FILLER. I want you to get a little bit more of a feel of Luna's character and the affect things have had on her x
I remember one day my mother sat and told me this very romantic story about a night with my father. How he spun her around out on the balcony at their graduation after party, the moonlight prancing upon their skin like tiny ballroom dancers, the alcohol buzzing in their systems and their eyes never leaving one another. She told me about their kiss, how she felt something jump inside of her and it frightened her, she had no idea why she felt such a thing but it was that moment she knew she was in love.
And I felt the jump.
Your heart tightens to the point where you almost want to slam your hand over your chest to relieve the pain. Your stomach feels queasy and you feel as though you could pass out from lack of sugars in your body... I felt like any second I would throw up, my heart would literally burst into a fiery inferno and I'd scream with every emotion I could feel. I felt like my emotions were heightened drastically, from the loss of my parents, the stress of my job, the sadness of feeling alone for two weeks, the shock of meeting Harry when I realised he wasn't walking away from me, and all that love that's formed along the way and healed my disfigured heart.
I felt the jump and I was ready to announce it the world, I think I just want to tell my mother first...
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"Wakey wakey sleeping beauty," his voice cooed, I giggled and shoved my hand to the sky, pushing his face away as I squeezed my eyes shut. "How old are you really?" He muttered with a chuckle, sliding his arms under my legs and around my back. I didn't even realise I had fallen asleep in the car until the second I heard a thud and Harry groaning in discomfort as he wobbled with my body in his arms. "Fucking car!" He cussed.
I subconsciously let my hands rub his scalp to help subside the pain he felt, my eyes cracked open and I knew we were home; well Harry's childhood home. Tomorrow we leave and I have only now realised I don't want to go anymore, Anne and Robin remind me of my parents — so in love, sickeningly flaunting their romance around like they're in a damn chick flick.
"It's gonna rain again," he mumbled into my hair as we reached the front door, his bum pushing the handle down and hip nudging it open. We entered the house and he playfully chucked me on the couch. Anne was on the other couch with Robin as they laughed at his actions.
"How was your day?" Robin asked, sitting up and putting away his newspaper to focus on me. I sat up and brushed my hair out my face with my fingers, Harry disappeared upstairs and I was left with his parents.
"So great," I smiled brightly. The second I spoke the heavens opened, the rain pattered against the window and gusts of harsh winds slapped the glass. I could hear rustling leaves from the tree by the window outside, the sound of things outside shaking against the ground as the wind shook them. "He took me to get ice cream, and then we just walked around and talked for ages."
"Ice cream in winter? I tell you what, kids these days are awfully different from when I was younger," Robin chuckled. His comment made me grin in amusement, a comment I could definitely hear my own father say.
"You remind me of my dad," I breathlessly laughed, a sad smile touching his lips as he looked in me. He asked how and I couldn't help the gushing moment. "He was much like you, really entertaining, a jokester... Sometimes they were really bad jokes but you laughed because his laugh was funnier than the joke," I paused. "He also had a very soft side to him, when I was sad or I had cramps I never went to my mum I went to my dad. He just knew how to make me smile. He'd hold my hand and cuddle me, tell me how proud he was of what I'm doing and how much I've grown, he'd talk about boys and teasingly tell me I couldn't date any... He'd put on the football or top gear and somehow I really enjoyed sitting there and watching it with him."
In that moment I realised I wasn't describing how Robin reminded me of my father, I was just admiring what I could vividly remember about my father. It may be over a month since my parents died but I can already feel memories about them fading away. I've forgotten their voices, the dimple on my father's cheek, what made my mother groan in annoyance and my father laugh... I'm forgetting such small dainty memories that should be remembered till I die, I've been caught up in Harry that I'm letting my parents fade away.
"I miss them," I sobbed loudly. Robin wasted no time running to my side and tackling me for that hug. It was like he took the hint that I needed it as I cried over my father. His embrace was tight and warm, almost like Harry's but just more snug. I gripped Robin's bicep as I cried into his shoulder, I peered over at Anne subtly and saw her covering his eyes as she wiped away stray tears. Harry hasn't seen me cry like this over my parents, yet his parents have seen it twice.
"There there, you're okay, everything is going to be okay," Dad whispered softly into my ear, his lips placed a quick kiss to my temple as he hummed a soft tune and stroked my hair.
"Thanks Dad," I weakly responded, looking up only for it to be Robin holding me not my father. Behind Robin stood a very heartbroken looking Harry, his eyes filled with sorrow and his fingers shaking under the cuffs of his oversized jumper. "I-I'm so-sorry," I stumbled over my words, Robin held me tightly shaking his head gently with a soft smile that could cure all deadly diseases.
"It's alright sweetheart," he stood up to allow Harry in, I immediately felt guilty. I felt like I was stealing his father figure, I couldn't do that to him. I looked up and Harry walked away, he didn't look at me he just turned and left. I felt my heart jump in my chest, but not from love; but fear. "Go see him."
I practically sprinted out the room and tripped over my own feet as I rushed into the kitchen. Harry was wiping under his eyes and running a hand through his hair, harshly tugging the strands fisted in his palm. "Harry?" He looked up at me, pain flashing over his green eyes that never failed to remind me of a forest.
He said nothing, but his actions spoke louder than any word he could ever say. He held out his hand, wiggling his ring covered fingers for me to take. I happily reached out and interlocked our hands as he slowly pulled me closer to him, he pulled me into his side and I placed my head on his bicep as his free hand tapped on the kettle allowing it to boil. I wanted to know why he was crying, why he looked so sad and why he walked away from me when I wanted to hold him in the living room. But my mouth wouldn't allow words to leave and break the comfortable silence around us.
He stood with his back to the counter and his hand still entwined with mine, his free hand blindly searching for spoons and sugar behind him. Which, like the pro he is, he managed to gather all the while staring directly at me. "How do I fix it?" He breathed.
I frowned, "fix what?"
"You."
I shook my head sadly, my heart caving in from pain. "You can't, Harry."
"I want to try."
His stubbornness never went unnoticed by me. I adored it at some points, but today not so much, I want him to drop it and forget trying to fix me. He is unintentionally doing so, if he tries to hard and focuses on trying to do so, I won't be fixed. You have to let things happen naturally, and that's what's worked so far. "Don't. You're doing enough by being with me, just keep distracting me please."
Did I really want that? A distraction?
"Am I just a distraction then?" He frowned sadly, he almost looked hurt and angry by my words or maybe the thought that he even has to ask such a question.
I shook my head rather quickly, tightening my grip on his fingers. "No! No, of course not."
"Why don't you ever let me in, you never do what you did with my parents... You never let me see you in that state... Why not?"
"It's my most vulnerable. People take advantage of vulnerable people."
"I don't want you to feel pain anymore," he breathed. Our faces merely centimetres away, I heard the pop from the kettle and the steam float through the air between Harry and I. "I want to take away your pain, you don't deserve it. I want your parents to be here, you to be happy... I hate that I can't make it easier for you."
This time my heart shattered completely. There was nothing left of it and it was because the man I was looking at was crying, he had tears running over his flushed cheeks, and his fingers shaking over mine. I hadn't ever seen him in a state like this, utterly broken before me. Because of me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and his face gladly smushed into my chest, his hands tightened around my waist as he cuddled into me.
"You're making me so happy all the time Harry, I'm sad because I miss them sure. But this, you being so hurt like this," I made him look up to me. "It kills me so much more. You're trying too hard and it's breaking you baby, please stop. You're healing me every day by just kissing me on the forehead or calling me moonlight. That's all I want and all I need, don't overdo yourself by trying too hard to fix me when small things you do unintentionally are already enough."
He looked at me, no words just staring directly into my eyes as he tried to look through me and figure me out before crashing back into me all over again. The way our bodies come together and connect, my heart against his chest and his lips against my neck softly kissing my skin in a reassuring way.
I love you, I want to breathe into his hair. Hold him close and run my fingers through his hair, tell him I'm sorry for breaking down, tell him how much his tears pain me and tell him I love him. But I can't.
He mumbled something into my skin but I couldn't understand as his lips were so tightly pressed into my neck. I wanted to know what he said but he'd lie anyway, if it was something soft and adorable he definitely wouldn't tell me what he really said. When we parted, my body immediately felt cold when air gushed between our jumpers. His eyes were red from his tears that he shed, mine most likely looked the same. I can't quite understand the turn of events today has had.
We went from a wonderful, joyous morning in Manchester. A car ride back here in the afternoon as we felt nothing but love and adoration for one another. And now we're standing here tonight crying into one another because one of us is broken beyond repair. I'm like that bike you keep trying to fix because you have a connection with it, or memories... You continue to waste your time fixing the small broken pieces and it begins to work for a short time before busting again on you.
Most people tend to dump the bike. Maybe Harry will give up too?
Everyone gives up eventually, it's nature.
I just hope he won't give up on me.
As I look into the eyes of the man I love, his green irises focusing on me and the black pupils were small making the green more visible. I haven't ever loved a colour as much as I do for the shade of his eyes, I never liked the colour green until now. These gorgeous pale green eyes that darken in lust, turn almost a greyish off tone green when he sheds a tear, morph into the most vibrant green I've ever seen; like emerald diamonds or green grass freshly trimmed and watered.
In this moment it was just me, him and the moon lingering behind us through the dark clouds and the glass that separated us. I could feel the cold rays of moonlight gliding over our skin like a blanket, placing sweet kisses to our skin and whispering sweet nothings to relax us. As I stared at Harry, those green eyes became distant as my focus slipped to his smile, he could feel the love I have for him seeping through my pores, he could feel my love and he was just radiating with love himself. The dimples in his cheeks created craters that reminded me of the moon the spun above us.
Many, many miles away this ball of rock was drifting by, every year drifting further away by just three centimetres. One day the earth will not be graced with its presence, or so scientists claim, and that saddens me. Harry calls me his moonlight, his moon... Maybe he's my sun.
He wasn't appreciated the way he should be, but he's so special and was created to be loved by everyone. He was bright, warm and never failed to radiate his emotions onto everyone around him. He was the sun and he was purely glowing with happiness every chance he could, blazing light to hide all darkness and sadness from people.
Maybe I am the moon like he says. I'm shielded by darkness and clouds that hide me from prying eyes, I'm protected by stars and only around when everyone's gone. I don't worry about anyone taking me for granted because I hide when everyone's out. But when I do come out I shine, I allow people to feel my cool but reassuring touch, to dance in my happiness and strength.
Many weeks ago I'd never have seen my strength as a beauty to be awed at, I'd have never found happiness within myself.
Many weeks ago Harry wouldn't have found an appreciative soul who basked in his radiating beauty and joyous self.
Now look at us. Standing here in the nighttime glow of the moon, holding each other's hands and smiling at one another as we feel our buzzing love for us. It's as though the world sizzled away and left us with the moon to shine upon our skin, glow our flushed cheeks and highlight every flaw and beauty of one another. I wonder how he perceives me as he stares at me in this light?
Again, I just want to announce my love for him. His pale eyes, shining with fondness and mirroring the moon. If I'm lucky, my parents are by the moon watching me and clapping their hands, praising me for picking someone made of pure gold.
I felt as though I was floating along a cloud with Harry laying beside me, trailing his fingers through the soft smoky clouds drifting past us. His fingers disturbing the clouds as his fingers push through the wisps. I'm afraid to look down, I don't want to look down. If I look down I might just fall, I might find a mattress and this was just one big dream. If I keep watching the stars and the moon float along with us in the clouds everything will be fine, nothing can hurt us and nothing can take us by surprise.
"You promise you won't leave me?" I whispered, staring at his glowing face. The smile he wore shone like a million stars, like an eclipse made for blinding the naked eye.
"I wouldn't dare. I'm not going anywhere."
I don't want empty promises, I hate those. But these simple words sounded like a choir, a symphony... This was no broken promise, this wasn't a lie. It wasn't some passing comment to a spouse who's deeper in love, it isn't said to reassure me for now. He means it. His words have the trace of forever in them, without him actually breathing that word.
I was lonely once. I was alone in a crowded room, I was the boat sailing on no water, I was the hero without its sidekick, I was laughing at jokes I already knew off by heart.
I'm not lonely anymore. Harry has loved every inch of my body, loved every pain I've ever endured, and he continues to love every part of me and push that lonely ache in my bones away.
And for what felt like the millionth time tonight, I wanted to speak those three words that meant the world to anyone that is lucky to receive them.
I love you.
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A/N: ngl I listened to like 4 different songs through writing this, some are more obvious than others. brownie points if you spot any lyrics/phrases linked to a song ;) ahahah
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