different for me when I barely moved here, especially coming from a very rich, high standard and stuck up society.
Luck was on my side for the first time, that night — the night I escaped from my nightmare, desperately hoping to find something better in life — when I hopped on a random train station praying it would lead me to something better, something life changing.
And it did. When I landed on Ashland's soil, I finally took a calm breathe of freedom.
I handed the discharge papers to the patient and took care of other stuff the doctor bossed me around with, and I was finally going to call it a night.
It was 11 O' clock at night, when I was walking home. It wasn't safe to be alone at night — that's what Marla is always telling me — but I felt save when I was walking through down town. Lights for thanksgiving and holidays were bright and lit up everywhere so It didn't really scare me because a lot of young boys and girls were hanging out at this time since it was Friday night.
There was ankle deep snow on the ground but apparently it didn't stop them from having fun. It was freezing cold for me so I was speed walked to my apartment.
~*~
Beeeep! Beeeep! Beeeeep!
"What the fu-OW!" I quickly take my pierced fingers that are in pain off the annoying blaring alarm, and put them in my mouth to relief the pain.
It was Saturday, which meant no work for me today. Then why the fuck is the alarm beeping at 7:30 a.m? I groan and remembered I set it for the help at the orphanage home.
I carefully turn the alarm off, trying not to pierce myself again with the needle pins. Which were attached to the alarm. They help me wake up either way - to pierce myself or to either avoid my self from getting pierced and run to the bathroom.
Most of the time I slept late with drowning myself in thoughts or when I am just feeling low, which results me into sleeping through my alarm for work. To avoid that mistake I taped needle pins on my alarm to prevent me from snoozing it.
Right now I am so pissed, and my eyes are half closing, but I force my self to get up and take a shower. I quickly put on a good moisterizer, mascara, and lip balm. Putting my untangled, wet hair in a bun, I'm out the door.
A bunch of college students, some of my co-workers, and random people were scattered all over the place preparing for the big event that will take place in about 6 days from now.
We had to get everything done really well, since the rich folks will be here and we had to give them much love and respect. I was currently mopping down the floors and dusting the huge spacious room.
"Hey Serene!" Turning around my eyes met with Maria's. She was a college student, who met me a couple times in Marla's cafe, after I accidentally spilled coffee on her the first time. She was lucky it was a Frap and not a piping hot latte.
Though having numb boobs during a snowy weather isn't a good thing either.
"Hey Maria. How you been?" I asked.
"Good. Hey I got you a list of the guest names we want you to write down on the invitation cards. Ya know the rich, business people and all....Oh and do it quick cause we have a little bit days." she handed the long list of names to me.
"Okay sure." I said while scanning over the names.
I quietly mumble the names to myself," The Johnsons, Mitchell Donavon, The Bert-," the blood drains out of my face, like someone pushed me into an ice cold lake," B-bertenellis.." I couldn't even form the words right.
No no no!
This can't be happening. There is no way he can be here. Are they out of their minds?
"-you okay?" When I looked up, it was Theo waving his hand at me.
God where did he come from?
"Serene, why are you crying?" His brows are furrowed with concern and he took a step closer to give me a hug but I quickly took a step back and ran off in another direction.
I didn't need to see him right now.
I didn't need to see Colton right now, or actually ever.
I entered the restroom, and quickly pulled myself together.
Here I thought I would never see him but faith is playing an ugly game with me right now.
You know what? I can just make the invation cards and send them to all the guests exluding the Bertenellis. No one will ever know and they won't show up.
Oh god, I am reacting for no reason. I try to calm myself and not think of the worse case scenerio.
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"Done!" I sigh with relief. All the cards have been signed with the guests names. I stacked them in a neat pile for them to be sent off.
One card was extra which was suppose to be The Bertenellis' but I was trying to hide the card in my purse so no one knows I left one family out.
But apparently I was wrong..
"Honey You left a card out."
I squealed and jumped a mile in the air. I quickly turned around and saw a baffled and scared look on the poor nun's face.
Wow. Looks like I scared the poor old lady.
"H-hello Miss..." Great, I even forgot her surname.
She furrowed her brows, this nun was damn cunning and smart. I hope she doesn't figure it out.
"Oh no um..It's just an extra card," I was about to grab the list but she got it in her wrinkled hands before I could. She took a small glance at it, before looking back up at me.
"Oh okay. Well I'll throw the list away for you and you can head home now sweety." She got the list, crumbling in her hands and took the card from me and left with out a word. I sighed with relief when I saw her throw the paper in the trash.
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<Past>
Serene's Pov
It's been a painful month. I figured out later on that I wasn't here for my honeymoon but this is where Colton is planning on living for the next two years or longer.
I missed my best friends. I talked to them once in a while but not often. They think I am living the perfect and happy life with Colton. I kept them under the wrong impression, fed them fake stories on how much I am enjoying my time with Colton.
I didn't want them to worry about me at all. I was going to deal with this alone. I wanted him, so I was going to go complain to them. I didn't listen or took their advise no matter how much they persuaded me to back off.
This pent house, was huge with spiral upstairs and glass windows taking up the whole space on the wall.
It was beautiful and spacious yet it made me suffocate and it felt like the walls were always closing in on me. I always had this nagging, upset feeling in my stomach.
But I always pushed it away and felt a little relief and happy when I would see Colt. enter through those doors. He barely acknowledged me, yet it still made me happy that he came home, it was better than being all alone.
He left early in the morning and came home late, sometimes he never came. I would keep myself busy and cook dinner for him, if he came home. We barely held a conversation yet I always bugged him and wanted more from him.
I always annoyed him, messing around with him when he was in the middle of a conference call or work. Making jokes and fun of the ladies that came to parties that we went together, for business.
Which sometimes, I earned a small smile or grin from him that melted my heart made my nights sleepless. Sometimes he would hide his smile behind the laptop screen but I would see it when his eyes crinkled on the sides.
And I was in love with his dimples. And Him.
I yearned for his attention and it made me happy when he talked to me.
When he was home he would lock himself in the office, which he currently was. I don't know if he was an workoholic or if he tried to avoid me. Maybe both.
Knocking on his door, he didn't answer like usual. Opening the door I walked in with a tray of dinner in my hand. I gave him a smile. He seemed tired.
"Here is dinner. You look so tired, take a break."
"I'm full. Now get out." I rolled my eyes. I lost count as how many times he tells me to get out during the day. Yet I went close to him.
I kept dinner next to his laptop, his eyes were closed and he leaned forward. I walked around and stood behind him when I placed my hands on his shoulder blades, he tensed but started to relax when I started to gently knead his shoulders. Running my thumbs upwards on his neck, firmly. I massaged him for like 5 minutes and I wanted to keep going but until I opened my bigass mouth.
"You should get some sleep." I said in a low voice. Which made him get out of his peaceful trance and he ubruptly got up and pinned me against the wall, glaring at me.
"Leave when I tell you to." He sounded angry yet tired.
I would've nodded and let him be but knowing him he wouldn't eat until I told him so.
"Eat then I'll leave." I said it firmly.
He backed away from me and got the tray and threw it across the room, making me a jump and I gasped.
He grabbed me from my elbow, dragging me to the door when I looked back at him, I did a double take and my heart stopped for a mili second and then dropped when I spotted two hickeys on his unbottened dress shirt, one on his collar bone and one the side of the neck.
When I looked at him, he smirked. He knew that I saw them.
I took a step back and stumbled back, feeling hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I walked away.
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I am so sorry for the late update! So I wrote two chapters to make it upto you.
Enjoy. Love ya.