Whenever I had this dream I always woke up right after he told me it would be his last deployment.
I woke up sweating, tears pouring down my face. I sat up in bed for a long time and finally mustered up enough strength to wipe the tears away and calm down.
That's when things started to change, something clicked and I felt different.
My father had been gone for about four years now and I never really got over his death completely. I'd always wanted him to be there to witness everything I was accomplishing. Everything I did was for him, to impress him, to make sure he was proud of me.
+
I finally got up to get breakfast.
"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" My mom smiled.
"Lots better, no headache so far," I smiled back as I grabbed a bowl and began pouring some cereal inside.
I grabbed the milk out of the fridge, a spoon, and then took a seat at the kitchen table and began pouring the milk.
My mom quickly took a seat next to me. I turned and faced her. "What's up?" My eyes furrowing with confusion as she sat and stared at me.
"Right before your dad left for his last deployment, he wrote this for you," she slid an envelope in my direction. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "I've never wanted to tell you this but before he left, he had a strange feeling. You know, like something would happen. And when something did, I had a hard time dealing with it until I found these letters he had written. He wrote a few for me to read during certain times and he wrote a lot for you for different accomplishments, special days, or just for when you needed an extra boost. In his first letter to me, he explained when I was supposed to give you the letters but the majority of them he left up to me to decide when you should receive them."
She pointed at the letter she had just slid across the table. "This one however, was one that he had specifically given me a time that I was supposed to give it to you. So, here it is."