Demi
Facing Selena as we started to film our movie was tough.. I was driving myself insane.. the film was about two girls who eventually became best friends..
As we shot the scenes where Selena's character was mad at me, I felt like I was really being shouted at.. like I deserved the words she was telling me
I couldn't take it anymore.. I was feeling so bad for lying to her face.. I had to tell her..
Selena was hanging out with a boy from the cast.. he was so cool and really tall. He played the guy who was in love with Carter, Selena's character
I asked if I could talk to her about something serious and Selena nodded as we walked away
We found somewhere quiet and I felt nervous all of a sudden.. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong.. I did feel guilty since I liked it.. but I did the right thing by pushing him away
- So, what's up Dem? - she asked concerned while sitting down next to me
- Have.. have you been talking with Nick? - I asked stuttering and playing with the necklace I had to wear for the movie
- No.. things between me and him have been distant.. he and I barely have time to talk on the phone.. I feel like he fell out of love from me.. - she sighed - why? Did anything happen?
I nodded - Nick and I kissed on New Year's Eve - I blurted out looking up to see her reaction
She opened her mouth - What?
- I.. I really don't feel anything for him Selena.. I swear!.. He was the one who kissed me and for the record, I haven't talked to him ever since.. I'm so sorry - I apologized watching her grab on to her forehead
She started to shake her head - How could I believe him? - she asked with her voice cracking - I believed him when he told me he felt nothing for you
- Selena, I think it was just impulse.. I don't believe he feels anything for me.. I don't really understand why he kissed me.. but he and I will never happen.. I don't feel anything towards him - I lied
Selena looked up at me and cleaned away her tears - Thank you for telling me.. - she quietly said
She then stood up and I grabbed her arm - Are.. are you mad at me? - I asked
Selena shook her head - No.. I appreciate you telling me this.. I just.. I need time..
I nodded and let go of her arm watching her run away
We kept shooting our movie.. I tried my best so that Selena wouldn't be mad at me and we fortunately became closer. She one day went for a walk and came back telling me she broke up with him.. he didn't look devastated but she warned me that she told him that I confessed.. She also explained that he seemed pissed at me and that he apologized for what he had done and that he was also going to tell her today..
We both believed his words..
On January 25th my manager told me I had to go to the Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience Premiere since I was in it and I didn't want to cause any drama online
The day of the event I was sick and tired of being around him.. I felt in love with him and felt like I wanted to kill him.. I wanted to hug him and at the same time tell him to fuck off
I needed to be high if I wanted to conceal anything at all.. I needed to feel happy all the time..
Showing up at the theater, I walked the red carpet alone for a while.. Selena knew that I have been smoking before meeting the brothers and she didn't support my decision 100%, but I did it anyways
I did some interviews in which later I realized I revealed my feelings a little too much, but it was too late now.. Watching all the pictures afterwards made me feel sad.. I felt like we had such great chemistry.. I wasn't even fully aware of how I was acting but we still had that look whenever we looked into each other's eyes
All I remember from the premier was me talking too excitedly to Kevin about something I really didn't know about only to not give Nick attention.. and also remember avoiding him as much as I possibly could.. but of course, as much as I tried, our bond was still there
I also remember that at the movie theater Nick was by my side, obviously, so he tried to talk to me a lot.. at some point, I turned to him, a little dizzy from still being high and watching the 3D movie and took off my glasses trying to focus in his face
- Stop talking to me. I don't want to have anything to do with you!
Nick stared at me and also took his glasses - Look at me
- I am looking at you asshole! - I whispered and he shook his head
- Look at me in the eyes Demetria
I rolled my eyes and he grabbed my wrist - What is wrong with you? You can't even see my face can you?
- It's dark!
- No, what's wrong with you, I can still look at your eyes and not think they are on your forehead
- Fuck off Nick - I hissed putting on my glasses
- You are not drunk.. you don't seem drunk.. what did you take?
I sighed and took his hand off of my wrist as I tried to focus on the screen.. guess who appeared in front of me?.. Nick Jonas himself pointing at the screen
- I hate that I'm seeing a movie about you.. - I mumbled as Nick chuckled
- Hey.. I'm watching you in the movie too..
- It's going to be for like 2 seconds and I am the one mad, not you
After that, not much happened.. I didn't tell Nick I had smoked pot before going to the event and he never found out..
A new problem appeared in my life when I found a video Miley Cyrus posted with one of her friends.. they were recreating a video me and Selena made on our youtube channel
Selena was pissed that Miley would act so childishly, specially since she and Nick had broken up recently.. she called him one night to yell at him to put his ex girlfriend in place.. he knew that what Miley did was wrong but he still had the nerve to defend her.. That irritated me so much.. it's like he was on her side
Nick and I didn't talk for the entire month of February since me and Selena were shooting our movie.. he did reach out and called but I ignored all calls.. not really wanting to talk to someone who broke both my heart and my bestfriend's heart..
We saw each other at a photoshoot for a magazine.. Instantly all the feelings I had for him came back, even though we didn't talk at all.. I spent most of my time with Joe, not even wanting to be with Nick
"I throw all of your stuff away
Then I clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages
I tell everyone we are through
'Cause I'm so much better without you
But it's just another pretty lie
'Cause I break down
Every time you come around"
Of course, people still wanted Mitchie and Shane together so people still put us together in some of the pics, even though the tension was strong..
I was surprised neither Kevin nor Joe asked a thing about mine and Nick's relationship.. I figured Nick had filled them in on the drama already
It was hard not to talk to Nick.. harder than I thought would be.. it was like I was glued to him emotionally.. it didn't look hard for him at all though.. but once again, he was always quiet.. it was just weird that he was quiet around me
"You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Every time that you look at me
You only hear half of what I say
And you're always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye
But it's no use
Can't be with or without you!"
Now towards the end of February, tabloids started to get crazy about Miley's break up with her boyfriend.. many rumors were circling around that it was because of Nick, specially because of the shade she threw at me and Selena, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was..
After months and months of not talking, a few days after I came back from shooting Princess Protection Program, Nick showed up at my front door. Not wanting to cause a scene I welcomed him in and walked him to my bedroom
Closing the door behind me I watched him look around my bedroom
- What are you doing here Nick?
He rubbed his hands and put them on his jean pockets - I.. I wanted to talk to you..
I leaned away from the door and went to my desk putting some of my fan mail in a drawer - About what?
I heard him sit behind me on my bed while I closed the drawer to look back at him. He was staring at my nightstand, more specifically to a photo of me and his brothers.. next to it there was a photo of me, Selena and Marissa and one of just me and him
He looked back at me and shifted in his sit to face me better. I leaned against my desk gripping onto it to find the restrain I needed to not go and sit by his side
- I want to talk to you again.. I miss you.. I want to apologize for what happened.. it won't happen again!
- It won't happen again? It did happen again Nicholas! It was the second time! You fucking did it on Selena's back!
- I.. It wasn't on purpose okay? I freaking needed to do it Demi! I was hung up on things I was feeling and I was getting tired of it.. that was what made it all stop! It stopped Demi! I don't feel anything anymore! - he said angrily
- You fucking had feelings for me? And you didn't tell me? What the fuck Nick?! I thought you trusted me! - I spat at him
- What?! Of course I do Demi! Just didn't want to tell my fucking best friend, "Hey! I'm in love with you" for obvious reasons
I shook my head - Well, you should've instead of cheating on my best friend!
Nick rubbed his hands on his eyes and stood up - It was a fucking innocent kiss Demi! You're making a movie out of this!
- No I'm not! The first one was innocent, the last one was plain wrong! - I shouted feeling mad until the point of exploding
Nick shook his head - Why are we fighting about this? This is such a stupid situation! - Nick groaned while mumbling
- Because Nick Jonas doesn't have any self control - I told him poking his shoulder with my hand strongly
- Listen, I didn't come here to fight, if you want a World War III go have it with someone else. I was here to tell you that I was sorry and I did. I was here to tell you I had moved on and I did.. Now it's your turn to fight for our friendship and put all this shit behind, if it ever meant anything to you in the first place. I know what I did was wrong, but I can't fucking turn back time Demi! I miss my best friend but I don't want you like this.. I want the sweet interesting funny girl who would not make a fit about something like this.. - he told me not once breaking our gaze - Do with this what you want.. - Nick now whispered as he turned away and slammed the door behind him
"I've been bruised and I've been broken
Can't believe that I put up with all this pain
I've been used and I was choking on the promise
I would never fall again"
"I used to sing to your twisted symphony
The words that had me trapped inside your misery
But now I know
The reason why I couldn't breathe"
"Cause all I want is everything you're not
So go ahead and slam the door
Cause you can't shut me out
And no I don't, I don't care what you say
Cause all I really, all I really want
Is everything you're not"
"Your darkness was my weakness but it turns out
That it only went so deep
A meaningless diversion that is all that you
Ever meant to me"
"And I am done with your twisted symphony
The words that had me sound like stolen poetry
I tore the pages and I can finally breathe"
"I want a gentleman who treats me like a queen
I need respect, I need love
Nothing in between
I will not spell it out for you if you can't see
Cause you're not worthy, you don't deserve me
A now I'm gone"
"Never gonna break my heart again
Never gonna see your face again
Never wanna feel this way again"