Oh shit this was a nightmare...
I leaned forward as quickly as I could when I, for what must be the third time, threw up what was left in my poor stomach. I tried to focus on something else than the smell of my own puke as I leaned up and flushed the toilet again.
"When is it going to stop...?" I whined as I let my head fall down to rest against the toilet-seat. This was awful and it made me weak to throw up everything like this.
"I'm giving you ten more minutes." Ethan stated coldly from behind me and I groaned as I turned to glance at him. He was standing with his arms crossed as if trying to prevent himself from reaching out for me. He was tense and I knew he was silently boiling with held back anger. Could I blame him? No... and that was the worst part.
"Ethan please... I'm not feeling so good..." I whispered, trying not to flinch when my mate's eyes narrowed on me. He was pissed alright.
"You should have thought about that before you decided to drink yourself half to death." He answered in a cold voice and that sentence alone proved that I would get no pity from him. I could feel my heart squeeze uncomfortably.
After a few minutes of complete silence Ethan stepped up to me and grabbed a hold on my arm. I guess he figured I was done puking my guts out. When he helped me to my feet I could feel my hands shaking and my legs were not nearly as strong as they normally were. When Ethan noticed my hands shakily reaching for the counter for support he sighed and before my fingers touched the cold counter he had grabbed my hand firmly in his. Without a word he made me lean against him and with slow motions he hoisted me up and carried me over to the bathtub. I soaked in the feeling of being near him even though I knew it was short-lived.
While Ethan adjusted the taps and made sure to dump some bath oil into the rising water I studied his face in profile. I didn't have to guess his mood when it was obvious by the look of his expression. He was angry, of course, but there was also something else and it scared me.
"Ethan I..." I began but I was immediately cut off as my mate put me down, turned around and motioned at the water without looking at me.
"Get in," He said, still not looking at my face and I held back the words I wanted to speak so badly. Now was not the time.
When I had carefully stepped into the bath and sunk down to sit in the hot water Ethan sent me one last glance and then he turned towards the door. I wanted to ask him to stay but I was scared he'd ignore me. I couldn't handle that sort of rejection right now.
When he left the bathroom, letting the door fall shut behind him like a wall falling in place between us I knew I had destroyed something. When I reached for the shampoo on the edge of the tub my hand was shaking again and I let it hover mid-air when the shampoo bottle suddenly turned blurry. I tried swallowing but the lump in my throat made it clear that I wasn't going to be able to keep it together much longer.
When the first low sob left my lips the first tear escaped as well and I let my face fall down to rest in the palms of my hands as I felt the silence around me turn suffocating. I wanted to call out for Ethan but I knew I had no right. I had destroyed something and this was the result. Now I had no right to yearn for his touch, no right to wish for him to come back and talk to me like before. The ache in my chest got worse when I finally grasped just how much I'd been taking Ethan's presence for granted.
What if he had had enough now? What if he had finally gotten tired of my selfish actions, the way I left him behind even though he specifically begged me not to? What was I supposed to do then?
What if he never came back? What if he... left me behind? What was I supposed to do then? What was I supposed to do?
While I continued to cry the water around me slowly turned colder and colder but I didn't care. How could I when my heart was aching so bad?
[Ethan's POV]
I could hear him even though there was a closed door between us. I could hear him cry and it hurt. It really, really hurt. I couldn't go back to him right now though... I had to have some time alone because I was hurting. My wolf was whining inside my head at the thought of our mate crying by himself but he was also sad because this was not the first time Matthew had left us behind.
What was it that made him so intent on leaving? Why did he feel the need to go? Was it space he needed? Some alone-time with his friends? What was it that made it unbearable to be beside me? What was it that made him leave without a word?
Yes, maybe there had been times when I was pushy and clung to him more than necessary. To me, that was a sign of my love for him but maybe for him it was different. I know he isn't used to the way werewolves work, how they show affection to their mates but this can't all be just because of that. Can it?
The muffled sobs coming from the bathroom broke my heart. I needed to get away from here.
Without a second thought I rose from the bed I'd been sitting on and walked up to the door. I exited the room and while walking down the corridor the sound of my hurting mate got more and more quiet until I couldn't hear him at all.
I made my way down the stairs and made a small dash for the front door. Just as I was about to put my hand on the handle a voice spoke from behind me.
"Where are you going Ethan?" Adam asked, his voice stopping me dead in my tracks. I turned my head around to look at him and I could clearly see the worry entering his eyes as he stared at my face. I probably looked as bad as I felt.
"Out." I whispered, my hand on the handle while I stared at my friend. Adam studied my appearance in silence for a second and then he sighed and said:
"A sheep can never learn to understand a wolf but they can learn to coexist Ethan."
I stared at Adam in slight wonder for a second and then a small smile tugged at my lips.
"I don't know about your mate, my friend, but mine is definitely not a sheep..." I said and then I pushed the front door open. As I stepped out on the porch and took a deep breath of the chilly night air I heard Adam call after me:
"I'm quiet Ethan but I'm not blind. You better get a hold of yourself before your mate gets fed up with your shit."
I let out a low growl and sent him a small glare over my shoulder.
"He's the one doing shit and riling me up like this!" I growled, huffing as I felt a sliver of irritation boil my blood again when I thought about the chaos this evening when we realized Matt and Ash had disappeared. I could suddenly hear Adam start to laugh from behind me as he answered:
"He's still a teenager Ethan, stirring up shit and making poor decisions is what they do. Just get him a leash and it'll be easier for all of us."
I huffed again and started jogging towards the edge of the forest. I shifted into my wolf and Adam's laughter followed me as I entered the dark and kept running.
Getting Matthew a leash might be a good idea actually... if I wanted to get my ass kicked that is...
[Thirty minutes later]
I slowed to a stop at the edge of a clearing with a small lake in the middle. My wolf was happy to be out and running but he was also reminding me every now and then that our mate needed us and that we should return soon. I knew he was right but I still needed to calm down a bit so I wouldn't accidentally make things worse between us. God only knows my temper could get the better of me sometimes and I don't think I could hold a decent conversation about what happened earlier tonight without yelling at Matt for being reckless.
After the small talk with Adam I realized that I was being a bit hard on Matthew, expecting him to act all grown up when he was indeed still a teenager. Even so, that didn't mean that what he did was okay. It still hurt me and my wolf when he disappeared on us and if he wanted me to forgive him there needed to be some changes between us. I had taken the time during my run here to think things through and come up with some conditions. I didn't know how Matthew would react to hearing them but I guess I'd have to give it a try and then see what happens.
I trudged up to the edge of the lake and stared at the reflection of my wolf in the water for a second. I wondered what Matt really thought of this side of me. Had he really accepted it or could that be a reason as to why he run from us all the time? It was no use trying to figure it out by myself though I had to ask if I wanted to know. Then again... did I really want to know the reason? What if I couldn't do anything about the reason? What if we couldn't work our way through this? What would I do then?
I entered the water in my wolf-form and sighed in satisfaction as the cold water soaked my fur throughly and made me cool down a bit after the quick run here. When I was done I stepped up on the lakeside and shook my fur out, splashing water everywhere. My wolf urged me to go back to the pack-house to check on our mate and this time I complied and started to jog back the way we came. I couldn't avoid the matter any longer and now when I felt like I'd calmed down enough to actually speak without making things worse I really longed to get back to Matthew.
Without thinking I sped up and sprinted through the forest with my wet fur flying in the wind. We could work it out together. I knew we could.
[Twenty minutes later]
I made it back much quicker than I thought I'd do and I was a bit surprised to feel my wolf getting worried as we got closer to the pack-house. Something didn't feel right and I ran all the way up to the door before I shifted mid-step and roughly pushed it open.
When I rushed inside my eyes immediately fell on Ash as he came sprinting down the stairs and when he caught sight of me he let out a small gasp and shouted:
"Ethan! Where's Matt?! Please tell me he's with you!"
I could feel my heart freeze inside my chest as I ran past Ash and took the stairs three steps at a time. When I entered our room Adam was standing in the doorway to the bathroom and he quickly shifted his gaze to look at me. I could see the pity in his eyes and it made my heart beat even harder.
"Ash went up to see if Matt wanted to watch a movie with us and when he didn't get a response he pushed his way in and... yeah... we found it like this." Adam said, stepping to the side so I could enter the bathroom.
The first thing I noticed was the bathtub still full of water and bubbles. Then I noticed that Matt's clothes were gone and I cursed under my breath. I was just about to turn around to question Adam when my eyes fell on the foggy mirror where someone had written the words:
'I'm sorry, I'm going home.'