Dearest Diary,
I hate Mondays! I loathe them so much, that I strongly stand by the words of Garfield, that orange tabby cat. 'I hate Mondays. I hate 'em. Therefore I decree, from this day forward, there will be no more Mondays.' Yes, I know. It doesn’t change a thing. The earth is still rotating and the sun will still rise up and set. However, I believe that the curse of the day lies in its name. Hence the Monday blues, crazy Monday and that thick cloud of darkness that appeared the very moment the great yellow ball of light made its first mark on the horizon. So yea, 'Today is Tuesday, Happy Tuesday everybody.'
***
Hey Princess,
How are you doing?
I can’t believe it’s been two months already! Time flies so fast and Dom tells me that little Briella is more eloquent now. He also tells me that you are looking for another job? How is that? Does this mean that you are planning to stay there long term? I know that that is your decision to make, but I do hope that you will inform us before you do. A little bird told me that your mum and Shea are planning to visit. I don’t know how you'll feel about that and I thought I should give you a heads up. We all know how intense your mother gets and if they do decide to come, please bear with her. She loves you. She just has a funny way of showing it. Leila and Boris are doing great. I think though Leila misses you the most. She has no one to play with now that you are gone. The sheep are also fine and we hope for a good crop of avocados this year. That said I hope you are still keeping your diary. It's a good way of expressing yourself and releasing your emotions so keep writing in it. Finally, I really miss you and I hope to talk to you soon. Pass my love to Bri and tell me when you are available so that we can have that Skype conversation.
Until later,
Love, Dad.
I stared at my father’s email horrified, especially that part where it said that my mum and sister were planning to visit. As if my Monday blues weren’t bad enough, now I had to deal with the prospect of hosting my mum and Shea? I was also yet to find a job, I was losing my driver in two weeks and I would end up having no ride by the end of that week. Linda had called and had said that her husband would be taking the Prado that Sunday.
“God, if you really exist, and are as great as David says you are? Now is the time to act. I need a way out here.” I said, directing my gaze towards the ceiling. Like the weirdo that I was, I remained that way for a while, waiting, not exactly sure what for. “Did you hear me?” I heard nothing. “Fine! Be that way. Twenty more days, and you and me we are done! You hear that?” I don’t know what I was doing, but I was sure that was not how people prayed. However, David had said to be original, to treat it like a relationship, and for now that was the best that I could do. I just hoped though that the great man upstairs would not find it too offensive and smite me down. However, since he had decided to remain quiet, I turned back to my computer and start working. Writing always removed my thoughts from my situation and in that moment, my mind would forget everything as I continued to immerse myself in the world of my characters. A world that I was in control of and things would always go the way I wanted them to go.
Right then, I am in story number four. A space opera that I thought was a great way to teach kids about space and the cosmos. It was also supposed to be short and therefore not complicated. However, I still had to do my research in order to get all my facts right. As I surfed through my ideas, a thought popped in my mind and I log on to the internet with the words ‘Jobs in Kenya’ in mind. I waited for the search engine to yield results and several websites pop up. I started scrolling through the pages to view the positions that were available and by the time Maggie knocked on my door to tell me that lunch was ready; I had already found more than twenty jobs and applied for four positions online while I applied for the others via email. A couple of other applications also lay in my basket, printed out and ready to be hand delivered to their respective company offices. I smiled at the progress I had made and logged off my computer to join my family of two for lunch.
“So, Bri’s birthday is coming up.” Maggie told me as I sat down with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs and I looked back at her confused.
“It’s November already?” The last time I checked we were in August and I knew this because that was when we had come to Kenya. After that, I kind of lost track of dates and had been counting them in terms of weeks and months. Having many deadlines did that to me. That was another reason why reminders and calendars were really important to me. “You are right. I wonder what we'll do.” I told her after swallowing the ball of dough and minced meat that we called a meatball.
“Daddy said he is coming!” Briella told me jovially from her position on her high chair and I heard myself groan. Of course he was coming! My day just kept on getting better and better. I listened to her as she rambled on about the great plans that she had for her birthday, talking about the cake, her numerous friends, the food we were going to make, who was coming and who was not and I could not help it but shake my head. The girl had way... too much energy! I continued to eat my food in silence, listening to my extremely talkative toddler and wallowing in depressive thoughts. I was finally given a break from the ramblings of the toddler when Bri finished her food and dashed outside to play. I then turned to address Maggie with a question in mind.
“Maggie. Tell me honestly. Am I a bad person?”
She looked at me perplexed.
“I am not sure why you are asking me that, but I don’t think you are a bad person. I may not understand how your brain works sometimes, but I am sure you are not evil...” Note that, she never said that I was good, or kind, or the sweetest creature in the world. Just that I was not evil or bad, which was not the most reassuring statement concerning one's character or personality.
“Thanks Maggie,” I told her, tears of agony threatening to spill. "And thanks for Lunch too. It was lovely.” I stood up to take my plate to the kitchen and the first tear dropped. Why did Mondays have to be this terrible? I cleaned up my plate and headed back to my study, careful to avoid both Bri and Maggie. I then locked myself into the room and collapsed to the floor with my back pressed against the door weeping. I wept because I was a bad person and because I had all the money in the world, but I was still sad. I wept because I was afraid, because I was afraid of being poor and because I was alone. In fact, the only one who could stand me was my little daughter and she was too young to understand how messed up I was and also run away. I wept because nothing was going right. Everything was spinning out of control and I was being locked out of my comfort zone. I hated how I was being forced to face my biggest challenges and with no support system to hold me up!
My phone beeped in my pocket and I took it out to look. It was a text message from Davis. I groaned out of habit, but I was dancing inside. I had spent every waking hour from Saturday till then surrounded by people that I was beginning to believe that all that crying was simply some sort of hangover or withdrawal symptom from being in all that company. I read the message and my heart beat faster. I was now like a junkie who had gotten a shot of his favourite drug. This man wanted to take me out shopping. Car shopping to be precise but it didn't matter. It was still shopping and the best kind of therapy for my depressed state. He said that Linda had told him of my predicament and that I was looking to buy a car. He being the 'good Samaritan' that he was had decided to text me and offer me his help. Let me clarify this. I had told Linda no such thing. She and Dr. Mwangaza seemed to think that Davis and I were the perfect couple and even now his father slash boss had given him the afternoon off, his only condition being that his son take me out shopping and I guessed that that was why he had texted me. I would also been very embarrassed if I had had such a confession to make. I stood up from my place on the floor and wiped off the tears with the back of my hand, before sending out a quick reply saying that I'd go him. I then turned to the basket and picked the printed applications for the jobs and walked up the stairs to my room so as to get ready.
***
Dearest diary,
I am in deep pain. My heart is broken and I feel so empty inside. I finally realise that I have been escaping life and now, not even my books can save me. I am lost and there is no one to find me. My life has no purpose and I am so tired of feeling unworthy all the time, so tired of letting people down and not living up to their expectations, so tired of being hurt and angry…I don’t know if I'm depressed, but I just want peace in my life. I want joy and I want my life to have meaning. So yea, I know you're surprised, but it’s the high time I let someone in.
***
“How did it go?” Linda said to me as soon as we entered through the front doors of the publishing house establishment. It was a Wednesday again and we had just arrived for our weekly afternoon meetings.
“It went fine.” I replied as I followed her into the elevator. “However, I do not appreciate you meddling in my life like that. What you and Daktari are doing is not acceptable.”
“Come on, It’s not like you are seeing someone,”
“It doesn’t matter! Quit meddling!” I snapped back, my frustration mounting. The woman stared back at me curiously before she finally let out a sigh seemingly out of defeat, but I was not fooled. The glint in her eyes said it all and I was sure that this was just another strategic retreat.
“Fine. At least tell me this then... Did you find a car?”
“No, I am still looking. We visited several car bazaars including Toyota Kenya and they didn’t have what I was aiming for. However a new shipment arrived yesterday, so we are going in to have a look today.”
“We?” her grin widened just as the elevator door binged open.
“Get your mind out of the gutter Linda! It’s not like that.”
“Not yet, not yet...” she replied with that same irritating smile, but I was prevented from answering her seeing that we were entering the good doctor's office.
“Linda! Attara!” Dr. Mwangaza greeted us with his usual greeting, the same jovial smile still plastered on his face.
“Good afternoon Dr. Mwangaza,” I replied with a smile despite my earlier irritation at their meddling. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“Straight to the point, I like it!” he replied with a hearty laugh and I nodded. Last time I let them speak I ended up getting teased and let me tell you, that was not a lovely experience. Also, I had that appointment with Davis and we had planned to finish with the vehicle hunting by the end of the week.
“Okay, so Linda tells me you are through with the fourth book?” I nodded again, handing over the typed manuscript to him. He received it from my hand and thumbed through it looking impressed.
“This one is a little different. I hope you do not mind.”
“No, no. It’s great! There are great novels out there, but very little variety when it comes to local children's books.”
“That is so true. When do we hope to see the last one?” Linda cut in, speaking up for the first time since I reprimanded her. Dr. Mwangaza gave her the manuscript and she took it, placing it in a compartment within her bag as they waited for response.
“I am fishing for ideas right now. Hopefully, I’ll have something by the end of next week.”
“Good. Mr. Njuguna will be pleased.” She replied and the meeting started.
“So, I have good news.” I smiled at that. At least one thing was going right in my life. "Your book has gone regional and they are even asking for translations in several languages including Swahili.”
“Really?” I asked the doctor, my mouth gaping back like a drowning fish.
“Yep, and even better, we already have pre-orders in English from as far as west Africa.”
“That’s amazing!”
“Yap! Someone upstairs must really love you.” Dr. Mwangaza told me and I frowned at his innocent comment. “Not every book becomes a hit like this. This has to be some sort of divine intervention.” I mulled over his words and I must confess, I think he was right. This was not normal. In fact, it was a very good abnormal!
“It's great! The ministry is having you write books on demand and the first three books are already on the very last stages of publishing. They even made a pre-order for another hundred thousand copies that are meant for distribution within the local primary schools.” My jaw dropped again. I had asked the good Lord for a job and instead, he gave me more millions. I was not complaining, but I still wanted that job though. I knew that it was just a thought, but since David had told me that God knew all my thoughts, I made it into a prayer as well.
“Now that Linda has let the whole cat out of the bag, we would like you to sign some consent forms for the book's translation.” Dr. Mwangaza said as handed me a file with a bunch of papers and I started to go through them. After I was finally satisfied with everything including the fine print, thankful that my ex and cousin were lawyers, I signed on the dotted lines and handed over the papers to Linda for inspection. “I know you are wary about this whole translation thing, but I assure you that we will look for you. It is in our best interest that we do that.” I nodded back at him and since there was nothing else on the agenda, Linda and I bade him our farewells and began to exit the office.