• WARNING•
It is a long chapter!!! Sorry!
Demi
"Now you told me on a Sunday that it wasn't gonna work
I tried to cry myself to sleep 'cause it was supposed to hurt
We sat next to the fire as the flame was burning out
I knew what you were thinkin' before you'd say it aloud
Don't say you're sorry 'cause I'm not even breaking
You're not worth the time that this is taking"
"I knew better than to let you break my heart
This soul you'll never see again, won't be showing scars
You still love her, I can see it in your eyes
The truth is all that I can hear every time you lie"
"I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face
And a long list of gentlemen, happy to take your place
Less trashier, much classier then who you prove to be
How long's it gonna take before you see that she's no me, oh no"
"At night awake
I won't be sleeping 'til morning breaks
That's the price you pay, for your mistakes
Goodbye to dreaming"
Even though I tried to convince myself of what I wrote, I wasn't actually quite there yet.. I still felt like I needed him.. like I lost something.. but I knew we were better off this way..
Just like we were at the beginning..
I was spending my afternoon with Selena.. today she wasn't talking much either.. she and I were just watching the view to my backyard.. feeling the wind.. that is until Selena stood up to sit on my bed
- Why are you so quiet? - she finally asked
- It's nothing.. I just have nothing to say..
- No Demi, you are "sad quiet".. what's wrong?
- I said it was nothing.. - I answered back annoyed and looking out the window again
Selena chuckled sarcastically - Ok..
I kept thinking about everything that was going on as we stood there in silence.. I was starting to feel worse than ever..
I have many problems.. problems a girl my age should not have.. and getting your heart stabbed, stepped on and thrown around isn't helping at all.. it only makes me turn to my darkest side even more.. to my bad ways..
Of course it doesn't only come from the situation I am currently on since I have had these issues for years now.. The problem is that the situation I am in.. the feelings I feel.. they only make the things I do a habit.. something I do everyday
A terrible hobby..
But now that Nick has discovered my secret, the one I had never told or shared a word about, I started to get paranoid about it.. I would use long sleeves in the summer.. more black clothes.. nothing see through.. many bracelets..
Selena started talking about her new loving best friend, which didn't help at all the way I was feeling.. Now that I lost Nick, I was also slowly losing Selena.. and for what? For a blonde ex Joe Jonas girlfriend.. Taylor Swift
Selena couldn't stop talking about her and telling me I would love her.. I knew it wasn't going to be the case though
- Listen Demi.. - Selena broke the silence that reinstalled between us - I'm gonna go..
I nodded not gazing at her - Okay..
- You sure you don't want to talk about it? - she asked before leaving
I shook my head and gulped containing my tears.. Selena turned around and walked out the door
Shortly after she left, I walked up and closed my bedroom door.. I was slowly losing myself now.. slowly drifting away.. slowly giving in..
I walked up to my drawer and put the razor blade between my fingers.. I felt like I need a way to escape this pain.. a way to feel something again..
I cut myself.. not something surprising
It wasn't the first time, nor the last time I did it..
It stung so much and it felt so bad but so good at the same time.. I was doing something wrong but it was feeling right..
I eventually stopped and looked down seeing some drops of blood.. I looked back in my drawer and picked up a few cotton pads I kept exactly for times like these.. the doorbell rang and my mom shouted she was going to open up so I carried on with what I was doing.. I kept cleaning my skin and that's when I heard a shuffle behind my bedroom door
Panicking, I started to throw everything under my bed not realising I left the razor blade on my nightstand.. Two knocks and the door opened
- Can I come in?
I hid my arm behind my back and pulled the sleeve over it - Yeah.. s-sure.. what are you doing here? - I asked
He closed the door behind him and walked towards me to give me a hug - Selena called me.. told me you were acting strange today.. is everything alright? - he asked me
I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes while sitting down - Like you don't know what's happening.. I'm fine Nick.. she was exaggerating
- Well.. better safe than sorry.. and since I wasn't really doing anything at home.. I came by to hang out with you.. do you mind?
I shook my head - No.. sure.. what do you wanna do?
Nick looked around my room and then stopped to stare behind me.. I turned around not noticing anything unusual - What?
Nick reached out to my arms touching my wounds as I pretended everything was fine.. even though it felt like my skin was burning
He pulled both my sleeves up exposing my cuts and then stared at them as I hid them away - Stop!!
- That is still fresh.. that was today wasn't it? - he asked looking up at me
I decided to not give him an answer, instead I just looked down
- I think I lost the mood to hung out.. I would apreciate it if you left.. - I sternly told him
- No! I'm not going anywhere.. specially not now Demetria - he told me standing up and pulling my hand
- Let me go asshole
- We're gonna clean those cuts and we're then gonna have a really serious talk.. - he told me face to face - I'm tired of your secrets Demi.. I'm getting tired of you pushing me away
I bit my tongue and then pushed past him heading to the upstairs bathroom since it was the closest.. I went and took the first aids kit, taking some things out while Nick picked some up
He pushed me to the side telling me "I got this" making me roll my eyes
- Nick, I'm not physically disabled now..
Nick shook his head - No.. you're just Demi and I know you could cut yourself even with a feather
I rolled my eyes and sat on the toilet waiting for him to prepare everything
When he turned around and kneeled, I was suddenly nervous to show him my arms.. of course he told me to give them but I didn't want to.. I wanted to do it myself
- Let me do it Demi! - he insisted making me take a really long deep breath
I put my arm in front of him and saw him stare intensely at it.. he slowly pressed the cotton against my skin with something I don't know the name and I screeched as I felt it sting
- I'm sorry.. I'll try to be gentle, I swear.. but it's going to hurt
I nodded as he carefully and closely looked at my wrist cleaning it with all his heart.. making my own heart melt for love and adoration for him
- Why did you do this to yourself? - he finally asked - Was it because of.. of me asking us to stay friends?..
I sighed - Nick, don't stress about it.. I know my place in your life.. I am being irrational and this will probably just move along-
- It was a yes or no question.. - he sternly asked not glancing once at me
- It wasn't just because of this.. but yeah.. kind of had a little bit to do with it - I stuttered looking away to the floor tiles
Nick stopped for a moment and looked up with the saddest expression I had ever seen - I'm sorry.. I.. It wasn't-
- I know Nick.. it's life.. I do not always get what I want.. I never do..
Nick kept looking at me probably wanting to say something but nothing came out of his lips.. he then started curing my wounds once again
Once I stopped bleeding, Nick patted a wet towel gently over my skin until the blood came all off
- See?.. it wasn't that bad - he told me as he patted with the dry side of the towel
- Yeah.. I guess.. - I mumbled now anxious.. I didn't know what Nick wanted to talk about with me.. what was he going to say? What was he going to ask?
I made the walk of shame back to my bedroom and sat down at my bed.. Nicholas got inside and closed the door behind him, staring at it afterwards for a few seconds.. it felt like he was going to give me the lecture of my life
- So.. besides cutting yourself.. what do you do more?
I looked up at him and then looked back down as soon as I saw the hurtful expression he had
- That's the only thing I do
- Don't lie to me Demi - he sternly told me as he walked to the other side of the bed
I was in the middle of it so he had to take off his shoes and cross his legs to look at me
- Please talk to me.. I just want to help you.. - he told me and soon I felt his hand touch my knee
I looked back up and stared at his eyes.. it hurt so much that he wasn't mine.. that an us didn't exist..
I was so desperate to have him.. I wanted him for me so badly.. I felt like I needed him.. to survive..
- Demi?.. please talk to me
Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I gave it a thought.. would he be scared if I opened up? Would I lose him?
- I don't want to..
- Why?
I shook my head and covered my face with both my hands, instantly breaking down
He came up to me and hugged me tightly and I cried in his arms.. I was broken.. shattered in pieces
- Please talk to me Demi.. I really just truly want to help you.. I am here for you.. to listen to you.. I'm not going anywhere
- Promise? - I whispered looking up at his soft sweet smile.. he was so handsome and so caring.. why couldn't he be mine?
- Of course I do.. - he hugged me tighter
I took a deep breath and let it all out.. the story with my biological father.. my insecurities.. the purging.. the drinking.. the drugs.. nothing was left untouched
Everything was spread on the table.. every single piece of who I am.. and while I told everything, Nick just listened.. he listened without saying a word.. letting some tears reach his eyes as I talked about the death of my best friend and the bullying from my first and only school..
I told him things no one knew.. not even Selena.. not even Marissa..
- and nowadays.. the pressure from the lable.. the comments and rumors.. everything is just taking a toll on me and I.. I just feel inferior and so insecure about many things.. too many things.. specially now that... - I stopped and looked back at him to see him suck his lips in
- that I can't date you..
I chuckled not actually feeling like it was a funny thing.. He couldn't say anything to make me feel better.. he couldn't make it better
- I'm sorry Demi.. I didn't know about all of this
- What difference does it make? You don't feel anything for me anymore.. You're probably here to tell me you'll get back with Miley anyways.. - I told him making it clear that I've seen them going on dates
Nick looked down and apologised once again.. It wasn't his fault.. it wasn't anyone's fault.. it was timing..
And mine was off..
- Even though everything that happened between us Demi, I could never leave you.. you just have to trust me.. I am here for you..
I nodded - Thank you - I told him with a small weak smile - That means a lot..
Nick and I ended up staying around and watching a movie for the rest of the night.. one thing led to the other and we started talking about the kiss we shared.. the first one..
It seemed so far away now with everything that happened
Nick explained how he had feelings ever since we met back in 2007 but he suppressed them since he also was very in love with Miley..
I started to feel sad for not taking the opportunity when I could.. but with all the talking, the conversation started to give me hopes.. I started to feel like there still could be suppressed feelings for me.. so I kissed him..
Unfortunately he didn't kiss me back.. he didn't close his eyes.. it was like he never felt anything.. he just pushed me back softly and made everything awkward just like both of the other times
- I'm sorry.. it just slipped - I told him
Nick nodded and hugged me - I'm sorry.. but you know we couldn't make it..
I nodded but didn't agreed with him at all..
For the next month I partied a lot and started to truly spin out of control.. specially because Nick and Miley got back together..
I just wished he could remember how we were in december.. how we both felt..
I wanted to go back to the snow and the time we spent in that bench..
I didn't want him to kiss me with open eyes like he did..
Please Nick.. Remember December..
•
YAAAALLLL RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP THOOOOO AND ONLY FOREVER THOOOOO AND READY FOR YA THOOOOOO THIS IS TRULY DEMI'S BEST ERA AND NEMI'S ERA!!! I CANT!
My heart is exploding with happiness!!! What are your thoughts about the current events??? Let me know in the comments!!!! 😍😍😘😘
Alma •