( chapter xix. BAD MOON
RISING )
— 🌙 —
She could feel it in her veins. She gripped the clean clothes tightly in her hands, tense as she left her dorm. Even though she couldn't see it, the thing causing her worries, she could feel it. It was pulling her, waiting for the right moment to strike and break her bones. To break her and reveal who she truly was; who she hid every day as she walked among men, as if she was one of them. No, no. Tonight would prove how different she was from everyone, show how much of a monster she truly was when the day was over and the full moon reigned, tearing her body apart.
Calypso flinched at the sounds, louder than usual. Everything was magnified so close to the full moon, everything louder and everything more unbearable. Pain was worse, happiness was even more joyful, and the laughter rang through her ears even though she couldn't laugh along. It tormented her. It did.
Safely, though, she made it out of the Gryffindor tower, going through the corridors she knew by heart now. She had to get out, she had to get to safety. Sanctuary. Not for her, no she didn't not need its protection. She was safe in the monster, she was the tormentor during the moon, she tormented anything living – including herself. No, she needed sanctuary for others; for her classmates. She needed sanctuary so that she wouldn't be able to harm them, maim and kill them. To truly become the murderer others believed her to be...no, she wouldn't allow herself to kill anyone. And for that, she would have to find somewhere safe to hide.
She wouldn't hurt others. She wouldn't. She could control herself enough to get to the Shrieking Shack, then she would allow the monster to claw free and take over her form.
The noises were so loud as she walked, head how as she clung to her bag where her clothes were. She had to keep them safe so that she could wear them and then bring herself to Madame Pomphrey in the morning, when the beast would be sedated again and the blood would have already dried on her body.
"Hey!" the cheerful voice of Birdie rang loudly in her ears. Calypso flinched. "What are you doing? Because I haven't done my Potions work and I was hoping we could work on it together."
If it were any normal night, Calypso would have snorted and retorted with the fact that Birdie didn't want to 'work on it together' but copy her own work because of course Calypso would've done her own by then. It was just who she was, especially since she wouldn't have the energy to complete her homework the days following the full moon. She always had to get ahead so that she wouldn't fall behind with this; yet another awful side effect of the curse that had plagued her from such a young age.
Instead, because it was not a normal night at all, Calypso shook her head and gripped onto the latch of her bag tighter. Her heart was racing, it was getting closer to the time when she wouldn't be able to control the beast anymore; it would control her. "I can't," Calypso gritted out, "I have somewhere else to be."
"Oh," Birdie frowned and Calypso almost felt guilty for leaving her friend. Almost. But if she didn't, she knew what would happen. This little conflict would be better than mauling her friend. "Can I come with you?"
Quickly, she shook her head. "No," she snapped, gulping down her guilt for later. She didn't have the time – she didn't have the time. There was too little time.
"You don't mean that, Cal. I mean, are you going to meet up with someone? Like on a date? Because if so, I will totally leave you alone then," Birdie continued, walking along with the girl.
Calypso huffed, everything made her so angry as rage boiled in her blood. She just needed to protect everyone. "If I say yes, will you leave me alone?"
"Isn't that what I just said?" Birdie said, skipping along with her now, "But I have a feeling you aren't, though, so I'm just gonna come with you."
"Please don't, I just wanna be alone," Calypso said, begging at this point. They were almost outside, and she knew she got out there it would all be over.
The moon would be shining about her, the moon would be glistening and full and it would spot her and target her, saying that's the werewolf and call upon her. She couldn't be near Birdie when that happened; there'd be too little time.
"Well, who else am I gonna hang out with? Lee? You know I can't stand him enough for that," Birdie commented, "He's just so annoying, you know? Like, he only jokes and thinks so highly of himself all the time only because the twins have never once pranked him. God, I fucking hate that guy."
They both knew it wasn't true, but she didn't have time to refute the girl. "Birdie, I don't care. Go hang out with Angelina or Cho for all I care. I just need to be alone and you need to leave," Calypso said seriously to the girl.
"Frankly, Calypso, I don't care," she bristled, obviously hurt by the comments but trying to hide it, "Now lead the way."
Calypso angrily huffed, "No – leave! I don't want you here!"
That may have been a bit too harsh, but she had to do anything here. She could feel the claw prodding from her hands, a phantom feeling about to become real. It was so close, and they were standing outside now. Oh, if she turned her head, she could see the moon. She didn't want to see the moon.
"No," Birdie said firmly, but the hurt flashed through her eyes at the words.
There was too little time. She couldn't stand there and argue with Birdie anymore in fear that she would start to transition right there. So, Calypso ran. The Whomping Willow could be seen and she ran, just ran as fast as she could, trying to get there before everything happened. The full moon's gaze had fallen upon her.
"Hey! Wait up!" Birdie called from behind her as Calypso got closer to the tree that would protect her. No, not her, but everyone else from her. Calypso felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her to face the girl. "Why are you in such a rush? Cal, come on."
"I have to – I have to go," Calypso choked out, her heart was going so fast. This could be the first person she's hurt if she isn't clear.
"No, we are going to talk about this fucking attitude you have right now," Birdie said, standing her ground.
"I can't," she tried to get away but Birdie brought her back. Of course, she was stronger than the girl and could've pulled away, but no. She wouldn't hurt her. She wouldn't.
The claws came from her fingertips, freeing itself from the human flesh. Calypso gave a silent scream, clutching her hand as Birdie's eyes widened as she saw the scene. "Oh my God," she took a step back, "You're a –!"
"I know, now leave," Birdie gritted out, grinding her teeth that were becoming sharper and more wolf-like.
Finally, Birdie ran away from her as Calypso was able to slide through the whole at the bottom of the Whomping Willow. Into the Shrieking Shack, she let out the scream was that scraping at their throat. She threw the bag right outside of her room, locking the door and allowing the beast freedom. She couldn't control it anymore.
The screams continued to pour from her mouth until they turned to howls. The human became the monster; the human became the beast, the werewolf. It howled at the moon, eyes everywhere as the human was trapped inside, unable to clearly see the world. Oh, the werewolf wanted to hurt everything but there was no prey. There was nothing to harm in its path besides itself.
The claws came upon itself as the lone wolf cried. Again and again, the blood poured and it loved the smell. The color upon its fur, no mercy for the human trapped inside. There was never any mercy. It howled again, moving around the room. The beast was free – the beast was free!
― 🌙 ―
THE NEXT MORNING Calypso looked around at her surroundings. The Shrieking Shack had been trashed, the room filled with new scratches on the walls and her throat hurt as it always did after a full moon. All the screams and howls utterly damaging it. And then she saw her body; her naked figure covered in blood. There was a nice gash on her leg and other slashes on her arms. She could feel one of her back, it was probably worse than her arms by the pain.
Shakily, she stood, losing her balance a couple times and having to lean against the wall. Calypso got the door and opened it, grabbing her bag and changing into the clothes she provided herself. She gulped and was met with a harsh pain, curse her throat. Alone, cloaked by the darkness of an early morning, Calypso Black made her way to the hospital wing to have her cuts cleaned. Guilt wracked her mind as she thought of Birdie, but it wasn't the time. In a few days, when the exhaustion stopped waving over her and she could finally do her schoolwork again without pain from using her arms. In a few days, when the scratches scabbed over...she would try and talk to Birdie then.
― 🌙 ―
BUT BIRDIE WAS avoiding her, and that caused for some problem. Of course, she couldn't say she blamed the girl. Birdie had just found out that her best friend since first year was a werewolf who turned into an uncontrollable beast during a full moon. She just found out that her best friend had this awful secret that she hid from her through all the years. Although, Calypso wouldn't think it was fair to blame her for keeping the secret, it was an obvious choice. Not many were too accepting of her kind so it was easier just to hide. Just to blend in with others and hide.
That didn't mean it didn't hurt. Calypso tried not to think about it much, spending her time with Lee to fill the void. It never worked, though. Nothing could replace Birdie Bishop. Nothing. Not even Lee Jordan with all his jokes to lighten her mood.
But she didn't think it was right to feel hurt by this. Of course Birdie was ignoring her, hiding away from her. This was probably the end of their friendship, five years down the drain. But it wasn't like that, not like she had wasted her time on Birdie only for this reaction, it wasn't like that at all. It was more like she had spent all this time with her and now this secret would ruin everything – she had ruined everything. Who she was ruined everything.
She should probably blame her dad this curse, he was the one who had given it to her. He had plagued her. But no, that wasn't the truth. Remus didn't choose the lifestyle of a werewolf – who would? – he was plagued just like her at an even younger age. No, she blamed the man who turned her father. That was who she blamed. Him, and herself. Because she was the monster.
Birdie was probably afraid of her now. She was a werewolf, a monster who could murder her during the full moon if she came too close, what rational being wouldn't be afraid? Calypso was an absolute monster so of course Birdie would ignore her and end their friendship, of course she would. And Calypso wouldn't be able to blame her, because she didn't know what she would do in Birdie's shoes. Maybe, if her family was different and no one was a werewolf, she would run away too. She would cut that tie and leave Birdie, leave her friend all because of this curse placed upon her. It was so logical.
It still hurt, though.
She propped her elbow onto the table, slowly eating her breakfast. Her eyes fluttered to the Ravenclaw table where Birdie was with Cho. Oh, they're friends again. That's good. Birdie needs people who aren't monsters, that's nice.
Still, she sighed and Lee scoffed. "Stop your pity party," he told her, "It's getting old."
"I don't mean to do this, I just – things have been happening recently," Calypso defended herself.
"Yes, Calypso, we know. A lot of things happen all the time, now stop pitying yourself," Lee said and she sent him a weak glare, "Alright, I'll play along, what's going on?"
"Nothing. It's just – Birdie and I got into this fight recently and now she's ignoring me," she confessed, moving around the food on her plate.
"Well," Lee began, "Let her have time, she'll come back. Calypso, you are like the best person to be friends with and, yeah, sometimes things happen and everything, but give it time. Birdie just needs time to think about whatever you were fighting about and then she'll come around. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Calypso sighed, knowing that was the best thing she could do. Unlike last year when people told her Angelina 'just needed time', she understood why. She knew why Birdie needed time and would allow herself to give Birdie that time. This wasn't over a secret, a crush or anything, this was over something life altering.
Birdie had the right to stop being friends with her, she had the right to ignore her and let her suffer, she did. Calypso was a werewolf and that was a huge pill to swallow, so she could give Birdie time. She could give her all the time in the world if that was what Birdie needed. And would just have to be okay.
Before anything else could be said, a letter landed in front of her. Right, mail was a thing that happened during breakfast. But still, her eyebrows furrowed because she usually didn't get mail. Cautiously, Calypso reached for the letter and opened it.
Cal,
I'm sorry that I haven't contacted you all summer, I've been busy. I wanted to go by your house, but that would've been a bad decision, don't you think?
Harry told me about the tournament and how he's competing and because of this, I've come back to Hogsmeade. Can you please tell me when your next trip there is? We need to talk.
With love,
Snuggles
(PS – if you write me a letter, please use Snuggles. You never know who's looking through all your mail.)
Calypso swallowed. Her Uncle Pads was back in Hogsmeade and near the castle. He really was dumb, but whatever. She had to see him, they had to talk. There was so much to say, but the most important thing had to be where he was, if he had been totally safe the whole time, and how Birdie knew she was a werewolf. She crumbled up the letter and held it tightly in her hand.
Then, she began to eat her breakfast.
― 🌙 ―
TO GET HER mind off of Birdie, Calypso began to think about Angelina. That was easier now, there was no lingering bitterness or hurt from last year with her confession. She had to admit, there was confusion, but nothing negative towards the girl. She felt...well, she didn't know how she felt towards the girl, but that didn't matter. It wasn't anything bad, which was a good sign.
Angelina had always been there, helping and mentoring her in a way. She was that enough, but knew where to draw the line and just be her friend. They could joke for hours, just talk for hours, and Calypso remembered the nights they would sit in the Astronomy tower just whispering to each other. Calypso would point out all the stars and constellations to Angelina since she knew them by heart. Her mother did the same with her, smiling fondly as she reminisced about her own time as a child with Sirius, gazing up at the stars.
She liked Sirius' star the best. It was...it was everything to her. A guide, in a way. The brightest star there, looking upon as if her uncle was watching after her. She liked to think that as a child, with him locked away. It was a nice thought so she always made sure to point out the star to Angelina.
They would talk about pointless things, Calypso can barely remember them now. Sometimes it was Angelina venting to her about Quidditch, how Oliver Wood was running them too thin or how demanding his schedule was, how he needed to actually get a life, but other times it was cheers about the team. After they won a game or when a practice went well. Calypso liked those more. And she would share things about her parents, their divorce, and other personal secrets. None of the family secrets, not like how Regulus didn't actually die or Sirius not being a killer, but small ones. Calypso's secrets.
And she wanted those nights back. She did. She wanted Angelina back in her life because Angelina was her friend, someone she was close with and cared so much about.
So that was why when she saw Angelina in the common room, sitting at one of the tables to the side, she took her chance. Finally, it was the right time. Calypso was ready to be friends with her again and so was Angelina. It was time to begin again, to hit refresh and start over. What a wonderful thought.
Angelina looked up when she heard someone pull out the chair next to her and sit down, blinking when she saw Calypso. "Um...hi," Angelina said and she smiled.
"Hey," Calypso replied softly, looking at the girl. Not much had changed in the time they had been apart, not speaking. Her hair had been trimmed and she had definitely gotten a new foundation, but her physical appearance stayed the same basically. "I, uh, I wanted to talk."
"Okay, sure, we can do that," Angelina nodded along, letting Calypso lead the conversation.
"Well," Calypso began, fiddling nervously with her fingers, "I've thought about everything a lot, and it doesn't hurt anymore. I want...I want us to try and be friends again, if we can."
Angelina gave a shocked expression and Calypso couldn't blame her. After all, it had maybe been a month since Angelina had worked up the courage and sought after Calypso to explain the truth. A month of silence. And now, here Calypso was wanting to be her friend again.
But for Calypso, this was a long time coming. She had thought about it, never doing much to put anything into action, until Cho gave her a final push. Cho still stung a bit, but it was considerably lighter since Angelina had told her the truth. And so much less since Cho had made the effort to talk to her before the first task.
"R-Really? Like, are you being serious? Because I can't handle it if you're joking," Angelina rambled, still unbelieving of her.
Calypso shook her head, "No, I'm uh, I'm serious. I want to be your friend again, that's all I've really wanted when it comes down to everything, but I just – I've had to stop letting last year hurt so much. And now, now I'm good. You had your reasons and at the end of the day, a lot's changed. And I still want you around, if you want that, of course."
Angelina nodded fiercely, "Yeah – this is what I want. I've never wanted to stop being your friend, Cal, but things happened."
"I know," Calypso said, "And I'm okay with that. You're over your crush on me and I don't see why we have to stop being friends because you once fancied me."
As she looked away, to the wall for a second, she missed Angelina's gulp. "Yeah...I'm over it now," Angelina agreed and Calypso didn't hear how much of a lie that was. But that was okay, it was better that way.
"Great," Calypso smiled, "So, friends?"
Angelina smiled back and, Merlin, had Calypso missed that. The ache of Angelina's absence stung more than anything else, more than the pain or the words or how she felt herself being treated. Angelina not being there was so much worse, and she hadn't even realized it until then. "Friends," Angelina said back, completing the promise.
Friends...that was a good place.
uhhh so this is all over the place, sorry but that's how I'm feeling right now. also, this chapter needs 3 comments for me to update. 💙
(also can we admire how beautiful the cover is now?)