Becca
The ticking clock echoed in my ears as the sound bounced around my silent room. I sat with my back against the headboard, knees up to my chest, staring at the broken glass in my hand. The last of my mother's smile. This was all that was left. Everything else had been swept up and thrown away.
In a mere second, Shanay had shattered what was left between us. I had no idea what possessed her to do something so cruel. The Shanay I knew would never go to such lengths out of pettiness and spite. We had fallen out, but this was no excuse. I would never do something so disgusting and vindictive, and she knew that.
I wrapped the shard of glass in tissue and placed it in the top drawer. It didn't feel like a whole day had passed since the incident, probably because all I've done is sit here and think about the events that took place. It also caused me to reminisce about my childhood, which led to me feeling mildly depressed. I was quickly reminded that whatever wonderful moments I shared with my mum ... I could never get back.
It also resulted in me feeling angry. Angry that she was no longer here. Angry that I still had to suffer this heartache. Angry that Shanay had the fucking audacity to do what she did. My emotions were in a frenzy but had boiled down to sheer resentment and fury in a matter of minutes. Even 24 hours later, I found it hard to keep calm. It didn't help that the scene replayed in my head in a constant loop: the wicked glint in Shanay's eyes, her mocking words, the devastating crash of the glass, the tense atmosphere—everything.
There was no way she would get away with this. I would pay her back in kind. And not just her, either. She hadn't been the only one to make a mockery out of me. In fact, I had a list of people so far:
1. Shanay
2. Leon
3. Olivia
4. The fat kid who hit me in the head with the ball
Okay, the last one was a stretch, but the other three were valid. So far the list was very brief, but who knows? I was extremely on edge, so people needed to stay out of my way. Especially as I'm not tied down with the bet anymore.
My phone buzzed and I checked the caller ID. I couldn't remember the last time I'd spoken to Drake but I definitely wasn't in the mood for a conversation. I busied the call and turned my phone off. The last thing I needed was human interaction. Thankfully, everyone else from yesterday had given me space without me having to ask for it. They already knew how I was.
I laid on my side and stared at the wall, thinking about the red haze that enveloped my vision right before I attacked Shanay. I thought I'd experienced true rage before, but this was something different. Something much more intense. I didn't even have control of my own body, which was frightening to think about, although she deserved it.
There was a knock at the door. Kieran popped his head through despite the lack of invitation. "We're going to uncle Richard's for a bit." I stared at him blankly. "Kayden's waiting outside. Should I tell him to go?"
I shook my head.
He said his goodbyes before shutting the door. I heard a load of footsteps and doors shutting and closed my eyes, feeling drowsy from the overbearing emotions and lack of sleep.
I sensed him before I even heard him. Kayden entered my room and I heard a shuffling of clothes as he removed his hoody and kicked off his trainers. Then he climbed into bed behind me and wrapped his arms around my torso, pulling me closer and nestling his face into my nape. I instantly relaxed.
It was strange, but I missed him and I was glad he came back so soon. Truthfully, he was probably the only one who could keep me sane right now. Yesterday, he told me what he'd witnessed; he saw a crowd of people leaving as he approached my house and the front door was left open. That was when he entered and saw me crouched on the floor staring at the broken glass. I explained the situation in as few words as possible, still numb from the events that took place. He didn't probe or give any kind of reaction, he just stayed right there with me and left early in the morning. And now, a few hours later, he was back.
I let out a sigh as he rubbed my stomach. The action was simple yet soothing and allowed me to focus on his hand alone. I welcomed the distraction. His chest was firm against my back as he leaned even closer and gently kissed the spot behind my ear. His embrace was incredibly warm and comforting. I didn't want him to ever let go. His scent clouded my nose and I inhaled slowly.
He smelled so good.
"Tell me what's on your mind."
His voice was low, calm, soothing. It made me reply in the same manner.
"I'm annoyed that I let her get to me as much as she did. I wish I'd held myself back because now ... it feels like she won."
"What else?" he muttered, now running his fingers along my navel gently.
"She violated me, Kayden." I released a heavy breath in an attempt to quell the anger but it wasn't helping. "Not just me but my entire family."
He replaced his fingers with his palm and began to rub my stomach again, circular motion.
"She's done something that can never be taken back. We can never be friends again after this. And I don't want to be her friend. I want her to suffer."
"Suffer how?"
With my eyes still shut, I frowned. I didn't know how; I just know I wanted it done. "Not sure yet, but she's on my list."
Kayden kissed my neck and ran his hand along my waist. I sighed and decided I would try to take my mind off things, so I forced myself to change the subject.
"Are you making up for all the times you couldn't touch me?" I asked, shivering when his fingertips brushed the ticklish spot on my belly. When he didn't answer, I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. Only then did I realise how rough Kayden looked. His once shimmering brown eyes were now bleak and tired, his skin drained of colour, and his hair carelessly dragged back into a huge puff. I've never seen him look so low. He smiled weakly at my comment and stared into space. He had been distant this whole time. It wasn't like him at all. "What's wrong?"
"Just thinking," he answered, still incredibly distant. I turned my body to face him before locking my fingers with his and squeezing his hand gently. Now that I was calming down, it was easier to ask about his wellbeing for a change.
"You can tell me," I offered.
He sighed and avoided eye contact. "I don't wanna talk about it." He lay on his back and I rested my head on his chest instead, listening to his steady heartbeat. I didn't mind that he wanted to keep things to himself, just as long as he wasn't suffering because of it. I ran my thumb over his knuckles and paused when I felt a bump. I looked and saw that his knuckles were swollen with blisters.
"What happened here?" I asked, rubbing it.
"Punched the wall."
"Why?"
"I was angry."
I frowned and gazed at him. His expression was unreadable but his narrowed eyes and pursed lips told me he was in the worst mood. I knew he was deep in thought about whatever was troubling him. I also knew that he refused to tell me since he didn't want to burden me with his problems.
"I hate seeing you like this," I confessed.
His mouth was a grim line. "Can't be happy twenty-four-seven, can you?" He looked straight at me and his empty eyes searched mine.
"No. You can't," I muttered, answering his rhetorical question. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
He breathed a laugh before looking to the ceiling once again. "No. This is just how life is." He rested his arm over his eyes, shielding his pain from me. "Can't do anything about it."
I kissed his knuckle, completely disregarding my own issues to focus on his. "Tell me. Please."
Kayden sighed deeply. I watched as his broad chest heaved up and down once. Twice. "My auntie has cancer. She's dying." His jaw clenched as he muttered the morbid words.
My heart thumped and a pang of pain shot through my chest.
"I'm– ... I'm so sorry."
He finally uncovered his face to glance at me. "Sorry?" he chuckled in disbelief. "My family only found out recently because she didn't want to tell us. Now, five months after the diagnosis, she dropped it on my mum and said she was sorry. Said she didn't want to burden us. It's bullshit." He turned his head, facing the other way. "I don't want to hear that fucking word."
I watched him and felt nothing but sorrow and sympathy. I know he didn't mean to snap at me. He was clearly hurting, and I wanted to be there for him just like he was there for me yesterday. I rubbed his chest to try and soothe him. "I understand how you feel."
He shook his head, still avoiding eye contact. "You'll never understand, Rebecca."
I looked away and the room fell into silence once more. Then I pulled away and sat up, looking for the right words to say and coming up blank each time. Kayden needed me to be there for him, to console him and make him feel like he wasn't alone in this. I knew how, but it was incredibly hard. The thought of opening up to him even just a little bit made my chest tighten, but this was the only way. After five whole years of keeping it to myself, I was going to share my agonising journey.
"My mum died of lung cancer five years ago."
Kayden's eyes snapped in my direction and he studied me for a few seconds. He quickly realised I was being serious and sat up as well, watching me closely. I held a strong gaze before turning away to look at my patterned duvet.
"I'm still not over it. I don't think I ever will be. She kept it a secret for so long. Only my dad knew but he didn't say anything either." I turned to the drawer that held the remaining piece of my mother's portrait and sighed.
"I remember her being strong and independent—proud as well. Of her heritage, especially." I traced the pattern on the duvet with my finger as I remembered my late mother. "She was a paediatrician. She loved working with kids, and we were lucky because we rarely took ill. She always knew what to do whenever we got symptoms of flu or allergies." I smiled weakly. "I looked up to her. Literally copied everything she did; from the way she spoke to the way she ate. I was inspired by her. I think ... she's the reason I'm always so confident. She taught me to never let anyone take me for granted and to always be myself."
Kayden remained silent as he listened.
"Kieran was the first one to realise that something was wrong. Her attitude changed, she became weaker, her skin was pale and she snapped at everyone. Even Andre began to notice and he was only eight at the time. After a while, she was staying out late and eventually she just stopped coming home. Dad told us she went on a trip but he wouldn't say where. His attitude gradually changed as well..." I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
"The day I found out was the day she died. Apparently, I was the weakest one. She didn't want to let me down so she thought it would be best to keep me from knowing. Kieran let it slip that she was in the hospital and her condition had gotten worse. I screamed at my Dad to take me to her and he broke down. He said he was sorry for keeping it from me, he was just respecting her wishes.
"She was sleeping when we got to the hospital. I almost didn't recognise her. Her hair was gone and she'd lost so much weight. I thought she'd break if I hugged her. She looked so weak and fragile it devastated me. When she woke up, I demanded to know why she didn't tell me. I was so angry and confused I couldn't express myself properly. There was this..." I clutched my hand into a fist then flexed my fingers, unable to find the words. "...this burning hatred towards her. I despised her for lying to me but I wanted to hold her close and tell her that everything was going to be okay. That I still loved her. She broke down and told me how scared she'd been. How she was terrified to leave us and how sorry she was.
"I stayed with her for hours that day. We spoke about everything. Deep down, I knew she had a few days left at least. Knowing that comforted me, in a way. I looked forward to seeing her every day until she left us. She told me how proud she was of me, that I would be the woman of the house when she was gone. She wouldn't stop crying; it was the first time I'd seen her so vulnerable, I didn't know how to react." I looked out the window and felt my eyes sting with tears.
"She passed away the following morning. Just like that. I'd spent practically a whole day with her, but it wasn't enough. I never got to say a proper goodbye." A tear escaped and trickled down my cheek. I didn't bother to wipe it away. "I have so many regrets, but the main one is wishing I'd spent more time with her and telling her how much I loved her. But I was too late." I glanced at him, my vision blurred with tears. "Time is so precious, Kayden. Don't make the same mistake I did."
He was incredibly still, unblinking, his face solemn and his eyes heartfelt.
I sniffed and shook my head. "That's why I can never forgive Shanay. It was more than just a picture. It was the last time I'd ever seen my mum smile, and now it's gone ... I..." Feeling overwhelmed with anguish and sorrow, I covered my face and allowed the tears to fall. It felt good to finally unleash my emotions and cry freely; I don't think I'd ever allowed myself to.
Strong arms pulled me in and Kayden's hands cradled me as I sobbed into his chest. My entire childhood flashed before my eyes. The reality of my mum's death was too much to bear. I felt my rib cage almost give way and my forehead throb violently. All these years my emotions have been bottled up. When mum died, I didn't cry. At her funeral, I didn't cry. Seeing her pictures, I didn't cry. Five years of harbouring my emotions, and now the floodgates had been opened and I wasn't able to stop it from happening.
Kayden rubbed my back in a circular motion and laid a soft kiss on my forehead. "I had no idea," he said quietly.
"You wouldn't. Only a few people know." I sniffed moistly and rested my head on his chest, my eyes burning and my nose wet. "I'm such a closed-off person, it takes me ages to let someone in. I'm so scared of being left behind again so I act the way I do to keep people at bay. A defence mechanism, I guess," I said with a light shrug. "My dad thought it was weird that I showed no emotion when I was younger. I had to see a psychologist for a while." The pounding sensation in my forehead was getting worse, but nothing could compare to the painful ache in my chest. I shut my eyes to rid of the world for a moment. "So now you know. That's why I'm the way I am."
Kayden kissed my hair and I held onto his top, needing to anchor myself. His embrace was so warm and comforting I couldn't imagine letting go.
"Promise me something," I muttered into his top.
"Anything."
"Your auntie is probably scared and confused. She needs you. Spend as much time with her as you can. Don't be like me and leave everything until the last minute. It'll destroy you. Believe me." He sighed and I opened my eyes to peer up at him. "Promise," I said again.
He rubbed my back. "I promise."
I looked down at his knuckles and brushed over it gently with my thumb. It made sense now. Kayden probably had a hard time expressing himself, just like I did five years ago. While I shut myself out from the world in order to deal with things, he resorted to anger. Neither of them were healthy options, though. I sniffed again and shut my eyes, willing for the terrible migraine to disappear. "Anyway, after my mum passed, it felt as if everyone was keeping something from me. Because of that, I find it hard to trust people."
Kayden released me. I was confused until I felt his lips on my cheek. Then my forehead. He kissed around my face gently, everywhere but my lips, making my stomach tingle. Then he wiped my tears away with his thumb. I cautiously opened my eyes to see him watching me. His eyes were no longer dull and tired; they had been revitalised with emotion, brought back to life. His expression had changed completely.
"You can trust me," he murmured, his thumb grazing my cheek as I stared at him in awe. "I'll never leave you."
All of a sudden, everything was in slow motion. My face was drawn to his and my heart thumped as our lips grew closer. He brushed his nose against mine while my eyes remained focused on his.
"I'd never hurt you, Ree," he whispered on my lips.
Our lips slowly connected, closing the gap between us. It was a gentle kiss, just a mild brush of the lips before I pulled away. I watched him and he stared back. After a few seconds, we leaned in again and he gave a feather-like peck on my lips. We regarded each other one last time before his lips finally crashed into mine. Hungrily. Desperately. Passionately. I breathed a sigh of relief and my eyes closed instantly. There was something different about this kiss. For the first time I was experiencing something greater than lust and I wasn't afraid to admit that it felt right.
I fell back on the mattress and Kayden hovered over me, our lips still connected as he slid between my legs. My heart raced as if it was our first kiss, although it definitely felt that way. Kayden angled his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue trailing between my lips, causing me to open my mouth and let him in—in more ways than one. I raised my hands to hold the back of his neck. Our tongues entwined, stroked and caressed, sliding along one another sensually. I whined when he gradually pulled away, sucking on my bottom lip as he went. We both panted and I was left wanting more. Much more.
His eyes portrayed something I had never seen before, and suddenly, I was aware that this would be different. Without warning, his mouth attached to the crook of my neck. I gasped when he bit into my heated flesh and sucked the same spot gently to soothe it. A shiver shot down my spine and I swallowed hard.
My pounding forehead persisted as Kayden continued his worshipping. I didn't have the energy to wipe my wet eyes or dab my nose. Right now, I knew Kayden only cared about consoling me and himself. He wanted the both of us to indulge and feel better. The room was silent, save for my harsh breaths and the sound of Kayden's lips sucking on my skin. It was heavenly and I was greedy. I craved more. I needed more.
He rolled my t-shirt up until it bunched below my neck and reached up to palm my breast, all the while sucking my neck. My breaths came in short pants as he fondled such an intimate part of me. His hands had been there before but now his touch was searing. Then he reached beneath me to unclip the bra and I swallowed hard as his eyes pinned me in place. Just like that, the restricting fabric was removed, exposing my bare chest.
Kayden's eyes flickered down to my hardened nipples. With one swift movement, his lips attached to the nub and he sucked gently while his hand massaged the other. I grit my teeth and clutched onto his top; the excitement was consuming me and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to control my reactions much longer. My back arched when his teeth nipped the sensitive skin and my mouth hung open in a silent moan as the spike of pain shot down to my core.
"Kayden..."
He switched to the other nipple, his eyes on me while his tongue circled the perked tip; now using his hand to tease the first nipple. He pinched and rolled and sucked and bit. I wasn't sure what aroused me more: the action of his hands and mouth, or the fact that he was solely focused on me while he pleasured my body. For some reason, I couldn't break my gaze. It was as if we were communicating with our eyes. I was picking up everything he was saying, but the lust-filled fog in my mind made it hard for me to say anything back. Instead, I moaned and bit my lip.
Kayden broke away to pull my top over my head. I lifted my body for a brief second to get it off, before falling back to the bed. Now I was half naked and his eyes descended my body, showing complete veneration as his hands ghosted my curves. His gaze blazed into mine, searching with desire and need as he ground his erection into me. I squeezed my eyes shut and widened my legs, allowing him to do whatever he wanted and remembering the feel of him from the last time in this same position when he snuck into my room that night. Even back then, I was losing my mind and was incredibly close to letting him have his way with me. Kayden had a knack for making me feel like the sexiest person he'd ever laid eyes on. He didn't just grope, he worshipped, and he made every action feel intense and pleasurable. It was no wonder we were in this predicament again. I yearned for his touch.
He rested his head by the crook of my neck and continued his leisured thrusting. I chewed on my lip to stifle my moans. I could feel him poking through his tracksuit bottoms; he was growing larger with every movement of his hips. I breathed heavily and clung to him, my previous worries of losing control of my body now flung out the window. Kayden had already given into his body's desires; it was time for me to do the same.
I clenched my legs around him, pulling him even harder against me, needing to feel more of him. His breath was warm on my neck and his body firm against mine. I felt secure underneath him, like he would shield me from anything. His lips found mine again and his mouth was hot and ravaging, eager, loving. He licked my tongue with his own, taking full control of the kiss. The sensation of his mouth and hips was becoming too much for me, I could barely keep up. Then his wandering hand reached the strings on my tracksuit.
I stiffened when he tugged at them and loosened the waistband. He pulled away and peered at me, his chest heaving from the overbearing kiss. I stared back as I tried to catch my breath. Once again, he watched me with lidded eyes as he gripped the waist of my bottoms and began to pull them down my thighs. I was captivated by his brown eyes, ignoring my constricting chest and throbbing centre. He pulled them off and placed them on the bed beside him before leaning over me again.
Kayden was fully clothed while I was left in my lace pink boyshorts. His gaze washed over me from head to toe and he bit his lip. I was in a trance as we watched each other in silence. There was no tension, no awkwardness, no words. Just respect, adoration and understanding. With another kiss to my lips, my eyes closed once more and I was left in the dark, waiting for whatever he would do.
His mouth distracted me from what his hands were doing. My mind was scattered; I couldn't think straight even if I tried. All I knew was that I wanted Kayden badly. I wanted whatever he was willing to give, and I wouldn't worry about the consequences, either. I jolted when his fingers touched the apex of my thighs, rubbing the moist centre through the lace and causing me to moan into his mouth. Each time his fingers rolled over my sweltering clit my body twitched in longing. He sucked on my lip as he pulled away and buried his face by my shoulder again.
"You wet for me, Ree?" he asked on my neck.
I gulped at the feel of his fingers venturing to new places. I nodded and his hand slipped inside my damp underwear. I tensed when I registered what he was planning to do. He must have sensed my apprehension, because he rubbed over my throbbing clit. I inhaled sharply and groaned.
"Do you trust me?" he whispered.
I swallowed past the huge lump in my throat. "I don't know."
He rubbed gentle circles on my clit now. "We can stop."
I shook my head. "Keep going,"
His middle finger glided down slowly, confident and teasing. "First time?"
I licked my lips. "No, but I want this. Please."
There was a rumble deep in his chest and he sighed. "Shit."
My heart thudded viciously at the sexual frustration I heard in his voice alone. Then I felt it. Kayden's finger eased all the way inside. I was so wet, there was no discomfort, no sharp pain—just pleasure. He began to ease it in and out of me at a leisurely pace. I sighed and held onto his strong arm.
Kayden's finger continued its sweet rhythm: in, out, in, twist, out, then in. His palm pressed firmly against my clit, making my hips shudder. I whined and squeezed his arm. Maybe it'd been too long since I'd done this, but one finger shouldn't feel this good.
"How does that feel?" he asked softly. Even with my eyes closed, I could tell he was watching my face to gauge my reactions.
"So good," I muttered. The small bite of pleasure sprouted each time his finger slipped back inside, only for it to diminish when he retracted it.
He kissed a spot on my neck and pulled back. I thought maybe he was done, but he slipped two fingers in this time. I groaned and chewed on my lip. It felt good. Too good. The sensation of being penetrated so thoroughly wasn't foreign to me, but Kayden's slow, deliberate pace forced me to feel every little thing. I welcomed it, thrived off it, craved much more.
Time no longer existed. We were wrapped in our own bubble; I could only focus on Kayden's quickening fingers and the spiking pleasure. I moaned and Kayden kissed me right away, swallowing my moans while his fingers curled.
My pounding forehead had calmed and my chest loosened with each shaky breath. Kayden's skilled fingers were curing my aching heart and he didn't even know it. They twisted and curled inside me, bringing a new, astounding feeling to his foreplay. I groaned and rolled my hips into his palm to create more friction between myself and his fingers.
"That's it. Ride me," he whispered in my ear. That only made me grind my hips harder. I wanted more. I needed more. I dug my nails into his arms and he hissed through his teeth. "Fuck. Do it harder." I moved my hips in time with his thrusting and he grunted. "Mmhm. Just like that." His lips found my nipple and he sucked hard, making me whine louder. His fingers pumped deeper, my hips worked faster, his lips sucked harder.
After a few minutes, he pulled back to sit on his haunches and look at me. He used his hand to spread my thigh wider, watching as his fingers thrust inside me. "So pretty," he murmured, his eyes on the most intimate part of me. Then, his fingers sped up. I gasped; my stomach coiled as a sudden rush hit my belly. Kayden's fingers rammed deeper and I bit my lip, loving the abrupt change of pace and the sound of my wetness coating his fingers. He stroked something sensitive that caused my body to jerk involuntarily. I winced and cursed quietly.
"Again," I panted.
I heard him hiss through his teeth as he leaned closer. "I love this side of you," he whispered, dipping his head low and running a languid tongue over my chest. "You're so sexy, Rebecca."
"More. Please..."
"I need to know you trust me."
"I do."
"Are you just saying that?"
I shook my head. "I trust you, Kayden. Please do—ahh..." My back arched when he stroked that sweet spot again.
"I've always wanted to feel you here," he said hotly in my ear, brushing my clit with his thumb while his fingers twisted inside me. The pleasurable rush grew stronger and suddenly my body felt extremely heavy and light at the same time as my stomach fluttered. I cursed and dug my nails into his arm, my thighs shaking from the intense sensation that wracked my veins and sprung straight to my core.
"Ahh, God..." I panted heavily, feeling drunk with euphoria and squinting at the stars that burst in my vision. Once the feeling subsided, the reality of what just happened sank in. The trance broke and the hazy fog cleared. Just like that, I was rooted back to the earth.
Kayden slowly removed his fingers and I opened my eyes to see him sucking on them. I was stunned by the sight but I couldn't look away. He stayed hovering over me, using his other hand to brush the hairs from my face. "You okay?"
That was the million-dollar question. I didn't know how I felt. My mind was fuzzy, my body numb and my heart ... warm. I nodded once.
His weight shifted on the bed as he moved away, allowing me to pull up my boyshorts and trousers. I spotted the mess on the sheets and noticed he was watching me. I glanced back before looking away again.
"What?" he asked softly.
I shook my head, still feeling dazed. "Nothing. I need to clean this up."
"I'll do it," he offered, getting up.
I relaxed on the bed as he grabbed some wipes from my drawer and cleaned up. Honestly, this wasn't how I expected my afternoon to go. It was an odd concept to me; waiting for Kayden to clean the sheets after we ... whatever we just did.
Whatever it was, it felt amazing, but now I wasn't sure how to act or what to do. It wasn't awkward but something had still changed between us. Whether it was good or bad, I didn't know.
He threw the used wipes in the bin and turned to me. "You're thinking too much."
Was I that easy to read? I smiled weakly. "Can't help it."
He leaned closer and kissed me on the forehead. "I'll be back." Then he left the room. I resorted to staring at the wall and pondering on what had just happened. I squeezed my thighs together and cringed at the wetness between them. Kayden had been so gentle with me, so thoughtful and selfless. The fact that we didn't go that step further stunned me, because God knows I was willing...
But since when? I'd spent the majority of our friendship telling him that nothing would ever happen between us. That I saw him as a friend, that I needed time. And now this ... this would surely cause a rift in our relationship. But that didn't mean that it wasn't one of the most exciting things to happen to me.
Kayden soon entered the room again and I noticed his erection had disappeared.
"Where did you go?" I asked.
"Bathroom." He sat beside me and leaned against the headboard.
"...to do what?"
He cleared his throat. "Clean up."
Images of him touching himself came to mind and I swallowed hard. "I could've..."
Could've what? Returned the favour? What was I even saying?
A small smile graced his lips and he pulled me closer to kiss my cheek. "Don't worry." He rubbed my arm soothingly and we sat in comfortable silence for a brief moment. "You alright?"
"Just confused."
"What's confusing you?"
"How we let that happen."
Kayden breathed a laugh. "It's not that complicated, Ree. We were both vulnerable and in the moment. You wanted comfort, I wanted to make you come. There's nothing else to it."
My heart thumped at how bluntly he put it. "So you're not expecting anything from this?"
"I still want you. That's never going to change." He kissed my neck softly, making me shudder. "At least I know you trust me. It makes me feel better."
I tried to ignore the tingling sensation in my belly from his touch and the low cadence of his voice, but it was hard. All I could do was hum in response.
Thankfully, Kayden pulled back and took his phone from his pocket when it vibrated. He read whatever text he just received and sighed before putting his phone away.
"What's up?" I asked, trying my best to sound casual despite the throbbing in my core.
"People are asking what I'm doing for my birthday."
"When's that?"
"Next Saturday." He played with my fingers and the funny sensation struck my stomach again.
"What are you doing for it?"
He shrugged. "Nothing big. A drink up, maybe. But I'm not really bothered." I hummed and felt my body stiffen when his lips rested on my neck again. "I'd rather spend it with you." My lips clamped together when he sucked on my neck. The tingling grew more intense. I shivered in response and shrugged out of his grip. Kayden looked at me curiously. "What's wrong?"
"You're..." I breathed heavily and shook my head. Whatever I was going through right now wasn't his fault, nor was it his problem. "Nothing."
His face fell. "I can't touch you?"
"It's not that."
He sighed in exasperation. "You should've told me to stop if you didn't want it."
I shook my head again. "I did want it."
He regarded me for a moment before pulling me closer by my wrist. "Talk to me."
"I just feel a bit weird. My stomach keeps tingling and I'm throbbing."
I didn't anticipate the smirk on his annoying, handsome face. Then he chuckled. "Your body's still excited. It's normal." Then his smile gradually faded, as if just realising something. "You've never orgasmed before?"
I turned away.
With no effort at all, Kayden yanked me onto his lap and cuddled me tight, which made my stomach react even more. "You're so cute." He bit my earlobe, causing me to chuckle and push his face away. Then he grinned. "You're finally smiling."
"So are you. Thanks for making me feel better."
"Any time. There's more where that came from."
I rolled my eyes but my chest felt 10 times lighter. Suddenly, the atmosphere wasn't so tense anymore, which I was thankful for.
Two hours flew by and both of our sour moods were a thing of the past. We'd just finished watching another episode of Criminal Minds and I yawned before checking the time. It was after 6pm and I was feeling way too comfortable with my head on Kayden's lap. I noticed he was peering down at me as he played with my hair.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Just admiring."
I rolled my eyes. Here it comes, the inevitable flirting and dirty talk followed by a kiss.
"You're beautiful. And you're stronger than you think. I've always thought that, but today's confirmed it."
I blinked in shock at such an earnest statement. "Because of my story?"
He nodded.
I cleared my throat and felt my cheeks heat up. No doubt my fair skin would expose my embarrassment. I avoided his intense gaze and fiddled with my fingers. He was being so sweet; I didn't know how to react.
Kayden chuckled. "Blushing? That's not like you."
"Whatever."
"Where's savage Rebecca gone?"
"She's right here."
"Nah, you're too soft."
"Fuck you."
"By all means." Even when I shoved my palm into his stupid face, he kept smiling down at me. "Don't be embarrassed."
"Can you shut up?"
He chuckled and gently stroked my hair. "How're you feeling?"
The question made me think about everything. The situation with Shanay, school, Mum, work, Kayden and his family issues. Taking it all into consideration, I could admit that I felt quite numb. Whether that was a good or bad thing, I wasn't sure yet, but it was okay for now.
"Fine," I muttered. Then I remembered the list I had created in my mind earlier before he arrived. "I think I might start writing down how I feel. I hear it helps."
He hummed as he massaged my scalp. "It's a good way of getting your thoughts out."
"Exactly. I want to start a list of all the people that's wronged me."
He paused. "That's not what I meant."
"Shanay is definitely at the top."
Kayden sighed and squeezed my cheeks together, making my lips pucker. "Stop, Ree. Revenge won't solve anything."
"It'll satischfy me," I muttered, my speech muffled by his fingers.
And it really would. No one's saying that I'd go around trying to kill these people, but there was definitely no harm in confronting them all in the name of closure. Lord knows I needed it.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to leave Shanay until last. Give her time to reflect on her horrific actions. In the meantime, I could deal with Leon once and for all, because I was getting bored of him now. The last time I saw him was when he tried to make things work; we were approached by one of his many side girls and I left them at the bus stop. Since then, he hasn't tried to contact me. I didn't want to leave things unfinished, though. I had to have the last laugh.
Kayden squeezed harder, making me squeak. "Why are you smiling like that?"
I slapped his hand away and rubbed the ache out of my cheeks. "I can't smile?"
"Not when it looks like you're plotting."
I sat up and rested against the headboard instead. "Maybe I am."
Kayden's arm wrapped around my waist and he dragged me closer. "You're insane," he whispered close to my ear.
"And you're annoying."
"You wasn't saying that when my fingers were inside you."
"Doesn't change the fact that you are."
Now it was Kayden's turn to smile. Actually, it was more like a conniving smirk, laden with sexual promise and desire. "You know our bet isn't over?"
I sighed. "Was hoping you forgot."
He pinched my side, causing me to laugh. "No. I've got something planned."
"I don't care."
He chuckled. "You will."
Eventually, we headed downstairs to the kitchen for something to eat. As there was barely any food in the house to whip up something, we opted for some frozen pizza. I popped it in the oven while Kayden took a seat at the table.
"Didn't know you were that flexible," I heard him mutter.
I looked back to see Kayden staring directly at my ass. Then I realised how much I had bent down to look at the oven and quickly straightened up. "I used to do gymnastics in school."
He hummed and sat further back in the chair, his eyes washing over me.
I raised a brow. "What's that look for?"
"Can you do the splits?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes."
"Side and front?"
"Yes."
He smirked. "Interesting."
I pointed the spatula at him. "Stop thinking dirty things."
"I'm not." His grin suggested otherwise.
I scoffed before turning away and checking on the pizza. As soon as it was done, I grabbed two plates from the cupboard and cut the pizza into slices before sharing them equally. Afterwards, we headed to the living-room and dumped ourselves on the sofa. I threw the remote to Kayden and he began flicking through music channels.
"Oh wait, Kanye. I love this song," I said with a grin.
Kayden's temple throbbed and he quickly switched the channel, eventually settling on MTV. We ate in a comfortable silence and commented on a few music videos before his attention went elsewhere.
"That's a really nice picture," he said.
My gaze followed his to the photo of Mum, Kieran, me and Andre that rested on the cabinet. I sighed at the memories; it felt like just yesterday when Mum dressed us up and took us to get the photo done. Unfortunately, Dad had to run to a job, leaving us four to go it alone. It was an early photoshoot so Kieran was in a bad mood, I was tired and Andre was cranky.
Somehow, the picture turned out beautifully. Kieran and I stood on either side of Mum's chair while she held little Andre in her lap. We all grinned at the camera, each of us missing one tooth or another. It took me a while to realise that we all shared Mum's smile, and it was something I would forever cherish.
I analysed the picture some more, taking in my mother and her breath-taking beauty. Her shoulder-length, chestnut hair hung in loose curls and her rich, yet light, complexion contrasted the background wonderfully. Her eyes were a lovely shimmering brown, while her smile was radiant and joyful. She was always so positive; even during the bad times, she never stopped smiling. I mirrored her ancient smile.
"Yeah," I finally whispered in agreement.
***
The sky was murky and overcast with promise of rain. I frowned at how hot I felt in my denim jacket. How did the sky look so depressing yet the air was so humid? It really mirrored my current state of mind. Muddled. Disorganised. Uncertain.
I soon reached my destination and rang the doorbell. The door swung open roughly 15 seconds later and he stood dressed fully in black, holding a Nike duffle bag. His eyes widened a fraction in surprise, then he physically relaxed as we regarded each other.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice low and cautious.
I pushed past him and entered the house, heading straight to the kitchen. Leon sighed and shut the front door. "Anyone home?" I questioned.
He followed me to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe. "No."
My eyes followed the bulging duffle bag he placed on the floor. "Going somewhere?"
"I was on my way out," he muttered.
His behaviour was suspicious, but I couldn't care less. Leon watched as I sauntered over to the cupboard and grabbed a glass. I opened the fridge and took out a carton of apple juice. It was silent as I poured the juice into the glass and took a sip.
"What's this for, Rebecca?" he asked, growing impatient.
"I wanted to clear things up," I said, swishing the juice around in my glass.
Leon raised a brow. "I thought we did. You told me to leave you alone." He walked to the drawers and pulled out a carving knife before running it under the tap. Leon proceeded to dry it on a tea towel then slipped it into the side of the duffel bag.
"Yeah, and I'm glad you did. But I never finished telling you how sick you make me feel."
He shook his head. "I don't have time for this." Suddenly, he approached me and grabbed my wrist.
I paused. "Why are you touching me?"
"You need to go."
I couldn't help the laugh that slipped out. "You're in no position to tell me what to do."
"It's my fucking house!"
The outburst didn't stun me. In fact, it pissed me off. "I'll leave when I've said what I had to say."
"I don't care anymore, Rebecca! I don't. We're done. Why are you trying to make things worse?"
I took a sip of the apple juice and shook my head. "You still don't get it. I'm here to take my things, to completely cut ties with you." I shrugged. "Just thought I'd have a drink first."
There was a low rumble in Leon's throat. "You're taking the fucking piss." He yanked me forward, causing me to spill the juice on the floor. "Get the fuck out."
I stood my ground and dug my heels into the floor, trying my hardest to stay in one spot. How dare he try and kick me out? He was supposed to grovel, to show some kind of remorse, but instead, he was rushing me out—and rudely at that.
He eyed me as his nails dug into my skin. "Come on."
"Fuck you! I can walk by myself."
"But you're not going to. You're stubborn. I don't care what you have to say, so just leave." He tugged harder at my wrist, and damn him, he was so strong that I couldn't resist anymore. Leon literally dragged me to the middle of the kitchen, his hand squeezing my wrist in a death grip, but I refused to go down without a fight.
"I fucking hate you," I said through gritted teeth.
Leon's laugh was mocking. "I don't give a fuck. You think I really regret what I did?" A taunting smile danced on his lips. "I had the best of both worlds for months. All that shit I said about being sorry was a lie. I'm only sorry I got caught."
My chest tightened. Deep down I knew this; I knew there wasn't an ounce of remorse in his body, that he wasn't really sorry. But hearing Leon voice it so loud and proud made my heart ache. Did our relationship mean nothing to him at all?
In a bout of anger, I scratched into the skin of his arm. "Get off me."
Leon hissed at the pain and spun around, smacking me in the face. I stumbled back, stunned, but didn't have enough time to react before he continued dragging me across the kitchen.
"Can't believe you came all the way here. It's like you want to piss me off," he gnashed.
Through the stinging sensation in my cheek, I thought up a quick solution. In one swift motion, I raised the empty glass in my hand and smashed it over his head. The glass shattered instantly, and with a pain-filled yell, Leon fell to the floor, groaning and clutching his head.
I stared down at him, chest heaving, hand bleeding from the sharp glass that cut into my skin, and narrowed eyes full of hatred and resentment.
"For once, I was going to put things behind us and move on," I whispered.
Leon struggled to flip onto his back and peer up at me. His forehead was stained with blood that trickled down his face.
"I thought I didn't need closure but I changed my mind. That's why I came here, to say a final goodbye and let you go. Even after the way you treated me, I was still going to give you the benefit of the doubt."
Leon touched his forehead then looked at his hand. He winced at the sight of deep-read blood that marred his fingers. He released a heavy breath, trying to calm down and utterly failing.
"It's not just you that's fucked me over, Leon. Everyone's been testing my patience lately, but I'm not having it anymore."
He attempted to sit up but I was quicker, pressing my foot against his chest and shoving him onto his back once more.
"I'm not finished!"
He groaned in pain and hissed at the shattered glass that dug into his back. Leon panted heavily but said nothing, his eyes shut tight. I stared at his face and felt my anger swell. After all of this, I still had feelings for him, and it sickened me.
"Did you even love me?" I asked, hating the way it sounded. My voice was needy, desperate, not even reflecting the hatred I felt right now.
Leon coughed and glared at me, his left eye shut as blood seeped into it. "What?" he croaked.
"All those months we were together. Did you love me? Or was that a lie, too?"
Even in the predicament he was in, he managed to scoff. "No."
I raised my leg high and kicked him in the stomach. He cried out and cursed loudly before clutching his belly and coughing wildly.
"Thought so," I sneered.
"F-fuck you," he wheezed. "Crazy bitch!"
I shrugged. "Maybe." Then I brought my leg up and stamped hard on his crotch. Leon yelled out in agony and cupped himself. I crouched down and watched him as he gripped his balls while twisting in pain. "But at least I can cross you off my list."
I saw the handle of the carving knife sticking out of his duffel bag and weighed my options. I was high off the adrenaline, and even though I'd managed to inflict some kind of pain on Leon, it wasn't enough. I reached over and grabbed the handle, slowly pulling the sharp knife out of the bag and analysing it.
"What were you planning to do with this?" I asked.
Leon cracked an eye open but said nothing.
"I knew something was wrong. When we went to Nandos, you saw someone but you avoided them; we even left early because of it. And now you're packing your bags to leave?" I rested on my knees, looming over Leon as he breathed heavily through the pain. Whether it was his head or his dick that hurt more, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I wasn't finished with him.
"Becca," he whispered, before sighing deeply. "Stop..."
I leaned closer. "Hm? What was that?"
"I won't ... say anything..."
I raised a brow in mock confusion. "There's nothing to say. We're just talking."
"I need to go," he muttered, his speech muffled.
"We're not done." I gripped his hoodie and pulled him up into a seating position. By now, Leon looked delirious, which I could only assume was down to the blood loss. I pulled him even closer, simultaneously wedging the sharp blade into his thigh. His mouth widened with a gasp and his eyes went bulbous as I pushed the knife deeper. "Something to remember me by," I whispered in his ear.
Leon's frame shook in shock and the sounds he made were unintelligible as I slowly backed away, knife and all, releasing his hoodie and letting him fall back to the ground with a thud.
I stood up and watched as the fabric of his Nike tracksuit quickly darkened with thick blood. That was when he gave a loud, piercing yell and writhed violently on the floor, gritting his teeth and thrashing his head side to side, unable to handle the pain. He clutched onto his thigh, just above the stab wound, and cursed loudly. His eyes watered with tears and saliva dripped down his chin. He was an uncontrollable mess.
And it satisfied me.
I walked over to the sink and rinsed the blood off my hand and the knife before leaving the blade on the counter. There was no use hiding the evidence, I knew Leon wouldn't tell anyone about this. Between his illegal wrongdoings and his foolish pride, he wouldn't dare get the police involved.
"Say hi to Olivia for me," I said before stepping over him and leaving. I shut the door behind me before anyone heard his excruciating screams.
Once the cool air hit me, I sighed in relief. The weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt ... free. Light. Content.
I stopped off at the corner shop and bought some bandages and disinfectant. The shop worker glanced at my injured hand as I paid, but I simply smiled and asked for a plastic bag. I thanked him and left the shop, continuing my journey home.
I was bent on revenge, and as God as my witness, I was going to get it.
One down, two to go.