DOUBLE UPDATE BE SURE TO READ THE LAST CHAPTER EVEN THOUGH ITS SHIT ;)
What could possibly be worse? Not hearing back from your boyfriend after leaving a rather long rambled voicemail, or getting an email from your boss cutting your holidays short?
Instead of going back to work next week I'm going back today, it's now Wednesday and I haven't heard back from Harry either. I left him a voicemail on Monday when I was in the cafe, I don't regret it but I wish I rehearsed it more as I ended up stuttering and adding unnecessary vocabulary.
He hasn't reached out to me once, and Lynn hasn't seen him either. I waited last night at the cafe in case he showed up, but as I expected nothing, not a single sign of him. He's probably angry at me for allowing him to cause a scene like that, or just for showing up in the first place when I should've known better. Either way, at least he could've just responded by telling me why I'm being treated this way. It's better than overthinking every possibility.
I was in my pencil skirt that ended at my knees and a white blouse that felt too tight around my chest. I contemplated on my shoes, if I wear heels I could fall over outside and land in a puddle, but if I wore flats I'd look stupid in my office get up. So heels it is.
The taxi ride to work was quick even though the entire way here I silently prayed to freeze time and allow me more some extra few minutes of nap time. The building felt so foreign to me after being away for almost three weeks, but at the same time I was happy to be back and earning money. I smiled politely to Chloe at the front desk, earning a yawn and a wave as she finished typing on her computer. I have no idea what today holds for me, but with my phone on loud and not a single message pinging through once, I knew my day would be utterly terrible.
My non smiley self sat down at my desk, pushing my thick jacket off and hanging it on the back of my black spiny chair before pushing myself closer to the desk to focus on whatever the boss man lay out for me. My phone sat next to the desk phone that connected with the boss' phone in his office.
Luna, I need you to enrol the new employees into the machine and double check the payslips for employees too. Also, after lunch I need you in my office. - A.
I sighed dramatically staring at the computer screen, seven new members of staff have to be put into the system and I'd need to find them to sign some sheets of paper at some point also. One final glance to my phone that held zero messages I finally got on with my work...
__
One o'clock rolled around faster than I realised, I hadn't even finished checking the payslips before I was called into the boss' office. "Hi sir."
"Good afternoon Luna," he smiled warmly, nodding for me to sit in front of his desk. I folded my hands in my lap and patiently tapped my foot as he finished typing something into his laptop. "So how was your holidays, sorry they were cut short."
"It's fine," I smiled forcefully, the stench of cigarettes filling my nostrils as I leaned forward slightly. "I had a nice holiday thank you, yours?"
"Well my wife divorced me, so I guess it was a happy holiday," he replied bitterly, I felt my eyes bulge out their sockets at the new information. No wonder he's so cranky. His wife was a bit of a bitch though.
"I'm so sorry —"
"Don't be, I'm glad."
"Glad?" I frowned, if he was so glad to be divorced why did he seem so grouchy?
"Yes glad," he repeated, standing up and circling around his desk until he was in front of me. He leaned back so he could stare down at me, and suddenly I felt rather uncomfortable under his intense gaze. I felt like his gaze was heavy upon my body as he watched me like a hawk, his beady eyes taking in my entire stance as I slowly rose to my feet. "Did you do something different with your hair?" He asked, reaching out to twirl a single strand of black hair around his thick fingers. I didn't have the same feeling I would've had if those fingers with Harry's, it felt dirty this time. I took a step back and smiled cautiously.
"No I didn't sir."
"Call me Adrian," he smiled cunningly, his eyes slipping away from my eyes. I followed his lowered gaze and noticed how unbuttoned my blouse was, I quickly reached up to tie one of them to shield my cleavage when his large hand wrapped around my wrist. "You're beautiful, don't cover up."
Even his compliment felt dirty, like I wanted to throw up. It was nothing like receiving a compliment from Harry. "Yes, but it's very unprofessional," I commented, emphasising the fact me being in this room so close to him was not okay.
"Oh well, in the boss what I say goes," his voice was stronger than it was just moments ago, I felt like I should obey any word that came from his mouth. I could practically feel my knees shaking as he took another step closer, this is the moment I wished somebody would walk through the door like previous occasions.
You see, this isn't the first time he's gotten a little to close for comfort with me, but usually he finds that Chloe at reception doesn't push him away when he leans in. Whereas with me he notices the times I step away, which I never used to think he noticed before. I took another step back and he stepped forward, only this time with my next step back I bumped into the cabinet of files behind me. His body had now trapped me against the cabinet. "Sir, I have work to do."
"I'll give you the afternoon off," he shrugged, his voice low as his fingers trailed along my sharp jawline. I shuddered and attempted to move away when his hands dropped to my waist.
"Why do you always move away?" He asked, annoyed by my actions.
"I have a boyfriend now," I hurried, hoping he'd step back and see how rude and unprofessional he is being.
"So? He doesn't have to know," he chuckled. "My wife never found out about Chloe," he smirked, dipping his head down to kiss at my neck. Only for me to cry out and push him away. I hadn't felt so violated in all of my life, he didn't care that he was recently divorced, that I was eighteen years old, an employee and in a relationship. He wanted pleasure for himself and he'd use me and most likely other young employees to fulfil that desire. "Excuse me? Who do you think you are to push me away?"
"Pl-please, I don't want to do this with you," I felt my eyes stinging with tears. I wish Harry would barge through the door, take me into his loving arms and whisk me far away from here and to the comfort of his home.
"Why? What's wrong with me huh?" He shouted, pushing my body away from his. "You're fired! Get your shit together and leave!"
"What!" I cried, this cannot be happening. "Because I don't have sex with you you're going to fire me? How unprofessional of you!" I shouted, yanking the door open and storming out.
"Step foot in this building again, and I'll have you arrested," he threatened. Everyone's eyes staring directly at us as I put my jacket on and tossed the printed out forms, I worked on all morning, in his face.
"Shut up! I'll have you arrested from trying to have sex with me," I returned the empty threat. Even though what he did was so wrong, I didn't have the energy to take this matter to court. I heard murmurs and gasps fill the air from other employees, the boss' face went beat red as I announced his crude ways.
"Stop lying you disgusting little girl, I'm a married man and you tried to seduce me! Get out!" He lied through his teeth, I kicked the chair to the wall and stormed out the room. The sight of his face and the scent of his cheap cologne and cigarettes was enough to make me want to vomit. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I stood in the empty elevator heading to the ground floor, I lost my job and I got sexually assaulted in my work place... My boyfriend isn't talking to me, my parents are dead and I have no friends. What could possibly get worse than this?
I really thought things were looking up for me, all because of Harry, and now it's all downhill and I've finally hit rock bottom. But this time I don't think anyone's going to help me out, I've reached the end of my broken road and I'm ready to give up here and now. Somehow, despite the dark clouds threatening to pour and the tears that fell from my eyes, I found myself in Lynn's arms at the cafe. It was only half one in the afternoon, Harry's still at work and I know my presence is definitely not wanted there. I just wanted Harry, I wanted him to kiss me and wipe away the tears, hold me and gently brush away the fingerprints my ex-boss left all over my body. I felt dirty even though he had hardly touched me.
"Come through the back, it's quieter there," Lynn shushed, leading me through the cafe and into a small back room. Tubs and crates of flour, sugar, eggs and all the other things needed to bake littered the room. "What's happened?" She asked as she placed a mug of tea in front of me.
"I got fired," I whimpered, leaving out the real reason for my tears.
"Oh my dear," she sighed, rubbing her hand over my shoulder as I shakily spoke.
"I lost everything. Harry's not talking to me, I lost my job, I'll eventually run out of money and have no income —"
"You can work here!" She announced loudly, frightening me slightly at how loud she raised her voice. I stared at her first, just waiting for her to laugh and say she was just joking, but she didn't. She looked at me with a wide grin, waiting for me to reply.
"Seriously? You'll just hire me like that?" I clicked my fingers together.
"Of course," she shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "The wages aren't the best, but it's something until you find your feet again," she smiled. I hadn't felt so happy in a week, I lunged myself into her arms hugging her tightly. She had restored the faith and hope I needed, the faith and hope I thought was gone especially after today. She'd given me something so small but to me it felt like everything. There was only one thing she couldn't give me that I wanted now, more than anything else in the world.
And that was Harry.
___
It was now four in the afternoon, Harry's work had finished and I was stood outside his flat door. I raised my hand and then lowered it again, repeating the same process a few more times before sighing at my behaviour. Why was I so nervous? It's just Harry... Then again he'd been ignoring me for a week. I tapped the door shyly, as if his green eyes were already peering at me and making me nervous.
Seconds felt like hours as I waited for a single noise to be heard behind the wooden door, and then I heard something. It was the chain on his door clicking against the metal hook and then the doorknob moved, before I could even think of running away and hiding behind the large green plant at the end of the hallway the door swung open.
There he stood. Tall, handsome and rather flustered.
His cheeks were pink, his eyes were pale, dark bags hung under his eyes like heavy shopping bags and his hair was messy. He looked like he just woke up from a nap, but by the looks of his attire something tells me he hadn't left his bed all day...
"Great," he mumbled, kicking the door shut only for me to catch it between my hand. He turned his back from me as I entered, frowning at his behaviour. Why was he acting so rudely to me?
"Harry," I breathed, he shook his head and slumped down on his couch as I shut the door behind me. "I really need you."
"Well I don't need you."
I felt like he just kicked me into a wall, left me battered and bruised against the cold wooden floor as I bled out. He was angry and I had no idea why, but whatever caused his mood to fall he was now taking it all out on me as if I was a punching bag.
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what? Angry, sad, depressed? What am I being like Luna, enlighten me."
"An asshole," I shot back. He stood to his feet, glaring my way.
"Why are you here?" He grunted, tugging his curly locks in his tight fists. "Why do you always pop up uninvited? You don't know when to just drop things and shut the fuck up!" Another blow. I stumbled backwards as if his words punched me in the heart, allowing me to stagger back into the wall and hold on for dear life. I felt like I was about to fall and nobody would be waiting at the bottom to catch me and break my fall. Tears shimmered in my eyes as I looked at him, I could tell he has seen the complete and utter heartbreak etched into my face as he looked in pain. His jaw was clenched so hard I was scared any second his jaw would break, his fists were screwed up by his sides and his eyes wavered between my eyes and my shaky bottom lip.
"I need you Harry, something happened —"
"I don't care!" He shouted, he seemed to have a look of regret momentarily before it disappeared almost as quick as it came. My heart sank at his choice of words, he promised not to leave me, that he was in this forever with me. Now he can't even stand here quietly and let me tell him what's happened to me, explain why I showed up here so broken. My heart that was slowly piecing together bit by bit has now just crumbled, been shredded like paper and tossed in the bin to be forgotten about.
"You promised you'd be here for me, what happened to make you so cold suddenly?"
"Why do you love me if I'm so cold huh?" I froze, like a sheet of ice settled bitterly over my skin and kept me from moving or breathing. "I heard you that night, you told me you love me."
The night we returned from Holmes Chapel, the night he spoke to my parents grave and practically gushed about my existence in his life. The day everything felt right and I knew I was in love with him. He heard me when I thought he'd fallen asleep during the movie as we lay in his bed, he'd heard me whisper my love for him and he had said nothing.
"I do," I muttered. He has known for a week and said nothing? Obviously he doesn't feel that way for me. "Do you love me?" I asked warily, nervous for the answer.
He was silent, he looked at me battling whatever inner thoughts he had rattling inside of his mind before his eyes met mine. "No."
I felt the tiny remains of my heart shatter and fall to the pit of my stomach, my chest hurt like hell and my eyes stung as warm salty tears rolled down my cheeks for the second time today. "You wasted a month for this."
"I sure did," he bitterly responded, scuffing his boot as he kicked the floor uninterestedly.
"So you've been cold to me because I love you?" I asked.
"One of the many reasons," he replied causally.
"I love you, and I hate that I do because you're a liar! You told my mum you wouldn't leave me lonely again, yet here you are pushing me away because you don't love me back!"
"I didn't tell your mum shit, I promised a stone that I wouldn't leave you lonely but that was before you said you love me," he shot back angrily. His words laced with venom, I should've known he was no good for me. But how can you possibly tell someone will break your heart when all they did is prove how perfect they are every day.
Perfection doesn't exist, I should've known this man wasn't perfect.
"I hate you!" I shouted, pushing my palms into his chest and causing him to stumble backwards. "You've broken my heart, and you don't show the tiniest bit of compassion?! I came here because something happened that left me utterly terrified and scared to be alone, and here you are kicking me out and telling me how you don't love me."
"Just get out Luna," he whispered, giving up already. His eyes glistened with moisture and I wanted to reach out and beg him not to cry for me.
"What did I do to make you hate me so much?" His eyes snapped to look at me, sadness and regret in them.
"I don't hate you."
"You could've fooled me," I whispered equally as quiet.
"You can't love me, Luna."
"Why not?" I thought being loved was something he craved like I did?
"You just can't," he shook his head, turning away from me. "Just go."
"But —"
"Go!" I jumped at the harsh tone of his voice, the same voice that lulled me to sleep, the same voice that called me moonlight... "Don't make me tell you again."
And without a single breath being released by me and another word being shouted by Harry I ran out, running far away from his building and not even bothering to call for a taxi. I halted in the middle of the pavement, people bustling around me as they continued their day to day lives as I felt my entire world shattering around me. How can people smile when my life is falling apart all over again?
Who is left for me?
A stone in a graveyard of ghosts?
A lady in a cafe that would choose Harry over me in a heartbeat?
The night was falling upon me quicker than I thought as I just stood here, the cold air whipping past me, looping around my still body like a shoelace. There's one thing left for me that I'm about to steal from the man I love, one thing that hasn't left me and I didn't realise until today has always remained with me throughout all of my eighteen years on this fucked up planet.
As I reached my apartment building I could feel her rays against my back as I entered the building and hid myself from her beauty. She was surrounded by clouds and shining stars that people adored and wished upon. She listened to everyone's thoughts and feelings as they spoke to god or to her, she was always there and never judged a single soul. Maybe tonight is the night she receives a new bystanders thoughts and feelings; mine.
I opened my door and entered my flat, it seemed colder than it was when I left even though the heating was on and I was bundled up in my jacket. Almost like Harry leaving my life ensured everything around me was turned to ice, isolating me from feeling warmth or any kinds of happiness. I dropped my jacket to the floor and kicked off my shoes, now finding myself stood in front of my window. And there she was. Shining upon London with all of her glory and beauty on full display, she was never given full credit for her beauty, she was most definitely unappreciated by everyone walking by.
It was like people didn't look at her and see beauty, all they saw was a silver luminous pearl lighting up the black sky it hung in.
Right now the argent halo looked so pale against the brooding clouds that attempted to cover her beauty. But with each aggressive light that bursted from the craters of her rock, managed to push away any dark cloud and allowed her to remain bold and beautiful in the sky.
I should've felt even more alone sat here in the silence of my apartment, with nobody beside me and nobody to hold me. But I didn't feel so alone in that moment, because the moon was here. It was as though I had stolen Harry's childhood friend and kept her hidden with me.
"Make sure he's okay," I whispered to the moon. "I love him, why doesn't he love me too?"
My tears felt like they had burst through a dam built by an otter, each droplet of water was heavy as they ran down my warm cheeks and dropped from my face. With each drop that fell from my chin and landed upon my blouse, dampened the soft material, spreading like a forest fire and turning the material transparent. I allowed my insides to crumble and the tears to fall due to the rejecting burn Harry made me feel, he didn't love me he said so himself. I shouldn't cry about it, but I thought he did. I really thought Harry loved me.
My mascara coated eyelashes were thick and clumping together as the huge rolls of salty tears made it hard to see. "God it hurts," I whimpered shakily. I hadn't felt a pain like this before.
I hadn't felt unloved once in my entire life, not until this very moment that is.
My chest has been lashed at, like a thick leather belt had been whipping at my skin and leaving bloody gash after gash. The gashes being made up of how much he failed to love me. I was wounded, bleeding out on the carpet and being left to die. I was unwanted, uncared for, neglected and unloved. And all it took was one man to tell me he did not return the feelings I felt for him.
To think, somebody you care and love so deeply for could ruin absolutely everything you had going for you with just one word.
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A/n: double update cause the last chapter was shiiiit! Any ideas why harry is so upset???
10 votes for another update xoxo