Reina's P.O.V
This was nothing that I couldn't handle. I needed to learn how to handle things by myself. I didn't need Luke there for me every step of the way. I think back to the party, I was being independant then and look what happened. Something in my life needed to change and maybe that mean't changing myself. I can show my mother that even though I'm in the situation she once was, I can handle it.
It was late, but I couldn't even think about sleeping. I haven't spoken to my father since he left.. or since I left. He went back to America thinking that his daughter would be with him, but woke up the next morning and she was gone. I was gone.
It was earlier there since he lived in America so I decided to call him. As the phone rang, a light turned on in the hallway. The voice on the other end told me to leave a message, but I decided to just hang up when there was a knock on my door.
I stood up and opened the door, seeing Calum on the other side. His hair was tousled and his eyes looked like he had been asleep. "I went to get a glass of water, but I saw that you were still up." he said groggily.
I sighed and lie face down on my bed. "Are you o-" he started. "No, don't say it. Everyone always asks if I'm okay and I hate it. I don't have to be okay all the time and most of the time I'm not." I said into my pillow.
"What?" he asked.
"I'm not okay and I don't need to be." I simplified, turning my head so he could hear me. "Are you upset about us leaving for Ireland? I knew you probably wouldn't want to come with us since you have Luke and his parents here." he looks down at his hands.
"No, actually. I think I want to go with you." still unsure myself.
"What? Why? Is Luke going to move to Ireland or what's going to happen here?" he sat closer to me, genuinely curious. I turned over, looking up at him. "I was wrong to think we'd last forever, Calum. I was wrong." I admited.
"What are you talking about? What happened?" he asks.
"He basically said that I ruined his life. Last night he told me that he never even loved me until long after we ran away. I did ruin his life, but he ruined mine too, you know? And I don't know what the right thing to do is. Run away from my problems and go back to Ireland or stay here and drag each other down until there's nothing left."
"Do you love him?" Calum wraps his arm around me.
"What does that matter? It was "love" that got me here in the first place. I just feel so drained and I don't know how much longer I can go." I respond.
"Reina, I'm going to tell you what I really think and don't get offended or change your mind because of me. Running away from your problems only seemed to make them worse. When you ran away because your mum wouldn't let you be with Luke, it just caused more shit. Now you're trying to run away from your problems with Luke. What would that do but cause more problems? I know you're tired and it hurts to keep going. I can't promise that if you go over there right now and apologize, everything will disappear and you guys will be happy forever because that's not how it works. If you stay with Luke, you'll fight with him. If you were with any guy, you'd fight with him. It's just how life goes." he says. "What about you? What if I was with you?" I interupt. My face remains emotionless.
He seems lost for words. "I-I don't know. We'd probably fight too." he says. "But what I mean is-"
"What if we got married, Calum? What if you were her father? Luke would be free without me and the baby hanging around his neck and I'd have you there for me." I start saying whatever is on my mind.
"Reina, stop. You don't mean it. You're only saying that because you're angry with Luke." he takes his arm from around me and puts it awkwardly in his lap.
"I mean it. Maybe I was wrong all along." I reach for him, but he stands up. "Please stop. Remember when you tried to kiss me when you thought Luke was never coming back and I stopped you? What if you had? How would that affect Luke?"
"He wouldn't have cared. He was fucking another girl while I was waiting for him. He doesn't care about me." I reply, sitting up. "Are you even hearing me? I ruined his life. He doesn't want me anymore. Why can't you understand that?" tears start to fill my eyes and Calum is silent. He just stares at me, glancing from one eye to the other.
"I'm sorry." he says. He doesn't try to argue with me. "I won't try to tell you that it's going to be okay. I won't try to tell you that he does love you and I won't try to convince you to stay in Wendover with him. I can't just be your shoulder to cry on when Luke hurts you. I do love you, Reina and sometimes I wish that it was me instead of Luke. But it's not. It was never me. So here you are hurt and saying that you were foolish all along and that he doesn't love you and I'm just supposed to sit here and let you cry on me and tell you that it's all going to work out?" he shakes his head. "Did you ever once think about anyone but yourself? Did you ever think that maybe you were hurting me or Luke or your mum? I'm not the one to say 'I told you so', but if you wanted sympathy you should have gone to someone else." he starts to walk out. He stops before he turns around. "I'm sorry it had to be this way."
There he left me; speechless and unmoving. The one person that I thought would comfort me, turned against me. He was right, though. I always went to him when I had been hurt, like a kicked puppy, never once thinking about how much it hurt him to see me crawling back and him not being able to tell me how he really felt. He always told me it'd work out and everything would be okay, because that's what I wanted to hear, not because he mean't it. All along, he stayed silent when he could have told me that he loved me or that I was making a mistake. I was being selfish from the begining. I ran away because I was having a hard time, not even thinking about how it would affect my mum. I kept teasing Calum, running to him and asking him what things would have been like if it had been him instead. Luke has tried his best to keep us together and I blame him for what I've become. I had hurt the people that loved me the most.
I was alone and it was my own damn fault.
________________________________________
I woke up in my bedroom for the first time in a while. My phone lie next to me on the nightstand, ringing. I picked it up and saw that it was my dad calling me back. I didn't want to talk to him and I was sure that my mum had told him the news of me being pregnant.
I had some apologizing to do, I knew that much. I got up and got dressed, not bothering to brush my hair or put on makeup. I had to apologize to Calum first.
Leaving my room, I heard him in the guest room, which was now his room. Would he forgive me? I held my breath as I knocked on the door. "Come in." he said, his voice sounding tired. I wonder if he was able to sleep after what happened last night.
"Hey." I said, entering the room.
"Hi." he responded, not looking at me. "I'm really sorry. Everything you said last night was.. right. I was too blinded by my own problems that I couldn't see that all along you were being selfless while I was being selfish. Please forgive me. I'm going to talk to Luke today about going to Ireland and I just need you to forgive me." I say all at once. He stays where he is.
"You're still coming?" he turns to look at me. "Yes, I really do need it. I'll come back if I need to though."
"I forgive you. I'm not happy with you, but I do forgive you." he stated. I expected some kind of hug, but he just put his headphones in and went back to what he was doing. I guess I deserved that. I left without saying another word and went next door to see Luke. I'd talk to my mum later.
I just walked in, knowing that this was pretty much my home. No one was home, but they left the front door open. I went around the back yard and saw Luke sitting on the balcony, his legs swinging off of it, like we had done when I snuck out of my house the first time. He looked terrible.
"Can I talk to you?" my voice cracked. He was awoken from his thoughts and glared down at me. "What is there to say?" he mumbled. I remembered the rope hidden in the bushed that we used to climb up. I found it and threw it up over the banister. "Tie it for me?" I yelled up to him. He got up without a word and tied it around the railling then sat back down. I climbed up the rope and sat next to him.
"I don't know where to begin." I start. "Luke, I'm going back to Ireland."
"Okay." is all he says. My heart drops. Is that it?
"Okay. I really want us to work out. I want this to end like a fairy tale and everything to be perfect." I say.
"Well Reina, sometimes it can't. You hate me, remember?" he hasn't looked at me since I got up here. "I didn't mean it. I still think there's hope for us. I don't have to go. I can stay here with you." I touch his arm.
"You are a fool. Why do you keep holding onto something that isn't going to work? Go to Calum, be happy. I killed Emma and I got you pregnant. I'm a fuck up." he glances at me.
"You aren't! You didn't kill Emma and it was my choice to keep the baby. I'm trying to make this work. It's possible."
"Just because it's possible, doesn't mean we should try. Just leave, Rein. We'd both be happier." his words sting. He has nothing anymore. No will to fight, no hope, nothing. He was accepting defeat and there was nothing I could do about it.
This was it. All of it vanishing at once. I had a spark, but for Luke there was only darkness.
This was the end.
A/N
AHHHH so the story isn't over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are still more chapters to come!
What do you think will happen? This book is at a little over 30k and that is wild for me! I hope I can at least get 50k
After this story, I plan on starting a new fanfiction and deleting some of my other ones. The new fanfic is.............AN ASHTON STORY! YAYA!
So this story will be a love triangle, but instead of it being two of the boys after one girl, it will be about two protagonists living completely different lives BUT I wont give out anymore information but It will be a fun one. It will be a rewrite of Remember Me Always.
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