Hey everyone who may ever read this. I just wanted to post a brief update about how everything is going since I left my husband.
He continues to deny his actions were really as bad as they were. He won't really take into account that his actions ended our relationship. So he tries to appeal to me and get me to feel guilty or make me remember the past to get me to come back. I don't think anybody who has ever truly left an abusive relationship would ever go back once they have reached the point I have.
I've gotten a part time job, I'm living with my Mawmaw still and it's amazing, and I actually go out. I went to a club on Thursday all by myself and I was flirted with, I had some older man hey me (I was at an extremely expensive casino), and another guy did a full on double take where he actually turned when I walked by! Talk about flattering!
For me, it was quite the confidence boost. When you go to dinner with him and his work buddies and you finally realize something even as I type this. It just blows my mind. He had one too many Long Island iced teas and he was sitting besides a petite little lady who was leaving non to shortly, he was pretty intoxicated. But he fell on her. And he laid on her for far too long. And I realized just how little he cared about my feelings in just that one action.
So here I am, feeling pretty happy knowing that the man I married will soon be my ex husband. I will be able to go out and experience what life truly has in store for me because I am beautiful. Regardless of the scars that mar a good portion of my body and all the self doubt I had to overcome.
Beauty is what I never really saw in the mirror. But I can go out and feel confident because I can turn heads and even whole bodies. I don't have to pretend to be more confident because I have no filter and no shame. I danced with a random stranger and he was definitely interested. (Good thing that time I had my cousin with me). I don't have to feel embarrassed because that's how I felt. I slowly lost what little confidence I had when I first met him. I didn't date long before I met and married him. I didn't get the chance.
I'm going to change myself to fit the person I want to be. I want to be as strong as the body that holds my spirit. I want to let my heart guide me to the place I belong. Because I want to be something for the person who will, one day, truly appreciate and love all that I have to offer.
I will be posting more reviews soon. I've found quite a few stories that will excite some readers. For now, I hope something about what I've experienced so far encourages another young woman or man who is locked in a shell to be able to break those bonds.