I woke up, the sun shining through the slits of the blinds. Furrowing my eyebrows, I forced myself to sit up and rubbed my eyes in exhaustion.
My eyes ached and stung as I blinked. It was then that the events of last night flashed through my head.
Ugh, Jai saw me crying my eyes out.
It was embarrassing to think about, but my attention was soon elsewhere as the sound of water pattering and hitting the floor reached my ears.
He must be showering.
I was still confused to his sudden change in behavior last night and I couldn't help but feel the disappointment at the fact that it was only temporary.
It was soothing and refreshing to see the kind side of Jai, and I had a feeling that I wouldn't see that side again in a while.
Sighing, I went to go back to sleep again. It was a Saturday and I didn't feel like getting up and making breakfast.
He didn't have work either, which made the morning that much more sweeter. Just as I closed my eyes, a phone suddenly began to ring violently, causing me to shoot up from bed in shock.
I looked around for the ringing phone, when I finally managed to find it hidden under the tangled bed sheets.
It wasn't my phone but I felt bad not clicking 'answer' so I quickly shuffled over to the door and knocked.
"Jai?"
"What?" I heard through the loud noise of the water.
"Your phone's ringing."
"What? Speak up!" he said, his tone representing one of annoyance.
There's the mean Jai again.
Frowning, I leaned closer to the door. "I said your phone's ringing!"
"Okay?" he said it as a question, like he was wondering why I was telling him this. "Just put it on the bedside table."
"But what if it's important? Should I pick it up?"
"What do you want me to do Karishma?!" he yelled, causing me to jump. "I'm taking a bloody shower. I'll call them back in my own time so mind your own business, alright?"
His words pierced through me like a knife.
"That's why I asked you if I should pick up or not. You didn't have to yell," I muttered under my breath.
Without saying anything else, I placed it on his bedside table and took out some fresh set of clothes. I walked downstairs and waited for him to get out so I could take a shower.
I didn't feel too good due to me sweating after last night, so I wanted to scrub myself clean.
I feel so yuck and I smell horrible, too.
Trying not to think about how disgusting I felt, I concentrated on a show that came on TV called 'Dr Phil'. Before I knew it, I was hooked.
But soon enough, my phone dinged. Looking down at it, I saw that I now had twenty-two unread messages when it had only been nineteen yesterday.
'Karishma, hey. I just wanted to apologise for what I said. I'm sorry that I butt into your business. I honestly don't know why I said you lied when I would have done the same in your situation.'
'It's pretty late, but, I feel like crap now. Whatever is happening in your marriage is your business.'
Most of the messages were similar and I read the latest one, sent just a few minutes ago.
'Whatever it is, I just want to let you know that I'm always here to listen, alright?'
Biting my lip, I contemplated on what to do. I really didn't want to talk about my personal life, but he was so kind and trustable that I just wanted to share.
I just needed a friend.
So, I texted him back.
'No, don't apologize! It's just complicated and I was brought up to not share anything personal with others, that's all."
A couple of minutes later, I got a reply.
'That's understandable :) but if anything is going on, anything at all, don't hesitate to call me, okay?'
I smiled at his caring nature and thanked him with a smiley face. I put my phone away to continue watching Dr Phil silently. Sighing, I pouted at the screen as I watched him talk to the ladies.
I miss watching all those Indian movies and shows with my cousins.
It was something that we always did in the afternoons; we sat together and ate ice cream and played games through the night.
Suddenly going from a big family and having a hectic life, to a quiet and peaceful life here, was completely disheartening. It made me feel empty and as if something was missing.
After what felt like an hour—which it probably was—Jai descended the stairs and I shook my head, shaking away the depressing thoughts and turned off the TV.
I went to open my mouth and ask him if he was okay but the look on his face stopped me—it was twisted into an expression that seemed to show both pain and blazing fury. His phone was clenched tightly in his hand and he looked as though he would break it at any second.
He glanced at me and said icily, "I'll be back."
Nodding, I watched as he slammed the door. I only got up from my seat on the couch when I heard the engine of the car start and fade away.
I walked up the stairs, relieved but I was also a little hurt that he only showed his kind and gentle side for a few minutes last night.
Maybe I shouldn't have believed he had changed so quick?
But, clearly something had happened. That phone call must have had something to do with it but at the same time, I knew it wasn't any of my business.
If it was, he'd tell me. Shaking my head from any petty thoughts, I rushed up and into the bathroom to shower.
Showering was one of the things I hated most in life. Seeing myself naked and looking in the mirror disgusted me.
It made me feel so ashamed just to be in my own body. It was a private time for me but it was a horrible feeling.
I felt lonely.
I felt violated.
Even though it had been years, the shower and the room was trigger for it all.
I sunk to floor of the bathroom as the water ran over my head and my body. My hands trembled as I scratched at my skin on my arms, my legs—everything to get rid of the layer of disgusting filth from that night that never wanted to leave my body.
It was always going to be there, no matter what I did.
I took advantage of the loud noise of running water from the shower head and allowed myself to fully let go like I always did.
The bathroom was a place of hell for me but it was also my heaven.
It was the place where I could freely do what I wanted and cry as much as I wanted. After calming down, I was out and dressed in my clean and casual blue kurti pyjamas.
Walking out of the bathroom, I opened the door and walked out, swiping at my face and rubbing my eyes in case they were red and filled with tears. With nothing interesting to do, I sat around, browsing the web, watching television and then making up some new dishes because I was bored.
My eyes involuntarily glanced at the clock as I did each thing, wondering where Jai was. As if on cue, just when I had given up on needlessly worrying and decided to take a nap, the front door opened and a wave voices flooded in from the other side.
I stared at the door, holding my breath. But it soon left me in relief as I saw a beautiful woman dressed in a pink sari. There was an older woman and a young girl around the age of five beside her, talking to Jai as he walked in with them.
Though his face was pale, he hugged them with a huge smile on his face; a smile I'd never seen framing his face before.
My eyes widened upon seeing that rare smile of his, sending shock waves through me. It caused me to freeze halfway down the stairs.
No one noticed me until the cute young girl with the two pig-tails pointed at me with a dimpled smile.
"Look Joi, a lady is staring at us!" Everyone turned to look at me, and I didn't fail to notice the way Jai's smile vanished from his face as his eyes settled on mine. But, I was too focused on the little girl to worry.
His face suddenly looked as blotchy and furious as it had when he had left, and it looked as if he was about to be sick any moment. Without even looking at me, he excused himself from them and walked upstairs.
Leaving me alone with them. I smiled awkwardly but the way the little girl had said his name made me giggle and I waved at her adoringly, her reply an energetic wave back. I didn't realise everyone had their eyes on me until I walked towards them.
Bowing my head, I smiled at the older woman and the young woman, who both had fond expressions on their faces.
"It's nice to meet you," I said, awkwardly, my voice croaky from the crying earlier.
I cleared my throat and I glanced around but no one seemed to notice.
"It's nice to meet you, too," Sanaya said with a smile. "Though we saw you at the wedding, it was too chaotic to try and get a conversation in."
I laughed softly at that and nodded, just as Jai came back down, now clad in sweatpants and a plain t-shirt.
The young girl jumped up to him and he lifted her up in his arms, smiling at her sweetly. I could tell that it looked a bit forced but I didn't want to say anything.
It was a good family moment and I didn't want to be the one to ruin it.
The sight of him with a child made me blink in awe and I couldn't help but stare at them both. Someone placed a hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to reality.
My eyes met with the young woman whose warm dark brown eyes stared back at me.
"I don't know if Jai told you or if you even remember but I'm Sanaya, his cousin and this," she pointed to the older woman who rushed up to me, enveloping my hands with hers, "is my mother."
I smiled widely, happy to have people in the house so that it wasn't quite as lonely.
The delighted squeal of the little girl's, made us all turn our heads to see Jai giving her a ride on his shoulders.
He then dropped her, only to catch her swiftly, spinning her around, his amber eyes sparkling with laughter as well as hers.
The sight would have warmed my heart, if I didn't know his true self.
"And that's my daughter, Khushi," Sanaya said, love reflecting in her eyes as she stared at Jai and her daughter. Her mother—aunty to me—smiled at me, cupping my face.
"You are such a beautiful girl!" she said, shocking me.
Me? Beautiful?
Touched, I placed my hands over hers and smiled at her.
"Thank you, that means a lot to me."
She stepped back, waving me away. "Don't thank me, honey. I'm just being honest with you."
Khushi came bouncing back to Sanaya, Jai following right behind. Instead of letting an awkward silence engulf us all, I spoke.
"How come you didn't give us a call? This was very unexpected," I said with a grin.
Everyone went silent for a little while, and my grin faded as I looked around at all their faces in confusion.
Sanaya cocked her head at me, her brown eyes glancing at Jai before they darted back to me.
"We called saying that we would drop by an hour or so ago," she said, looking at her mother for clarification who nodded her head.
Would that have been the call from this morning? Then...what was Jai so mad about? Did someone else call afterwards?
I blinked and my head started to spurn at all the questions forming in my mind. But then something else hit me. Jai had hid the fact that they were coming; he didn't consider telling me as important.
"Wait, you didn't tell her, did you?" Aunty said, her face changing to one of realisation.
Jai's jaw began to work as he gritted his teeth, his amber eyes sharp as he looked away. His silence caused Aunty to sigh.
Sanaya walked up to him and slapped the back of his head and he brought his hand up to rub the spot she slapped.
"What the fu—" he cut himself off and gaped at Sanaya.
Aunty flinched at the fact that he nearly swore, and I applauded at her reaction in my mind since I felt the same.
I wanted to roll my eyes at his dramatic reaction but stayed silent.
Watching on as she began to berate him in Hindi was more entertaining than me doing or saying anything.
I just hoped that he was being taught a lesson. Jai, however, looked like he didn't care as he stared at them, his face expressing nothing.
Sanaya nodded her head to what her mother was saying. She then crossed her arms and gave him a deadly glare.
"And I slapped you because that's what you deserve for keeping things from your wife, idiot." She looked over at me with empathy. "I'm surprised you're so calm; when Mohit hides things from me, I get so mad."
Aunty shook her head at Jai, displeased.
"You're a twenty-eight year old married man, Jai!"
He shrugged, nonchalantly. "What does my age have to do with anything, auntie?" he finally spoke, his voice void of any emotion as he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking as if he was controlling himself from bursting any second.
Of course, I was hurt that he didn't tell me that his family was coming over. I could have made food to eat and bought something to drink; we had nothing that could be served to guests other than coffee and biscuits. I didn't even have anything sweet for Khushi.
I felt pathetic for not being able to provide them with anything.
Aunty and Sanaya shook their heads in disappointment and continued to berate Jai, who said nothing.
Until I butt in so that the conversation could go in a different direction. I didn't want to be reminded of the fact that we weren't close or even on normal speaking terms.
"You should sit down—your feet must hurt from all the standing around." I ushered them to the sofa in the living room. "I'll get some coffee and biscuits."
A tug on my kurti pyjamas caused me to look down. I was met with Khushi's doe eyes, staring up at me.
"Aunty, aunty can I have some chocolate?"
Sanaya 'tsk'ed her, giving her a pointed look.
"No, Khushi," she warned before looking at me, waving her hand, dismissing what she said. "I already gave her chocolate before we left the house, she doesn't need more."
Khushi pouted and turned towards her mother.
Jai clicked his tongue in disappointment. "Giving her a piece of chocolate isn't gonna kill her, Sanaya."
She looked Jai up and down in playful distaste.
"You're spoiling her, Jai!"
"Yeah, well, she's my only niece. Someone has to spoil her," he retorts. Then more quietly he said, "it's not like I can spoil Aman's child."
That caused a silence amongst everybody. Sanaya's face was scrunched up in utter pain, as if she had witnessed Aman's demise right before her eyes. Aunty looked away, lips pressed together in a thin, sad line.
There were tears in my eyes as I watched Jai. He, on the other hand, said nothing and cleared his throat.
"So, how's Mohit?" he asked, voice rough.
It took a while for Sanaya and Aunty to compose themselves, but they eventually did, their conversation going back on track again.
My heart became heavy at the mention of Aman and I resorted to looking at Khushi and her vivaciousness to distract myself.
Smiling, I reached down to pinch her chubby cheeks lovingly.
Seeing her pout and fumble around with the dolls she was holding, warmed my heart.
Crouching down to her level, I leaned closer to her, whispering, "Would it be okay if I play with you and your dolls?"
Her face lit up as she lifted her head up to look at me, before jumping up and down, giddy.
"Really, you'll play with me aunty?!"
I nodded my head, excited at her excitement.
"Yes, of course! But only if you call me Kari chechi," I said, playfully. She nodded her head furiously.
"Okay, Kari chechi!" she said, cutely. I giggled and gave her a thumbs up.
"As soon as I'm done with making some food, I'll come right to you and we can go play, okay?" I said, bopping her on the nose with my finger, causing her to wrinkle it with a grin.
Looking over her shoulder for a split second, my eyes locked with Jai's, alarmed to see that he was already watching me attentively. His eyes seemed to be questioning me of my intentions with Khushi.
Shooting him a glare, I got up and left to the kitchen to make some coffee. Whilst I was stirring in the coffee powder, footsteps from behind caused me to glance over my shoulder.
Sanaya stood there, leaning against the kitchen counter, smiling at me gently before her eyes travelled towards what I was mixing and they widened.
"What happened to your hand?" She rushed over to me and inspected the hand that was bandaged, carefully.
Embarrassed, I tried to wave it off with a small smile. "Oh, this is nothing! I just—"
"She was being careless and cut herself on a shard of broken glass when I had told her not to bother with it," Jai said without looking at us.
He had entered the kitchen, opening the cabinet to get a wine glass.
I frowned at him, though he wasn't looking at me. Sanaya swivelled her head towards me.
"Is that true?!"
I nodded sheepishly. "Well, Jai was the one that dropped the bowl and he wasn't going to pick it up so I took that responsibility. If I didn't, then something worse than a small cut could have happened."
Jai slowly turned his head to look at me. A shadow clouded his sharp amber eyes as they stared into mine.
"Oh, so you're putting the blame on me and accusing me like a child?" he snapped, his voice harsh. "I warned you not to pick up the pieces but you didn't listen, did you?"
"If I hadn't picked them up, maybe I would have accidentally stepped on it. It could have been a lot worse, Jai."
"Then you should have been more careful. I'm not your dad," he snapped.
"Hey, don't yell at her Jai." Sanaya gave a look to Jai. "I'm sure she learned her lesson," she said, before shoo'ing him away.
Jai's eyes slid to me, briefly glancing at me before he left the kitchen with a wine bottle and a wine glass.
Sanaya turned to me. "Don't listen to him. But honestly, I know he can be rude and tough to handle but he can be kind, I promise you," she said, her eyes softening as she studied the hurt showing on my face.
I nodded my head in agreement and pulled my hand away gently, when she caught my hand in her grasp again.
"Next time be careful, okay?"
"Okay," I said with a small smile, not being able to stop because of her and Aunty's unlimited kindness. "You're really kind Sanaya chechi."
"Chechi?" she asked, her eyes watching me lift and pour the coffee into the pretty cups.
"Oh, it means elder sister in my language." I put the tiny pot into the sink and turned to her, fumbling with my shawl. "Is that okay?"
Sanaya's eyes lit up and a sweet smile.
"Of course that's okay!" she exclaimed. "Having you call me that is more than I could ask for."
Handing a cup to Sanaya, we both walked to the living room only to freeze at the sight in front of us.
Aunty was drinking wine and laughing heartily as if Jai had told the funniest joke in the world. He had an amused smile on his face as he watched Aunty in her drunken state, his eyes lighting up.
Sanaya, however, wasn't amused at all. She gasped and shuffled over to them, careful not to spill the coffee on her expensive-looking fancy sari. She stood in front of Aunty, grabbing the wine glass away from her.
"What are you doing?!" she exclaimed.
Aunty shrugged before she laughed again at nothing in particular. Sanaya then raised an eyebrow at Jai who leaned back leisurely.
"What? She wanted to drink some wine and so I granted her wish," he said, shrugging with a sly smile replacing his amused one.
Sanaya, once again, went to slap the back of his head but he caught her hand and pretended to lick it, causing her to yelp and pull it away, glaring at him.
"You not only spoil my daughter but you spoil my mother too!" She shook her head in disbelief. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"
"Yeah, yeah." Jai rolled his eyes and slapped his thighs before getting up.
He put his hands together in a praying gesture and bowed mockingly. "I'm so sorry for listening to your mother and making her happy."
Sanaya poked her tongue out at him and he shot her a never-seen-before lop-sided grin that practically brimmed with wickedness, his pearly white teeth almost glowing as he did so.
"I don't know why I still talk to you," she muttered.
"Well, because you want to know about everything that goes on in my life, since there's nothing interesting in yours."
Sanaya went to hit Jai playfully on the arm, who easily side-stepped her, smirking at her failed attempt.
I walked forwards and placed the coffee tray on the table; Aunty was napping now, so she couldn't drink it, and Jai...I didn't want to give it to him personally, so I just set it down.
As I walked towards Khushi who was sitting on the floor and playing by herself quietly, I could feel Jai's gaze on me. Knowing how uncomfortable his piercing gaze was, I refused to look back and sat in front of her.
My back was facing Jai and Sanaya who were bantering like cousins did, only making me miss mine more.
I was brought back from my thoughts by Khushi who shoved her Barbie doll in my face.
"This is Miss Leah and she's the princess of this castle!" she exclaimed in utmost excitement.
"Ooh! Who's the queen?" I asked, mimicking her enthusiasm and she grinned, pointing at me. My eyes widened.
"Me?"
"Yes, you! And Miss Leah is my daughter!"
"Are you another princess then?"
"No!" she pouted, brushing 'Miss Leah's hair gently. "I'm the Queen of Queens!"
I picked up another doll she held out to me, making the arms fold so it looked like it was placed on her hips.
"Wow, that's a big job," I said, pretending to be the doll, "are you sure you can handle being the Queen of Queens?"
She made the doll's head nod and walked up to me.
"I am Queen Elsa! I can do anything!"
"Does that mean you have magic?!" Her doll nodded in answer and I made my doll pretend to faint in surprise, causing Khushi to hysterically giggle.
"I will bring you back to life with my magical powers!" she exclaimed, biting her lip in anticipation.
"W–"
"Did someone say magical powers?" The familiar low rumble made me freeze. Khushi blinked and looked up at the person standing behind me, her eyes twinkling.
Jai's footsteps came closer and before I knew it, he rushed from behind me and scooped up Khushi in his arms. She began to squeal and laugh joyously.
"Yes, I have magical powers like Elsa!"
"Elsa? Are you going to freeze my heart?" he gasped in mock horror.
When she made a 'whoosh' sound and waved her hand as if she was summoning magic, Jai clutched his heart and fell onto the floor, comically. He then brought her down with him onto the floor gently, causing her to shriek with laughter.
The scene before me made my lips curl into a soft smile. My heart filled with admiration and warmth at seeing how much he loved Khushi, but at one thought, my smile faded.
Why can't he be nice like this all the time?
Shaking that thought away, I put the doll down. Even my thoughts were becoming childish. I got up, turning around to see an empty living room.
I whipped around and rushed over to Jai who was still playing around with Khushi.
Upon seeing me, the enjoyment on his face dissipated into thin air. It made me wonder if there ever was a smile on the emotionless face in the first place.
"Where's Aunty and Sanaya?" I breathed out, afraid for some odd reason. I knew they had to be inside the house, yet I was panicking anyway.
"Relax," Jai said. "Sanaya wanted to take a shower and took her Ma to the guest room so she could sleep peacefully there."
I breathed a sigh of relief and plopped back onto the floor, staring at my feet.
I can't believe I didn't see them walk up the stairs.
Biting my lip in thought, I continued to stare when a gentle kick to my feet startled me, causing me to look up at Jai.
"You were busy playing with Khushi," he answered my unasked question and doubt. He walked past me, sparing me a quick glance before he looked away.
"Oh," I mumbled in realisation before my eyes flashed in Khushi's direction. She pushed her dolls to the side so she wouldn't step on them, and then came up to me, pouting.
Cocking my head to the side, I peered at her from where I sat.
"What's wrong?"
She grabbed both my arms and tugged on them, causing confusion to take over my features. I got up because of her continuous pulling and looked down at her.
Realisation settled in when she lifted her arms up, a gesture for me to carry her.
"Oh, is that what you wanted?" I asked, smiling softly, leaning down and picking her up.
She immediately wrapped her arms around my neck tightly, burying her face into my hair.
"I'm tired, chechi," she said sleepily into my hair. I smoothed down her hair and kissed the side of it.
"Would you like me to take you up so you can sleep next to your mum?"
"No!" she cried, kicking her legs. "I want to stay here with you and Joi!"
"She's warmed up to you really quickly."
Jai's husky voice that practically came out of nowhere, made me jump in shock. I whipped around, facing him with wide eyes.
He had a glass of wine in his hand, and he looked at me with an intense, penetrating stare.
"Oh, uh, yeah. She seems like someone who warms up to anyone," I said with a huge smile.
"Mhm." Jai nodded, his hard gaze softening as his eyes moved from me to a softly snoring Khushi.
"By the way," his cold eyes glanced up at me from over his wine glass, "why does she call you Joi?"
Staring at me for a couple of seconds, he tipped the glass back and gulped down the rest of the wine, his voice monotonous.
"When she was a baby, she couldn't pronounce the name 'Jai' so she started calling me Joi and I guess it just stuck."
I nodded, and instantly, we were engulfed by an awkward silence that made me want to run away.
Turning to go upstairs and to the bedroom, Jai stepped in front of me, stopping me from going any further. My eyes flashed to his in question.
"We're going out tomorrow so make sure you have everything ready."
"Wait, what?"
His voice turned cold as he leaned closer, whispering, "Now that I've told you, don't go complaining that I hid it from you." He narrowed his eyes at me before he strode away.
Technically he did hide it from me. He's telling me the day before the actual outing that we're going somewhere?
I clenched my fists. He was the last person I wanted to go anywhere with.