After a few weeks from my conversation with Louis and Mark, I felt so numb and I had headache nearly everyday. I was thinking way too much and I still couldn't understand why, why did that happen? Why is it happening? Why is my dad doing this?
I haven't stepped foot into the hospital ever since the day I came back from Louis' house. I went back to the hospital but before I could actually get in there I felt a pang of guilt and hurt in my heart, I couldn't face Zayn after what I found out, I couldn't face my father and handle him hurting everyone, I couldn't handle looking at the patients who I protected ever since I worked there getting weaker and weaker everday while there is nothing I can do about it, It was slowly killing me.
My heart was already broken by losing my mother and when I tried to stick the broken pieces together, Zayn came and I felt as If I can really do it, he made me happy in way too many ways. He completed me and I thought that I completed him too but I was wrong, my face is what completed him because all he saw was Angeline.
And as If all of these things weren't enough, my father played a sick game behind my back. For once I was glad about one decision that I took, I move out of his house when my mother passed away. If I was still living there I don't know what I would've done. I probably would've been fighting with him everyday, hoping he'd stop but I know he wouldn't stop. He's obsessed.
It's been exactly three weeks, I only go out of my house when I need some fresh air or if I'm out of food but last week I opened Zayn's journal again and the first thing I saw was her picture again. I stood in the mirror and compared myself to her even though there was no difference I still found her more beautiful, her long chocolate hair and her tanned skin brought out her blue eyes that matched mine.
It was wrong, so wrong. but I did it. I went to a salon and put on extensions to make my hair look longer and dyed it blonde, it was brown at the roots down to my neck but from my neck to above my ass, it was blonde. I actually liked it. It was a good different and It made me feel a bit better about myself.
I was currently holding Zayn's journal in my hand and deciding whether or not should I read it, this was going to hurt me but I had to do it. I just..have to know what happened.
20-2-2014
It was the first time I've laid my eyes on her. My friend threw a huge party at his house and fortuntely she was one of his friends. I wasn't even going but David insisted that I should so I did. I went. I was standing in a corner holding a can of Pepsi as I watched everybody dance and have fun, I was starting to get bored and before I can turn and go anywhere, laughter erupted from behind me making me turn my head and look at the most beautiful girl in the whole room.
It was crazy how beautiful she was. A wide smile on her lips as she listened to her friend talking about something that I clearly didn't care about, all I cared about that moment was her..the mysterious girl that took my breath away.
It took me a while but then I noticed her deep blue eyes, her friend said something that made her widen her eyes before laughing loudly at it, her eyes closing as she did. She was tanned, blue eyed and with a beautiful chocolate hair that reached right above her backside.
I remember what she was wearing pretty well, she wore a beautiful black dress that reached above her knees and hugged her at all the right places, I couldn't tear my gaze away from her and she probably felt me staring at her because her gaze went from her friend and scanned the place before it landed on me. I was caught staring and I could've cared less. I couldn't stop staring but unlike her, she looked down at her dress and before the both of us notice, her friend caught us both which caused her to frown.
Her friend thought that I was a creep, that was for sure. She took her by her wrist and walked out of my sight which made me look all around the place for her but I ended up finding nothing. I stayed till the party ended hoping that I would see her again, but I didn't.
I was smiling as I read how he wrote every detail about her, the way she dressed, the way she laughed or smiled. He fell in love with her at first sight, It was obvious by the way he talked about her.
I flipped the page and pushed my hair out of the way, I like the new look but it was annoying how I needed to always push my hair back.
25-2-2014
I nearly lost hope that I'd ever see her again but that wasn't until I met her again at David's. It was his birthday and he wanted it to be a party with his own friends only. I never asked David about that girl though, I was too embarrassed to admit that for the first time in forever I was actually attracted to someone and David wouldn't have stopped teasing me so I acted like nothing happened.
I was a little early to the birthday, there was no one there except for David and his girlfriend. I wad chilling with David when we heard a knock, it was her. I was sitting looking at David when he suddenly smiled and waved at the people who stood behind me. He called one of the two girls Amanda and the other was Angel. It was when she giggled at Malia who dropped a dish on the floor that I knew it was her.
I knew that laugh well, How could I not? It was the same laugh I've been playing in my head for the past four days. I immediately turned in my seat and my gaze landed onto her. She noticed my movement and looked down at me and for a few seconds it felt as If the world stopped.
Her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail leaving her face at full view, she didn't have much make up on and it made her look even more beautiful. I know she recognized me because her small smile dropped and she was suddenly all shy which I thought was cute. However, thankfully her friend didn't. She would've gave me disgusted looks all night if she did.
When Malia came back she introduced me to them and I remember how nervous she looked, her friend leaded her in and took a seat next to David and Malia and there was no other place for her to sit except next to me, she hesitated but she did anyway.
She was nervous and shy but that didn't stop me from staring at her, she played with her fingers, her shirt, her rings. She did everything to distract herself but I knew I won everytime when I catch her glancing at me.
26-2-2014
The day after David'd birthday. I went out for a cup of coffee and I saw her for the third time at a coffee shop near my house and as always, I was speechless. She was the definition of beauty. This time she was alone so I took advantage of it and approached her, calling out her name and making her jump before she turned to face me. She blushed at seeing me again and gave me a shy smile. We chatted a little as I asked her about what was she doing here and she simply said that she was out for some air and sometime alone. I teased her about wanting me gone but she immediately apologised and said she didn't mean it like that.
Her voice was melody to my ears, it made me feel warm inside. We sat down and talked about random things, I threw some jokes here and there just to hear her laugh, I loved her laugh and the way her eyes squeezed shut as she did.
"What's your name?" I had asked.
"I thought Malia did that part already." She teased as she took a sip of the strawberry milkshake she was holding. I was happy that she seemed relaxed and comfortable around me, I would've hated it if I made her uncomfortable.
"Angel is not your name, is it short for Evangeline?" I asked her as I grinned like a complete idiot at her but she didn't seem to mind at all.
"Angeline. Angel is short for Angeline."
I miss her so much..Angeline.
I started reading the rest of the journal with a smile on my face, she always teased him and lied about her ability to do something. She lied to him about not being able ride a car and she nearly killed them both on purpose before she stopped the car and looked back at him with a smirk telling him that she got him. She did that a lot that according to his writing, it was difficult to actually believe her anymore.
16-7-2014
It was the day I had a small family party at my house and of course, Angeline was invited. It was just a family gathering but I decided to make it more fun, Mother wasn't there, though. I'm upset that she didn't get to meet Angeline, she would've loved her.
I was holding my guitar and ready to play when I remembered that Angeline could sing, she had a soft and angelic voice. I always loved hearing her sing. I pushed her into singing with me and she lied again, saying that she can't. I knew she was lying, she'd sing in my ear when she stays over and waits for me to wake up and I pretend to still be asleep to listen to the full song.
At the end, she sang with me while I played on the guitar. I've never seen her so happy before and it made me on cloud nine. She was amazing. My amazing.
All the pages after that were about random meetings and their first time kissing, going to some island together. Till my eyes caught a page that had the date written in black in red, It was weird. It's like, every number is written by either black or red and the rest of the page is written in black instead of the other pages which were all written in blue.
15-6-2015
The day my sister got married. The wedding was huge and the place was beautiful in every way and it was also near the sea. My sister looked so beautiful as a flower. Everything was going so well, Angeline was in a beautiful red dress, hair pulled into a loose bun while some hair was left out of it to make her look even beautiful, simple eyes makeup and that red lipstick. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
I was in a formal black suit and as I had her arm wrapped around mine, I felt as if I was the king and she was my queen. Red was a colour of power, blood, love and it was matching perfectly with my black suit. I stared at her all night, her laugh, her smile and the way her cheeks would heat up when someone complimented her. Her blue eyes were glowing under the blue sky, I couldn't believe that someone so beautiful would ever fall for me.
I may have charmed my way into her heart but I still couldn't believe it, she was the most beautiful girl in the wedding. A lot of men came and asked her for a dance but she always refused, holding onto my arm and resting her head on my shoulder to make it obvious that she was mine and I never felt so happy and proud for having someone.
At the end of the wedding she was in tears, she loved seeing my sister so happy and happily married. Nearly everyone left when I decided to carry her in my arms, bridal style. She was telling me to put her down but I knew she was happy so I never let her down. I was walking around carrying her in my arms as I teased her and she blushed at every single compliment.n
"In our wedding, we're going to make a pool party instead of a normal wedding. We'll swim in there in swimsuits and say our vows in there." I had told her that day. I remember her humored face when I told her that, she arched her eyebrow at me as a smirk took over her lips.
"I want a normal wedding, though. One that I can't forget about too." She had said as she looked into my eyes but in her head I knew that she was imagining it. It warmed my heart.
"Plus I don't know how to swim."
She did that a lot, I didn't believe her. She had lied way too many times about things like this so I told her that I'm going to let her practice swimming as I went more and more into the sea and left her there,I went to check on my mother and my sister but when I went back, I knew I had made a mistake. She really didn't know how to swim..she had already drowned and it was too late to save her. I killed her. I killed her.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as the truth was revealed infront of my eyes, all of it written in his journal. He was innocent, Angeline was the one who lied to him way too many times that he didn't know that one day he'd kill her without knowing it, without meaning it. He thought she'd swim her way back to him but she never did and it was her own fault.
I heard a knock on my door making me jump. I wiped away my tears and hid the journal into a random drawer, I opened the door and saw my friends standing infront of me, all of them worried but upon seeing me their jaw dropped.
"Hel-" Leighanne said before she stopped, gazing at me with confusion. "--lo. Okay how much time did I actually sleep in the car? There's no way someone's hair would grow this much in a few weeks."
I shook my head as I rolled my eyes. "There are things called hair extensions, Leighanne."
"Where have you been? We were so worried, you didn't even asnwer our calls." Jade said with worry laced in her tone.
"I was just feeling down but I'm alright." I looked at all my friends, Jade, Leighanne, Harry, Niall and Jesy. I softly smiled before it disappeared in a few seconds.
"Wait, what are you all doing here? Why aren't atleast three of you in the hospital?"
"There isn't really patients in there anymore, from ten to fifteen maximum. Most of them had something wrong with them, they've been weaker and more tired and Alexander suggested taking some of them to his lab to see if something was wrong."
All color drained form my face as my heart dropped to my feet.
"What? How can you let him do that?!"
No. No. No. No!!