AMELIA
There is less than a week left for us to reach Solis. After almost two years of travelling and forming an army, we are finally, finally on our way back home. However, our first stop is nowhere near the palace grounds, we have yet to properly organise the plan of our attack and go through all details.
We sent hawks to deliver the message of our return to everyone that absolutely needs to know such as Adrian, my family, and Captain Jones. I cannot wait until all of us meet up and I can finally hug each of them, that's the only thing giving me a sense of peace and even a bit of joy. The past six months have been the hardest in my life, ever since the death of my son, but I found the strength to endure it all and it's made me stronger. There is nothing that can destroy me anymore.
"You seem... not sad," Niall notes, a wide smile curving his lips. "And it's so refreshing to see you like that."
I look away from the horizon and at him, expelling a quiet sigh. "I know I will see my family in a few days and it's giving me strength. I cannot wait to see my little sister! She's nineteen now, a big girl." I manage a small smile at the thought. "I miss her so much. And Zayn, I miss seeing his constipated face whenever I hug him. And I miss Silas and his latin books."
Niall cringes at the mention of Silas. "Right, I forgot about him. Perhaps I should just throw myself into the water and swim away while I still can." He leans over the railing, looking down.
"Niall, I don't think I ever thanked you for being here for me all this time. It means a lot, I don't know if I would have endured all this... if I would even be here right now if it weren't for you." I lift my arms, pulling him in a strong hug.
It takes him a moment to react, but he hugs me back, giving me a light squeeze. "You were there for me when I needed it, you stood up for me in front of my father. Besides, we are family now, right?"
"Who would have thought I would be this close to you, remember how much you used to hate me?" I ask with a smile as I pull away, pinching his cheek playfully.
"Hate you? No, I simply wasn't quite fond of your presence. Kind of like how I am with Silas."
"For someone who claims he doesn't like him, you sure mention him a lot. Every time we speak for that matter," I tease him, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
"Not true..." His cheeks flush, palm rubbing the nape of his neck. "I, uh, I better get back to my cabin, it's getting kind of late." He leans in and lightly kisses my forehead.
I watch him leave before turning towards the horizon again, closing my eyes and inhaling the pure air. When I hear footsteps behind me, I open my eyes. "Forgot something, Ni-" I cut myself off when I notice it's in fact Harry, my muscles tensing slightly as I get nervous instantly.
"Not who you were expecting, I see," he mutters, leaning his forearm against the railing beside me while turning to face me, crossing one ankle over the other. "You've been spending an awful lot of time with Niall lately."
"Yes, you see, he actually wants me in his company and not just look for me when he needs a quick fuck." I take a step away from him, feeling my anger rising.
Harry frowns at that, standing to his full height. "That's not-"
"True?" I let out a bitter laugh. "First of all, I do not need to explain myself to you. And second of all, do not act like you don't come into my cabin only when you have too much energy you can't spend anywhere considering we are stuck on a ship. Good news, we'll be reaching the land soon, so you won't have to need me anymore in that way. Now excuse me, your Highness."
I angrily turn my back to him, prepared to go back to my cabin when I feel the tight grip of his fingers around my wrist, pulling me with him. I stumble slightly from the quick unexpected movement, inhaling loudly in surprise until a surge of rage courses through me. "Let me go!"
He ignores me as he quickly starts walking towards the cabins, effortlessly resisting my attempts to pull my hand away. I dig my nails into his hand, making him hiss in pain and finally halt in place. "Let. Me. Go," I demand, refusing to meet his eyes and jerking my arm in hopes of loosening his grip. It's not painful, but it's tight enough for me to be unable to free myself.
"Never," he says as he pulls me towards him, looking straight into my eyes. Without saying anything else, he drags me all the way to his cabin and quickly locks the door.
I push him away to unlock it, but he grabs my wrists and hauls me to his chest, holding them against it. "Let go!" I shout, finally ripping my wrists from his hold and distancing myself from him. "Let me leave, I don't want to be around you!"
"Amelia-"
"What, you are allowed to ignore me for months and come to me when you need a release, but I am not allowed to walk away from you? You hypocrite." I grit my teeth, feeling incredibly angry at him yet absolutely devastated at the same time.
Harry's palm cups the nape of my neck as he pulls me towards him, covering my lips with his firmly. He moves them roughly against mine just like he's done almost every single night for the past few months before taking me from behind and leaving me alone in my bed. My palms flatten against his chest and I push him away only for him to try kissing me again.
I turn my head, managing to free myself from his hold. "No!"
"Why not?" He snaps and drags his palm down his face, his reaction surprising me.
"I don't want to be your personal toy anymore! I'm done with that now, with you using me for your benefit then throwing me away when you're done. I just want to get back to my family and be with them. It's over, Harry."
"I was your family once, we had a family," he states, his fists clenching at his sides.
I feel a sharp sting of pain in my chest. "Yes, and then you changed after our son died! I know it was devastating for you, but it was the same for me. What happened to you, why are you like this? Why are you so adamant to punish your father, to punish me when my heart is broken just like yours?"
"Because I'm angry!" He yells, eyes flashing with rage. "Angry at my father, at Niall, at you! If I hadn't left to that bloody wedding months ago, Adam could have been here right now! My son could have been in my arms, smiling at me! But you made me leave, I told you I don't want to go, and all of you made me leave! He died because of you!"
My jaw falls open and I step back as if he has pushed me, my hand instinctively placing over my chest. Tears fill my eyes and I struggle to breathe. "You can't possibly blame me for the death of our child. You can't be that heartless and cruel."
I point a shaky finger at him. "How dare you? Nobody could have known what was going to happen and we needed an army! We had to go! You have no right to blame it on us!" He opens his mouth to speak, but I glare at him through my tears. "You think you would have made any difference? Who says you wouldn't have died as well had you stayed? Or me-"
"That's the point, I don't!" He grabs his head, tufts of his hair peeking between his fingers. He turns to the door and slams his palm against it before facing me again. He takes a few quick strides towards me, making me step back. "I'll never know what could have been! I'll never know if I could have saved him! We shouldn't have left Amelia, we shouldn't have left, but you put this fucking war above our son! One of us should have stayed! I would have protected him..." He closes his eyes for a moment.
"There were dozens of them, they killed all of the soldiers protecting our son and almost killed your father! They attacked our home and killed our child, and you have the audacity to blame me for it? You know damn well we had to leave him behind, you just need someone to blame like you always do. I was his mother and I loved him more than anything! Every single day when I wake up I wish I could trade my life for his, but I can't, all I have is emptiness and pain. I lost him too, Harry, but you are too absorbed into your pain, your sense of guilt, your stupid revenge to see it! I lost him too!"
Something in Harry's angry expression changes and he takes a step forward, but I recoil back and put my hands out to stop him. "Don't touch me." I wipe away my tears, but they keep falling. "I don't want to be near you right now."
His shoulders slump and he sighs, frustrated, annoyed, angry all at once. "Listen, Amelia-"
"Shut up!" I snap. "I loved you, Harry, I loved you so much. We could have gone through this together, share our pain and heal. Slowly, but it would happen. But you decided it was better to punish me for something no one could control, something so terrible and unfair, and push me away. I don't love you anymore, I don't love this horrible person you are now."
Harry pales and his eyes close as if he's in physical pain while I walk towards the door and unlock it, leaving quickly. I inhale a lungful of air while running away, my tears spilling down my cheeks. I am grateful he doesn't follow me, I cannot bear to even look at him at the moment. When I reach my room, I fall down on my knees, allowing myself to release a bit of this unbearable pain, knowing I won't be able to sleep tonight.
👑👑👑
"Thank you for joining me. Sit, dear." Henry motions to a chair opposite of his at the table in his cabin, the breakfast set on top of it looking delicious, but I'm not hungry.
Silently, I pull the chair out and lower myself on it, clasping my hands in my lap and blankly staring down at them. I can feel his gaze on me, perhaps he is waiting for me to speak, but I don't think I can. My voice must sound terrible after all the crying from last night.
"Amelia, look at me," he softly demands. Reluctantly, I lift my tired eyes. As I do so, I notice empathy flash over his features, a quiet sigh expelling from his mouth. "I heard what happened last night."
"Harry told you?" I ask, my tone flat and detached.
He shakes his head. "No, I actually heard it."
"I don't really wish to talk about it. We had a discussion, that's all. Allow me to excuse myself, I am not hungry. Thank you for inviting me, your Majesty." The chair scrapes against the floorboards as I push it back.
"I think you did a good thing last night with telling him off," he calmly speaks, my eyebrows scrunching in confusion slightly. "He needed to hear that, he deserved it in my opinion."
"I don't think he's good for you at the moment," he continues when I stay silent. "My son, he... he's not the same person, but you are aware of that. Pain sometimes hardens people's hearts and they become cold, ruthless. Partly, I understand him. And I understand he needs someone to blame, but his anger is directed at the wrong people. I don't understand his behaviour with you, I can't."
"I don't understand it either. But neither of us can because he's not the same Harry, we don't know him anymore. This person doesn't care about anyone, not even himself. He only cares about getting revenge without caring whom he hurts in the process."
Henry leans onto his elbows on the table, covering his face for a moment. "I guess it's his way of dealing with the pain he's feeling."
"I know you want to justify his actions somehow, you are his father after all and you love him. But you don't see me doing what he does. I'm not talking about what he does to the men linked to Adam's death, but how he treats me. And you, Niall, anyone. With no respect and no regard for our feelings whatsoever. I've given him plenty of time to grieve, but I won't tolerate it anymore." I frown, noticing how my hands have tightened into fists.
"This is all my fault." Running both of his hands through his brown locks, he releases a heavy sigh, a guilty expression on his face. "I said I would look after Adam and I failed to keep my word. Now he is dead and I am alive while it should have been the other way around. I can only hope you shall find it in your heart to forgive me one day, I know I won't ever be able to forgive myself."
I shake my head, rejecting his words. "You tried, Henry, I know you did. There was a time I blamed you, I must admit, but it was because I was so filled with rage and hopeless. It isn't your fault, you did your best. You are alive by pure luck and I am happy because of that."
Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me, but I notice moisture in his blue eyes as he musters a smile. "I always knew employing you wasn't a mistake. Now tell me, what is going to happen with Harry and you once we reach the shore? The journey ends in a few days."
"Like you said, he's not good for me. Maybe I'm not good for him either considering how bitter I make him. He blames me... you know what, it doesn't matter." Without another word, I stand up and curtsy, quickly leaving his cabin.
I instantly walk towards the railing and grip it, my lips parting as I breathe deeply. Somehow knowing he is near, I look over my shoulder, seeing him watching me. Harry is standing near the railing on the other, not removing his heavy gaze from me. His expression is typically emotionless and his posture is rigid, warning you to stay away.
I hate it how I used to know what he thinks and how he feels; he was always so transparent and approachable. I hate how I get nervous every time he is around, I hate how I never know how is he going to react. What remained of my heart breaks each time it happens because this is not my Harry anymore. I wanted to think it is, that there is still that gentle and kind prince in there somewhere beneath that harsh exterior, but now I must accept he died along with Adam. He died the moment we buried him. I lost them both, I see it now.
Harry used to be afraid of the real world and the darkness it contains and now he's become a part of it, a perfect fit.
I hear his light footsteps behind me once I turn ahead. "Don't come near." His footsteps halt immediately. "There is nothing you can say to make this any better if that's what you want. I don't care about your justifications either."
He is so close, I can feel it. I can hear his breathing, almost feel the heat radiating off him. He says nothing, just keeps standing behind me, my hold on the railing tightening. My breath hitches in my throat as I feel the faintest brush of his hand or just fingertips over my curls before he steps away, his quick stomping gradually fading as he leaves.
My eyes close as I listen to the light swooshing of the waves and an occasional shout from some of the crew members. Considering we sent Captain Jones away to give the troops back at home our message, Henry, Niall, and sometimes I take care of the duties a captain usually takes care of. Today is Niall's turn.
Letting myself drift away, I daydream about my home. I daydream about my family and happier times. Something in my chest tightens when I remember how different Harry and I were when we started our journey and how there are barely any remains of those people now. The only thing that hasn't changed is our mutual desire to retrieve his kingdom and considering the enormous heartbreaking cost it took for us to get closer to fulfilling it, there is nothing that can stop us now. There are no more doubts holding either of us back, especially Harry; we are ready to do whatever it takes and won't stop until there is a crown on his head.
Perhaps then, I will be able to find peace and feel happiness again.