yoongi hasn't visited in awhile.
it wasn't that he didn't like me anymore or didn't want to see me.
at least i hope not.
i'm not for certain.
but when he came in today, i was ecstatic.
"did you forget about me, beau?"
i whipped around in my seat at the mention of the nickname he had given me sometime in one of our last visits.
since my name meant beautiful, he opted to call me a shortened version of the word.
nobody had ever given me a nickname before.
he could have called me anything, to be honest, and i would have gone along with it.
"yoongi! i've missed your company."
he sat down from across me.
"work has been really busy lately, i'm sorry. eunbi felt the same way."
he sighed.
"how is she doing?"
i honestly didn't know anything about eunbi's condition at this point.
i had spent enough time in suicide watch and been put on penalty for my argument with dr. choi a few days ago, that the gossip hadn't reached my ears yet.
i was thankful that dr. choi decided to put me on penalty other than send me back to another three-day mandatory watch.
i was sick of that place.
but nari wouldn't leave me alone and it resulted in me visiting watch about every two weeks.
she wouldn't let me rest.
it took a lot out of my body when she got mean towards me.
i always seemed to pass out and wake up with a killer migraine.
dr. choi explained that as much as it wasn't healthy mentally, it also wasn't healthy physically for me to see nari.
i explained to him that i didn't want to see nari willingly anymore.
she was so vicious nowadays.
sometimes, when i was lonely, i'd wish to see her.
but it was only because she was my friend.
i don't know.
maybe not.
it confuses me.
"uh, well, i think things are somewhat getting better. she reacted well to her new medication combo and has been completing her sessions with her doctor honestly. she's definitely improved. she's even talking about seeing our parents."
he shook his head, slightly.
"you don't want her to see your parents?"
yoongi looked conflicted from the expression on his face.
"it's not that i don't want her to see them, it's just that i don't think she's ready. plus, it's like i'm just waiting for things to get bad again. she'll attempt her life or worse will actually succeed. my parents just bring the worse out of her personalities."
i reached out and grabbed his hand.
i hadn't realized how much stress had been piling up on his precious shoulders.
i felt bad.
really bad.
"take my mind off of it, beau."
he pleaded.
i immediately sprung up.
"that i can do!"
i placed his hand in mine before leading him towards the art room.
"i haven't been in here in awhile, being on watch and penalty."
i breathed in the smell of paint and charcoal.
this room was truly a masterpiece in it's own.
"huh, looks like mina's being in here again."
i picked up a canvas that was splattered in green paint.
for some reason, that was her favorite color and the only color she used in her artworks, which were basically only scribbles and splashes.
"how have you been?"
yoongi asked me as he looked up from another mina original.
"not good."
i spoke as i grabbed an empty canvas and found a brush.
yoongi looked up, concerned.
"why's that?"
"it's always nari. she's the reason why i've been in penalty for the past two days. she made me so lonely. and then minji leaving made me really sad."
i opened a can of yellow paint and found a tube of black paint that i squirted onto a palette with gray and white.
"i'm sorry about that."
his sincere words made my heart quench.
"it's okay. i mean not really. i don't know. she's just been really mad lately. i thought she was upset with dr. choi for changing my medication but actually she was angry at me."
i painted a ruff outline of a male figure in black, applying accents of white and gray.
"why is she angry with you?"
yoongi had finally sat down after looking at all the displayed art.
"i don't know. i messed up somehow."
i chose a larger brush to use for the yellow.
i smudged the edges with orange and red, integrating them together.
soon, the male had a bubble surrounding him.
"what are you painting?"
i smiled, done with my work.
it normally didn't take me long to finish a painting.
"it's you."
yoongi raised his eyebrows in confusion.
i explained.
"you're coming out of the fire. you survived."
i grinned triumphantly.
"what about you?"
he inquired, inspecting the painting carefully.
"i don't know yet."
yoongi smiled sadly.
"it's beautiful, beau. i love it."
i clapped stupidly like a child.
"does that mean you're not sad anymore?"
he ruffled my hair.
i scowled as i patted down the flying strands of hair.
"of course, thank you."
and somewhere in between his gummy smile, i found happiness too.
just having him here made my day.
it scared me.
how much i was beginning to like him.
but i couldn't force it down.
something wouldn't let me.
i was afraid.
but, i always am.